


remember my name

by ijzermans



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Strangers, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, sometimes a lil smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:42:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 106,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24215371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ijzermans/pseuds/ijzermans
Summary: The past few weeks, Robbe has noticed a new guy has attended his high school.Nobody really seems to care about the strange bleached kid, yet Robbe on the other hand, can't help but feel intrigued by him.The new guy happens to be Sander, and he's not that easy to connect with. He's quiet, distant, and has a past he'd rather not share.Or will Robbe make a difference?
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 158
Kudos: 345





	1. chapter 1

**Monday, 11:03**

As Robbe walked into the chemistry classroom, he dropped his backpack at the entrance, grabbed his lab coat from the rack and searched for a table to sit at. Every single table was full, as each one needed its duo, except for the one in the right back corner of the class. Robbe's heart skipped a beat as he saw who already took one of the two seats.

The past two weeks, Robbe and his friends had noticed a new guy had entered the school. He had bleached blonde hair, a little too long which made it fall down on his forehead, wearing a specific type of clothes that made you think he had an image to keep up. He wore a black leather jacket even when the sun was out, combat boots with his black, slightly ripped jeans stuck inside them. And he was quiet. Always. Nobody knew his name, nobody had even dared to talk to him. But it wasn't like he had made an effort himself, either. He always sat alone, specifically choosing a spot outside of the school where nobody would sit. It was like he was silently telling everyone that he wanted to be left alone, that he didn't want anyone interfering in his business. 

But Robbe always noticed him, even if the blonde didn't want to be noticed. He saw him during lunch breaks, sitting in the corner of the school yard. He saw him at the skate park, sitting against the same tree everytime, one leg lying down in the grass, the other up, his right arm supporting itself on it. He was either smoking a cigarette, taking pictures with a fancy old camera or writing stuff down in a notebook. He was incredibly intriguing. Or at least, he was to Robbe. 

Because nobody else seemed to care. Robbe knew the guy probably didn't mind not being noticed, but it wasn't like anyone was trying in the first place. The girls all seemed to think he was hot, which, he was, but they never dared to walked up to him and start a conversation. Even Robbe's friends never talked about him. If Robbe brought it up, they would just make fun of him, telling him he was ''way too obsessed'' with him. But he wasn't an obsession to Robbe. He was a _mystery_ \- one that he wanted to solve so badly. And apparently nobody else felt the same. It made him question if he should be the one, the guy to make a difference and have the guts to walk up to him and introduce himself. But everytime he finally collected the guts to do so, they made eye contact for a few seconds, which was so incredible that it made Robbe's world stop moving... and then he left. 

But today, he couldn't leave. 

Today, all the other spots in class had been taken. And the only one that was left, the one Robbe was obligated to fill, happened to be next to the one person he had tried so hard to discover. And now he finally had a chance to get to know him.

So he walked towards the table, quickly, looking around in the meantime to make sure nobody else was gonna be faster and take the seat before he would get the chance to. He walked to the table _so fast_ , he was almost out of breath when he finally reached it. It was almost embarrassing, but not quite, as the blonde mystery guy didn't even care enough to look up at him and notice him once.

''Hi,'' Robbe breathed out softly, trying to hide his chased breath, scanning the blonde's body from up all the way down. He had never seen him from _this_ up close- and it went beyond all of Robbe's expectations. He looked even more handsome than he thought he would. He could see the small freckles on the side of his face and on his neck, the roots of his brown hair coming through out of the center of his scalp- and just as Robbe studied him even further unashamedly, he suddenly looked up at him, revealing his eyes to him. His eyes were green, hues of the forest, surrounded with dark moss. It was the kind of earthy green that revives the grass after a cruel, unforgiving winter. The green that, even in the darkest times can be that light that shows you the way home. The beacon of hope in the dreariest of days. He was a wild fire: reckless, untamed, yet undeniably captivating.

The blonde finally looked up from the table, making eye contact with Robbe like they had many times before, but this time, not from a distance, not grabbing his stuff and leaving afterwards. Because he _couldn't_ , even though he probably wanted to so badly. Somehow, Robbe felt incredibly bad about pushing this, about getting close to him and wanting to get to know him, even though the blonde made it quite clear he didn't feel that need himself. But then again, it wasn't like Robbe could do any different right now. He literally _had_ to take this seat, or his teacher would probably start yelling at him for his disturbing behaviour.

The blonde still looked him in his eyes, as Robbe waited for him- _expected_ him to greet him back. But he didn't. He just looked at him, saying absolutely nothing. In fact, he was sitting _that_ still, Robbe wondered if he was even still breathing.

''Can I sit here?'' Robbe questioned, hoping it would deliver a response. He wasn't sure whether he wanted one just because he would finally talk to him, or because he would finally hear the sound of his voice. It was probably both.

''I don't see anyone else, so yes, sure.'' His voice was like nothing Robbe had ever heard before. It was low and soft, but powerful enough to send chills through his entire body. It was as if his voice boomed across the room, getting back to him, hitting him harder every time. He could listen to it all day. It was a voice to sink in as it wrapped you up. Yet, vibrating with power and command. Robbe had never heard something that magical.

And just like that, as he had been trying to process the sound of the blonde's voice like a complete and overly romanced idiot for what felt like hours, he realized he should probably say something by now if he wanted the blonde to continue talking to him and not find him a complete weirdo, anyway. That was, if he wasn't already thinking that.

''I'm-''

''Robbe Ijzermans.'' The blonde cut off his sentence in a whim, leaving Robbe completely unsettled. How the fuck did he know his name? He never saw him talking to anyone, so he was sure he hadn't gotten it from somebody else. Although, the idea of the blonde asking around for Robbe's name made his heart jump and flutter out of his chest. He really was a basket case.

''How did you-?''

A small smile played on the blonde's lips as he raised one of his eyebrows, frowing at Robbe with an emotion he couldn't really place. He lifted up his right hand, pointing at Robbe's lab coat. ''Your name tag?''

Oh. The blonde had been so incredibly captivating that Robbe had completely forgotten about the fact all students wore their own ''personalized'' lab coat due to hygienic reasons, showing off their name in huge capital letters, making sure all students always grabbed their own.

''Ah, right. That was... dumb.'' Robbe could swear he saw the blonde's eyes twinkle for a second, before he released himself from their eye contact once again. He placed himself on the seat next to him, shivering as he felt his arm brush against his softly in the process.

''So... who are you?'' 

The blonde snorted. ''Who am I?''

''Yes. I mean... you're new here, right?'' He nodded, as he continued minding his own business, preparing the equipment they needed for their class.

''And you don't have a name tag.'' Robbe continued, as he tried to find a way- a reason for the blonde to open up to him more than he did. He guessed the fact he even talked to him in the first place was a big step already. It actually made Robbe feel quite special, since he hadn't seen him do that with anyone else before him. It was probably nothing to feel special about, but somehow, it was to Robbe. Not just because he was captivated by the color of his eyes and the angelic sound of his voice, but moreover because he felt like for some reason, he didn't feel comfortable around people. And Robbe really wanted to find out why.

The blonde smiled, looking up at Robbe once again, scanning his face with his eyes. ''You're smart. I like that.''

''Does that mean you're gonna tell me your name now?''

''That depends.''

''On-?''

''You know, _Robbe Ijzermans_ , a name isn't just a meaningless tag to a person.'' The blonde stated, as he pointed at Robbe's name tag. ''It's actually quite significant. It represents your identity- it's a blueprint of what we call ''character''. Like... a name says so much about a person. Who you're connected to or... what you're like as a person.'' Robbe frowned, not really understanding a single word the blonde was telling him, yet being intrigued by every single one. The guy was deep, maybe even a bit sensitive. And it had never suited anyone so well.

And he guessed he had a fair point, too. Now that Robbe was thinking about it, a name indeed was quite special. ''So what does my name say about me, then?''

The blonde put his pencil inbetween his lips, frowning as he studied Robbe's face. After a few seconds, he shrugged and said: ''I don't know. I guess I don't know you well enough to say anything about that.''

Robbe bit his lower lip as he observed the blonde going back to minding his equipment, not being sure whether the sentence that was basically hanging onto his lips was the best one to say out loud right now. Yet, he decided to be confident and do it anyway.

''Then I guess you have to get to know me better.'' Robbe's voice sounded hoarse, it was quite embarrassing- but he couldn't help it. He never used to be this confident, definitely not with people he didn't know. Most definitely not with people who didn't want to be known, while Robbe wanted opposite nonetheless.

The blonde put his pencil down and smiled, facing the piece of paper that had their assignment written on it. He shook his head, as he licked his lower lip with his tongue.

''Yeah, Ijzermans. I guess I do.''

**Thursday, 14:50**

During the next few days of the week, Robbe had met up with the blonde mystery guy every single day at the skate park, as they now had to finish their chemistry assignment together. It really was the perfect opportunity for Robbe to get to know him better, as he really had no reason to stay away from him. He hoped he didn't make him feel uncomfortable or didn't push him to do anything he didn't want to, but he never let him know he did. The blonde didn't show any sign of uncomfort, of not wanting to meet up- probably because the assignment had to be finished somehow anyway. Robbe was sure that the assignment was the reason he didn't have a problem with meeting up and, that as soon as it would be finished, he'd be back to ignorning him and bypassing him again the entire time, but for now, it worked. At least it gave Robbe a few days to try and get to know him. And above that, it even gave him a little hope the blonde liked it, too.

Every time, they sat down against the tree the blonde always sat at, writing, smoking- whatever he was always doing there. Robbe couldn't help but feel a little special as he was now sitting there too, feeling as if he was hanging around on sacred ground, a place that was important to the blonde because he never shared it with anyone other than himself.

And they actually had used their time together to talk more. They laughed, shared stories. Robbe actually did get to know him a little better. He found out he used to go to a high school in Brussels, but that his parents made him leave it for their ''own shitty reasons''. He found out he had a little brother, something he admitted accidentally as he saw a young boy fall down with his skateboard, and tried to wave aside as quickly as possible the second he had said it. He found out he liked peace and quiet, as until now it had looked like he didn't talk much because he hated everyone and thought he was better than everyone else (or at least, that's what everyone else besides Robbe seemed to think). But that wasn't the case. He hadn't necessarily said he specifically liked the quiet, but Robbe just knew by observing him. He couldn't help not to. He was the most intriguing and interesting person Robbe had ever met.

One thing Robbe still hadn't found out, though, was his name. Even after days of working together. Even after feeling like the blonde slowly felt more comfortable around him.

''So... are you ever gonna tell me your name?'' The blonde smiled as he was writing something down in his chemistry notebook. Another thing Robbe had found out, was that the guy _loved_ being mysterious. 

''Patience is a wonderful thing, Ijzermans...''

''But you know mine. Isn't it fair for me to get to know yours, too?''

''Fine. But describe me first.''

Robbe frowned, after releasing an uncertain laugh. ''What?''

''Describe who you think I am first. If you're right, I'll tell you my name.'' _Describing him?_ It wasn't like Robbe couldn't, because he had basically been the only constant on his mind lately. But he didn't have to know that. Trying to find ways to get to know him better was already embarrassing enough.

''But... I barely know you.'' It wasn't a lie. Robbe had many ways to describe the guy sitting in front of him, leaning against the tree trunk so casually, but he had no proof that either of them were correct. Because all of them were speculations, thoughts, opinions that were never actually confirmed, since he had barely even talked to the guy.

''You don't have to know someone to have a certain feeling of a person when you're around them, Robbe.'' Robbe shivered. The way he said it, the way he made eye contact with him when the words left his mouth- it all definitely gave Robbe a certain feeling. A very strong one. But he wasn't gonna risk being honest with him about _that_ , when he barely even knew him, let alone if he was into the same gender. And it was actually also very embarrassing how quickly Robbe had been captivated by him. It wasn't necessarily as if he had _fallen_ for him, though. Or was it? Was that even possible without really knowing someone?

Robbe decided to bounce the ball back. ''So what do you feel around me?''

''Outsmarting me again, I see.'' The blonde smiled, put his notebook next to him on the grass, as he lied both legs down and almost closed in Robbe between them. The brunet couldn't help but feel a specific kind of safety all of a sudden.

''I... feel like you're loyal. Trustworthy. I feel like you always want to be the best version of yourself to maintain people's happiness. I feel like you care about others more than you care about yourself. I feel like you're curious, maybe even a little impatient. But in a good way. You're interested, which means you're not selfish.''

Robbe shivered as his mouth couldn't help but fall open a little. He wasn't just taken aback from the amount of things the blonde knew or said he felt, but moreover from the fact that most of his feelings were right. Spot on. Even though he had only talked to him a few times. He either knew how to read people very well, or was just even more mysterious than Robbe thought he was. ''You got all of this just from being around me?''

The blonde stayed quiet for a while, as if he only now realized the amount of things he had said. He quickly recovered himself and nodded, shrugging both shoulders. ''I told you a name can be very significant.''

As Robbe played with some blades of grass, he couldn't help but think about the things the blonde had said a bit more. _I feel like you're curious, maybe even a little impatient. But in a good way. You're interested._ Was this about the fact he was trying to get to know him better? Had he noticed how much Robbe had been wanting this? Nah, he was probably just overthinking, as always.

''So?''

''Hm?'' Robbe questioned, without ever looking up.

''Describe me.'' It was an order that Robbe couldn't resist, despite however much he wanted to. He knew whatever he was gonna say wasn't gonna be right, simply because he wasn't a good people reader. He didn't have any human knowledge. Most of the time, he didn't even understand his own feelings, let alone the ones others had or gave him. He knew he could either be completely right, or utterly wrong.

''I think you're mysterious. I feel like you're a closed book, one that doesn't like to be read very often. I've seen you hanging around the past two weeks, and I've noticed you like to be on your own. Or you just don't know that many people yet. I have absolutely no idea who you are.''

''Do you mind?'' Robbe looked up, locking eyes with the blonde who, apparently, had been staring at him the entire time.

''Do I mind what?''

''Not knowing who I am?''

It stayed silent for a little while, as Robbe looked at his hands, still playing with the blades of grass. He was pulling them out one by one now, as if he was trying to keep himself from saying whatever he wanted to say next. He knew it was a risk, but somehow, it felt like it was a risk that had to be taken.

''I think it's intriguing.'' The blonde raised his eyebrows. He sat up straight, lifting himself up from the tree trunk, his legs still closing in the brunet, his face suddenly being way closer to Robbe's than either of them had expected.

''And why is that?'' Robbe swallowed from his question, not being able to resist the look at the blonde's lips. He really needed to be careful right now.

''Because I... I don't know.'' He shook his head and moved himself backwards, noticing the blonde's face changing into a somewhat confused look. But before any of them could say or ask whatever they wanted, they were both cut off by the sound of the blonde's phone going off.

'' _Fuck_...'' He groaned, as he slipped his phone out of his pocket, looked at the screen for a while and then decided to ignore the call.

''Someone important?'' Robbe couldn't help but ask, as he was intrigued by the way the blonde ignored a call for him, even though he probably knew Robbe wouldn't have mind him taking it. He was probably overthinking again, as it was probably just someone he didn't feel like talking to. As he did with many other people.

The blonde sighed, putting his phone back into his pocket quickly. ''No, just... my dad.''

''You can call him back if you want t-''

''I don't want to.'' The blonde cut him off quite immediate, causing Robbe to be a little unsettled, confused yet intrigued by him not wanting to talk to his dad. It was yet another one of those things that made him mysterious, another one of the endless layers that Robbe wanted to unravel so badly. He wasn't sure why he was apparently the only one who felt this way.

''Why not?'' Robbe knew this question was a risk, seeing as it was about the guy's private life. He barely even wanted to talk to people, let alone open up about things that were personal to him.

''Just leave it, okay? This went way too far already, anyway.''

''What do you mean?'' 

''I have to go.'' The blonde stood up, trying to wipe his somewhat ripped jeans clean from the grass they were sitting on. He grabbed his backpack, threw it over his shoulder and walked away, without giving Robbe as much as one look.

That's when Robbe suddenly realized something. ''You still didn't tell me your name!'' 

He was quite sure the blonde heard him, yet, he didn't stop himself from walking away.

**Thursday, 17:32**

It was late in the afternoon as Robbe finally came home. He shut the door behind him, threw his jacket onto the coat rack and shuffled to his room slowly.

As he passed the kitchen, he waved at Milan who was apparently already preparing dinner. Usually on Thursdays, Robbe would be the one to cook, but today, things were different. Every two weeks, Robbe would have a call with his mom on the Thursday afternoon. His mom was in a mental institution, and due to her current situation, he wasn't allowed to visit her as much as he wanted to. So they had to videocall, which was fine, but different. He missed her, mostly because he also didn't have his dad to count on. He was glad he paid for his room in the flatshare, since having Milan and Zoë to support him as his second family was something he never knew he needed so badly, but it didn't make him any less of an asshole. He had never supported him. Most importantly, he had never supported his mom. She had never been able to count on him. Not when raising Robbe, not when working hard to pay the bills, not during her fight for her mental health. Never. 

So Robbe tried incredibly hard to take his place. Or at least, his place of support. He loved his mom incredibly much, he never understood why his dad could do the things he did. He just always assumed he didn't have any feelings or emotions, that he was heartless, because nobody with them could ever be as insensitive as _that_.

The videocall ended up being short. Not nearly enough. He spoke to his mom for about five minutes, discussing how she was doing, discussing how he was doing. It started off being nice and talkative, but that was until his mom told him the news she was gonna have to stay inside the institution for another month longer. And that's why Robbe secretly hated these videocalls. Because they always ended with something immensely negative.

And then Robbe cried. For what felt like hours. He knew Milan was aware, as he didn't come to his room to tell him dinner was ready. He couldn't describe in words how much he appreciated his roommates. It really was the kind of support and family Robbe never knew he needed. 

For a second, he had doubted to tell his mom about the new guy at school. Ever since he mentioned his dad and not wanting to talk to him, Robbe felt a new way of feeling connected to someone he hadn't felt in a long time. Not even with his best friend Jens. It really was insane how much he wanted to get to know this guy better. And if he wasn't being a complete idiot, he could swear the blonde guy himself felt himself growing closer to Robbe as well. Robbe wished he hadn't held back when the blonde asked him that question. But for some reason, he did. He just didn't want to push him. He had already done that enough.

Out of rage, out of utter annoyance, Robbe grabbed his bag from the ground and smashed it against his wall, letting out a loud groan. 

'' _Fuck_!'' As the bag fell down on the ground, Robbe could swear he could hear something break inside of it. He frowned, not remembering him putting something else inside of it other than his text books. Or at least, nothing that was able to sound like glass breaking. 

He walked up to his back, lifting it up from the ground, as he sat down on his bed and opened it by its zipper. As he looked inside of it and saw a small glass bottle lying down in a thousand pieces, the realization suddenly hit him. This wasn't his bag. 

It was the new guy's.

Jesus, _of course_ he and the blonde had the exact same bag. And of course, neither of them had noticed. Or maybe the blonde had, but never mentioned anything about it. And then this afternoon, as he suddenly left so quickly, he must have accidentally taken Robbe's bag with him instead of his own. And Robbe himself had had no clue. He had always been way too fucking consumed by the blonde to notice anything else.

And _fuck_ , he was intrigued. Way too damn intrigued. He knew he shouldn't look inside of it. He had no right to go through his stuff. It would actually be so fucked up if he did. But he just couldn't help himself.

So he grabbed the first thing he could lay his eyes on, a huge notebook that revealed itself to be his sketchbook. So that's what he was doing all the time. The blonde wasn't a writer, he was an artist, one that liked to be by himself in the peace and quiet to draw and not let himself be distracted by others. And somehow, it suddenly all made a little more sense. The way he could talk about such deep thoughts, the way he secretly was so sensitive, the way he liked to be on his own, the way he wasn't much of a talker, the way he didn't connect as easily to people.

Robbe opened the sketchbook, and was truly amazed by everything and anything he found. The blonde was a literal talent, the way he made his drawings was absolutely excellent. He had never seen anything like it. And they weren't just _drawings_ \- it was like they were actual stories. It suddenly became quite clear to Robbe that the blonde connected to people through art more than through words. And that was something that made him even more special.

And that's when Robbe reached the last page.

It wasn't just some drawing. It was a drawing of _him_. It even said ''Robbe Ijzermans'' in the top right corner.

It was a drawing of him sitting at the skate park, on the side of the half pipe he always sat at to watch his friends be way better skaters than he was himself. The place where he always made eye contact with the blonde ever since he started showing up during the past two weeks. The place where he saw the blonde writing something down in a notebook, except, he wasn't writing. He was drawing. And all this time, he had been drawing him. All this time, they had made eye contact because the blonde had been changing him into his art. And frankly, the thing that surprised him the most wasn't the fact his face was in the stranger's sketchbook right there, but the fact it had Robbe's name written down in the top corner. It meant that he knew his name even before they had met in chemistry class, and for some reason, that fact was incredibly mindblowing to Robbe.

Holy shit. Robbe's heart had never beated any faster.

And as he threw the sketchbook shut and now faced the back of it, his eyes fell on one thing only.

'' _Sander Driesen_.''

**Friday, 09:12**

The next day, Robbe knew Sander was gonna be waiting for him at the tree in the skate park to receive his bag back. They didn't have each other's phone numbers, so it really was just a feeling Robbe went with. He knew he could've also just waited for him at school, but for some reason, his gut was telling him Sander wanted it to be in a less crowded place, one they both knew Sander liked to visit.

 _Sander_. Robbe couldn't believe he finally found out about his name. It suited him perfectly. He still wasn't quite sure why he hadn't just told him about it any sooner, but he guessed that was just the type of person Sander was. Mysterious, intriguing, interesting. Someone Robbe just couldn't shake. And especially right now, after finding out he was an artist, after finding out he had noticed Robbe way earlier than he thought he did, in a way Robbe never dared to hope for, he wasn't able to get him off of his mind at all anymore. He knew the way he found out wasn't right. He knew it was fucked up. But he just hoped Sander never had to find out about it.

As soon as Robbe arrived at the skate park, his thoughts were immediately confirmed as he saw Sander leaning against the tree trunk, one leg up, one leg down, smoking a cigarette. As always.

''I think you have my bag.'' He said, without greeting him. He sounded resolute, a bit angry, even. Mostly because he was probably mad at himself for messing things up with the bags.

''Yeah. I suppose you have mine, then.'' Sander nodded as he handed over Robbe's bag, getting his own back from Robbe in return. Robbe shivered as he felt Sander's hand brush his in the process. It felt soft and warm. It felt safe. God, the things he would do to touch it again and again. It was crazy how much he felt for Sander without even really knowing him.

Then, silence fell. And it was awkward. Something that hadn't really happened before.

Robbe uncomfortably shuffled around on his feet through the grass, sliding both hands into his pockets, trying to find a way to make conversation. ''Look, Sander...''

''How do you know my name?'' Oh, _fuck_. He was actually such a fucking _idiot_.

Sander's eyes immediately found his, the anger now not being pointed at himself, but quite clearly towards Robbe. ''I-''

''You went through my stuff, didn't you?''

Robbe shook his head. ''I just happened to see it on the back of your sketchbook...''

''Right, and you also just ''happened'' to know it was a sketchbook?'' Silence fell again, as Robbe realized he indeed wasn't making any sense. He really was the worst liar. And fuck, Karma hit him hard.

''I- _fuck_. I didn't mean to...''

''You know what, Robbe? This is why I didn't tell you my name. Because I don't want to feel connected to someone yet again and then regretting it and not being able to take it back as soon as shit gets fucked up.''

Wait, he felt _connected_ to him? He wasn't sure in what way he meant, but he definitely knew it made him feel all sorts of things he didn't feel around anyone else. ''I didn't mean to-''

''You didn't mean to what? To not mind your own _fucking_ business?''

''I didn't mean to be intrigued by you and wanting to get to know you better.'' Sander just stared at him, completely forgetting about his cigarette burning up inbetween his fingers. The look on his face made Robbe wish he could read thoughts so badly. ''You're not the only one who felt a connection, you know.''

Sander shook his head, moving his hand through his bleached hair. ''Robbe...''

''Sander, I understand that things happened, and that there's stuff in you'd rather not talk about, and that we barely even know each other, but you can't just ignore-''

''There's no connection between us, Robbe.'' Robbe was taken completely aback by Sander's sudden interruption. Moreover, by his interruption sounding resolute as fuck.

''But, you just said-''

''I didn't mean that.''

Silence fell, again. Robbe didn't know what to say. He had never been this confused in his life. ''Okay.''

Sander threw away his cigarette and placed his bag around his shoulders a little better. He sighed, looking at Robbe one more time, before he turned around and said: ''See you around.''

''Sander?''

He stopped, facing Robbe. ''Yes?''

''I guess a name really does change your feelings towards a person.'' He couldn't believe he said that, something so hurtful, but for some reason, he wanted Sander to know. Because it was the truth. He was acting like a complete asshole. One Robbe resfused to believe he was for a long time.

''I know. That's why I never told you mine in the first place.''

**Two months later**

Two months.

Two months had passed.

And during those two months, everything had changed.

Robbe had gotten himself a boyfriend, called Tobias, the nicest and sweetest guy he had ever met. They had only been dating for about two weeks, so everything was still very new and exciting, but it was fun. It worked. He liked being around him, his friends accepted him too. He was very social, happy and carefree, he liked to talk to people and to make new friends and new connections. He loved hanging out with Robbe, making him feel appreciated and wanted. 

He was basically everything Sander wasn't.

Sander, on the other hand, had changed into a completely different person. A week after he had told Robbe that there was nothing between them, he had gotten himself a girlfriend, Britt Ingelbrecht. Britt was the most popular girl in their high school, and she immediately took him under her wing completely. Sander had changed into one of the most loved and popular guys in their school. He suddenly went to parties, got drunk every weekend, hung out with the most annoying assholes Robbe knew. He even got a place on the football team, simply because Britt wanted him to. 

Robbe never thought he'd wish for the old Sander back. But he mostly didn't care, as now, he had Tobias, a guy who cared about him more than Sander ever did and probably ever would. In the beginning, Sander had been on Robbe's mind constantly. Wondering why he was so quiet, even when he felt like Robbe and him had a connection. But then he realized- the few moments they had shared together and had meant so much for Robbe, probably never meant shit to Sander. It was just the type of guy he was.

And as for Robbe and Sander, nothing really had changed.

All they still ever did, was making eye contact every now and then. Except now, Robbe was the one sitting against the tree trunk, and Sander was the one hanging out with anyone and everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first chapter on here omg. I am so excited but also a little anxious at the same time.
> 
> Please let me know what you think or if I should continue! I have the entire fic thought out but I would still like to read all of your thoughts!
> 
> Stay safe x


	2. chapter 2

**Thursday, 17:11**

It was a Thursday afternoon, and as always on the fourth day of the week, Robbe and his friends would attend the football game their school's team was playing. It was a usual thing they did, as everyone else in school did it as well. Although, since the past two months, Robbe experienced them very differently. Not only because Sander was now part of it, and as the team captain, even the most important one, but also because his new boyfriend, Tobias, was on the team as well.

It was always a pleasure to see his boyfriend play, as he was great at it and seemed to have a lot of fun. But at the same time, having to see Sander every week and watch him being the man of the match, shoving his success and popularity into his face, made it all less exciting than it was supposed to be. But Robbe tried so hard to ignore him. Not only because he was there for Tobias and clearly not for Sander, but mostly for himself too, because the influence Sander had on him before he met Tobias really wasn't healthy, neither for Robbe nor for his self-esteem.

During the first few weeks after they had stopped talking, Robbe hadn't been able to take his mind off of him at all. His mind had been filled with questions: why did he have a drawing of him? Why did he say he felt connected to him, and take it back two seconds later? Why did he suddenly change from being so quiet and reserved, basically _ignored_ , to being one of the most popular guys in their school? None of it made sense, and it drove Robbe completely crazy. 

Things had finally gotten better though, as soon as Robbe got to know Tobias. He showed him what it was like to be loved and wanted, something Robbe had wished would've happened with Sander, but never did. Tobias made Robbe realize that Sander wasn't worth his time and effort, and clearly not his shitty feelings weeks after he had practically dumped him. Or at least, that’s what Robbe called it. He had never been sure Sander was into guys. He gave him loads of signs, but he could’ve meant all of it in a friendly way- even when he said he felt connected. Which, he took back the second he said it. But Tobias was different. He didn’t make Robbe feel confused. He didn’t leave him with questions and a specific kind of uncertainty Sander had given him during the small time they made a connection. Sander made him realize Robbe was worth so much more. And Tobias gave him that. 

But Robbe wasn't the only one who had noticed he had become happier now that he was together with Tobias. After they had gotten together, Robbe had suddenly noticed that he ran into Sander more often- whether it was seeing him walking through the hallways with Britt on his side, or him trying to find his eyes on the football field. He had tried to ignore Robbe for _weeks_ , but all of a sudden, it looked like he wasn't that keen on trying to avoid him anymore. And Robbe wasn't very sure if he was just imagining it, or if his thoughts were actually right for once. When it came to Sander, things always had been very unexpected and _very_ unexplainable. 

Robbe looked up from Jens nudging his shoulder.

''Earth to Robbe.''

''Hm?''

''What's up with you lately? Every time we're watching a game, you're so quiet.''

''Nothing. I'm just enjoying it, that's all.''

''Right. If you say so.'' Robbe nodded, being mad at himself a little for letting Sander have influence on his mood even now. Because he _did_. Every time the game finished, Sander would walk up to the dug out, taking of his t shirt to switch them with someone from the opposing team. He’d get his water bottle from the bench, spraying in into his mouth, spilling some of it over his bare chest. It sounded absolutely _ridiculous_. But Sander somehow made it look captivating instead of looking like a fucking cliché. And Robbe could swear that at some points, he’d quickly lock eyes with him, as if he knew he was there, as if he knew he was watching, as if he wanted to let Robbe know he knew. And it made Robbe _mad_ \- mad to the point where he was angry at himself for letting himself be captivated by him, by someone like him, by someone who treated him like him. But fuck, there was something about Sander that just mare it impossible to ever look away. At least, to Robbe.

But he was quickly taken out of his gaze as soon as Britt ran up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing every single inch of his face. The feeling of magic quickly replaced itself with a feeling of wanting to throw up. The way she had changed Sander within only a few weeks made Robbe want to hurl. It also made him realize how unimportant his time with Sander had actually been to the blonde himself. That was usually the point where Robbe would come back to his senses and remember he was actually dating someone now. And shit, he wanted to see him so badly. 

As soon as the referee ended the game, Robbe searched for eye contact with Tobias. As he couldn't find it that easily and also didn't see him anywhere on the field, he realized he probably must have already gone back to the locker room. He didn’t really know why, but Tobias did that all the time. He had asked him once, but it was completely obvious that Tobias hadn’t want to answer, so Robbe decided to leave it and just... trust him. He probably had a good reason for it, after all. And besides, Robbe couldn't help but feel a little relieved, because if it were the case Tobias was on his own in the locker room again, he'd have a chance to be alone with his boyfriend for a while, without Sander being anywhere near to them. And somehow, that made everything else irrelevant to Robbe.

As Robbe walked towards the locker room, he saw a girl coming out as he was about to head in. She looked up at him and smiled, as she stepped aside to make room for him to enter. Robbe didn't recognize her neither did he know her. She was probably a girlfriend of one of the guys of the team, he figured. As he opened the door, he could see Tobias standing next to his locker, a towel around his lower body, his upper body completely naked, as he was drying his dripping wet brown hair with a towel. Robbe walked up to him slowly, as he wrapped both arms around his bare waist smoothly.

''Hi,'' Robbe said, smiling against the skin of his boyfriend's back.

Tobias dropped the towel onto the floor quickly, turning himself around in Robbe's grip. ''Oh hi there, baby. To what do I owe this pleasure?'' 

''To you winning the game today. And to you looking very handsome on the field. And right now.'' A smile played on Tobias' face, as he leaned in to give Robbe a soft kiss on his lips. Robbe tried to lean in more, making the kiss deeper as he had longed for his boyfriend for hours, yet, Tobias pulled back when he insisted, moving his hand through Robbe's hair instead. Robbe frowned, not being sure why the brunet was holding back. Usually, he'd be all over him.

''Everything okay?'' He questioned, as he looked at his boyfriend with an insecure look covering his face.

Tobias nodded, giving Robbe a small grin. ''Yeah. Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind today.''

''What's up?''

''Nothing for you to worry about, baby.'' Tobias pressed his lips against Robbe's, finally returning the kiss he had wanted so badly. Robbe smiled against his lips as he slipped his arms around the brunet's waist and pulled him closer towards his body. 

''You're looking incredibly good today, by the way,'' He whispered as his lips travelled over the brunet’s neck, his hands searching across his back. It made the brunet shiver from head to toe, not necessarily because of Tobias, but simply because he had noticed the way he looked. It was something he had dreamt about for years, having someone who made him feel as loved and wanted as Tobias did. He bit his lower lip as his hands travelled to the edge of the towel around Tobias' waist, knowing it was a risk, but also being sure it was one he was willing to take.

As they both heard the door of the locker room slam open, Tobias practically shoved Robbe off of him, making him almost hit his head against the wall behind them. He mouthed a small ''sorry'' to Robbe immediately, which Robbe nodded away. A sudden feeling of insecurity hit him.

''Oh, fuck, sorry.'' It was a voice Robbe recognized immediately. He turned his head, facing the entrance of the room. Of course, out of all people, it had to be Sander. The two locked eyes right away, making Robbe feel things he wasn't really able to place.  
  
“Didn't mean to interrupt something.'' He continued, never breaking eye contact with Robbe, not caring enough to look at Tobias once.

''You didn't, it's okay.'' Robbe broke eye contact with Sander for the first time in what felt like hours, now locking eyes with his boyfriend standing in front of him, being slightly weirded out by his reaction. He was quite sure he _did_ interrupt something, but apparently Robbe was imagining things.   
  
Sander nodded slowly as he grabbed his phone out of his locker, locked eyes with Robbe one more time and walked away. 

''I really can't stand that guy.'' Tobias breathed out as the door fell shut. He sounded relieved that Sander left, and here Robbe was, thinking he was the only one.

So Robbe frowned, giving the brunet a questionable look. ‘'Who, Sander?'' His boyfriend nodded, fixing the towel around his waist. The frown on Robbe's face hadn't yet disappeared. In fact, his boyfriend's reaction to Sander made him intrigued in a way he couldn't let it go. ''Why not?''

''I don't know. He came onto the team and has been treating me like shit ever since. He's so incredibly full of himself.'' Full of himself? Treating others like shit? It were descriptions of Sander Robbe never thought he'd hear. The Sander he knew, the one that sat against the tree trunk drawing people instead of connecting to them, would have never treated others like shit. And full of himself? He definitely took a distance from others, but he was never bigheaded in any way. Or maybe that was just the way Sander was around Robbe. But he didn't want to have too much hope that their connection had been something real.

''Right.'' It was all he added, deciding it was safer to keep quiet than to speak up. Out of all things, Tobias really didn't have to know Robbe used to have the biggest crush on the guy. Also, why did Tobias say Sander wasn't interfering? As far as Robbe knew, invading into a room where too people are getting intimate, was the literal definition of interfering. A feeling of insecurity crippled through Robbe's body. It was a feeling he hadn't felt ever since Sander blew him off.

It wasn't unnoticed that Robbe drifted off with his thoughts. ''You okay?''

''Yeah, I just... why did you say he wasn't interfering anything?'' One other thing Robbe could do with Tobias and not with Sander, was being open and honest. Communication was something Sander hadn't really heard of. Fuck. Back again to comparing his relationship with Tobias to Sander. Way to go, Robbe.

''Because I didn't want to give him any reason to make him feel even more full of himself.''

He had a fair point. Even though Robbe didn't believe Sander was as full of himself as people apparently thought he was, it did make sense to not feed it any more, incase any of it was true. Although, something inside Robbe wanted Tobias to scream at Sander. Tell him he had to fuck off and leave them and their relationship alone. Though, he wasn't really sure why. ''Ah.''

Robbe looked down at his hands, playing with his fingernails. He really wasn't sure why he was acting like this.

''Robbe. Stop being so insecure. There really is no need to.'' Tobias put a finger underneath Robbe's chin, lifting his face up, making him look at him.

He planted a soft kiss on his lips, once again, not continuing, not getting more into it. And frankly, somehow Robbe didn't want to, either. ''I know.''

**Saturday, 12:09**

**Aaron:** aightttt boys party to celebrate yesterday’s win tonight

 **Jens:** nice, nice. where?

 **Aaron:** the captain’s house

 **Robbe:** wait, it’s at sander’s?

 **Moyo:** intrigued, robbe? ;)

 **Robbe:** shut up

 **Moyo:** lol what, you were the one obsessing over him a while ago

 **Jens:** moyo you’re a dick. yes it’s at sander’s, britt just texted me 

**Aaron:** so you guys r coming?

 **Jens:** yea

 **Moyo:** robbe?

 **Robbe:** i think i’ll skip this one. sorry boys.

**Saturday, 22:48**

Robbe regretted not going. But he also didn’t. It made him crazy to think his friends were having fun and getting wasted over at Sander’s house. It made him insane that he literally could’ve gone to a place that’s so personal to him, yet he decided not to. It drove him mad how Tobias _did_ decide to go, having the time of his life while his boring ass boyfriend decided to stay at home and play Fortnite. But besides all that, Robbe was avoiding Sander. And that’s all that mattered.   
  


Robbe looked up from his phone screen lighting up.

 **Tobias:** how’s staying at home?

 **Robbe:** it’s fine. boring, but at least i’m getting some work done. how’s the party?

 **Tobias:** it fucking sucks

 **Robbe:** what? why?

 **Tobias:** i had a fight with sander. it’s actually ridiculous lol

 **Robbe:** wait, what??? what happened?

 **Tobias:** idk, he just came at me out nowhere. he’s just being the asshole he is

 **Robbe:** right

Robbe looked up from his phone, tossing it aside in a whim. He moved his hands through his hair, pulling it at the ends. This entire week really had been the wildest of his life.

And fuck, he really had a party to go to right now.

**Saturday, 23:23**

As Robbe arrived at the party, he was immediately reminded of why he hadn't gone. It was one of those typical parties where the only goal was to get completely wasted, thus far that nobody remembered anything from the entire night. It was the reason Robbe understood the least. Why throw a big ass party and put in so much money and effort when you're not gonna remember it anyway? Oh well, Robbe was probably just being ''boring'', as always. 

He looked around inside, trying to catch a glimpse of Tobias, but he never found one. He reached a point where he was sure he had searched throughout the entire house, yet he still hadn't found him anywhere. It made him question whether he left, or at least, he did say the party sucked, so it would make sense. And Robbe hadn't told him he was coming. Basically, none of it was his fault. 

Robbe walked into the kitchen, the only room he hadn't searched yet, noticing Sander's bleached locks in an instant. He collected all the guts he had, trying to ignore the voice in his head telling him to stop and walk away. He had to do this. He had to know the truth. So he walked up to him smoothly, making him face him by touching his shoulder with his hand.

''What's up between you and Tobias?''

Sander looked up at him, his face loaded with confusion, as he swallowed a sip of his beer. Robbe couldn't help but notice his knuckles, still red and bruised. So he actually fought with Tobias. ''Excuse me?''

''You heard me.''

The blonde snorted, his confused look changing into utter surprise. ''I'm sorry, Ijzermans. But I really couldn't care less about Mr. Perfect.''

Robbe rolled his eyes, looking around to hopefully find Tobias, the one he had been trying so hard to find but couldn't, for some reason. His search was interrupted by Sander's voice. ''Don't you trust him?''

The brunet looked up at him, letting his words sink in for a minute, as he finally nodded in agreement. ''I do.''

''Then why are you asking me and not him?''

He actually had a fair point. The first person he went looking for was Sander, and not Tobias. For some reason, his explanation meant more to him than Tobias'. He hadn't even really wondered why, it was just a feeling he had gone with. But Sander didn't have to know about that. ''Because I- I don't know. I just saw you talking to each other and you are the first one I bumped into.''

Sander frowned his eyebrows, clearly showing off disbelief. And Robbe didn't blame him, he had always been a very bad liar. ''Right. Here.'' Sander grabbed a red cup from the kitchen counter, filled with the same beer he had been drinking. He put the cup with alcohol against Robbe's lips, making him open his mouth to spill some of the liquid inside. If Robbe didn't know any better, he would swear the world around them stopped moving. ''Loosen up a bit, Robin.''

Robbe took the cup out of his hand, his fingers brushing against his lightly, but enough to create electricity. Sander studied his face completely, a small yet very present smile playing on his lips. He lifted up his right hand, moving his thumb against Robbe's lower lip that was still wet from the alcohol. What the fuck?

''Although, curiosity looks very cute on you.'' Shit. There it was again. The familiar warmth Robbe felt when he was around Sander. The warmth he wanted to feel around Tobias so badly, but didn't. But he was convinced it was something he'd feel through time. Sander continued to stare at his lips, only to quickly take back his hand a few seconds later. It was like realization hit him- as if the alcohol stopped working for a minute.

''See you around, Robin.'' The words hit just as hard as when he had said them the first time, when he found out Robbe had seen his drawing and he dumped him right on the spot. Every single time they would get close, it was like something changed inside of Sander, realizing what was happening and stopping it in an instant. It drove Robbe completely crazy. 

Sander grabbed his red cup and walked to one of the kegs at the other side of the room, filling it up once again, as Robbe felt two warm arms wrap themselves around his waist.

''Hi, cutie.'' The familiar sound of Tobias' voice echoed throughout his ears. Robbe smiled, never breaking eye contact with Sander.

''Hi.'' He turned them around to place Tobias in front of him, knowing Sander was able to see them very well. As Robbe finally laid eyes on his boyfriend's face, he could see that his eye was completely bruised, as he suddenly remembered the fact he had fought with Sander, who's knuckles were all red and bruised, too.

''How are you? Does it hurt?'' Robbe stood on his tiptoes to give Tobias a kiss on his bruise. The brunet smiled in return, shaking his head. 

''No, I'm fine. He's just an asshole, that's all.''

''Why did you guys fight?'' Robbe asked, as he wrapped his arms around the guy's neck. Tobias shrugged, letting out a big sigh.

''I don't know. He just... suddenly lashed out at me. I'm starting to think this guy has some anger issues.'' Robbe felt a sting in his chest, almost making him unable to breath. He suddenly remembered how, back when Sander was a nobody, everyone would have an incorrect opinion about him. It was the worst, since Robbe knew none of it was true. And, the worst thing was- now people were having them _again_ , but Robbe had no clue whether they were right. Because this time, he had no connection with the blonde to give him a confirmation. Right now, all he could wish was that all of it was bullshit, just some stupid thoughts and rumours.

''Yeah, who knows.'' Tobias grinned, planting a kiss on Robbe's lips. Robbe kissed him back, moving his hands through his hair a little. 

Tobias let go, brushing his nose against Robbe's one more time. ''Anyway, there's a game we have to play.''

Robbe frowned, letting himself be guided out of the room by his boyfriend. His eyes scanned around the room, finding Sander's once again. The blonde hadn't looked away once. Not even for a second.

**Sunday, 00:16**

As the party went on, everyone had become a little more drunk than Robbe had expected. And of course, a football after party wouldn't be the same if Moyo wouldn't propose a round of ''Never Have I Ever''. It was the most childish game Robbe had ever known, it was even worse than Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle, simply because the entire purpose of the game was to get even more drunk than they already were. People always proposed things everyone had done, simply because they could take another shot. The game literally was a way for them to have a reason to get even more wasted, and that was about it. It never was any fun, but Robbe participated anyway. Simply because Tobias wanted him to. And it was okay. Robbe had never done anything quite special anyway, so he probably wouldn't have to take that many shots. 

''Right. Never have I ever fucked someone while being drunk.'' Robbe was disgusted by Moyo already. Well, when was he not? The guy only ever thought about sex. He always thought there was nobody worse than Aaron, but in fact, Moyo had always been way worse in every single way. 

And not to Robbe's surprise, pretty much everyone took a shot. Even Tobias did. But it didn't matter to him. For some reason, the only person Robbe could have his eyes on, was Sander. And he took a shot, too, immediately locking eyes with Britt.

''Way to start smooth, Makadi.'' Jens gave Moyo a fist bump, clearly enjoying the game way more than Robbe did.

''Right, Sander. Your turn.'' Sander looked up from Jens suddenly putting all spotlights on him. He looked down at his cup for a few seconds, moving it and making the beer inside of it twirl. He licked his lower lip with his tongue, and said: ''Never have I ever been attracted to someone whilst being with someone else.''

Robbe's heart skipped a beat. He looked up at Sander, immediately finding eye contact. He swallowed, feeling goosebumps on his body appear. They were staring at each other so obvious, Robbe wondered why nobody else noticed. It felt like the seconds passed as hours. Robbe didn't give a fuck about anyone else. All he wondered was whether or not Sander was gonna take a shot on this one.

But he didn't. And neither did Robbe. All they ever did was stare.

''What the fuck?! Robbe, you better keep eyes on your man.'' Robbe was startled and taken back into reality by Jens tapping his shoulder, making him look at Tobias who was quite clearly throwing down a shot. Wait, what? ''Calm down. It happened before Robbe.'' Robbe locked eyes with him, as he mouthed a soft ''I promise'', laughing it away with the guys sitting next to him. They clearly knew whoever Tobias was talking about. Robbe looked down at his hands, not being sure how to feel, as he looked up finally to see Sander clenching his jaw, balling both fists. He immediately stopped and recovered himself as he saw Robbe noticing him. 

''So, who's next?''

''Me.'' Everyone was astonished as Robbe opened his mouth for what felt the first time during the entire night. 

''Never have I ever thrown away a friendship because I was being way too full of myself and didn't give a shit about the other's feelings.'' The people around the room snorted, obviously having doubts about Robbe's suggestion. To be fair, he could understand why it sounded absolutely meaningless to them, but he didn't care. Because he knew it wasn't meaningless to Sander, who, as the only one, had his eyes darted towards Robbe, his face being completely stiff and serious. It was almost as if he looked sad. Shit, maybe Robbe had gone too far.

''Damn, Robbe. Sounds like you're getting a bit too personal.'' Britt laughed, throwing herself onto Sander's lap. He still looked at Robbe, his facial expressions becoming more angry with every second that passed.

''I fucking hate this game.'' He suddenly said, moving Britt off of his lap and stood up- storming out of the room.

And Robbe stood up immediately, not once thinking about Tobias, not once thinking about the others, his instinct telling him to go after Sander right away.

**Sunday, 00:31**

As Sander stormed outside, throwing the back door shut into Robbe's face, the brunet still ran after him, not accepting him to leave without an explanation. 

'' _Sander_ -!'' Robbe ran up to him, surprisingly being faster than he thought he would be, grabbing Sander by his arm and making him stop in front of him.

''Why the _fuck_ did you ask that, Robbe?!'' Sander was practically _shouting_ at him, not giving a shit about the other people standing outside of the house.

''You were the first to point one of them directly at me.''

''It was _never_ directed at you, that's just you once again imagining there's something between us that _isn't_ there.'' Ouch, that hurt. Robbe didn't think Sander remembered that day. The day where he said they had a connection, yet took it back two seconds afterwards. Why did Robbe ever think he had forgotten about it, anyway? Of course he remembered. Because it had clearly meant something to him, too. 

''Then why did you draw me?'' It was a question Robbe had been wanting to be answered for what felt like years. He didn't give a fuck if anyone heard them shouting at each other. Right now, it was just them, and as for Robbe, he felt like he finally deserved some good communication.

Sander looked away, his voice suddenly sounding a lot more soft, almost incomprehensible. ''You were never meant to see that.''

''But I did.''

''Yes, because you couldn't mind your own _damn_ business, Robbe!'' As Sander started yelling again, he turned away from Robbe, trying to walk away yet again, as Robbe grabbed him by his arm, not letting it go this time.

''Why can't you just tell me why you did it? What is holding you back so much? Why do you have to be such an _asshole_ simply because I saw something I wasn't meant to see?''

''Because that's just who I am, Robbe. Don't you get that?''

''You're proving to be one more and more, actually, yes. I mean- you _fucking_ picked a fight with Tobias tonight, like- _God_ , why do you have to be such an _asshole_ to him? To _us_?''

Sander sighed, shaking his head from left to right, looking down at the grass beneath them, looking at Robbe's hand still wrapped around his arm. ''Because he isn't worth your trust, Robbe, that's why.'' His voice sounded soft, yet resolute. It was quite clear to Robbe that he was being serious, yet Robbe still didn't believe a word he said. Sander and trust were two things Robbe hadn't been able to fit together for quite a while now.

''And why is that?'' Robbe questioned, as he swallowed away his anxiety.

''I- I am not gonna tell you.'' Sander stammered, moving one hand through his bleached hair, messing it up, yet making it look even more perfect. Fuck, _no_ , Robbe wasn't allowed to think like that. But he did. Because they were standing so close to each other, so _fucking close._ Robbe was basically able to count the number of birthmarks on his face.

''So you're just gonna tell me I can't trust him without giving me any reason not to?'' Sander scoffed, apparently finding his reply very entertaining, looking Robbe in his eyes with complete disbelief.

''The fact he just drank a fucking shot when they basically asked him if he had ever cheated before kind of says enough, don't you think?''

He was right. Apparently Tobias had cheated on someone before he was with Robbe. It was a revelation Robbe hadn't expected, definitely not from _him_ , but most definitely not at that moment. He knew Tobias was drunk and that it was mostly the alcohol talking, but that didn't take away the fact that he had never told him about it. So yes, Sander was right. It made Robbe insecure and scared as fuck. But he didn't want to make himself look weak. Not in front of him. ''I- that's irrelevant. That was before he met me.''

Sander scoffed again, this time almost laughing out loud, right into Robbe's face. '' _So?_ That makes it better, because-?''

''What is your _damn_ point, Sander?!'' This time, it was Robbe's turn to start yelling. Sander honestly didn't make any sense. He never had, but until now, Robbe hadn't minded enough to ever get annoyed by it, simply because it was a part of who Sander was. Past tense. Who he _was_. He had no fucking clue who he was right now. And for that reason, Robbe had finally had enough. He let go of his arm and turned around, ready to for once be the one to leave Sander behind and give him a taste of his own medicine.

'' _Jesus christ_ , Robbe, you can't _fucking_ trust the guy!''

Silence fell. It was like the music of the party had stopped for a second, too. Surprisingly enough, Robbe wasn't as hurt by Sander's revelation as much as he probably should've. Instead of questioning Tobias, he was questioning _him_ , questioning whether he was telling him the truth or if he was just trying to provoke a reaction. To get inbetween them and mess up their relationship. It was something the ''new'' Sander, the one that hit his boyfriend in the eye, the one that only cared about his image, probably would love to do.

''And why would I trust you?'' It was a statement more than it was a question. Robbe could see Sander was hurt by it, as he turned his eyes away. The blonde shrugged, shuffling on his feet a little.

''You're right. You have no reason to. But at least I have the _fucking_ balls to be honest to you, while he doesn't.'' 

''Are you being honest, though?'' Sander looked up from the grass, his hands locked in each other resting on his back, locking eyes with Robbe. He frowned by his question.

''What?''

''If you're so honest, then tell me. Why did you draw me, Sander?'' The blonde covered his face with both hands, sighing into them deeply. He turned around and looked into every direction but Robbe's, as if he was trying to find a way to escape.

''I-"

''If you're honest, tell me why you fucked up our friendship and ignored me for two months without ever telling me why.''

'' _Fuck!''_ Sander turned around and walked up to Robbe, his eyes decided, resolute, steadfast, yet even a bit scared. He grabbed Robbe by his both shoulders, pressing him against the wall of his house. He stood so close to him that their noses briefly touched, them now being just inches away from each other. As Robbe stood pined against the wall, Sander's hands were still holding him still. 

''You make me go crazy, absolutely fucking _insane_. Don't you get that?'' Sander whispered, as if saying it any louder would've broken Robbe. If he'd move towards him any further, their foreheads would've been able to touch. Robbe felt Sander's breath on his skin, as his heart was pounding in his chest, and just shook his head in reply. ''No, I don't.''

Sander's gaze moved from Robbe's eyes towards his lips, studying them without blinking once. ''I-''

As he moved his face towards his slowly, Robbe pushed him away by pressing his hands against his chest in an instant. 

''Don't.''

''What-?''

''You're drunk.'' Sander blinked rapidly, trying to understand what just happened. Of course he was drunk, in fact, he was _wasted_ , and he had no fucking clue what he was doing.

''But, Robbe...'' 

''No. You've hurt me enough already.'' Robbe could swear Sander's eyes started to water. He knew the things he said were hurtful, but Sander needed to hear them. He deserved to hear them. After everything he put Robbe through, he didn't deserve to just step up to him, tell him the things he said and expect Robbe to just go with it. He deserved to know he had been a complete asshole. And next to that, Robbe was in a relationship. And as much as Sander talked about trust and saying Tobias was the bad guy, he sure as hell didn't mind to play with Robbe's head, even though he was quite obviously dating someone. It was all a fucking _mess_ \- one Robbe really wanted to release himself from. And right now, he was actually quite proud of himself that he did.

''See you.'' It was quite ironic how two months later, Robbe was the one to leave Sander behind instead of the other way around. 

As Robbe walked away, he realized he had never felt more proud of standing up for himself, yet, he also realized he had never felt this empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh chapter two is here!
> 
> I worked on this so hard, you guys. I have the story basically all thought out in my head, which helps a lot with writing. Thank you guys so much for all of your positive and helpful comments on the first chapter! You really made me want to continue and I am so curious to know what you think of this new chapter, too. Your opinion matters with this story! So please let me know. I hope you guys enjoy reading!! 
> 
> Stay safe! X


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm BACK!
> 
> I've been so busy with uni stuff and summer break that I wasn't able to continue this fic. then about a week ago, I went back on AO3 and read the comments on previous chapters, and i just couldn't not continue writing. i saw people on tumblr say the lack of fics was getting to them, so I wanted to do something for those people too.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! <3 
> 
> ps. i am finishing both this fic and ''all i wanted was for you to be safe'' in the next couple of weeks. :')
> 
> love you and enjoy reading!

**Monday, 8:30**

Robbe barely had been able to sleep the entire weekend. And everytime he _did_ fall asleep, his mind would've directly been focused on Sander, making him dream about him in an instant. 

The words the blonde had said kept echoing through his mind. '' _You make me go crazy. Absolutely fucking insane. Don't you get that?''_ If Robbe wasn't being a complete idiot, he'd swear those words meant that Sander felt something more towards Robbe than just being friends. Which, they weren't. They barely even spoke to each other at this point. Yet, apparently, Sander had felt something towards him for a while, even though he had said he didn't. Robbe knew it could've also just been the alcohol messing with his head, but still. Something told him alcohol just made Sander more honest than he ever dared to be, because Robbe had never seen the blonde more vulnerable.

As Robbe walked into the chemistry classroom, he searched for a seat to fill, and...

Fuck.

Of course the only seat that wasn't taken was the one next to the guy he wanted to avoid so badly.

''Hi.'' Robbe stopped right next to him, very aware of the fact that if he’d actually take the seat, they were supposed to do their next assignment together. Every first lesson of the month worked like that. You come inside, you sit next to someone, and that someone becomes your partner. It was as simple as that. And the earlier you arrived, the more choice you had. It had appeared to Robbe that, even though he was always quite late himself, Sander would always be there as one of the first. Though, nobody was ever sitting next to him, even now that he had become popular. He wasn’t sure if that was because people were afraid of him, or just didn’t dare to talk to him because he was out of their league. Robbe used to be glad the seat next to Sander wasn’t taken, as he used it as a way to get to know him better. But today, after things had gotten out of hand at the party, things suddenly were very different.

Finally, Sander looked up at him. His eyes were red, almost as if he had cried or hadn’t slept in days. Robbe frowned at the sight of it, and at the sound of Sander’s hoarse voice replying: ‘'Hey.''

''I- I know you'd rather want me to sit somewhere else, but...'' Robbe was stammering like a teenage girl, it was actually quite embarrassing. But he had no idea how to act around Sander at this point. He never quite knew, but he had somehow always found a way. That was, until now.

''It's fine. Just sit down.'' Sander sounded determined, almost confused, as if he had no idea why Robbe was being anxious and awkward, as if he had forgotten all about what happened between them.

''Okay.'' Robbe sat down next to him carefully, making sure their bodies wouldn’t touch. He was honestly cringing because of himself. Way to act natural, Ijzermans. That actually sounded like something Sander would say. Robbe cautiously looked to his side and studied the blonde’s face once again, biting his lower lip as he couldn’t keep himself from discussing the elephant in the room any longer. 

''Look, Sander, about last Friday...'' 

''Let's not discuss it, okay?'' Sander's interruption was abrupt, clearly showing he hadn’t forgotten. In fact, he most likely wanted to forget about it, but wasn’t able to- just like Robbe.

''Why not?''

''Because I was drunk and I wasn't myself. Neither were the things I said.'' Ouch. As much as Robbe tried to not let those words hurt him... they did. Because however much Robbe had always tried to get rid of the influence Sander had on him, he had never been able to get rid of it completely. And every single time he thought it was going well, Sander just had to say one word to him and it all came back rushing to the surface. If Tobias only knew.

But right now, Robbe's thoughts were somewhere completely different than at Tobias. ''So... what? We’re just going to pretend none of it happened?'' 

Sander nodded. ''Yes.'' 

He looked up, locking eyes with Robbe, his eyes still looking red and drained. Robbe swallowed hard, as he felt his heart beating out of his chest. ''Okay.''

''Good.''

**Tuesday, 15:41**

On every Tuesday afternoon, Robbe would visit the skate park on his own, sitting against the tree trunk to read his favorite novel. It was a different one every week. He absolutely loved reading. It was an escape from reality, one he needed quite badly these days. He would completely put himself in the main character's shoes, just to become someone else for a little while. It helped, both physically and mentally, and Robbe loved it. It made him feel peaceful, calm... understood. It was part of the reason why he loved being alone so much. He was an overthinker, and as much as he needed a distraction from his thoughts every once in a while, the quiet of the park and the peace the book he was reading gave him, mostly were a distraction enough already.

However, today, the park wasn't as quiet as it usually would be.

Every time Robbe tried to read a new sentence, his thoughts and focus were cut off by hearing the sound of the most familiar voice somewhere in the background. And every time he looked up to find the person who the voice belonged to, he would feel a sting in his chest that was so painful, he almost felt the need to stand up and leave. But he wasn't going to be the weak one. Not in front of Sander.

Every single time Robbe looked up, he saw him standing at the other end of the park, leaning against a tree trunk. And as if replacing the old tree trunk he used to always sit at wasn't enough, he had also replaced the person he'd usually hang out there with. Because as Robbe was sitting here on his own with his book right now, Sander was standing at the other end of the park, his back against the tree, with Britt standing in between his legs. 

Robbe couldn't believe he had to see this. Sander wrapping his arms around her, hiding his face in her neck, caressing her back with his big hands. Sander grabbing her face and kissing her, literally making out with her right in front of the entire park, as if he _wanted_ to be seen. And he succeeded. Because as much as Robbe tried, he wasn't able to look away.

Robbe's heart jumped as Sander's eyes suddenly found his, his lips still exploring Britt, as the brunet grabbed his book quickly and tried hiding his face behind it. He clearly knew how to make this entire situation even more embarrassing. And the thing that annoyed Robbe the most out of all of it, was that this was exactly what Sander wanted. Because he _knew_ Robbe was watching. 

As Robbe quietly cursed at himself behind the pages of his book, his eyes widened when he heard footsteps approach.

''Enjoying it?'' Well, fuck. Of course Sander had noticed. He looked him right into his eyes as Robbe was watching him. And of course Sander was confident enough these days to just walk up to him and confront him about it. Robbe lowered his book away from his face, staring at Sander in the most innocent way possible, acting as if he had no idea what he was talking about.

''What?''

Sander raised his eyebrows. ''The book?''

Oh, thank God. 

''Eh.. yeah. I guess.'' Robbe observed Sander as he stood in front of him, both hands in the pockets of his ripped dark jeans, a white t-shirt being the only other thing he wore. If he didn't come here to confront him about watching him, then why was he trying to look for any contact with him in the first place?

''It's a good one, right? I've read it three times. I personally didn't like the ending too much, but-''

''What do you want, Sander?'' Sander looked at Robbe, his mouth still half opened from the sentence he wanted to finish, but got abruptly interrupted by the brunet sitting in front of him.

''Because if you've come here once again just to avoid answering questions and act as if nothing happened, I'm not interested.'' 

Sander scoffed. ''I... actually just came here to ask when you wanted to work on chemistry.'' 

Robbe frowned, shaking his head, somehow not understanding what Sander meant with ''chemistry''. ''What?''

''The assignment?'' Right, Robbe actually looked like a fucking idiot. Of course he meant the assignment and not _their_ chemistry, and of course he didn't come all the way over here to confront Robbe about watching him and his girlfriend kiss. He probably didn't even care in the slightest. He had made that quite clear. Or at least, when he was sober. Robbe shook his head, rubbing his eyes in the hope to make himself less of an idiot, waking himself up from whichever daydream he was apparently stuck into to act as stupid as this.

Sander laughed softly. ''Bad conscience?''

''Something like that. Eh... what about tomorrow evening?''

Sander nodded, scratching the back of his head. ''So... your place?''

Robbe replied with the same gesture, not even daring to insist working on their project at Sander's. He had always been secretive about his home life, his little brother, his dad... that he didn't want to ruin the fact Sander even wanted to work on something with him by taking that risk. Because even though Robbe was still annoyed by what happened at the party, and even though he was mad at Sander for not once being honest to him about what he wanted and felt, he still wanted to do this assignment with him for some reason. It just felt right. And maybe, just _maybe,_ it was an opportuntiy to finally talk to him about everything that had happened and get some clarity once and for all.

''Cool.'' Sander opened his mouth to continue, apparently wanting to say something else, but he was interrupted by the presence of the one person he wanted to see the least. Especially around Robbe.

''Hi, babe.'' Tobias' presence hit the both of them like a truck, as he immediately changed the entire mood of the conversation. Of course things had already been awkward, but Tobias made things even more stiff. Robbe didn't even know where to look, or more specifically, at who. Ever since the thing Sander had said about him last Friday, Robbe didn't know who to trust anymore. It was quite ridiculous, as Robbe practically had no reason to doubt Tobias at all. Did he? 

He was taken out of his thoughts when Tobias plopped down next to him on the grass, kissing him on the cheek and intertwining his hand with Robbe's. One thing Robbe did know, is that he normally would never act this excited when he saw Robbe sitting here. He would always be quite happy, but Robbe would usually be the one to take the first step to show affection. But now that Sander stood there, watching them, things suddenly were very different. Robbe's insecurity stung in his chest, as he looked up, noticing Sander rolling his eyes.

''What were you guys talking about?'' Tobias continued, trying to make conversation, as he moved his hand through Robbe's hair. Robbe's eyes never left Sander's while he did it, and he had never seen him look at Tobias more annoyed. His jaw clenched and Robbe wasn't quite sure whether his eyes screamed anger or jealousy. What bothered him so much? He knew he said he couldn't trust him, but he never told him why. He also knew he had said Robbe made him go crazy, but two days later he suddenly said it had all been just the alcohol talking. He had never given him an explanation. Why didn't he just _say_ it? In fact, why didn't he ever just _say_ anything?

''Eh, just our chemistry project.''

Tobias laughed. ''That's something we wouldn't have to work on, right, baby?'' 

Sander let out an irritated scoff, whispering a soft: '' _I doubt that.''_

''What?'' Sander raised his eyebrows from his question, looking at Tobias as if the words he had just said hadn't happened. But Robbe had heard him _very_ well.

''What did you say?''

''Nothing.''

''Right, so I just imagined you saying something, then?'' 

Sander shrugged, pressing his foot down on the grass, not once looking Tobias in the eyes, completely ignoring his presence, replying to his question as he looked into the distance with squinted eyes. ''I guess so.''

Tobias snorted, while his eyes flashed with anger, ready to stand up and hit Sander the same blue eye Sander gave him, but Robbe was quick enough to hold him back, pressing him against the tree behind them by holding his hand on his arm. He squeezed it slightly, silently letting his boyfriend know that he shouldn't let himself be challenged. Not if he knew what happened last time. What the _fuck_ was Sander doing?

''So, I'll see you tomorrow, Ijzermans?'' Robbe nodded quickly, wishing Sander would leave as soon as possible, as he was barely able to live through this tension anymore. 

Sander licked his lips as he readjusted his backpack on his shoulder. He granted Robbe a small smile, not looking at Tobias once again, as he turned around and walked away. Robbe heard Tobias pull some blades from the grass in between the two of them, which finally made Robbe release his eyes from Sander's back. His boyfriend looked upset, as if something bothered him, and _of course_ it did. Sander acted like a complete asshole.

''Everything okay?'' Robbe asked, caressing his boyfriend's hand with his thumb, their fingers still intertwined ever since he sat down next to him. 

Tobias shrugged. ''Do you really think it's a good idea to do that assignment with him?''

''I have to, Tobias.''

''There's always a way out.'' It stayed silent for a while, as Tobias kept pulling the grass blades, slightly pulling harder with each blade that came out. ''You don't _want_ to work with him, do you?''

Maybe Robbe did. Maybe Robbe didn't. He actually had no clue about what he wanted regarding to Sander. He was angry at him, but at the same time, he kind of liked that they were finally kind of talking again. He knew he should ignore him, be mad at him, demand an explanation from him... but ever since Friday night, Robbe had felt different. Because even though Sander was still secretive, and even though Sander still avoided talking about things Robbe didn't want to avoid, he had been honest to him about one thing. Even though he said it was because he was drunk. Robbe just didn't believe that. He _knew_ Sander was avoiding the subject because there was more to it. And maybe doing this assignment with him, finally gave him an opportunity to be alone with Sander in ways that might make him feel comfortable enough to finally _really_ open up to him.

Robbe turned around, facing his boyfriend, and grabbed his both hands. ''I don't.''

It wasn't necessarily a lie. Robbe still wasn't a hundred percent sure about how he felt. But he wanted to give this a chance. Not necessarily because he wanted to work with Sander, but because maybe it would finally clear some things up.

''Hey,'' Robbe moved one of his hands to Tobias' face, caressing it with his thumb, just below the blue eye Sander had given him last Friday. Another one of the many things Robbe still didn't understand. ''It's just an assignment. It'll be over before we know it.'' 

Tobias sighed, nodding slowly as he grabbed Robbe's hand that still touched his face, cradling it with his fingers. ''I know. I just don't like the thought of him being around you.''

''Why not?''

''Because I don't trust him.''

Robbe scoffed. ''He said the same about you.'' Oh, shit. Before Robbe realized what it actually was he said, it was already too late. Tobias didn't know him and Sander had that conversation at the party. He never wanted him to find out about it, either. How did he always get himself into this mess?

''He did what? When?''

Robbe shook his head quickly, moving some locks of hair that fell down in the process away from his forehead. ''It's nothing... he just mentioned it to me at the party when I asked him about why he hit you.'' It wasn't the truth, but a little white lie at this point wouldn't hurt anyone. If Robbe would tell him about their conversation outside, Tobias would probably fight Sander the second he laid eyes on him next time he saw him, and that was the last thing he wanted.

''The fucking asshole. See, this is exactly why you can't trust him. He's trying to fuck up our relationship by telling you lies about me every chance he gets.'' Tobias balled his fists, and Robbe immediately grabbed his face as he saw him clench his jaw.

''Tobias... calm down.'' Robbe moved his face closer towards his, as he brushed their noses together. ''I know it wasn't true. I trust you. A hundred percent.''

He didn't. But he also didn't trust Sander. It really was a fucking mess.

Tobias let out an exhale and smiled softly, as he planted a soft kiss on Robbe's lips. ''Good.''

**Wednesday, 20:01**

Right after dinner, Robbe had basically skipped his housemates to immediately go down to his room. Today, he didn't feel like talking. Especially not with housemates who would notice he felt bad the minute he wouldn't be able to answer the ''how was your day'' with a solid answer. He appreciated them a lot, but today, he just needed some alone time. The week had barely even flown by half-way, yet, it had been the most messed up one already. Robbe thought it wasn't possible for things to become even worse compared to last week, but of course they did. Sander acted as if nothing happened, and asking him about it would probably just push him away once again. He didn't know how or why, and he probably would never find out either. All he knew was that he suddenly opened up to him at the party in a way Robbe had wished he would have months ago. He said it was the alcohol, but Robbe just didn't take it. At first it had made sense- he had never seen Sander drunk before, so how could he know the things he said were the truth or just lies? But then Robbe realized something. He _knew_ Sander. Better than he thought he did. And the Sander he knew wouldn't just start talking lies because of a little alcohol. In fact, the Sander he knew would only become more truthful, as if the threshold to opening up would suddenly disappear as he wasn't in control of his own actions anymore. 

And the funny thing was, he didn't even think about the '' _You make me crazy. Absolutely fucking insane. Don't you get that?''_ as much as he did about the words Sander had said about Tobias. There was a reason he always got so angry and annoyed whenever he was around. At first, he had thought it was just jealousy- jealousy because Tobias was now the most important person in his life. Jealousy because, if Robbe had interpreted his words the right way, Sander maybe felt more towards Robbe than he dared to admit. But there had to be more to it. Sander wouldn't get this angry for no reason. He wouldn't tell Robbe he couldn't trust him for no reason. He knew that about Sander.

But then again, that was the Sander he knew two months ago.

He had absolutely no fucking clue who he was and what he wanted right now.

And Tobias... that was a whole other story. Their relationship was nice. Lovely. Sweet. He treated him well, he showed him affection and made him feel loved. But ever since the party, things felt different. He now knew he cheated on someone once. He now knew he laughed it away with his friends as if it was nothing. He knew Sander didn't trust him at all- and made quite clear that Robbe shouldn't either. But still. Tobias was there for him. He made him feel wanted. And right now, in the midst of Robbe's shitty life, that was something he just needed very badly.

Robbe was taken out of his thoughts as he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He slipped it out of his pocket, too distracted by what the message he received said to even notice the doorbell ringing in the background.

**Mama** : robbe, honey. hope you're well. things have gotten worse, i'm sorry. we can't videocall this week, doctor's orders. i miss you. don't be too hard on yourself. love, mama 

''Fuck!'' Robbe tossed his phone aside on the bed as he lied down, hiding his face in his pillow. He groaned into it, feeling the urge to cry raise by each second that passed. How was his entire life such a fucking _mess?_ He knew he shouldn't feel like he was the one suffering, since his mom had a way harder time than he did, but sometimes he just couldn't help himself. Because it wasn't just his mom. It was everything surrounding it, too- his relationship with Tobias, his relationship with his friends, and his relationship with Sander. If that was even something you could call a relationship. Robbe was taken out of his thoughts by a sudden, unexpected knock on his door.

''Robbe?'' The voice sounded familiar, _way_ too familiar, as he soon realized it was the person he absolutely didn't want to see right now. 

Robbe turned around, revealing his face from his pillow, watching Sander opening the door to his room slowly. He frowned, his face still slightly red from the few tears he wasn't able to hold back. "What are _you_ doing here?''

His voice sounded hoarse, way worse than he imagined it would. He had never felt this embarrassed to be vulnerable in front of someone. He coughed a few times, trying to make it disappear and restore himself, as he sat up straight on the edge of his bed and watched Sander walk in. ''I... came by to work on our chemistry project together. Remember? Your housemate let me in.''

Oh, right. They had literally discussed it yesterday, yet, Robbe had already forgotten. Normally, he probably wouldn't have. But right now, with all of the shit going on in his life, for once, he had actually forgotten about something that was related to the blonde guy standing in front of him. Robbe moved one hand through his messy hair, trying to fix it in the slightest way possible. It probably wasn't working. ''Oh... right. Sorry.''

Sander smiled softly as he put his hands in his pockets. ''No, it's okay. Are _you_ okay, though?'' He studied Robbe's face as he shuffled closer towards him slowly.

''I'm fine, Sander. Just leave it and let's get this assignment over with.''

''It doesn't look like you're fine.'' Robbe looked up at the blonde for the first time since he sat down on the edge of his bed, his soft voice leaving him unsettled as he hadn't heard it in a long time, and found a look on his face that almost showed... concern. He was quite sure he was imagining it. 

''Why do you even care? We're not friends.''

Sander scoffed slightly, hurt flashing through his eyes as he licked his lower lip. He shook his head for a bit, raised his eyebrows and then took a step back, away from Robbe. ''Alright. I should probably leave then-''

''No, _fuck_.'' Robbe stood up quickly and grabbed Sander by his wrist, his hand still hidden in his pocket. He wasn't sure why he suddenly made such a bold move, but ever since he met him, he had done more things that surprised him afterwards. Sander looked at his hand covering his skin, as he then looked up and locked eyes with Robbe. ''I'm sorry. Please stay.''

The right corner of Sander's mouth moved upwards. He nodded and walked back to Robbe's bed, Robbe's hand never leaving his wrist, as Sander made the both of them sit down on the edge.

''What happened, Robbe?'' Robbe had never heard his voice _this_ soft. It was as if the Sander from two months ago had suddenly found his way back to him for a small moment. And for some reason, the brunet's heart always fluttered when Sander called him by his actual name. It sounded different when he said it. He was more proud of it when he said it. Damn it, Robbe really needed to get a grip.

He grabbed his phone from the other side of his bed and unlocked it, finally letting go of Sander's wrist, showing his mom's text message to the blonde sitting next to him. The anger Robbe felt towards him suddenly didn't matter anymore. He needed someone, as much as he didn't want to admit it, and as much as he had tried to avoid his housemates from doing so. And as Sander was here right now, he suddenly wasn't able to hold back anymore. Their hands slightly touched as Robbe let his phone slide into Sander's hand, yet the touch was enough to create electricity all the way through his body. These were moments when Robbe wondered why he never felt this with Tobias, while Sander could make him feel alive with even the slightest look.

''Oh, shit.'' Sander whispered. Robbe pressed his lips together, letting out a loaded exhale afterwards. ''Yeah.''

Sander looked up at him, studying his face once again, only this time not necessarily concerned, but more curious. ''What's wrong with your mom?''

''She... she's bipolar. She has been for a long time, but it got worse as we never did anything about it. You should've seen her at times she had an episode. But back then I didn't know what was actually wrong with her. And now that she's finally getting help, it's like we finally realize how bad it actually has been. Fuck, I'm the worst son for not realizing it sooner...''

''No, Robbe, don't say that. You're not the worst son.''

''Aren't I? I mean, look at me. My mom is probably having the worst time in the institution while I'm out here, living my life.''

Sander frowned. ''So? Just because your mom is struggling with her mental health doesn't mean you have to sit back, hold her hand and stop enjoying your life, Robbe.''

The blonde moved himself towards Robbe even more, as the brunet studied his hands, not sure where to look. ''I'm sure you support her a lot, and that she's so grateful to have a son like you. But I'm also sure she wouldn't want you to stop living your life because she's struggling. I think that will only make her feel worse.''

Robbe looked up from his hands, locking eyes with Sander. He looked determined this time, which made Robbe shiver. Not just that, it was also the fact he hadn't had a conversation like this with Sander in a very long time. It made him realize just how much he had missed it all this time. How much he had missed their friendship all this time. Not that they had been best friends forever, but during the time they were close, Sander had always been there to listen. And even his own friends didn't really do that.

''Since when do you know so much about feelings?'' Robbe scoffed.

''Since when do you know me well enough to know I didn't already?''

''I guess you're right. I don't know you that well at all.''

Sander raised his eyebrows, pressing his lips together. ''You don't.''

''I want to.'' The words came sudden, even to Robbe himself. But he did know he meant them. 

Sander looked up at him with surprise, letting out a quiet: ''What?''

''I want to get to know you better.'' Robbe looked at both of their hands lying just a few inches away from each other. He was so _incredibly_ tempted to move them towards each other even closer and hold it, just to feel his skin and the electricity it gave him. But then again, why would he? They weren't a thing. There was nothing between them, despite what Sander had said at the party. 

''Robbe...''

''Why don't you let me?'' It was another one of those questions Robbe had been wanting to ask forever. At first, Robbe thought Sander didn't want anyone to know him. But now, two months later, as he had gotten new friends and even a relationship, Robbe was sure it had always been something about him Sander just didn't feel comfortable with. It was truly the biggest insecurity Robbe had.

''Because right now, it isn't about me. It's about you. What matters is that you'll feel better.''

''I already feel better.'' They locked eyes, once again.

''You do?''

''Yeah.''

''How come?''

Robbe smiled, looking at their hands. They still weren't touching.

''Is it cheesy to say, now that you're here?'' He looked back up into Sander's eyes, which twinkled as they let Robbe's response sink in. And for once, something Robbe didn't even remember what it felt like, he saw Sander smile back at him.

''No, it's not.''

**Wednesday, 22:32**

As the evening went on, Robbe and Sander had actually had... a good time. They had finished their assignment almost completely, without any discussions attached to it. They had talked about last week's game, how Sander felt like he wasn't in a good form, how he thought he was gonna ruin the match for the team, but how he was glad it ended up with a fair score anyway. He talked about how he hated the afterparties at his house, but did them because his teammates expected him to. As soon as Sander had gotten on the team, he had always had that position, the one who always arranged stuff around the game itself, it being the biggest reason they had ever made him the captain in the first place. They had never actually cared as much about how he played. It was only his house and his money they cared about.

''Then why don't you quit?'' Robbe questioned, not understanding why Sander suddenly told him so much, but loving it anyway.

Sander shrugged. ''Because Britt doesn't want me to.''

''Aren't you supposed to do this for yourself and not for someone else?'' The blonde looked up at Robbe and smiled softly, as he moved one hair through his bleached hair. ''I wouldn't know what else to do, anyway.''

Robbe observed Sander as he sat in front of him on his bed, his sketchbook in his hand, a pencil in the other. He had been drawing something for the past half an hour as they talked, not showing any of it to Robbe, but apparently feeling comfortable enough to do it in his presence anyway. It made Robbe feel appreciated, and that was another one of those feelings he hadn't felt around Sander in a long time. He used to feel that a lot around him, back in the days where he was the only person he'd talk to. It made Robbe feel like there was something about him that made him feel safe, and that was the best feeling Robbe had ever felt. Robbe smiled as he saw Sander biting down on his pencil, scratching his scalp in deep thoughts.

''What about your art?'' Robbe swallowed, knowing this question could go two ways- Sander would either be straight up angry at him and probably leave right away, or he would for once confide in him and be honest about the things he loved doing. He wasn't hoping for much, but he was expecting the first to happen. Instead, Sander just sighed.

''My art isn't any good.''

''I... liked the drawings I saw.'' It came out like a whisper, as Robbe silently prayed Sander didn't hear him say it. He knew it was what fucked up their friendship. He had always felt bad about it since the second he had opened his sketchbook. And now, two months later, he didn't know how Sander felt about it. They had barely even talked anymore at all ever since. Robbe decided to change the subject quickly as he saw hurt flashing through Sander's eyes. ''Why are you keeping your art a secret?''

Sander shrugged. ''It's not a secret. I just don't feel like telling anyone.''

''Isn't that the same thing?''

The blonde snorted, finally looking up from his drawing to lock eyes with Robbe. ''For one second I forgot you're such a smart-ass.''

Robbe slightly nudged Sander's leg with his foot, only then realizing what it was he did. It was crazy how quickly he felt comfortable around Sander again. It felt like the past two months hadn't even happened. But... they did. And Robbe still didn't know why.

''So why don't you feel like telling anyone?''

''Because... I feel like art is something so personal. I put all my thoughts and feelings into it, almost as if it's a reflection. I'd rather put them on paper instead of talking about them.''

''Is that... is that why you got so angry at me when I saw them?'' Robbe was being very bold right now. But somehow, it felt like he could this time. It felt like Sander didn't mind this time.

''No. I got angry at you because you looked at them without my permission.''

''So if I had asked for permission, you would've shown them to me?''

Sander shrugged again. ''I might have.''

Robbe played with his fingers, scared yet sure about asking the question that was lingering on his lips. ''Are you... still angry at me now?''

''No.'' Sander faded some lines with his fingers and blew on the paper, as he sighed and studied his drawing. ''I figured that if anyone would see them... it might as well be you.''

Robbe smiled, seeing Sander do the same as they locked eyes. He felt his cheeks burn bright red for some reason. The question _why did you draw me_ was still the one he wanted to ask the most, but he figured Sander had already opened up to him quite a lot tonight anyway. He didn't want to push him. That had never been his intention.

But there was one urge Robbe suddenly couldn't resist. He smirked as he got up from sitting against the back of the bed, scooching over closer towards Sander, leaving a space that was just comfortable enough.

''What are you drawing?'' Sander's face was still aimed at his drawing, as he looked up at Robbe through his eyelashes and smiled, licking his lips, looking back down again.

''Nothing.''

Robbe sat down on his knees, hands leaning on both of them, as he tried to look at Sander's drawing as subtle as he could.

Sander put his drawing against his chest, quickly taking away Robbe's chance to see it. ''You're so needy.''

''I'm not needy. I'm interested.'' The blonde rolled his eyes, as he pulled his legs up to place his sketchbook on them, making Robbe unable to see what was on it at all. He snorted, knowing exactly how it made Robbe feel. ''And needy.'' He whispered, as he tried to resist a smile.

Somehow, Robbe suddenly remembered how he had fucked things up, even though Sander had just said he wasn't angry at him anymore. He suddenly felt like he was pushing him again, and silently cursed at himself for doing it, as he let himself fall back against the side of the bed again, studying his hands and avoiding Sander's look.

The blonde immediately noticed, as he put his sketchbook down to his side, lying out both legs again to try and catch Robbe's attention. ''Hey, what's wrong?''

Robbe shrugged. ''Nothing, I'm just sorry. I didn't mean to push you again.''

Sander let out a denying scoff, as he moved himself over towards Robbe a little closer, closing him in with both legs, just like he used to do at the tree. _Their tree._ The thought only made Robbe's heart flutter in his chest. He looked up as he felt Sander's foot nudging his leg softly. ''You didn't push me. You're not doing anything wrong, Robbe.''

''Aren't I?''

The blonde let out a laugh, in complete disbelief by how insecure Robbe could be sometimes. ''No. I just... don't really like it, and I was kinda scared you'd hate it too. That's all.''

Robbe's insecurity suddenly changed into confusion, not being sure how Sander could ever think he'd hate any of his art. From the things he had seen, Sander had the most incredible talent he had ever come across. The guy had no need to doubt it, he could even make the easiest thing look like pure perfection. 

''I would never hate anything you draw. You have such amazing talent, Sander.''

They locked eyes, and Robbe could swear he saw Sander's cheeks turn red. It was something he thought he'd never see, and it was absolutely adorable. He would pay to see it over and over again.

''Well, thanks, I guess.'' He smiled.

Robbe pressed his lips together as he continued to watch Sander expectingly, the blonde frowning his eyebrows in response.

''What?''

''Does that mean I can see now?''

Sander shrugged. ''That depends.''

''On?'' 

''If you can get it.'' Robbe raised his eyebrows, as he quickly saw what Sander meant when he grabbed his sketchbook from his side, and held it against his chest firmly.

''Are you daring me?'' Sander held back a laugh and bit his lower lip, shrugging to Robbe's question. ''Maybe I am.''

Robbe let himself be dared, as he got up and sat down on his knees again, reaching out for Sander's sketchbook. ''Game on, then.''

Sander smirked, pulling both legs up again, making sure Robbe would practically have to jump him to be able to reach for it in the first place. Robbe scooched over closer, as he grabbed Sander's arms and tried to pull them away from his chest. Sander tried to resist and _succeeded_ , as he was way stronger than Robbe, probably already knowing he'd win anyways.

''Aw, should I make it easier for you, Robin?'' He pouted, making Robbe scoff. ''Are you calling me weak?''

Sander laughed as he put his legs back down, moving one hand through his messy yet perfect hair. ''No, I'm just saying you're-''

Before Sander could finish his sentence, Robbe grabbed him by both shoulders and pressed him down against the mattress, climbing on top of him without fully realizing what it actually was he was doing. Sander scoffed in disbelief, staring up at Robbe with the biggest twinkle in his eyes. Robbe hang over him, raising both eyebrows, still holding Sander down by his shoulders. ''Who's the weak one now, hm?''

Sander grabbed Robbe's waist, his big hands consuming him completely, turning the both of them around and pushing Robbe back on the mattress, lingering over him. On the contrary to Robbe, he didn't stop right there, but instead, he used his hands to tickle Robbe's upper body, making the brunet giggle non-stop in response. ''Stop!''

Sander laughed out loud, the noise sounding almost magical, as his face lingered above Robbe's, the brunet's hands against his chest, trying to push him away and stop the tickling.

''Please, please, please. Stop.'' Sander suddenly did what he asked, but continued his attack by grabbing Robbe's hands away from his chest and pushing them down in the mattress, both of them pined down next to his head. Silence fell out of nowhere, no other sound filling the room other than the two boys trying to catch their breaths.

Sander was _so_ close.

The blonde's eyes looked down at his lips, back up to find Robbe's eyes. The brunet swallowed, his heart racing from the sudden change of mood. It was like that one moment on Friday all over again, yet, this time, Sander was completely aware of what he was doing. Robbe lifted his head up a little from the mattress, as Sander's face lowered itself to his, coming closer and slowly filling up the remaining gap between them.

But instead of doing what Robbe wanted, expected him to do so badly, Sander suddenly moved backwards instead of forward, pulling himself off of Robbe and placing himself back against the side of the bed. He coughed, readjusting his sweater and his hair that had both become messy from their play-fight. Robbe pushed himself upwards by his elbows, a bit shaken and confused by how quickly Sander changed the mood once again. 

''I- eh... sorry.'' He stammered, as he scratched the back of his head. 

Robbe shook his head, biting his lower lip as the thought of Tobias entered his head, silently cursing at himself for feeling... whatever it was, around Sander. ''It's okay.''

Suddenly, all of Robbe's insecurities came back rushing to the surface. How Sander had ignored him for two months out of nowhere. How he had thrown away their friendship without ever telling Robbe why. How he had suddenly noticed him again when he started dating Tobias. How he had picked a fight with him out of nowhere. How Tobias had said he couldn't trust him. How he had said he made him go crazy, and then took it back two days later. How he acted as if nothing had happened right now. Something he always did.

''Sander?''

''Hm?''

Robbe slowly lifted himself up and moved towards the edge of the bed, hanging both legs over the side, as he laid both hands down on his lap and started playing with his fingernails nervously. He was so scared to ask the question that was lingering on his lips, but he knew he had to. He couldn't possibly just ignore it forever. ''Why did you stop?''

Sander frowned, watching his every move. ''I thought it was obvious that I beat y-''

''No, I don't mean this.'' Robbe turned his face to his right side, looking into Sander's eyes, and immediately looked down at his fingers again, his heart beating faster by the second. ''I mean our... whatever was going on between us.''

As soon as the brunet heard Sander let out the biggest exhale, he knew exactly what was about to happen. ''Robbe...''

But that didn't make him hold back. He was finally alone with Sander, _really_ alone. So this was his best chance to finally getting _something_ discussed.

''Why can't you just be honest about it? Explain it to me? I'm literally giving you the chance right now, but you still don't take it.''

Sander shook his head, as he moved himself to the edge of Robbe's bed and stood up, walking towards Robbe's desk. ''Because it's complicated, Robbe. That's why.''

As he started collecting all of his school and art supplies, Robbe knew exactly what he was planning. Of course he wanted to walk away again. Of course his first thought was to get up and leave instead of finally choosing to communicate. But instead of letting him, Robbe walked up to him and grabbed his wrist, making him stop whatever he was planning on doing.

''I don't care, I just need to know what it was I did to make you act the way you did.'' Sander looked up from his bag, first at Robbe's hand touching his wrist for the second time today, then up into Robbe's desperate eyes.

''You didn't _do_ anything.''

''Then what was it? What made you walk away and ignore me for two months? What made you change and forget about me?''

Sander looked down at Robbe's hand holding his wrist again. He shook his head slowly, quietly responding: ''I never forgot about you. You literally have no idea.''

''That's the _damn_ point, Sander.'' Robbe quickly took his hand away from his wrist as he threw both hands into the air out of complete despair, having no idea how to get this guy to talk, having no clue what else he had to do to make Sander realize he couldn't possibly bear this any longer. ''I have no idea about anything. You never talk to me, then suddenly you do. You always just... do stuff without ever telling me why. ''

''That's because you can't trust me, Robbe.'' Sander quickly fixed his bag's zipper, as he walked back to grab his leather jacket and put it on. He walked towards the door, ready to open it up and leave, until Robbe walked past him, completely blocking his way towards the door. He knew Sander would easily push him aside if he wanted to, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to try.

''Why not? Why don't you let me be the judge of that?''

Sander sighed, looking down at his feet. ''Because I don't want to hurt you.''

His soft voice made Robbe's heart sting, as he scoffed in response. ''Bold of you to assume you aren't doing that already.''

Robbe could swear he saw tears forming in Sander's eyes as he looked into his heartbroken, but before he could be sure, Sander looked down again and pushed himself past Robbe, leaving both his room and the brunet behind. Robbe felt the anger and sadness bottle up inside of him, not being able to keep it in anymore. He suddenly felt so guilty about having said what he did, but it was simply the truth. And Sander needed to hear it. 

''Really? You're just gonna leave without talking again, then?'' He literally almost yelled at him, his housemates probably being able to hear it too, but at this point he really didn't give a shit. 

As Sander opened the front door to the flatshare, he stood still in the door frame for a few more seconds, finally saying: ''Trust me, it's better like that.''

**Thursday, 16:17**

It had been a while since Robbe had hung out with Jens. Ever since him and Tobias had started dating, his boyfriend had been quite possessive when it came to his friends, especially Jens, for some reason. He knew Jens and Tobias had been hanging out since the start of the school year, when Tobias newly attended their high school just like Sander, but he wouldn't really know why that had something to do with it. He just assumed Tobias felt intimidated by his and Jens' strong friendship, so much that it turned a little into jealousy, as if it was a bond with Robbe that Tobias wanted to have so badly, too. But all of it was quite odd. Whenever Robbe was around Jens, or Sander, or anyone for that matter, Tobias would be all over him, showing others he was taken and that _he_ was supposed to be Robbe's priority. But whenever nobody else was around, and him and Robbe were alone together, Robbe always had to be the one to insist affection. It made Robbe feel like he was doing something wrong, or like he was only interesting enough when others were around. Minding his own thoughts as Jens rolled himself a joint, he stared at Tobias in the distance, talking to a girl Robbe felt like he recognized from somewhere, but couldn't pin-point from where exactly. 

''How's your chemistry project going?'' Jens suddenly asked, bringing Robbe back to reality and forgetting about his busy going thoughts for a second. He shook his head, readjusted his hair and immediately felt his thoughts going somewhere else, somewhere Robbe really didn't want to go even more after yesterday, as Jens muttered the word _chemistry_. How _was_ it going? The first time Sander and him worked on it, things went pretty well. That was, until Robbe started mentioning their past again, and things completely blew up. Robbe already started feeling stress crippling through his body as he remembered the project wasn't done yet, which meant he had to meet up with Sander at least about two more times to completely finish it. Knowing how things were now, he was probably never gonna survive that.

''I- eh... not that well. Now that you mention it, would you mind swapping partners?''

''Swapping partners?'' Jens moved back his head in confusion, almost hitting his head against the tree they sat at in the process. Robbe nodded without saying a word back, not knowing how exactly to answer Jens' bewilderment. Yes, he wanted to swap partners. Yes, he had quite a good reason for it. But he just didn't really feel like starting a conversation about it. 

As Robbe pulled the grass blades next to him while staying quiet, Jens lighted his joint and took a drag, studying Robbe's face as he blew out the smoke.

''What's up with you and Sander?''

The brunet looked up, locking eyes with his friends. He raised his eyebrows, startled by his suddenq question. ''What do you mean?''

''Come on, Robbe. I'm not blind. You two used to hang out with each other all the time, and now suddenly you two barely even look at each other. And now you ask me if I want to swap chemistry partners?''

Robbe sighed as he threw away the grass blades he kept in his hand. ''You're right.'' He hid his face in his hands, sighing into it. He knew he didn't feel like starting the conversation. But maybe it was about time he did. Now that Jens and him were alone, maybe a friend was the exact thing Robbe needed. Someone other than Tobias or Sander. Someone who he _did_ trust, because he had always taken Robbe seriously. ''It's just... I really don't get him.''

Jens snorted. ''Is there anyone who does?''

''I used to. I think.''

''Then what happened?''

And then, without having any remaining doubts, Robbe told Jens everything. From the day they met in chemistry class, to their late afternoon conversations at their tree in the park, to Sander opening up about things but also keeping lots of things a secret, to Robbe finding his sketchbook and Sander pushing him away when he found out he did. He told him about Sander suddenly noticing him again as soon as he started dating Tobias, how Tobias had said he didn't trust him and then got hit on the eye by him in the same week. 

''Wait, _Sander_ is the one who gave him the blue eye?''

Robbe nodded, surprised by the fact Jens apparently didn't know already. Him and Tobias hung out quite a lot together as they both skated every afternoon, but it turned out Tobias had never told him about this. Robbe didn't know whether he was more confused by Jens never asking Tobias who hit him, or by Tobias not telling everyone Sander was the one who did it, as he thought he was such an asshole and most likely didn't mind others thinking the same, as well. 

''So then I came to the party to fix things, but Sander completely ignored my question. The only thing he said was that I couldn't trust him.'' Robbe wisely decided to avoid the talk him and Sander had had outside. He didn't want others to know about that. Not because he didn't want to, but just because he wasn't sure about how he felt about that himself yet either. And on top of that, Jens and Tobias were quite close, and however much Robbe trusted Jens, he didn't want to risk Tobias ever finding out about what happened that night.

''Did he also tell you why?''

''No, only the stuff about the cheating thing. Apparently there was more to it, but he said he wasn't going to tell me.''

Jens sighed, taking another drag from his joint. He squinted his eyes together as he blew out the smoke, staring at Tobias falling off of his skateboard in the distance. ''I think I know what he meant.''

Robbe raised his eyebrows, immediately intrigued by whatever Jens' mind was planning on telling him.

''What?''

''You know Sander and Tobias have known each other for a while, right?''

Robbe's heart skipped a beat at this sudden revelation. Neither Tobias or Sander had ever told him about this. He knew the two of them hated each other's guts, but he didn't know it had been for way longer than Robbe thought. Jens' frown was filled with surprise, as he studied Robbe's face, clearly noticing that whatever he had just said was news to Robbe. ''I guess that look means you didn't.''

The brunet shook his head. ''No, I did not.''

''Basically, Tobias used to date his little sister for a while about a year ago. Her and Sander both used to attend a different school than ours at the time, the same one Tobias used to attend. The girl he cheated on? The one they mentioned at the party last Friday?'' Oh, fuck. He didn't even know Sander and Tobias knew each other for longer than he thought they did, let alone that they attended the same school together. On top of that, he had always thought Sander only had a little brother, but apparently, he had a sister, too. One Tobias apparently knew quite well. Too well.

''Are you telling me Tobias cheated on Sander's sister?''

''That's exactly what I'm telling you.''

Robbe's mouth dropped open. So many things were going through his head right now. Why did neither of them ever tell him about this? Why had Sander never opened up to Robbe about _this_ clearly being the reason he hated him so much? About _this_ being the reason he always told Robbe he couldn't trust him? It suddenly all made so much sense as to why Sander acted like a complete asshole to him. It suddenly made so much sense why Sander became so angry around him, and why he got so fed up when they played Never Have I Ever at the party on Friday. Tobias completely laughed cheating on Sander's sister away as if he wasn't even aware he was there. Or maybe he _was,_ and he was just trying to challenge Sander to get something out of him. What didn't make sense though, was Tobias himself. Was this why he said he didn't want Sander around him? Was this why he always wanted to be so sure Robbe trusted him more than he trusted Sander? Because he was just scared Sander would tell him the truth, and Robbe would believe him over Tobias? Was this entire enmity between them the reason they had both changed schools?

He suddenly had even more questions than before, and he didn't even know that was possible. Robbe's head was a complete _mess._

''Why didn't you tell me this before?''

''Because I didn't think I was the one who was supposed to tell you that, Robbe.''

Jens had a fair point. If anyone had been supposed to tell him about this, it would've been Tobias. Sander had been right, at least he had been honest about one thing. He wasn't the one who caused the mess. Tobias was. Robbe looked up from the grass, staring at his boyfriend in the distance, watching him laugh and have fun with his friends as if the world didn't know any troubles, while Robbe's thoughts raced at full speed. 

''Is there more I should know?'' Robbe asked, rather taking the full bomb right now instead of getting attacked with more information he never knew about later on.

''Probably. But other than the two of them hating each other's guts, I don't really know what else happened either. Tobias never really opened up about that. I think if there's anyone he would tell, though, it's you.''

Robbe swallowed. He actually wasn't as sure as Jens. If Tobias hadn't even told him about this, then why else would he ever tell him about even more details? And just because Robbe knew about this now, didn't mean Tobias knew that. He still thought Robbe had no clue. So if Robbe didn't start the conversation, was he ever gonna tell him in the first place?

''Do you trust him?'' Jens suddenly questioned, handing the joint over to Robbe. The brunet gratefully grabbed it, taking a drag he wished would soothe his mind for at least a second.

''Who?''

''Tobias.''

Robbe shrugged. He didn't know. Was he supposed to trust him? The cheating was in the past, and it had absolutely nothing to do with Robbe at all. But he hadn't been honest or open about it, either. Maybe he should've let Robbe know. But on the other hand, he didn't owe Robbe anything. It was in the past, it was before Robbe, and maybe he had already learned from his mistakes and didn't want to bring them back up again. Right? 

''I guess so.''

Jens hand briefly touched his as he took the cigarette back from him, playing with it in between his fingers to finally place it between his lips. ''And Sander?''

Robbe looked into the distance, watching Tobias again, him apparently being too busy minding his own business to be able to notice Robbe was even sitting there in the first place. The familiar girl still stood next to him as well as a couple of other friends, as Tobias showed them tricks on his skateboard, too occupied to look up at Robbe once. As he moved his face a little to the right, searching for the tree right across of his, he saw the exact familiar face he was looking for. But in contrast to Tobias, he wasn't minding his own business at all. 

He only had eyes for Robbe.

''Maybe I do.''

**Friday, 23:19**

Tonight was the night Robbe decided for himself that some things were gonna change. He had enough of the amount of thoughts and doubts in his head, getting tired of them, _drained_ as it even made him lose nights of sleep. He needed to take action to make sure at least some of those thoughts got solved, or else Robbe was sure he was gonna break down at some point. He knew that the ones regarding Sander probably weren't gonna be fixed as easily, especially now that him and Robbe weren't on good terms once again - or at least, they hadn't talked since Tuesday. And Sander didn't really seem to show that he wanted to, either. So Robbe decided to leave that on hold for a while. Whereas with his thoughts regarding Tobias, Robbe thought he had a bigger chance of fixing them. He was his boyfriend after all, so communicating was one of the most important things they should do. Tobias hadn't been the expert at it, since Robbe found out about many things over the past week, but he could at least give him the chance to explain himself. He had given Sander the same chance, so it only seemed fair.

So on Friday evening when Robbe's housemates had other plans outside the house, Robbe decided to ask him over, spend a lovely date night together, and then, at the end of the evening, he would ask him. It couldn't be that hard.

And the evening indeed was quite lovely. As Tobias arrived, the two boys had shared a pizza, watching a comedy on the sofa with their legs intertwined, as Tobias didn't feel like watching a romance. It was okay, though, Robbe didn't mind whatever he was watching, as long as Tobias was there with him. He had brought a sweater for him to wear, because lately they had less time to see each other due to their busy schedules. It was quite cute, a gesture Tobias hadn't done that often, as usually Robbe would be the one to insist romantic things such as these. But today, he did. And that was some kind of progress, at least. After the pizza, the boys had gone to Robbe's room, lying on his bed and making out until night fell, enjoying each other's presence and not taking any steps the both of them weren't ready to take quite yet. They had only been dating for about three weeks now, so Robbe wanted to take things slow. Tobias didn't mind that- in fact, he had told Robbe he could take all the time he wanted. And Robbe really appreciated that.

As Robbe took a look at his watch and saw midnight coming soon, he decided that now was the right time to step up and ask. It had to happen sometime.

''Tobias, can I ask you something?''

His boyfriend's lips left his cheek for a second to answer his question. ''Sure, babe. What's up?''

"Is it true that the person you cheated on was Sander's sister?''

Silence fell. Tobias backed down, studying Robbe's face with lots of questions flashing through his eyes. He probably had no clue how Robbe even found out about this in the first place, as he had never been the one who told him. 

''Who told you that?''

Robbe shook his head. ''It doesn't matter who told me, what matters is that you're honest with me.''

''I have been honest about me cheating, haven't I? It's in the past, Robbe.''

''So is that a yes or no?'' Robbe's voice sounded a bit louder, as if he was trying to penetrate his words more clearly, as he felt like Tobias didn't quite understand what Robbe wanted from him. He didn't care it was in the past. At first, Robbe thought Tobias didn't owe him anything, and that his past indeed wasn't his business. But then again, he did cheat on someone he used to date, and since Robbe was his boyfriend now, he really didn't know what to expect. He had the right to know.

''Why do you care so much about who it was?''

''Because Sander told me I can't trust you, and since I'm the one dating you now, I'd like to be reminded by you why I should.''

Tobias groaned, rolling his eyes as soon as Sander's name left Robbe's lips. He sat up, turning his back towards Robbe as he sat down on the edge of the bed. ''So you're suddenly believing Sander's every word now, hm?''

''No, I'm not.'' Robbe got up as well, as he moved himself towards Tobias, sitting down on his knees right next to him. He put his finger underneath Tobias' chin, making his boyfriend look at him. He didn't mean to make him feel like he trusted Sander over him. He just wanted to make clear that he wasn't giving him a reason not to. ''That's why I'm asking you.''

His boyfriend shook his head. ''You're not making any sense, Robbe.''

And that's where Robbe reached his limit.

''You're not making any sense, either! I have to find out through a drinking game that you've cheated in the past, you laugh it away as if it's nothing, you never ask me how I feel about it or reassure me I don't have to worry because you learned from it. You date me but you only show lots of affection when others are around. And now that I ask you about who you've cheated on, you tell me it's history as if it's something I shouldn't be worrying about.'' It felt like the words and reasons only kept coming, as if now that Robbe started this conversation, he wasn't able to hold back anymore. He was completely done feeling like he couldn't trust Tobias. If he should feel like he trusted anyone a hundred percent, it was him.

''Oh come on, Robbe. You only worry about it because it's Sander's sister we're talking about. Jens told me how close the two of you were at the beginning of the year.''

''This isn't about Sander! I worry about it because I need to hear everything from others instead of you. It makes me wonder if there's other things happening that you're not being honest about.''

''Maybe if you started trusting me instead of trusting him, you'd have nothing to worry about.''

Robbe let himself fall down backwards, moving himself away from Tobias as he stood up from the bed, walking towards his desk. He suddenly got flashbacks to last Tuesday, as he stood in the exact same spot, holding Sander's wrist to keep him from leaving. _You can't trust me, Robbe._ What if he did? What if he trusted him more than he trusted his own boyfriend at this point? ''You're not really giving me a reason to.''

Almost as if Tobias was able to read Robbe's mind, he suddenly stood up and grabbed Robbe's arm, making him turn around to face him. ''Robbe... fuck. I'm sorry.''

His eyes looked sincere, hurt, as if Robbe hit a sore spot just enough to finally make him realize that whatever he was doing to Robbe wasn't fair. That he owed him an explanation. That Robbe couldn't take it anymore if it were otherwise. He realized that this took effort, and that he needed to start giving some too, about now. ''I should have told you sooner, okay? I know it was fucking stupid but it's not necessarily my proudest moment. I just didn't want to make you worried for no reason.''

''So was it her? Sander's sister?''

Tobias sighed, staring down at his feet. ''Yes.''

''How did it happen?''

''Just... we were dating for a while and things were messy. I wanted to break up with her for a long time already, but I didn't dare to. I got fucking wasted one night and then accidentally kissed some other girl. It was stupid, alright? But I've learned from my mistakes. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. I'm sorry.'' Tobias' hands found Robbe's, as he took them in his, caressing them with his thumbs.

''Okay.'' Robbe still wasn't completely sure. But at least Tobias had finally been open and honest to him. That was a start.

''Okay?''

''Yeah.''

Tobias pushed his forehead against Robbe's, brushing his nose past his. Robbe closed his eyes as his boyfriend planted a kiss on the corner of his mouth. ''Good.''

''Why didn't you dare to break up with her, though? What was holding you back?''

''She... was kind of messed up. She used to practically blackmail me into fighting for the relationship. And I probably shouldn't forget to mention her brother was overly protective, too.''

''Sander?''

''Hm-m.'' Tobias pulled Robbe back towards the bed with him by his hands, making the brunet sit down on his lap. He wrapped his arms around his waist, making Robbe unable to move away. Another time Tobias was the first one to insist something affectionate. He really did seem to be trying after Robbe's words. But somehow, that wasn't on Robbe's mind at all right now. The only thing going through his head was overly protective Sander, a side of him Robbe hadn't seen before.

''What did he do?''

''Let's just say this wasn't the first blue eye he ever gave me.'' Robbe swallowed as Tobias pointed at his still blue-ish eye, the one Sander had granted him at the party, for a reason Robbe still didn't understand. What he did know now though, is that it probably had something to do with the history these guys shared together. Robbe was dying to find out more.

''Oh, shit.''

''Look, Robbe...'' Tobias sighed, planting a kiss on his lips before he continued: ''I don't know how close you and Sander were, or how close you are now. But I was scared of you being near him for a reason. The guy has issues. His entire family has issues. You can't trust him, okay?'' Sander's words _''You can't trust me, Robbe''_ suddenly echoed through his mind. All this time he had thought Sander was just saying it to push him away, but in fact, he might've actually meant it. A sting travelled through Robbe's chest. Something just didn't feel right.

''Okay.''

''So... are we good?'' His boyfriend looked up in his eyes, patiently waiting for Robbe to answer his question with something positive. As much as Robbe wanted to focus on him, on making up with him, on enjoying the rest of the evening with him, the thought of Sander just wasn't leaving his mind. When Robbe met him, the quiet, distant version of him, he had always wondered where that came from. What had happened to him to change schools, be on his own all the time and to avoid any kind of contact with people? What had made him open up to Robbe, but not to anyone else? He said he couldn't be trusted. But what if people just made him think he couldn't be? Or what if some actual serious things had happened in the past that made Sander feel like he was the bad guy? What if he _was_ the bad guy? 

There was one thing Robbe knew for sure. He needed to talk to Sander about this. He wanted to know his side of the story, too.

So Robbe just smiled back at him, planting a careless kiss on his almost pouting lips. ''Yeah, we are.''

**Saturday 00:14**

**Robbe** : hey. can we talk?

 **Sander** : about what?

 **Robbe** : doesn't matter. can we please? 

**Sander** : if it's about anything other than chemistry, i'd rather pass

 **Robbe** : sander, i'm sorry about tuesday. but i really need to talk to you

 **Robbe** : i need to see you, please? we can work on the assignment too, if you want

 **Sander** : what's so important other than the assignment, robbe?

 **Robbe** : you

**Sander is typing...**

**Seen, 00:17.**

**Sander is typing...**

**Sander** : okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading <3
> 
> please leave a comment if you want to, (also about the story itself, do you like it? what are your expectations?) they are really what keeps me excited about writing fics like these.
> 
> tumblr: sobbefairytales  
> xx a


	4. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: panic attack.
> 
> friendly reminder that i'm posting a new chapter every saturday <3

**Sunday, 15:09**

For the first time in almost three months, Robbe and Sander had met up together at the same spot they always used to hang out at. Where Robbe had been sitting against the tree alone for the longest time, today, things suddenly felt like the old days again. Today, it wasn't just Robbe, but Sander was there with him, sitting right in front of him in the grass, the sun shining down on him lighting up his bleached hair as if it were made of diamonds. The best thing about it was that Robbe hadn't even been the one to insist meeting up here. Right after Sander had agreed on meeting up, he had asked if it could be here, right at their old spot where they used to share so many moments together.

Robbe would lie if he said it hadn't made his heart skip a few beats. Sander _remembered_. And that meant the entire world to him.

They had been sitting there for about an hour now. Robbe against the tree trunk, smoking a cigarette, while Sander sat in front of him, not so secretly watching his every move. He bit his lower lip the entire time, almost as if he wanted to say something but didn't dare to. Robbe decided to just let it go, Tuesday still not having left his thoughts, too afraid of him taking things too far once again. So instead, they worked on their assignment together, and to Robbe's surprise, things went quite well.

''So... we only have to write the conclusion part, and then we're done?'' He questioned, as Sander's notebook was laying on his legs, filled with drabbles and notes that they had worked on during the past week. It was insane how quickly they had worked on this. Usually, it would take most students the whole month to finish the entire project. Yet, with the two of them, things just... happened. They were quite the good team, and just the thought of that made Robbe's entire body shiver. He smiled as he looked at the top of the page, seeing '' _Robbe and Sander's chemistry project''_ written down in Sander's handwriting. The blonde could even make something as simple as that look and feel like absolute perfection.

''Yeah, I think so.''

Robbe smiled, as he grabbed the notebook from his legs and handed it back over to Sander. ''That's great.'' 

As Sander reached out to take the notebook over from his hand, their fingers briefly touched, Sander's silver ring passing his skin, the familiar feeling of electricity shooting down Robbe's spine once again. The blonde looked up, crossing looks with Robbe, as they both smiled what was a bit awkwardly, not really knowing what to say, both being curious about what the other felt.

''So... what was the thing you wanted to talk about?'' Sander quickly asked, changing the direction of the conversation. Robbe was quite thankful for it, actually, as he still didn't know what it was he actually felt. Not for Sander, nor for Tobias. But now that he insisted talking about the elephant in the room, the entire reason they were sitting here in the first place, Robbe's throat became dry, suddenly not being so sure whether it was all a good idea after all. He _wanted_ to know Sander's side of the story. He _needed_ to hear it. He wasn't just gonna believe Tobias' every word without hearing an explanation from the blonde first. Robbe owed him that, at least.

But the thought of Sander holding back again, the memory of Tuesday flashing through Robbe's mind, suddenly made him not so sure about the entirety of it all.

''Maybe I shouldn't...'' 

''Robbe,'' Sander interrupted him unexpectedly, almost as if he knew exactly what thoughts were crossing Robbe's mind as he continued: ''Look, I'm sorry about Tuesday. I didn't mean to be such an asshole to you, I just... there's things I'm not ready to talk about yet, okay?'' And it made sense. It all made sense. Sander had always been the distant type, the one who didn't open up, even to people he knew. Robbe knew it wasn't necessarily his intention to be a closed book, it was just the type of person he was. He didn't like sharing things, because he wasn't great at talking about them. It took him time, and Robbe needed to give him that. However fucked up the past three months had been, pushing Sander wasn't gonna change anything for the better. 

''You don't have to apologise. I was pushing you way too far and I didn't even realize I was doing so. _I'm_ sorry.''

''No, no, you have nothing to be sorry for. _I_ was the one walking away.'' The two boys looked at each other in silence, realizing their apologies would only go on and on and snorted, both laughing at the fact that all of this had been so... useless. They both knew that whatever happened on Tuesday didn't have to become such a mess if only they had tried to communicate better. This was something the both of them could've done better. Sander realized that, too.

''Let's make a deal.'' He said, as he laid down both legs, closing in Robbe like he always used to. ''You don't hold back asking me things, and I'll let you know when I'm not ready to answer. Okay?''

Robbe smiled as he watched Sander's legs lying next to him, a warm rush of safety flowing through his body. Safety of things feeling like they used to be. ''Sounds like a great deal to me.''

The two stayed silent for a little while, just studying the other and the things surrounding them. As Robbe started pulling some grass blades as he always did when he was thinking, he blew some of them towards Sander, making the blonde laugh softly in response. He picked them up again, throwing them back at him, making Robbe move his face away. As the two boys catched their breaths from laughing, Sander suddenly continued the conversation.

''Tuesday was nice, though. I liked having some one-on-one time again.''

Robbe looked up, his heart beating faster for a second. Did he just admit he missed this, too? Even though Sander had been the one to call things off, it had clearly still meant something to him. ''Me too.''

''Good.''

''Great.''

''You are sitting in my spot, though.'' As Sander made his smart-ass comment, Robbe immediately remembered three months ago, flashbacks of their late afternoon hang outs at this exact tree flashing through his mind. Sander indeed always had been the one sitting against it, whereas Robbe had always been the one sitting in front of him, observing him in the grass being closed in by his slender legs covered by dark jeans. The roles were reversed now, as if things between them had been reversed, too. And maybe they had.

Robbe snorted, throwing some more grass blades in Sander’s direction, making the blonde laugh in reponse. As Sander fell down on his elbow, leaning up on it to look at Robbe, silence fell for a while, as he just observed him with a question burning on his lips. 

''So what did you want to talk about?''

Robbe looked up, startled from the sudden change of subject once again. He knew he had to tell him now. They had made a deal, there was no way back. It was a sense of trust, something he didn’t expect to reach with Sander today. Not that he trusted him completely all of a sudden, but at least it was a start. And it didn’t hurt to try it out and see where it went. ''I, eh... I talked to Jens last Thursday. I think he told me the reason why I maybe shouldn't trust Tobias.''

Sander raised his eyebrows. ''And what was that?''

''Your...” Robbe swallowed, coughing away the lump in his throat that kept him from saying what he needed to say. “Your sister?''

''Wait, _Jens_ told you about that?''

''Yes.''

''How the fuck does _he_ know about that?'' Sander's voice rised, both anger and confusion present in the sound of it. Apparently, he wasn't quite as aware of Tobias and Jens being good friends, but then again, there was absolutely no reason for Sander to be following Tobias' every move, especially now that he knew what happened between them in the past.

''Well, Jens and Tobias are quite close. I guess they must have talked about it once.''

Sander scoffed, pulling some more grass blades as he looked down. ''Let me guess, he also told him I'm the one who caused the mess?''

''No, he didn't. At least, he didn't mention that to me.'' 

''Then what _did_ he mention to you?''

''Not much. Just that you guys have known each other for a while, and that he cheated on your sister. He said he didn't know anything else other than that, either.''

''Did you talk to Tobias about it?''

Yes, he did. And he told him he shouldn't trust him. He told him Sander had issues, and his entire family with him. He told him that him and Sander had fought more than once. He told him Sander was overly protective to a point where he went out of his way to protect the ones he loved. He told him he was scared of Robbe being near him. He had basically told him everything that Robbe had always been afraid of hearing, everything Robbe had always refused to believe when others had told him the same back when Sander used to be so distant. But Sander didn't have to know about that. Not now.

''I- no. Not yet.''

''Well, don't. He's only gonna use it against me when he finds out you know through someone else.'' 

Robbe frowned. ''What? Why?''

''Look, Robbe,'' Sander exhaled loudly, moving himself up from his elbow and scooching over to Robbe with what was just the tiniest movement, but visible enough to make Robbe shiver. ''Tobias is an asshole who can't be trusted. He treated my sister like shit, and I just don't want the same to happen to you.''

Robbe shook his head, still not understanding the entire picture. ''But why would he use this against you?''

''It doesn't matter, Robbe. What matters is that you deserve better than him.'' Robbe's heart skipped a beat. Somehow, Sander telling him he deserved better, realizing Sander clearly thought about this more often- about _him_ when he wasn't around him, made his cheeks flush bright pink as the goosebumps on his arm rose. He swallowed his sudden nerves away, scoffing as he shook his head in disapproval. 

''People aren't exactly standing in line to date me.''

''Well, then people are stupid.'' Sander replied quickly, so quick that Robbe's eyes widened, the blonde clearly not doubting his words for a second. The fact he thought that Robbe deserved better, and that the people who wouldn't want him were stupid for doing so, made Robbe's heart flutter, his thoughts circling on full speed, suddenly wishing that this all meant what he hoped it meant, even though it probably didn't. But it didn't hurt to try and find out.

Robbe swallowed. ''Why's that?''

''Because they have no idea what they're missing out on.'' The two boys looked each other in the eyes, first the left, then the right, feeling the tension grow along with the pace of their heartbeats increasing with each second that passed. Robbe's mouth went dry as he saw Sander taking a look at his lips, then seeing him swallow and look back down at his hands. He shook his head, as he moved his hand through his blonde hair - Robbe somehow immediately wanting to do the same - almost as if he tried to pull himself back together. ''Just... don't let him fool you, okay?''

Robbe watched him as he was sitting there in the sunlight, his eyes focused on his hands, his thoughts probably all over the place. Robbe wanted to know so badly what exactly it was this guy was hiding. What could have happened that made him feel and say that others couldn't trust him? What happened to make this guy _so_ distant, that he didn't dare to open up to anyone in case he connected to them? Did all of this, all of who Sander seemed to be, or who he acted to be, have to do with what happened with Tobias and his sister? Did all of this happen because Sander was the bad guy in the story, and he ended up disliking himself in the process? Robbe just didn't take it.

''Do you want to tell me more about what happened between you two?'' He wanted to hear his side of the story so badly. Where he doubted asking a few minutes ago, he suddenly was so certain now. Seeing Sander like this, knowing he was trying to protect him but just not knowing why he protected him from himself, too, made Robbe feel miserable. Not for himself, but for Sander. Something was off about all of this. The way him and Tobias acted around each other, the way they told Robbe different stories. It made him as confused as he had ever been- he didn't know who to believe. But somehow, in the deepest parts of himself, Robbe felt himself being pulled back towards Sander constantly. He knew Tobias was his boyfriend, but the connection he had, or used to have with Sander kept telling him that it was _him_ he should trust. Even after everything that happened.

Sander sighed, groaning as he threw away some grass blades into the distance. ''I... no. Not really. Now now. I hate being reminded of it.''

''Okay, that's fine.'' The blonde looked up at Robbe again, squinting his eyes whilst biting his lower lip for a second, after granting him a soft smile.

''Thank you.''

He gave him the same smile in return, as he played with the brown lock of hair that fell down on his forehead, thoughts and unanswered questions moving through his head on full speed. He knew Sander didn’t want to talk more about it, but he just really needed to know just one thing for sure.

''Sander?''

''Hm?'' The blonde looked up from the grass as he observed Robbe with almost velvet eyes.

''When you told me I shouldn't trust you, did that have anything to do with what happened with Tobias in your past?''

Sander stayed silent for a little while, as if he let Robbe’s question sink in- maybe because it came unexpected, maybe because a lot of it was true. Robbe didn’t know, but he _wanted_ to. He needed to. He didn’t know who to trust, and at this point, he was somehow just hoping for Sander to be the one to finally give him a real reason to do so. 

“I-“

But just when Sander was about to speak up, opening his mouth and looking into Robbe’s eyes with an expression of surrender, letting his mask fall down and probably finally being ready to tell Robbe _something,_ they were blatantly interrupted by the presence of Sander’s girlfriend as she walked up to them.

Right. He had almost forgotten he even had one.

“Hey, babe.'' Britt smiled, bowing down to plant a kiss on Sander’s lips. Robbe’s chest ached like hell, his body tensioning as he saw Britt moving one hand through his blonde hair, making it even more messy. A perfect mess.

''Eh, hi.'' Sander answered, his eyes never leaving Robbe’s.

”Why are you two hanging out?” Britt asked the question as if Sander was hanging out with a complete stranger, or more likely someone Sander shouldn’t hang out with at all. But then again, Britt had always acted as if Robbe didn’t exist. Why would she? Compared to her, Robbe was just... boring. Uninteresting. Basically nothing. He would never be able to live up to _that._

”Just our project, no big deal.”

After Sander finished his sentence, he shrugged, waving away their meet-up as if it was nothing, but then quickly locked eyes with Robbe again. The brunet _knew_ this wasn't nothing to him. He was probably just trying to avoid even more questions coming from his girlfriend, who, he didn't even really seemed to care about. So Robbe decided to play along, not wanting to push Sander into an uncomfortable position. ”Right.”

Britt raised her eyebrows, almost as if she didn't understand why Sander would ever willingly do one of his assignments with him. Just when Robbe thought she would make fun of him or throw other insulting comments towards his head, she continued: “Ah, okay. Are you coming though, babe? We’re having lunch with Noor and her girlfriend.”

Right. So Sander was leaving again before finally telling him something. It truly became their habit these days.

”Is that really necessary right now? I’m kind of busy here.” Robbe's heart skipped a beat. He didn't want to leave. In fact, maybe he even thought Robbe was more important than his own girlfriend standing next to him. Or maybe he was just imagining things once again. Sander's words at the party hadn't ever left his memory.

”We promised them. Come on, why would an assignment keep you from going?”

Sander’s eyes found Robbe’s, almost as if they screamed: _it’s not the assignment that keeps me from going._

”Robbe can wait. Can’t you, Robbe?”

Robbe just shrugged, not even being offended by her words anymore at this point. He was used to it. And then again, he didn't want to come between the two of them. ”Eh, yeah, totally.”

Sander rolled his eyes, as he laid out both legs again to close in Robbe in for the second time today, almost as if he wanted to show Britt she wasn't his priority right now, his words apparently not having the effect he wanted them to have. But then again, _was_ Robbe his priority? ”I can decide for myself, thank you.”

”Sander, why are you being such a dick?” 

”I’m not, I just don’t want to give Robbe the feeling that I-“

”It’s okay, really.” As Robbe interrupted him out of nowhere, the blonde just stared at him, his mouth opened from the sentence he had still wanted to finish. A part of Robbe wished he hadn't interrupted him, as he would've gotten to know what exactly the feeling was he didn't want to give him. But most of all, he just didn't want to be a part of this conversation and their discussion anymore. It was hard enough to see Sander surrounded by her already. Even though Robbe had his own boyfriend. Ugh, shit.

Sander still looked at him, giving him a questionable expression. ”You sure?”

”Yes, sure. Just go, I’ll write the conclusion and send it to you.”

The blonde sat down still for a while, just observing Robbe as his words left his lips. It was almost as if Sander didn't believe him, as if he thought Robbe wanted him to stay. And he _did,_ he just didn't want Britt around, and he didn't want Sander to get into any more trouble. The guy stood up, readjusting his sweater and grabbed his leather jacket that was lying on the grass next to Robbe. His face came down to grab it, it suddenly being very close to Robbe's, as he whispered: ”Alright, but I'm sorry. Call me, okay?”

The brunet nodded and swallowed, feeling Sander's breath against his skin, staring into his green eyes for a little while longer. He even forgot Britt was still there. ”Okay.”

**Monday, 21:03**

As Robbe went to his room after dinner, he grabbed himself a black, cozy sweater and pulled it over his head. As he plopped down onto his bed, grabbing his laptop to study some more, he sighed as he remembered the words Sander had said to him yesterday. 

_Call me, okay?_

He hadn't. Not yet, at least. He didn't know when to call, not knowing whether Sander would still be with Britt, and not wanting to be reminded of the fact he was in a relationship with her to begin with. He also didn't even _dare_ to call him in the first place, having no idea what he would talk to him about and wanting to avoid late night awkward conversations on the phone with a guy that made him feel... a lot of things. A lot of things Robbe still didn't know the meaning of. 

As Robbe pulled the sheets over his legs, still cold even though he was wearing jogging pants and a black sweater, he was held back by the sound of his phone ringing.

He scooched to the edge of the bed, grabbing it from his nightstand, and felt his heart skip a beat as he read the name that covered his screen. _Sander Driesen_.

Fuck, he was probably so mad at or disappointed in him for never calling him when he asked him to. What if he had actually waited for him to call ever since that moment on Sunday? It was a big if, as Robbe didn't want to start imagining things between them that weren't there, but the thought of it, the _possibility_ of it, just wouldn't slip his mind. 

He held the phone to his ear as he picked up, not being sure what to expect, nerves taking over his body as his heart started beating faster. ''Hello?''

''Robbe, did you talk to Tobias about my sister?'' Sander's voice sounded panicked, chased, breathless. Robbe could almost hear his fast heartbeat through the phone, and that said something. He could hear the blonde walking through what was probably his room, storming from left to right and back. Robbe didn't even fully process the question he asked him, as he was way too focused on hearing Sander being so... restless. He had never heard him like that before, so he knew something serious was going on. ''Robbe, please answer me.''

''I- why?''

''Yes or no?''

''I... yes. I did.'' Robbe cursed at himself, mouthing a small _fuck_ as he realized that Sander now knew he had lied straight to his face. As someone who always talked about trust, he certainly wasn't doing very well himself.

'' _For fuck's sake,_ Robbe. I told you not to do that.''

Robbe felt guilt rushing through his stomach. But he couldn't take it back. All he could do, was be there for him right now and try to fix the mess he had made. ''What happened?''

''I told you he would use it against me. The fucking _asshole_ , I- I can't-'' The pace of Sander's breath became even quicker, as he now heard him sob right through the phone. Robbe could _hear_ him break down, more and more with each second that passed. He didn't know what was going on, but he also knew Sander probably wasn't able to tell him right now. He knew exactly what a panic attack felt like.

''Sander, calm down.''

''I just- I can't- I can't even _breathe-_ '' Sander voice went up and down, cracking in the midst of his sentence, as Robbe heard a loud bang. When he heard Sander whisper a soft '' _fuck''_ , he knew he had probably hit his fist against something to try and release his pain.

''Hey, calm down, just tell me what ha-''

''I need to go.''

And just like that, the other line beeped, right after Sander had turned off the call without saying anything else.

_ Fuck. _

Robbe knew he had to go after him. He knew he couldn't let him go through this alone. He had had panic attacks himself before, them all being caused by his dad and the way he had always treated him and his mom, so he knew what Sander was going through right now. Even if he didn't know the exact reason, he knew how to get him through this. He had to help him.

Robbe grabbed his ugly, outworn sneakers from next to his bed, putting them on in a whim to run downstairs, not even caring enough to grab a coat and keep himself warm in the midst of fall. He cycled to Sander's house as quickly as he could, memories of the last time he was there flashing through his mind. The way he had found out Tobias had cheated on someone before, the way Sander had hit Tobias for that someone being his sister, the way Sander had basically _screamed_ at him that Tobias couldn't be trusted, to eventually end the night with Sander having him pushed up against the wall, telling him he made him go crazy, wanting to _kiss_ him, but Robbe finally pushing him away because he didn't want him to. Or maybe he did. In conclusion, the entire night had been a fucked up mess. But Robbe didn't care about any of that right now. All he cared about was finding Sander as soon as possible.

He dropped down his bike on the ground and ran up to his doorstep, waiting unpatiently as he rang the doorbell. He shuffled on his feet, his hands hidden in the pockets of his sweater, to look up confused as the door finally opened, not seeing the person he wanted to see so badly, but a little boy looking up at him.

''Hello?''

Robbe suddenly remembered the things Sander had told him about his little brother, and now that he was standing in front of him, he couldn't help but feel like he somehow intruded in his private space, knowing exactly how badly Sander wanted to keep all of this to himself. But right now, Robbe had no other choice. ''Hi, I'm looking for Sander?''

''Sander isn't here. He's staying over at mommy's.''

So, Sander's parents were divorced? It was like some puzzle pieces finally found somewhat of a spot in Robbe's head. The way Sander never wanted to pick up phone calls from his dad, the way he had always been so secretive about his family situation in general. No wonder Sander had never opened up to him about it before. It was probably a shitload of stuff he had to tell, and with Robbe's history, he knew exactly how hard that could be.

''Would you mind telling me where that is? I really need to see him.''

''I'll write it down for you, one second.'' Robbe nodded as he watched the little boy walk away into the hallway, disappearing behind a door. He observed the place for as much as he was able to see it, memories of that night coming back once again. The way he stormed out of his hallway, going after Sander, having no idea what would happen next. Robbe was taken out of his thoughts as another door opened and a blonde girl walked through. She looked at him standing at the doorstep and smiled, before finally walking up the staircase and disappearing from his sight again. It was the same girl from the skate park. The same girl Robbe _knew_ he had seen before somewhere else. He cursed at himself for not remembering, but before he could try harder, the little boy came back with a piece of paper in his hand.

''Here you go,'' He said, as he reached out to Robbe's hand to hand the paper over. Robbe accepted it, smiling at the little boy after he thanked him. Just when he wanted to turn around, he was held back by the little boy grabbing the sleeve of his sweater.

''Who are you?''

Robbe turned around, facing the little boy once again. ''I'm Robbe.''

''That's a nice name. I think Sander has mentioned you before.''

The brunet raised his eyebrows to eventually frown them, as he felt curiosity bubble up inside his chest. He had _mentioned_ him before? At _home?_

''He has?''

''Yes, he told mommy about you once. He said you were nice.''

A smile found its way onto Robbe's face, his heart fluttering in his chest. The fact Sander had mentioned him to his mom before, telling her he was ''nice'', was something so small, yet so incredibly meaningful to Robbe. 

''Are you his friend?'' The little boy questioned, still looking up at Robbe with his hands behind his back. It was crazy how much he looked like Sander. The only difference was that his hair was still brown and that he looked... happy. The exact way Robbe wished Sander would look, too. 

And it was a difficult question. Were they friends? Had they ever been? They had been back to speaking terms for what was only a week or so, so calling whatever they had friendship might have been a bit... much. But then again, whenever Robbe was around him, it felt safe, secure. They had some kind of connection, but Robbe just wasn't sure however to call it.

''I guess I am.''

''You seem like a good friend. Sander never really brings home any.''

''Why's that?''

''I don't know. He's always at mommy's. I don't see him that often.'' So that's why Sander didn't like mentioning his little brother? Because he basically never saw him? It must've meant that him and his dad probably weren't even on speaking terms, resulting in him not being able to see his sibling as much as he maybe wanted to, simply because he was staying here. Robbe could feel his chest ache. The way Sander probably had such an amount of baggage that he didn't feel like sharing, or didn't feel like people wanted him to share, made him feel so incredibly bad for him.

''I'll go visit him now.'' The little boy nodded, and just before he closed the door, Robbe squatted down and grabbed the younger boy's arm softly. ''Don't... tell anyone I was here. Okay?''

''Okay, it's our little secret, Robbe.'' The brunet smiled, nodding at the little boy who smiled brightly back at him. ''Tell him I miss his hugs.''

Robbe nodded, feeling his heart swell as the thought of big brother Sander entered his mind. As he grabbed his bike and cycled towards his mom's house, he started imagining it, seeing him hanging out with his little brother, lifting him up and having fun with him to make him feel so alive and loved. Sander seemed like he was the best brother someone could wish for. Robbe himself wished he was able to see that side of him someday.

As he finally arrived at his mom's house, it looking a lot smaller than the one his dad lived in, Robbe put his bike down at the hedge next to the narrow driveway, as he walked up to the door to ring the bell. His heart pounded in his chest. He knew for sure that Sander was here, and he just hoped _so_ badly that the blonde wouldn't send him away. 

But after waiting for what felt like half an hour, the door still didn't open.

Just as Robbe wanted to give up all of his hope and efforts, turn around and walk away, he stopped moving when he heard the sound of a lock being taken off of the door. When the door opened with a loud creak, Robbe was startled as he saw a completely drained Sander standing inside the frame. He pushed the hood of his black sweater off of his head slowly, revealing his messy, yet somehow still perfect blonde hair to Robbe. The guy looked as if he hadn’t slept in weeks, a red face with wet cheeks from the crying he had clearly done, looking utterly and totally _miserable_.

“R- Robbe? How did you-”

“Are you okay?” The brunet took a step closer, not being able to resist as soon as he saw the broken expression on Sander’s face. He reached out his hands to Sander for a second, taking them back quickly, as he realized he was probably acting way too fast, and maybe even in a way Sander didn't want. But he basically couldn't _not_ hold back. Sander's miserable look made Robbe feel the exact same. 

“What are you doing here? How did you even find this place?” Sander’s voice sounded low, dark, extremely emotionally loaded. It sounded as if he was trying to act big in front of him, but actually felt completely broken on the inside. It was like all Robbe had to do was peel off the mask Sander held in front of his face, hiding his pain, and he'd break down crying. 

“It doesn’t matter. All that matters is you, okay?”

“Robbe, you don’t have to...”

Robbe couldn't hold back anymore, as he took another step closer, now standing in the doorstep only inches away from Sander, grabbing his both hands.

”I _want_ to.” He whispered, making Sander look up from his feet. The blonde's gloomy eyes studied Robbe's concerned ones, looking down again, studying their hands holding each other as Robbe's thumb caressed his hand with subtle movements, so subtle he was barely even able to feel them. Robbe didn't want it to be too much. He didn't want to overwhelm him. 

”Is there anyone home with you?” He questioned softly, as he tried to look over Sander's shoulder to see if there was anyone else inside. Sander shook his head.

”No... my mom isn’t here. And my sister, she... she’s-“

”Hey,” Robbe interrupted him, noticing how Sander's voice broke, the words falling off of his lips almost demolished, as if he knew exactly what he wanted to say but lost his ability to speak because of the thoughts crossing his mind. Robbe knew exactly what it felt like. He took another step closer, so close that their feet now touched, their foreheads almost doing the same. “Remember our deal? Don’t feel pressured to tell me anything, okay? What matters is that you’ll feel better.”

Sander looked into his eyes, a twinkle of tears appearing, as he nodded slowly, barely visible. ”Okay.”

“Where do you want to go? I’m fine with anything.”

”Just... my bedroom, I guess.”

Robbe nodded. ”Okay, let’s do that, then.”

Sander leaded him towards the end of the hall, his hands never leaving Robbe's, as he opened the door to his room with his foot, it still standing open halfway. As Robbe walked inside, shuffling slowly with Sander still close to him, he looked around, his feeling of concern suddenly being replaced by a feeling of wonder. Sander's room wasn't what he expected it to be at _all_. It was completely white- the walls, the closets, even his bedsheets. It was the complete opposite of the guy himself, who used to wear dark colors only and made anything he touched look like something special, something unique. Only the right corner of his bedroom was different- whereas the rest of his room didn't suit the personality Sander screamed at all, the corner seemed to be a place that was especially made for him. It looked like a place where Sander could be... _Sander_. It was filled with all of his art supplies, an easel covered up by a painting of a guy sitting at a small river. The entire corner was enfolded in beige cloths, hiding the walls to protect them from the endless stains of paint that covered them. 

Without thinking, Robbe immediately realized this was Sander's safe place. The one spot where he could completely be and come to himself. Robbe couldn't feel more honored to be allowed to see it with his own eyes and to get to know this side of him, too.

”It’s so nice in here. I didn’t expect you to be so neat.” He said quietly, as his eyes still scanned the room.

Sander squeezed his hands slightly as he scoffed, sniffing his nose from the tears that had streamed down his face not so long ago.

”There’s lots of things you don’t know about me.”

Robbe smiled, appreciative, a flash of guilt waving through his chest at the same time, as he noticed that Sander was clearly trying to get himself back together, without daring to admit that he might not actually be able to. He knew he was trying for Robbe. He knew he didn't want to show his vulnerable side to him- to _anyone_ for that matter. But he didn't have to hide it- not for Robbe. ”Do you... do you want to talk about what happened?”

”Yes. No.'' Sander stammered, waving their hands from left to right while he shuffled on his feet nervously. ''I just don’t want to bother you with all of my useless bullshit.”

”Sander, how you feel isn’t bullsh-“

”Well, my entire fucking family seems to think so.” Robbe was startled from Sander's interruption. Not necessarily because of how sudden it was, but moreover because of the words he had interrupted him with. The brunet suddenly got flashbacks to what Tobias had said a few days ago. _The guy has issues. His entire family has issues_. 

”What do you mean?”

”Tobias, he- he...” Sander's breath sounded chased- Robbe could practically see him trying to catch it. “And then my dad, the fucking _asshole_ , he just-“ Sander was breathing in and out so quickly, that he wasn't even to able to form the words he wanted to. Tears formed in his eyes as he let go of Robbe's hands to ball both fists, clashing one of them against his closed door. “ _Fuck!”_

”Sander! Hey,” Robbe walked up to him, grabbing his arm to make him turn towards him. Sander's chest went up and down rapidly, him having completely lost track of the pace of his breath. “Calm down.”

The blonde started hyperventilating, tears streaming down his face in the process. It was like the mask he held up until a few minutes ago had finally fallen down, revealing his true pain to Robbe, completely breaking down in front of him. He looked around him, as if he was trying to search for a way out, feeling stuck inside of his own body as the panic completely took him over. Robbe knew exactly what that felt like.

”Look at me,'' Without thinking, Robbe grabbed Sander's face with both hands, holding it close to his, their foreheads touching. A shot of electricity went down Robbe's spine, as he caressed Sander's cheeks with his thumbs. The blonde opened his eyes, looking into Robbe's brown ones with a whole new kind of desperation, as if they screamed he needed to be saved from his own misery. ''I'm here.”

Sander closed his eyes again, pushing out tears that were still forming one by one, as he felt Robbe move his hands to his shoulders, pushing his entire body against his in what was possibly the tightest hug he had ever given someone. “Come here.”

The blonde wrapped his arms around Robbe's waist, as he hid his face in his shoulder and broke down completely. He cried into his sweater, his body shocking from the breath he was trying to catch. Robbe's hands moved across his back, all over his black sweater, trying to soothe him, calm him down, make him realize he was _there,_ and that he wasn't alone in this. ”Shh, it’s okay, I’m with you.”

Sander moved his nose to Robbe's neck, another load of tears leaving his eyes. Robbe could feel his hot breath clashing against his skin in uneven motions, his body feeling stiff in his arms.

”Shh, come on.” Robbe moved the both of them towards Sander's bed, the blonde never letting go of him, his face never leaving his neck, as Robbe sat the both of them down on the soft, white sheets. His hands drew circles on Sander's back, the soft fabric of his sweater making Robbe shiver. He could feel Sander's fast heartbeat against his chest, as it slowly lost its pace a little bit, Robbe's presence having clear effect on him.

“Do you want to lie down?” The brunet whispered against his ear, feeling the blonde nod slowly as his only response, him making no other sound than the cries leaving his lips. Robbe moved his hands to his lower back as he lied the both of them down cautiously, not wanting to make Sander feel pressured, wanting to make sure he felt calm and peaceful, _safe_ within his arms. As the two of them lied down, Sander moved his face to Robbe's chest, his arms still wrapped tightly around his back. 

”You’re not alone, okay? I’m here.” Robbe moved one hand to Sander's hair, caressing his scalp with constant motions to make the blonde feel calm, his other arm still hooked around his back, keeping him close against his chest. Robbe didn't even think about the way they were lying with each other, not even for one second. He didn't care about how close they were or how Tobias would probably never forgive him if he ever found out. All that mattered was that Sander felt safe. He knew Sander never opened up to people, so the fact he was being this vulnerable within Robbe's arms right now, only gave him more reason to treat him the right way.

”Robbe?” Sander's voice cracked and sounded low, as he moved his face against his chest, still keeping it close to him. Robbe looked down, moving Sander's hair away from his forehead to be able to see his face. It looked red from all the tears, drained from all energy, yet it was somehow still extremely beautiful.

”Hm-m?”

”Will you please stay?” Robbe's heart melted like it had never done before. It was the softest thing he had ever heard. He had never thought that he would ever experience Sander like this, vulnerable and broken within his arms, completely leaving his ego aside, letting go of his reputation and the opinions he had about himself to just take a breath, be his true self and calm down in Robbe's presence. 

The brunet smiled softly as he watched Sander pull himself closer towards his chest. ”Of course I will.”

**Tuesday, 00:46**

It had been almost three hours, and Robbe hadn't slept for a second. As soon as him and Sander had lied down, the blonde had fallen asleep on his chest, the pace of his breath suddenly becoming slower and more rhythmic. Robbe couldn't stop looking at him. He looked like an angel, one leg pulled up, lying across Robbe's legs, as his arms were still wrapped around his waist. He didn't know how they had suddenly become so comfortable and close around each other. Where they barely even talked to each other a week ago, things certainly were very different now. But Robbe just couldn't not be here with him like this. He knew exactly how he felt- he _needed_ someone, someone who didn't necessarily understand his thoughts but mostly his feelings. He knew how hard it was for Sander to open up, and maybe he needed this little push this time. Maybe when he saw Robbe standing in his doorstep, he finally realized he could trust him, and maybe now Robbe would also be able to start trusting Sander.

But after these three hours of lying still, not wanting to wake Sander up from his peaceful dreams, Robbe _really_ needed to pee.

He cautiously used his hands to move Sander off of him, slowly, making sure he wouldn't wake him up in the process. When Robbe moved himself towards the side of the bed, sitting up on the edge, he was held back by a sudden, hoarse voice asking: ''Where are you going?''

Robbe looked back over his shoulder, to find Sander now hugging his sheets, probably wondering where Robbe had gone. The sight made his heart swell. ''To the bathroom, I have to pee.''

Sander nodded, letting out a soft ''oh'', and quickly grabbed Robbe's wrist as he was about to stand up and leave the room.

''You're coming back, right?''

Robbe let out a scoff of disbelief, turning himself back to Sander once again. ''Of course, Sander. I meant what I said.''

''Okay.'' The blonde stared at his hand covering Robbe's wrist and softly smiled, before finally letting go and giving Robbe his space. As the brunet stood up and walked towards the bathroom, which, he somehow found very quickly, he grinned to himself as the moments that had just happened flashed through his mind. Sander's hand holding his wrist, him not wanting to leave him, him wanting reassurance that he'd come back. Vulnerable Sander might have been Robbe's favorite Sander. Fuck, he really needed to get a grip.

As Robbe walked back to Sander's room and settled himself down on his bed again, Sander watched him as he readjusted his sweater, pulling the hood over his head. ''You can lend one of my shirts, if you want. I'm sure they'd suit you.''

Sander sounded as if he was drunk, _sleep_ drunk to be exact. The older boy had his eyelids half closed, as he was still lying in the same position as before- his leg still up and his arm spread out. The only thing that missed, was Robbe.

''No, it's fine. I'll just sleep in this.'' The brunet giggled, lying himself back down, a bit higher this time to be able to reach the pillow with his head. Sander immediately moved up, hooking his arm around Robbe's waist again, lying down his head on his chest. Robbe sighed surprised, being very aware of the fact Sander was already half asleep and probably had no clue about what it was he was doing. But that didn't make it any less adorable.

''Thank you for being here.'' The blonde mumbled against his sweater, his lips parted, breathing through his mouth. ''I'm sorry for everything.''

Robbe moved one hand to Sander's hair, as he caressed it away from his forehead. ''Shh, just go to sleep, okay?''

''Hmmkay.''

''Night, Sander.'' Robbe giggled, feeling his heart skip a beat as he heard Sander return his wish.

''Goodnight, beautiful.''

**Tuesday, 10:30**

The next morning, Robbe was woken up by the rays of sunlight finding their way to his face through the curtains hanging open slightly in front of the one window Sander’s room consisted of. As he tried to stretch himself out, he realized he _couldn’t,_ as he felt an arm wrapped around his waist from the back, a warm breath brushing his neck. As Robbe moved his head, trying to figure out what was happening as he was still in a sleeping flush, he grinned softly as he realized the arm wrapped around him was Sander's body holding him close.

Robbe’s smile didn’t leave his face as he looked down, seeing Sander’s hand lying against his chest, it moving up and down with the rhythm of Robbe’s breath. The brunet had to do everything in his power to keep himself from grabbing his hand and holding it even closer, wanting to touch his skin so badly. His heart was beating rapidly, as he started imagining what Sander must look like behind him. Absolutely gorgeous, most likely. And as much as Robbe loved being held by him like this, he could barely wait to turn around and watch him.

As if he read Robbe’s mind, Sander suddenly took in a deep breath, nuzzling his nose against Robbe’s back deeply, pulling him against him even closer, as he suddenly moved back quickly and took back his arm. Robbe giggled, knowing Sander suddenly realized what he was doing. The brunet couldn't help but wonder if he also remebered about what he had said just before they went to sleep. Robbe turned to his other side, watching Sander lying on his back with his hands covering his face, rubbing his eyes. As he took them off, he squinted his eyes, moving his head to the side to find Robbe watching him.

”Hey.” Robbe said quietly, as he observed Sander’s gorgeous morning face with a twinkle in his eyes. 

Sander exhaled, smiling softly with an embarrassed expression covering his face. As he continued to look at Robbe, the brunet knew he was probably slowly starting to remember everything that happened last night. “Hi.''

''How did you sleep?'' Robbe questioned, trying to make Sander feel less embarrassed and move his thoughts onto something else. There was no need for him to feel that way. He had no idea how much Robbe felt about all of it, how much he had secretly loved every second of it. Fuck, he really needed to get his head around and decide on what he felt for once.

Sander smiled. ''Pretty good, actually. You?''

''Me too. I'd definitely book this hotel again. I'm not sure about the white sheets, though...''

Sander groaned, letting out a laugh as he nudged Robbe so hard that the brunet fell onto his back. Robbe giggled, watching Sander roll his eyes with the most present smirk on his face. He was enjoying this so much. “You're such an idiot.''

Robbe moved back to his side, hiding one hand beneath the pillow as he observed Sander staring at his ceiling, the smirk never having left his face. He looked absolutely beautiful.

''Do you feel better?'' Robbe asked, his voice soft, as if he was scared that anything louder would break him. 

Sander moved his head to the side again, studying Robbe’s face- his hair, his eyes, his nose, his lips, the smirk being replaced by a soft smile, until finally whispering: ''I do.''

”I’m glad.”

''Thank you, Robbe. Seriously.''

''It's fine.'' Robbe looked down at their legs almost touching each other. He was taken out of his gaze as Sander suddenly turned his entire body onto his side, moving closer towards Robbe. 

''No, I mean it. Nobody has ever cared enough about me to do what you did. So thank you.''

Robbe felt his heart swell, and couldn't stop himself from smiling. ''Careful Mr. Artist, you're getting sappy there.''

''It's my specialty.''

''That's another one of the things I didn't know about you yet, I suppose?''

''You're completely correct, Robin.'' The two boys laughed, enjoying each other's presence, appreciating how things were so... chill right now. They both didn't make a big deal out of what happened last night. They both didn't know what to say about it, or what to feel about it. Yet, they still decided to just let it go. And the both of that liked it that way, for now, at least.

In a whim, Sander suddenly sat up straight, looking around as if he was trying to find something. ''Fuck, what time is it?''

''Eh, I don't know. 10?''

''God _damn it-''_ The blonde stood up from the bed, opening his closet to pull out all types of clothes, throwing them onto his floor until he found - what Robbe assumed - the right pair of jeans he wanted to wear. Just before he pulled over his sweater from his head, Robbe interrupted him, sitting up as well and scooching over to the edge of the bed to grab Sander's arm.

''Where are you going?''

Sander looked at him as if he saw water burning. ''Eh, it's a Tuesday morning. We have class?''

''So?''

''What?''

Robbe shrugged, moving back towards the pillow and lying himself down with his head up. ''Why would we care about class right now? There are more important things than that.''

Sander stood still for a moment, just watching Robbe with his mouth dropped opened. He let his jeans fall onto the floor, readjusting the sweater he had almost wanted to take off, as he sat himself down on the bed again and scooched over to Robbe, just far enough to make things comfortable. ''Who are you and what have you done to Robbe Ijzermans?''

Robbe giggled. ''He's still sleepy.''

''Ah, right, so that's the important thing you mentioned, then? Sleep?'' Sander raised his eyebrows, his eyes looking playful as he crossed his arms.

''There might be more important things.'' Robbe said quietly as he studied his hands, looking up at Sander as he finished his sentence. The blonde swallowed and smiled nervously, knowing exactly what Robbe meant. Of course Sander was the important one right now. Robbe couldn't care less about the biology class he was currently missing. ''How are you feeling?''

Sander shrugged. ''Better, I guess.''

''Do you... want to talk about what happened now?''

''I do... it's just complicated shit.''

''I don't mind. I have time.'' Without realizing, Robbe sat up and brushed his hand past Sander's, wanting to hold it at first, but realizing just quickly enough that it would probably... be too much. Sander looked up from the gesture, finding Robbe's eyes, the two staring at each other for what felt like minutes. Sander reached out his index finger, brushing Robbe's hand with the slightest movement as well. Robbe's heart had never beaten faster, his body being set on fire, but before he could do or say anything else, Sander suddenly started talking, his index finger still on the back of Robbe's hand. 

''It's just... when Tobias used to date my sister, he would blame everything that went wrong between them on me. He always blamed me for everything, even their break-up. And now that he's dating you, he's trying to find every reason he can to do the exact same thing all over again.''

''Why would he do that?''

''Because he hates me, that's why.'' Sander took his finger back, playing with his nails as he shook his head. ''He called me last night to tell me I needed to stay away from you. That I'm toxic, and I just ruin everything for him all the time.''

''Fuck, Sander... you're not. You don't.'' Robbe couldn't resist anymore, grabbing Sander's both hands and holding them in his. He brushed his thumbs over the back, trying to make Sander feel he was being honest. Robbe felt sick to his stomach as he heard Tobias had said those things to him. ''I can't believe he's going through all those efforts simply because we're friends.''

''Are we?''

''What?''

''Are we friends?'' Both boys stared at their hands being intertwined, lying down just between the space that was left between their crossed legs. 

''I mean... I- I want to. If you want to.''

''Fuck, yes, I do.'' Sander squeezed his hands, scooching over a little closer. Robbe was startled by it, his sudden movement, his sudden change of mood that screamed: _of course I want this_. Sander suddenly seemed to realize what he was doing and how abrupt yet confident his reaction had been, as he moved himself back a little again, taking his hands out of Robbe's. ''Sorry.''

''No, don't be.'' Robbe reached out for his hands again, his fingers trailing over them. ''I liked it.''

Sander smiled softly. ''Okay.''

''Sander?''

''Hm?''

''Those two months... where you didn't talk to me? I just... I don't want that to happen again.''

The blonde shook his head, groaning as he remembered what had happened between them and how he had been the one to cause the mess. ''Robbe... I'm sorry about that, okay? I pushed you away because you- I just didn't want you to get connected to me and then drop me as soon as you get to know the real me.''

''I like to believe I already know the real you. And I'm still here, aren't I?'' Sander scoffed almost inaudible, as he watched Robbe's fingers cradling his hands, his eyes dreamy.

''You are.''

''Is that why you said I couldn't trust you? Because you wanted to push me away again?''

''Yes and no. I just don't want you to start hating me.''

Robbe grabbed his hands firmer, closing them in and pulling them onto his lap. ''Sander... I won't.''

''But if Tobias is gonna tell you things about me, then...''

''He won't, okay? And even if he would, I would never just hate you.''

''Did he tell you things about me?'' The blonde's voice was soft, almost insecure, as he was asking a question that was probably so scary to him. So much, that maybe he didn't even want to know the answer to it. But he couldn't take it back now.

''He... he did. But I didn't believe him.''

Sander frowned. ''Why not?''

''Because I wanted to hear it from you first.''

''Do you believe him now?''

Robbe swallowed, staring into Sander's eyes as they stared back at his. Maybe he should've believed Tobias. Maybe he was the one he was supposed to trust more. Maybe the fact Tobias opened up to him before Sander did should've been a sign that Tobias was the honest one. Yet, Robbe's expression was sure and resolute, as he answered: ''No.''

Sander smiled, as he switched their hands to be able to caress Robbe's instead. ''You know... part of why I panicked so much was because I was scared he told you things that would make you start hating me.''

''Sander...''

''You-'' The blonde swallowed. ''I mean, _our_ friendship means a lot to me, you know. Even if I don't always show it.''

Robbe gave a slight squeeze to Sander's hands, his hands shaking from all the things he felt, as he looked into his eyes with the most present twinkle. His entire body felt warm, as if Sander was lighting up the life inside of it. Communicating with Sander was so... _wonderful_. He had never felt more safe talking to someone. ''It means a lot to me, too.''

The two boys sat there together for a while, enjoying the silence and each other's presence, just staring at the other holding their hands. Maybe it was too much. Maybe it wasn't something friends would do. But in this moment, it just felt right. And that was all that mattered. And Robbe still had many questions. Why did Sander mention his dad as well? What happened between him and his dad that he was staying here and basically never seeing his brother? Why did Sander draw him? But for now, Robbe decided to let those questions go. He figured Sander had already opened up to him a lot for his doing, and it had probably been so hard for him to do so.

After a few minutes had passed, Sander suddenly broke the peaceful silence, asking: ''By the way... how did you know I was here?''

''That's... something I'll tell you later, okay? We probably should head to school sometime today.''

The blonde groaned. ''Alright. But I think I'm gonna take a shower first. I smell like shit.''

Robbe scoffed, letting go of Sander's hands to be able to playfully push the blonde back against his shoulders. ''No, you don't.''

''I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, Robin, but there's no denying to this.'' The two boys laughed as Sander stood up, walking towards the pile of clothes that had formed as he had thrown them out of his closet. He grabbed the same dark jeans, a beige sweater and some clean underwear that was still having a spot in his closet. Robbe looked up, seeing Sander pull the black hoodie he was wearing over his head, leaving him completely shirtless. His hair was still messy from sleeping, his blonde locks moving everywhere, as he stood there with his tanned skin, lighted up by the sunlight, contrasting to his blonde hair and dark joggers perfectly.

 _Fuck._ He was absolutely _gorgeous._

Robbe felt the warmth moving to his face, his cheeks burning, as he swallowed and felt his heart beating faster. Sander turned around, granting him a small, nervous smile, probably realizing Robbe was seeing him like _this,_ too. He moved a hand to the back of his neck, rubbing it without really knowing what to say, as Robbe was barely able to take his eyes off of him. He had never seen someone as pretty as this.

Robbe shook his head as Sander walked towards the bathroom quickly without adding anything to it, probably not being sure what to say either. The brunet giggled to himself, happiness overflowing through his body as this morning felt like one of the best ones he had had in forever. He sighed, moving a hand through his messy brown hair as he moved to the edge of the bed to grab his phone.

As he unlocked it, he swallowed as he saw the amount of unread messages and missed calls showing up on his screen.

**22:31**

**Tobias:** wanna hang out tonight? i need to tell you something

**22:50**

**Tobias:** i guess that's a no

**23:02**

**Tobias:** you busy or smt? since when are you this quiet

**23:31**

**Tobias:** robbe??? where are you

**00:40**

**Tobias:** text me when you feel like talking

Well, fuck. Not only had Robbe spent an entire evening and night at the person's house that Tobias didn't want him to be around the most, but he had also managed to forget about his boyfriend for the entire time he was there. How could Robbe possibly mess this up even more? 

He quickly hit dial next to Tobias' name, hoping he'd pick up, hoping he didn't completely write him off already.

''Robbe?''

A rush of relief went down Robbe's spine as he heard Tobias' voice at the other end of the line. ''Hey, shit, I'm so sorry for not replying. I- my phone was dead and I went to sleep early.''

''Why? Are you okay?''

''Yeah, I'm fine. I was just tired, that's all.''

''Alright.'' Tobias' voice sounded stiff, almost emotionless. He knew he was mad at Robbe for not replying, especially after Robbe had been the one talking about trust and wanting him to show him more affection. If only he knew why he hadn't replied.

Robbe decided to change the subject quickly, hoping for a change of mood. ''What did you want to tell me?'' 

''Robbe? I forgot to grab a towel, can you hand me one?''

Sander's voice echoed throughout the house, all the way to Sander's room, loud and clear for Tobias to hear. _This wasn't happening._

''Wait, what the fuck? Was that _Sander?''_ Tobias' voice overflowed with anger, as Robbe's heart started beating faster when he realized he didn't know how to explain himself and this entire situation. He had never expected Tobias to find out, and he certainly hadn't expected him to do so right the next morning. He would've told him eventually, on his own terms, when he knew how exactly to explain everything, but Robbe wasn't there yet. This wasn't supposed to happen now. 

''No, I mean- _yes,_ but I- it's not what you th-''

''Are you at his place right now? What the _fuck,_ Robbe?''

Robbe felt tears forming in the back of his eyes. ''Tobias, I can _explain_ -''

''Explain _what?_ That you visited him behind my back?''

''I didn't just visit him, he just... he needed me.''

''Right, he needed you. Because he's so much more important to you than I am, right?''

The brunet was full on sobbing, having no idea how to fix any of this. Tobias wasn't gonna listen to him anyway, whatever he tried. ''No, he's _not_ , I-''

''Call me when you've made up your mind about who it is you want, Robbe. I'm fucking done with this.''

Before Robbe could say anything else, to try and fix the situation without knowing how to, he heard a beep at the other end of the line, realizing Tobias had hung up already.

'' _Fuck!''_

**Wednesday, 08:21**

As Robbe stood at the school yard surrounded by his few friends, he kicked away a few small stones, staring at the ground and forgetting about everyone else around him. How did he manage to fuck this up so badly? Tobias was right. He _should_ make up his mind about what he wanted. Who he wanted. If there was anything he realized yesterday, it was that everything that happened between Sander made him feel way more than just friendship. It always had been like that. The connection they had was different, special, unlike any other friendship he had ever had. But then Sander blew him off, and Robbe met Tobias. Tobias had been the guy he had always wanted Sander to be. Or well, that's what he thought. That's what he imagined. But nobody would ever be like Sander. There was no way anyone could be like him- he was way too unique for that.

But Sander didn't want him that way. He just knew he didn't. If he had wanted him, then why hadn't he already told him? Why had he pushed him away if he meant _that_ much to him? It just didn't make any sense to him. Sander had had so many chances and opportunities to show him he wanted him, and except for the party that one Friday, he had taken none of them. And that was enough proof for Robbe. Sander didn't want him. And Tobias did. It was just as simple as that.

Robbe looked into the distance, seeing Sander stand with Britt, her in between his legs as his hands were wrapped around her waist. He gave her a kiss and let her go, to walk up to his other friends standing only a few metres away from them. As he walked up to them, his eyes found Robbe's, and the brunet looked away again quickly. He really needed to get a grip. This entire situation wasn't fair to neither of them.

''Hey, you okay, man?'' Jens suddenly asked, as he nudged Robbe's arm.

The brunet shrugged. ''I guess. It's just been an eventful few days.''

''Did you talk to Tobias about... you know?''

Robbe nodded, granting Jens a small smile. ''I did. Thanks again for telling me.''

''I still think Tobias should have. But I'm just glad everything's okay again.''

Robbe let out an exhale, his warm breath forming damp in the air. If Jens only knew. Things were far from okay. ''Yeah, me too.''

He looked up into the school yard again, finding Sander's eyes that had apparently never left his. The blonde held up his shoulders, shaking his head, giving him a look that said: _what's wrong?_ as Robbe remembered how he had just left Sander's house yesterday without ever telling him why. The blonde had no clue what had happened, and maybe it was better that way. If Sander knew how Tobias had treated him simply because he had been there to support him, things would probably get even messier.

Just before Robbe could give him a look of _don't worry about it, just forget it_ back, he was taken out of his gaze as a familiar voice suddenly boomed itself throughout the school yard, making every single student look up from what they were doing.

''You fucking _son of a bitch.''_

Robbe didn't even have time to find where the voice was coming from. As he looked back at Sander, the blonde was already lying down, pinned to the ground, as Tobias was all over him.

He hit him in the face, Sander pushing him off him immediately, grabbing his nose that had started bleeding. ''What the _fuck_ is your problem?''

Jens and Robbe gave each other a look that spoke volumes, the both of them knowing exactly what the other was thinking. They quickly ran towards the two, and just before Sander could hit Tobias right back, he was held back by Jens' arms holding him. Robbe quickly ran up to Tobias, grabbing his arm and pulling him back, knowing he wasn't strong enough and that Tobias could easily get out of his grip if he wanted to. But he still wanted to try. He wanted to make him realize that he was sorry, even if it was just by holding him.

''Really? You're gonna act as if you don't know what you did?''

''I have no clue what you're on abo-''

''Having my boyfriend over behind my back while you _know_ I wanted you to stay away from him apparently doesn't sound fucked up to you in your thick head, does it?''

''Tobias...'' Robbe tried to soothe him, to stop him from saying things he'd regret later, but his boyfriend quickly released himself from Robbe's grip, taking a step back.

''Right, just like cheating on him doesn't sound fucked up to you in yours?'' 

Silence fell as Sander's words left his mouth. The entire schoolyard watched them, mouths dropped open, as Robbe stood in the middle. His heart dropped as Sander's words sank in. Suddenly it all made sense. The blonde girl in the hallway, at the skate park. He suddenly remembered where he had seen her before. Right after the game, as she left the lockerroom just before Robbe walked in.

He had been so fucking _stupid_ all along and he had been warned for being so.

''How about you mind your own fucking business?''

''Robbe _is_ my business.''

''What the _fuck_ did you say?'' Tobias tried to walk up to him again, his fists balled and his jaw clenched, but Robbe held him back by jumping in front of him. 

''Tobias, _stop.''_

His boyfriend stood still, locking his eyes with Robbe's gloomy ones. Tobias shook his head and scoffed, throwing his hands into the air.

''You know what? Fuck off, both of you.''

He turned around and walked away, leaving Robbe behind without granting him as much as one look. He threw the door shut behind him, and just as Robbe wanted to find Sander, he noticed he had left the school yard through the school's other entrance.

Robbe knew he had to go after one of them. 

And he knew exactly which one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello guys!
> 
> first of all: WOW! just wow. i've received so many lovely messages on here as well as on tumblr about my story and it means the entire world to me. i feel so loved and appreciated and i just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart! <3 you guys make writing this story even more exciting and i can't wait to share all of it with you.
> 
> please leave a comment what you thought about this chapter and what you expect to see in the upcoming ones. like i said, comments truly keep me going, so if you want to, please leave me one, on here on on my tumblr: sobbefairytales <3
> 
> i love you and thank you for reading!!! xx a <3
> 
> tumblr: sobbefairytales


	5. chapter 5

**Wednesday, 08:40**

As Robbe walked through one of the two entrances of their high school, he sighed to himself, feeling his hands shake from a sudden rush of anxiety. He knew that whichever choice he made, that whoever he decided to follow, would both be options that would either be completely wrong or completely right. If he followed Tobias, he could ask for an explanation, a reason for why he never told him, a clarification for why he cheated in the first place and still put so much energy into making Robbe believe he could be trusted. If he followed Sander, he could show him he trusted him, that nothing Tobias could say or do could make him turn against him, that their connection mattered and that maybe, just maybe, there was something a little more between them than the both of them had ever dared to admit. But with both options, would always come the fact that Robbe didn't choose the other instead. So in the end, whichever choice he made and whoever he'd pick, he'd most likely fuck up anyways.

But Robbe was quite done with always putting others first. For once, he didn't care about others' feelings first before he cared about his own. He had to choose whoever was best for _him_ right now.

And surprisingly enough, that choice had been the easiest one he had made in a while.

As Robbe pushed the door to the bathroom opened, he stepped inside to find the posture of the guy he was looking for, the guy he _wanted_ to see so badly even more so after what had just happened, right next to the sink in front of the bathroom stalls. He was holding a few tissues against his nose to stop it from bleeding, as his eyes squinted from the pain touching it released.

''Sander?'' The blonde looked back at him from his voice echoing throughout the room, finding his eyes with his own widened ones. He clearly didn't expect to see Robbe at all. 

''What are you doing here?''

Robbe closed the door behind him carefully and leaned against it with his back, as he hid both hands behind himself, playing with the edge of his brown jacket. He put both feet on top of each other, biting down on his lip as he softly admitted: ''I... came to check up on you.''

Sander scoffed. ''Shouldn't you be checking up on your boyfriend instead of me?''

''No.'' Robbe's answer was resolute and steadfast, no doubt being heard in the sound of his voice. He was quite surprised by it himself, too. Not even just the answer, but the fact he actually meant it as well. He didn't want to check up on Tobias. He wasn't sure how he felt about all of it, whether he was angry or disappointed or moreover just overwhelmed from everything, but one thing he _did_ know for sure, was that he wanted to be right here.

''Why not?''

''I don't want to. I don't feel like talking about things with him right now. He's probably too angry to talk anyway.'' Robbe pushed himself away from the door and shuffled a few steps closer towards Sander, the distance big enough to not make any of them feel uncomfortable. He put his hand on the sink, only a few inches away from Sander's that was leaning on there, too. ''And... I just felt like wanting to be with you.''

Robbe coughed, just now realizing how his last sentence could've been interpreted otherwise as he saw Sander's pupils dilate for a second. Even though he didn't necessarily _care_ if it would. Yet, Robbe was convinved that Sander didn't want him at all, at least, not in that way, so he still decided to correct himself. ''Be _here_ with you, I mean.''

''Okay.''

As Robbe studied Sander's face that was now turned back towards the mirror, he suddenly remembered how they had exchanged looks at the schoolyard, and realized he still hadn't given Sander a valid explanation for whatever had happened on Monday. ''I'm sorry that I left without saying anything.''

Sander shook his head. ''It's fine. I just thought that... that maybe you regretted...''

''Of course I didn't. I _don't._ Not a second of it, I promise.'' Without thinking, Robbe covered Sander's hand with his own, the warmth of their hands colliding and setting the brunet's body on fire within seconds. The blonde looked down, as a small smile played on his lips. He moved up his pinky, using it to barely but surely caress the side of Robbe's hand. 

''Then what made you leave?'' He questioned with a soft voice, never looking back up, his gaze being solely focused on their hands. 

''When you went to take a shower, I saw that Tobias had tried to reach out to me. I tried to make up a story instead of telling him I was with you, because I didn't want to make things even worse, but then he heard your voice in the background and he... he snapped.''

''Oh, _fuck._ ''

Robbe exhaled loudly, a shiver going down his spine as Sander turned around his hand underneath his and now held it, his fingers cradling Robbe's. The memories of Monday night rushed back to the surface, completely pushing away the upsetting ones of Tobias as he felt Sander's skin on his. A smile found its way onto his face, as he breathed out a soft: ''Yeah.''

Sander scoffed, sniffing his nose as he moved the tissue past it once again using his free hand. It was completely covered in blood. ''Well, that explains why I have a bleeding nose right now, then.''

''It does. But it shouldn't.'' Robbe took another step closer, almost completely filling up the gap between the two of them. He moved his hand towards Sander's face, moving his thumb just past his nose. He shook his head and made a painful expression, not even realizing what he was doing and how close he was actually standing to him. He studied the blonde's beat up face, mumbling a quiet: ''Shit, I'm so sorry, Sander.''

Sander looked down at their feet touching. ''It's okay, Robbe...''

''Let me help.'' The brunet grabbed the tissue from Sander's hand and threw it away, grabbing a clean one to wet it underneath the tap. He disconnected his hand from the blonde's, pushing him back against the sink to stand in between his legs. He stood up on his tiptoes a little to be able to reach for Sander's face, as he cleaned his nose, brushing away the blood carefully. 

''Ah, fuck.'' Sander squinted his eyes, moving back a little from Robbe's touch, it apparently being too painful anyway. The brunet moved down onto his feet, ready to take a step back incase this was all too much.

''Sorry-''

Robbe was left startled as he felt Sander's hand on his waist, grabbing it to pull him back to his last position. He seemed to be a little stunned by his own actions as well as he swallowed and a pink blush found its way onto his cheeks. He shook his head, as his hoarse voice replied: ''No, it's- it's okay.''

The brunet nodded, not being able to reply by the pace of his heartbeat and the millions of butterflies almost making him feel nauseous. So instead, he stood on his tiptoes again, reaching out for Sander's face. He used slower, even more careful motions this time, tapping instead of rubbing, watching Sander's eyes study his face in the process as his hand never left his waist. ''Is that better?''

''Yeah, it is.'' The two boys stared at each other as Robbe lowered his tissue, his hand resting on Sander's chest for a while, feeling his fast heartbeat underneath his fingers, the twinkles in their eyes having a competition of who could make the other shine the brightest. Sander's hand squeezed Robbe's waist a little, making the brunet's heart skip a beat, as the older boy whispered: ''Thank you.''

There were so many things Robbe wanted to do right now. He wanted to step even closer towards him, hold him, throw his arms around his neck and never let go of him. He wanted to kiss him, God, so _fucking_ badly. He wanted to taste him and get addicted to him, feel his heart beat against his chest as they would stand against each other and forget about the world surrounding them. He wanted to touch him- his face, his hair, his body, his _everything,_ wanting to explore him and unfold the mystery that surrounded him. He wanted to be _his_ person, his one and only, the one that made him excited for the next day at sun-down and thrilled about the future at sunrise. 

Robbe knew exactly why being here felt right.

But his thoughts, his imagination, his fantasies- they were all shattered again completely as the thought of Tobias and the events that had just happened slipped back into his mind.

''Sander?''

''Hm?'' Robbe took a step back, releasing himself from Sander's grip.

''Why didn't you tell me Tobias was cheating on me sooner?''

The blonde sighed, looking back down at his feet, guilt rushing over the part of his face Robbe was still able to see. ''Because, Robbe, it wasn't my job to tell you.''

''But you knew he wasn't telling me.''

Sander nodded, looking back up at Robbe with a determined expression crossing his eyes. ''I did. And maybe it was selfish of me to keep it to myself. I knew that if I told you right away, you'd probably forgive him. And he's not worth your forgiveness, Robbe.''

Robbe let out a scoff. ''Is that how low you think of me? That I'd forgive him within a heartbeat, no matter what he's done?''

''No, _fuck_ , that's not what I meant.'' Sander pushed himself away from the sink, reaching out for Robbe's hand once again. The brunet let it be held, not being able to let go even if he tried. The slightest touch of Sander made him weak to the knees, so much that he almost lost his ability to speak or think straight. ''I just... I know how loyal you are, Robbe. I know how much you put others first instead of yourself. You always want what's best for everyone. I guess I was just afraid that you'd give him another chance, regardless of what he had done. Not because I think low of you, but because that's just the great person you are.''

''But isn't that supposed to be my own choice?''

Sander nodded, giving a light squeeze to his hand. ''It is. I'm sorry.''

As much as Robbe had wanted Sander to have told him about it sooner, he appreciated how honest he was being about it right now. He wasn't trying to deny he made a mistake, he owned up to it and apologized, something that made Robbe remember why he trusted him so much more ever since Monday. And it was yet another reason why Robbe was here right now, instead of with Tobias.

''When did you find out?''

''The party a few weeks ago? I went upstairs to grab something from my dad's office and he was there, kissing someone that wasn't you.'' A sting moved through Robbe's chest. He still didn't know whether it was a sting of anger, of disappointment, of hurt, or maybe even all of the above. All he knew was that he was so incredibly mad at himself, for trusting him, for continuing to do so even when others warned him, but mostly for _still_ wanting to hear an explanation, as Tobias had always made him feel wanted, even if it hadn't been in the right way. As Sander mentioned the party, the flashbacks of that night came back to Robbe's memory. 

''Is... is that why you hit him?''

''Yes.'' Sander sighed, moving his thumb past Robbe's palm, making the brunet shiver. ''Ever since you and him started dating I've felt the need to protect you. I just can't shake it.''

''Sander... you don't have to get yourself into trouble for me.''

He looked up into Robbe's eyes, his expression gloomy yet... dreamy. ''I'm not.''

''Your bleeding nose is telling me a different story.''

Sander snorted, moving his free hand through his hair. It was the most normal gesture in the world, yet, to Robbe, he somehow made it look incredibly magical. ''I just... I want what's best for you, okay? And I know Tobias isn't it.''

Robbe exhaled slightly, letting out a soft: ''Then who is?''

''I don't know. But I'm sure Tobias isn't the only one who wants to be with you.''

The brunet studied Sander's eyes, a sincere curiosity bubbling up inside his chest. He knew Sander didn't feel like _that_ towards him, but every time he said things like these, making them sound like he was referring to himself, Robbe couldn't help but wish his yearning hadn't been as one-sided after all. ''How are you so sure?''

Sander shrugged, biting his lower lip as his gaze never left Robbe. ''Just a gut feeling.''

''Right.'' Robbe looked down at their hands, Sander's big one holding his slender one, feeling consumed by him- a feeling he never knew felt _this_ safe. His hands were beautiful, almost as if they were art, crafted with the biggest amount of concentration and passion the brunet had ever seen. 

''Are you okay, though, Robbe?'' The blonde moved his face down, trying to make Robbe look up at him, resisting the urge to put a finger underneath his chin to cause the same effect.

In fact, the question was quite simple to answer. Robbe _was_ okay. Maybe he had even seen all of this coming. The reveal had been shocking to him, he was still shaking to his core from finding out his worst nightmare had become reality. But overall, he had been warned for it. He knew for a while that Tobias hadn't been faithful before. He knew that others didn't trust him, mostly Sander, and that Robbe would probably eventually find out a reason to do the same. Did he have hope Tobias had changed, and that with Robbe, it would all be different? Yes. But he had never fully trusted him. There had always been that slight chance of this happening, of Robbe's heart getting broken. And in the end, even though Robbe liked the feeling of being... _wanted,_ this wasn't how it was supposed to be.

It didn't mean he was okay with all of it. In fact, he hated Tobias for it. He hated him for cheating, for not telling him about it sooner, for hiding it from him, he even hated him for not trying to deny it and walking away a few minutes ago. He hated him for making Robbe believe he wanted him and loved him, a feeling Robbe had wanted to feel his entire life, even though he apparently didn't in the slightest. He hated him for trying to make him believe he was trustworthy, and convinced him that others weren't. But most of all, Robbe hated _himself_ for falling for it. For wanting to be loved _so_ much that he didn't even care to listen to the first warning he got. 

But here, right now, with Sander's hand holding his, somehow things felt... okay. For now, at least.

''Is it weird to say that after everything, it didn't even surprise me that much?''

''No, it's not. But you can still be hurt by it.''

''I am. But not necessarily by the fact he kissed someone else. I'm more hurt by him not being honest with me about it. For not trusting me enough to give him a chance to explain and do better.''

Sander shook his head and let out a breath of disbelief. ''You truly are way too good for him, Robbe.''

''I'm not, really.''

''You _are._ '' The blonde squeezed his hand, reaching out for his other, too. He intertwined their fingers, without thinking about the gesture twice. ''If anyone knows, it's me.''

Robbe snorted, looking at their hands, their fingers playing with each other, as he remembered their times at their tree at the beginning of the school year. The good old days where a new mystery guy had attended his class, where they hung out with each other while he didn't even know Sander's name, but he liked describing Robbe as if they had known each other for years, anyway. ''Right. I forgot you were a name-reader.''

''Are you making fun of me?'' Sander took a small step back, looking at Robbe with played offense, making the brunet giggle.

''No, I wouldn't dare to.''

Sander smiled, swaying their hands from side to side a little, biting his lower lip as he tried to resist his smile from getting even bigger. ''I was right though, wasn't I?''

Robbe looked up at him, their eyes locking, a familiar warmth shooting down his spine. He _was_. He knew Robbe better than he knew himself from the second they met. ''I mean... yes. I suppose you know me quite well.''

The blonde let out a soft laugh, as he studied Robbe's face with care, making sure he covered every single spot. He let go of one of his hands and reached out his index finger towards his face, as he used it to lock one strand of Robbe's brown hair behind his ear.

''I'm glad I do.''

**Thursday, 15:21**

As Robbe sat down at the skate park, his friends surrounding him, he rolled himself a cigarette and lighted it, observing the people that were hanging out around them. While most of his friends spent their time on skating and practising their not so professional moves, Robbe didn't have the time or need for that at all, as all he could be focused on was the tree right in front of him, the one where he would usually sit at but didn't feel like the best spot today. Today, it was completely empty.

This week had been one of the weirdest ones Robbe had ever experienced. It started off with staying the night at Sander's, connecting to him even more, feeling things he didn't know he was capable of feeling around someone. Then, it had all taken a turn, as Tobias found out they had been together while he had told Sander to stay away from him. They fought, Sander exposed Tobias, and then... Robbe chose Sander. He still did. He didn't regret his decision at all, in fact, he was still convinced that it was the best one he could've made in that moment. Robbe felt like it was more important to show Sander his trust than it was to show Tobias his need for an explanation. Not because he didn't want one, but moreover because he didn't want to seem desperate. He felt like maybe that had always been the exact problem. Robbe had been too desperate for having a relationship with Tobias in the first place. He had always tried so hard, putting in all of his efforts and barely ever receiving any back. It was quite unhealthy in a way that Robbe didn't even notice it was all this time. So going after Sander, finally choosing himself for once, probably was the best decision he had made in a while.

As he sat there thinking on the edge of the half-pipe, Aaron nudged his shoulder and took him out of his thoughts.

''Hey, what was that whole fight about yesterday?''

''Yeah, what the fuck? I knew Sander and Tobias had some kind of rivalry going on, but I didn't know it was this bad.'' Moyo added, both boys staring at Robbe as if they were waiting for some sort of reveal, as if they expected him to tell them this huge story that would finally make their lives more exciting for once. But as much as there was to tell, Robbe didn't want to. Not to them. He just didn't know how to get himself out of this mess, per usual.

''I- it's just-''

Jens pushed himself in between the two boys, sitting himself down next to Robbe as he took his burning cigarette from his fingers. He put it to his mouth to take a drag, and handed it back over to Robbe as he blew out the smoke. ''There's just bullshit going on in their team. Tobias told me about it, and he snapped yesterday. No big deal.''

''Ah, right.'' The two boys raised their eyebrows, giving both Jens and Robbe an expression they weren't able to place, but mostly said _''I don't understand any of this shit''._ Robbe wasn't sure whether they actually believed him, but all he cared about right now was his best friend standing up for him and saving him from this mess. As their friends walked away and continued skating, Robbe gave Jens a thankful pat on the shoulder.

''Thanks for that.''

''No problem. But, now that they asked... what _was_ that fight about? Did you actually visit Sander?''

Robbe sighed. ''I did. He was having a bad night and I just couldn't let him go through that alone. So I visited him.'' Jens nodded, as Robbe kept kicking his feet against the stone half-pipe. ''And... I stayed the night.''

''You did _what?''_

''But Tobias doesn't know that. He doesn't have to know, either.''

''Fuck.'' Jens' expression was priceless, not necessarily in a funny way, but moreover in a way that Robbe just hadn't expected him to react. He knew Jens and Tobias were quite close, so at times, Robbe didn't know just how much he could tell him before he would finally stand up for him. But until now, Jens had never really done that. He had always put Robbe first. ''Did... anything happen between you two?''

''What? God, no.'' Robbe shook his head heavily. ''On the contrary to my boyfriend, I wouldn't just kiss someone else behind his back.''

Jens scoffed, taking the cigarette from his friend's hand as Robbe reached out his own to give it to him. ''Fair enough. Speaking of, how are things between you two now?''

Robbe shrugged. ''I don't know. We haven't talked since yesterday, and I don't know if I want to, either.''

''Robbe, you have to talk to him sometime. You can't keep avoiding the conversation you clearly need to have.''

''But what am I gonna say, Jens? What _is_ there to say? He cheated on me, I was stupid for not realizing it sooner. That's it.''

''Do you want to break up with him?''

He did. He wanted things to be done already. He wanted to close this chapter and start a new one, get over him and this mess and find a new path in life that made him happier because he chose for it himself. But even after everything that happened, Robbe still couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to be... wanted. Seen. Loved. Appreciated. Wanting to be important to someone, be someone's priority at all times. And somehow, how fucked up being with Tobias was at times, it still made him feel all of those things, and it kept him from choosing what his heart told him to choose. It was a constant battle between his head and his heart, his heart telling him to move on, choose himself and... maybe be with someone else. But his head just wouldn't stop interfering.

''I don't know.''

''Let me ask it like this. Do you trust him?''

Robbe looked into the distance for a few seconds, debating whether or not he should answer honestly. But then again, it was about time he gave into his true feelings. ''No.''

''And do you trust Sander?''

Robbe moved backwards a bit, staring at Jens with utter confusion, not being sure why he was bringing him up right now. ''What? Why Sander?''

''Come on, Robbe. I know nothing happened between you two, but you and I both know there's something more going on anyway.''

The brunet stared at his hands, playing with his fingers as Jens' sentence penetrated in his mind. There indeed was something more going on. It wasn't just friendship, even though both Robbe and Sander had called it that way. He didn't know what it all meant to Sander - probably nothing, though - but to Robbe himself, sharing those moments with him, talking to him, falling asleep and waking up next to him... he had never felt anything quite like it before. ''I... I do trust him.''

''That's all? You trust him? Or is there more?''

Of course there was more. Sander was the only constant on Robbe's mind. Every time he wasn't around, all Robbe could do was thinking about what if he was, what if he would be here right now? What would I say? What would I do? And every time he _was_ around, Robbe wouldn't even be able to think straight or know what it was he was feeling as it was so much at the same time. He wanted to be close to him in ways others weren't, he wanted to stay with him and never leave his side ever again. He wanted to _be_ with him- but his head kept telling him he shouldn't. He was with Tobias, and if Robbe gave in to his feelings for Sander, he wouldn't be any more of a better person than he was.

''I... _fuck._ I can't stop thinking about him, Jens.''

''Well, then isn't it obvious? Tobias isn't the guy you're supposed to be with. Because of what he did, but also because of how you feel.''

''But who says Sander feels the same?''

Jens let out a laugh, hitting his knee while doing so. ''Are you kidding me? The guy can't take his eyes off of you.''

Robbe felt his cheeks burning from the sudden revelation that apparently others had noticed Sander's feelings towards him that Robbe had never seen or interpreted that way. ''And you know that because...?''

''Seriously, Robbe, I'm not stupid. All it took was one football game to notice you only stare at the right side of the field even though Tobias plays on the left. You guys hanging out all the time at the start of the school year, practically sitting on top of each other? Sander hating Tobias' guts even more whenever you were around? And then I haven't even mentioned the game at the party. I don't know what was going on between you two, but damn, anyone was able to feel the tension.''

Well, _fuck_. Maybe Robbe really had been that stupid all along. ''Shit, was it really that obvious?''

''Well, maybe not to everyone, but I'm your best friend, Robbe. I know you, and I know Sander has always intrigued you. I just had to add up the signs.''

He had a fair point, and it all made so much sense. All this time, Robbe had looked at all of this through his own perspective only, never thinking about what it could've looked like to others. At the beginning of the school year, Robbe would try everything in his power to meet Sander and get to know him, so much that his friends got tired of him mentioning it sometimes. He never realized how him wanting that so badly, how them finally hanging out and eventually doing that almost everyday had looked like something more than just a friendship to others. He indeed had always been intrigued by Sander. And he still was.

And apparently not just Robbe's side of the connection had stood out to people, but also Sander's, the one Robbe had never even thought existed. But it suddenly all made sense. How he made eye contact with him after football games. How jealous he always acted when Tobias was around. How he pushed him up against the wall, telling him Robbe made him go crazy. How he pushed Robbe away for two months and getting himself a girlfriend, not because he wanted to stop seeing Robbe, but because he might've wanted to get over him. How he drew him in his sketchbook. How he knew his name before Robbe had introduced himself.

It all made sense and Robbe had truly been so _fucking_ stupid. 

''But he's dating someone.''

''So? So are you, and you still have feelings for him regardless of that.''

Robbe nodded, still playing with his fingers. ''I know.''

Being his best friend, Jens knew that when Robbe was continuously playing with his hands, there was always something bothering him. ''What's holding you back?''

''It's just... it doesn't make me any more of a better person than Tobias if I give into my feelings for Sander. I may not have acted on them, but I still felt them while being with him.''

Jens shook his head, taking another drag from Robbe's cigarette. ''Robbe, that's completely different.''

''Is it? Because it doesn't feel that way.''

''Of course it is. Like you said, you didn't act on them while being with him. You knew Sander way before you knew Tobias, and you connected in a way you didn't with him. And in the end, Tobias has never been the boyfriend you wanted him to be. You wanted to give him that chance, but he didn't take it. So it's nothing weird to catch feelings for someone who does.''

Jens handed the cigarette back over to Robbe, who reached out his hand to take it over. Robbe scoffed, taking a drag himself, even though it had almost burned up already. It was quite unbelievable how many straight facts Jens was spilling right now. Robbe didn't know just how much he had needed this conversation. Not just because his entire head was a mess and he needed someone to change it into clarity, but also because Jens understood things Robbe didn't. And now, things finally made more sense. Jens was _right,_ the thing Robbe had with Sander was way different from Tobias cheating on him. Robbe had nothing to feel guilty about. He tried, and Tobias just never returned the same efforts Robbe wanted him to, while Sander _did_.

''Fuck, Jens, since when are you such an expert on me and my relationships?''

Jens shrugged, a proud smirk playing on his lips. ''I take notes.''

Robbe giggled, nudging his friend's shoulder. ''I bet you do.''

''But truly though, Robbe. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't treat you right when there's clearly someone who wants to do the contrary.'' Jens replied, making Robbe's heart skip a beat as he finished his sentence. The fact it was apparently so obvious to others, or at least to Jens, that Sander clearly meant well with him and wanted to treat him like he deserved, made Robbe feel another level of happiness that he hadn't felt with Tobias ever before. It made him feel safe to know that finally, there was someone out there who actually meant it, and most importantly, that he wasn't afraid to show it. Not around others, and not when being alone with Robbe.

''I thought you always said you didn't like Sander.''

''That's because I didn't know him. I still don't, but you do, and you seem to like him. And if he treats you right, then that's all that matters.''

Robbe snorted a little. ''You sound like my mom.''

''I'll take that as a compliment.'' Jens' proud smirk had never left his face, as he gave himself a pat on the shoulder, being clearly and rightfully pleased with the conversation they had just had. Jens was an actual, true friend Robbe knew he could count on. A few weeks ago, Robbe doubted that their friendship had reached a low, as they didn't hang out as much as they used to and most definitely didn't have talks like these. But ever since last week, where Robbe opened up to him about everything, their friendship had suddenly gotten some sort of new boost, as if it reignited their bond in the best way possible. 

''You should.'' Robbe said, kicking his feet against the stone again, looking up at Jens through his eyelashes. ''Thanks, Jens. I really needed this.''

Jens nodded, leaning on one leg to look back at Robbe. ''Of course, man. You can pay me back later.''

''Pay you back-?''

His friend moved one hand through his fluffy, brown hair, making it look even more messy than it already was. ''I'm kidding, idiot.''

The two boys laughed as Robbe playfully pushed him off of the half-pipe. ''Asshole.''

**Friday, 22:05**

When the doorbell rang, Robbe felt his heart skip a beat. He knew exactly who was standing at the door, his nerves and anxiety kicking in once again as he remembered the step he had taken yesterday. As Robbe went home after his conversation with Jens, he had immediately sent Tobias a text, saying he wanted to meet up with him and talk about everything that had happened. At first he hadn't wanted to, not because he didn't want an explanation but mostly because he didn't want to seem desperate _and_ because he kind of felt like Tobias had to be the one reaching out to him. That's the least he deserved, anyway.

But he hadn't. Maybe because he felt like Robbe wanted some space, or time to let this all sink in and progress everything that he had found out in the worst way possible. So Robbe wasn't necessarily mad at him for not trying to explain just yet, but he did feel like it was about time they stopped ignoring each other and the elephant in the room, and just... communicated. Even if the both of them maybe didn't want to. This couldn't continue forever.

Robbe walked towards the door and opened it, looking up to see Tobias standing there, his hair messy and his face looking drained. If Robbe didn't know about everything, he probably would've walked up to him right now and hugged him, telling him everything was gonna be okay and that they'd talk and get through this. But Robbe _did_ know about everything. And that was probably the exact reason Tobias looked this way.

“Hi.” His voice was hoarse, his mouth dry, as the word fell off of his lips.

Robbe put both hands in his pockets, as he shuffled on his feet a little, feeling the uncomfortable tension rise up in his chest. “Hey.”

“How are you?” Tobias quickly shook his head, face-palming himself as he groaned. “Stupid question, never mind.”

He cleared his throat, looking up at him and immediately looking back down, continuing: “I’m sorry, Robbe.''

It stayed quiet for a little while as Robbe waited- _expected_ him to say more than just that. But he didn't. Instead, he just kept staring at the floor beneath his feet. The brunet let out a scoff. “That’s it? Nothing else?”

“What more is there to say? It’s not like you’re gonna forgive me.”

Robbe nodded, ready to slam the door shut into his face. “Right. Good to know you won’t even try to earn my forgiveness.”

Tobias took a step forward, holding back the door and stepping inside past Robbe. “That’s not it, Robbe...''

“Then what is?”

“You don’t trust me. You never have and you never will. So as much as I want you, this won’t work until you start doing so.”

“Right, because you’re giving me so many reasons to trust you, don’t you?” Robbe's voice raised, the volume leaving him startled as much as it did Tobias. He felt anger bubble up inside his entire body, being so fucking annoyed and mostly just so _done_ by how much Tobias always tried to turn this whole thing around without once being critical at his own actions.

“I know I fucked up...”

“When?” Robbe crossed his arms as he interrupted Tobias' sentence, not even wanting him to finish it, knowing it was gonna be something to redeem himself anyway.

“What?''

“When did you cheat on me?”

Tobias moved a hand through his hair, as he shrugged his shoulders and cleared his throat, obviously being unsettled by the question. Robbe just wasn't sure whether it was because he didn't want to answer it honestly, or more that he was thinking of another lie to tell to make it all sound better. “It... it was at Friday’s party, the one where we played that game.”

It was the same thing Sander had told him, so Robbe guessed he was finally being honest about something for once.

“Why?”

“I... fuck, I don’t know, okay? I was drunk, you weren’t there and I didn’t know what I was doing.”

Robbe clicked his tongue as he raised his eyebrows. “Just like you didn’t when you cheated on Sander’s sister, right?”

“Robbe, that’s different-“

“ _How_ is that different?” The brunet threw his hands into the air. 

“Because she’s _not_ you. What happened between me and her was something else, okay? I didn't even want to be with her, while I _do_ want to be with you.” Their previous conversation rushed back to Robbe's memory once again. _The guy has issues. His entire family has issues. She was messed up. She used to blackmail me._ _I would never do something to intentionally hurt you._ All of it had been lies. Or at least, that's how Robbe saw it now.

''You've got a great way of showing that.''

''What do you want me to say, Robbe?''

''Well, I don't know, how about why you didn't tell me sooner? Why you decided it was better to hide this from me?''

Tobias let out a laugh as he crossed his arms and looked away for a second. He shook his head, watching his feet, as he calmed down from laughing. “That’s a bit rich coming from you, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Staying the night at Sander’s, while telling me lies that your phone died so you went to sleep early?”

The brunet's heart sank as he realized Tobias somehow knew he hadn't just visited Sander, but also stayed the night. His thoughts immediately turned to Jens, knowing he told him not that long ago. But he just didn't believe he was the one who told him. There had to be something else going on here. Instead of making a big deal out of it, Robbe just scoffed, letting out a groan as he gripped his hair, pulling it in the utter annoyance he felt rushing through his body right now. “Are you _seriously_ trying to put this on _me_ now?”

“I am not, I’m just trying to make clear that everyone makes mistakes.”

Robbe licked his lips, shaking his head, as he quietly responded: “Staying with Sander wasn’t a mistake.”

Tobias laughed again, his eyebrows raised. “Oh, really? So you admit it, then?”

“It wasn’t a mistake because nothing happened, _damn it!_ I would never do that to you.” Robbe's voice boomed throughout the hallway. He was suddenly so extremely thankful nobody was home. Milan would've probably already kicked Tobias out of the house for him, knowing how much he had always disliked their relationship so much.

“Right.”

“You know what’s ''rich''? You telling me for _weeks_ that Sander couldn’t be trusted while you were the one meeting up with a girl behind my back.”

“Robbe, it only happened _once-“_

Robbe nodded, tapping his foot on the wooden floor, not believing a word the guy was saying. He was quite sure it didn't just happen once. He had seen the blonde girl multiple times- at the party, at the lockerrooms, even at Sander's house, for some reason. He wasn't sure if she was the one he cheated with, but his gut feeling was telling him so. “Sure, it did.”

“Look, Robbe, you have no idea how much I want to earn your forgiveness. I don’t want to be with anyone else but you. I’ve never been with someone like you, so it just... overwhelmed me. And I made a mistake. But I can’t take it back now. I wish I could, but I can’t. So all I can do is try to prove I’ll do better.” His words made Robbe feel nauseous. Not necessarily because part of him knew he didn't mean them, but mostly because the Robbe from one week ago would've probably forgiven him right here, right now. If it wasn't for Sander realizing he would, things would've probably ended very differently right now. Robbe _had_ to put himself first. 

“I can’t forgive you that quickly, even though part of me wants to. But that’s the part of me that always puts others first instead of choosing myself. You know, you can say what you want about Sander, but at least he made me realize that _I’m_ the most important one, and that I deserve better. And ever since I’ve started to put myself first the past few days, I’ve realized that being with you was a way to make myself feel... noticed, wanted, appreciated. It felt safe. But it wasn’t like that. I had to put in all the work. I had to find reasons to trust you the entire time. Relationships should be built on that, on trust and on efforts from _both_ sides. That’s what love is. That’s what I want. Not this.”

Robbe let out a breath as he finished his speech, feeling a rush of pride flowing through his body. _He actually did that._

“So... what are you implying?” Tobias voice was soft, sounding defeated, as if he finally understood that even with Robbe, he wasn't able to pull this off anymore.

“It’s better if we stop this, Tobias.”

Tobias took a step forward, trying to reach out for Robbe's hands, but the brunet quickly took a step back to prevent him from doing so. Tobias blinked a few times, as he used his sleeve to wipe away some tears that had apparently formed in his eyes. “You don’t want to try anymore?”

Robbe looked down at the wooden floor, avoiding Tobias' gaze. He didn't want to see how this affected him. Not because he didn't care about it, but mostly because Robbe felt like he didn't have to feel guilty, and he would if he saw it. That was just the person he was. “No. Not when I know it’s not gonna work anyway.”

“And it _is_ gonna work with Sander then, isn't it?''

Robbe sighed. “Honestly? At first I didn't think it would. He fucked up and he hurt me, but then after a while... he proved to me that he's worth it. He cares about me, Tobias. He makes me feel the way I want to feel around someone.''

''And how does that make him different?''

The brunet finally looked up, finding Tobias' gloomy eyes, this time not feeling guilt at all, but instead- security. Determination. ''Because I trust him. One hundred percent.''

Tobias nodded, a sigh leaving his lips. ''Okay.''

He walked towards the door, letting his hand rest on the knob as he turned himself towards Robbe one last time. ''So... this is it, then?''

''It's better that way, Tobias.''

''Okay.'' He opened the door and stepped through the frame, turning around to be able to close it behind him. But before he did, he looked up at the brunet, his eyes watering and his hoarse voice asking: ''See you around?''

''Sure. See you.''

When the door fell closed, Robbe felt tears forming in the back of his eyes in a rapid speed, them streaming down his face within no-time. He let himself fall down the wall, sitting down on the floor, as he wrapped both arms around his knees that he pulled up towards his chest. He hid his face in his jeans, crying, _sobbing_ as he felt the feelings he had kept bottled up inside suddenly rushing to the surface all at once. He couldn't hold it in anymore. It wasn't just bad feelings, though. Next to everything that happened, it was also a feeling of relief, a sense of pride, that Robbe had finally chosen himself and that he had gotten rid of the red flags in his life that he just didn't deserve. 

His time with Tobias had been nice, it had been a way to make Robbe feel better for a while, but it wasn't healthy. It wasn't how love was supposed to be. And Robbe now knew that. He realized, because he now knew exactly what _real_ love felt like.

As the one guy he couldn't ever stop thinking about crossed his mind once again, pushing away some of the bad feelings and replacing them for good ones, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He quickly slid it out and unlocked it, a smile covering his watery, red face as he read what the text said.

**Sander:** my pillow still smells like you, it's nice

 **Sander:** fuck, that was weird. i take that back

 **Robbe:** don't

 **Robbe:** it was cute

 **Sander:** well, thanks. i'm glad it was :)

Robbe didn't reply for a while, as he used his sleeve to wipe away the tears from his face. He felt a sudden warmth rushing through his chest as he read Sander's text over and over again, realizing how he wasn't just thinking of him, but Sander was clearly doing the exact same. It became more and more clear to him that Jens was _right._ This connection meant more to Sander, too. 

As Robbe's phone buzzed again, he was taken out of his thoughts, Sander taking him back to reality.

 **Sander:** are you okay, robbe?

 **Robbe:** why?

 **Sander:** don't know. just felt like asking

A smile played on Robbe's face as he sniffed his nose from the tears that had finally disappeared. It might've sounded selfish, but with the tiniest thing Sander said or did, he could make Tobias or anything regarding him feel totally insignificant.

 **Robbe:** that's sweet

 **Sander:** :)

 **Sander:** so are you?

 **Robbe:** could be better. but it's okay, trust me

 **Sander:** i do

 **Robbe:** what?

 **Sander:** i trust you

 **Robbe:** good :)

 **Sander:** great :)

 **Sander:** night 😘

 **Sander:** fuck i meant 😊

 **Robbe:** goodnight, sander 😘

 **Sander:** 😘

Just when Robbe was about to put his phone away and stand up to go to bed, his smile never having left his face and his body still feeling warm from all the things Sander had just said, his phone buzzed _again,_ this time, it not being the person Robbe wanted to talk to the most, but some people Robbe actually didn't really feel like speaking to right now.

 **Jens:** party tomorrow at sander's to celebrate the game. you guys coming?

 **Aaron:** fuck yes. it's been too long

 **Moyo:** you went out last night

 **Aaron:** right, that's too long

 **Robbe:** i might skip this one, boys

 **Jens:** what? why?

 **Aaron:** is this bc of tobias?

 **Moyo:** bullshit, robbe, just join us

 **Aaron:** you know, if you get drunk, you'll barely notice he's there

 **Robbe:** wow, thanks aaron. such life advice, truly inspiring

 **Jens:** come on, robbe. we'll have a great night. sander will be there too, you know

Well, fuck. Way to go, Jens. Robbe cursed to himself as he mentioned Sander in the groupchat, immediately knowing the other two were gonna make comments about it.

 **Aaron:** wait why are you mentioning sander

 **Moyo:** omg

 **Aaron:** so you ARE into him????? fuck i called it

 **Robbe:** i'm not

 **Moyo:** robbe you're a terrible liar, even through texts

 **Jens:** i just mentioned him because they're good friends

 **Robbe:** exactly

 **Aaron:** yeaaah right robbe, such honesty, truly convincing

 **Robbe:** you're annoying

 **Moyo:** come on dude, just join us, it'll be fun

 **Jens:** the boys are right, robbe, it's less fun without you

 **Robbe:** fine. i'll think about it

Robbe knew he was going. But not necessarily to have fun with his friends, as rude as that might've sounded. It was about time he was gonna do what _he_ wanted, what felt right to do for _him_.

And that included finally being honest to Sander.

**Saturday, 23:21**

Robbe knew this evening could go two ways. He knew that going here was probably the worst decision he could've ever made, but nevertheless, he still felt like he had to go. For some reason, tonight felt like a good night. One that Robbe hadn't had in ages, one where he felt like himself, where he didn't need anyone to feel happy and to be sure about what he wanted. For once in a very long time, Robbe was truly _convinced_ of something. He was certain that the things he felt right now were feelings he had been looking for for a long time, in the wrong ways but also the right ones. He just never really knew how to act on them, how to interpret them. That was, until he finally chose _himself,_ and realized what things and people were the right ones for _him._

And now he knew for sure.

As he opened the door to Sander's dad's house, the music booming and the lights blinding him, he walked himself through the crowd, trying to find the one person he was looking for. He knew his friends were waiting for him, he knew they wanted him to come and join them, but Robbe couldn't focus on them right now. It somehow felt like Wednesday morning all over again- a rush of anxiety flowing through his body as he tried to find him, yet, this time, it wasn't just that. It was a rush of security, of knowing exactly what he wanted. It was a rush of nervosity, of being scared to finally go for it and to be rejected, but still trying anyway. It was a rush of happiness, of finally choosing himself, finally being sure about something, and finally feeling like he was actually doing the right thing for _himself._

And when he finally saw him, it felt like his world stopped turning for a second.

 _That's_ how breathtakingly beautiful he was.

Robbe grabbed himself a red cup from the kitchen counter and walked up to him, his back turned towards him as he was apparently pouring himself a glass of water. As he carefully put his hand on Sander's shoulder to try and make him notice him, he turned around, finding his gaze, and somehow right in that moment, the people around them all seemed to fade away.

''Hi,'' Robbe said quietly, being overwhelmed by Sander's presence even though he had looked for it himself. But he could never be one hundred percent ready for it. The blonde was wearing a white t-shirt with a long sleeved black one underneath. He wore the same dark jeans he always wore, them being tucked into the edges of his well-known combat boots. He looked like an absolute dream all the damn time, late in the evening at tedious team celebrations, as well as early in the morning, peacefully lying in the rays of sunlight on his bed. It was truly unfair how pretty and out of his league he actually was.

''Hey, I didn't know you were coming.'' Sander replied, a twinkle appearing in his eyes as soon as they focused themselves on Robbe. The boy looked tired, almost as much as he did a few days ago when Robbe stayed over. It made him wonder if anything had happened again he didn't tell him about, especially now that him and Tobias broke up, or if this was just his all-time mood whenever he had to throw another team party. He had told him he hated those, anyway.

Robbe put his hands on his back, swaying himself from left to right with small movements. ''I... I really wanted to be here.''

''Why? I thought you weren't into parties.''

''I thought you weren't either.'' Sander raised his eyebrows at Robbe's cheeky comment and smirked, as he leaned himself back against the kitchen counter.

''I'm the host, Robbe. That doesn't necessarily mean I like being here.''

''Well, maybe I don't, either.''

''Then why are you here?''

Robbe shrugged. ''Maybe I came for the host.''

Sander silently stared at him for a few seconds, his mouth opened slightly, letting out a scoff after the time passed. He licked his bottom lip as he observed Robbe from up all the way down, back to find his brown eyes. He bit his lower lip and shook his head, as he tried to resist a big smile. ''You truly are full of surprises, Robin.''

Robbe scooched over closer to Sander, making the blonde think he came up to him, but moved to his right to use the tap Sander was standing in front of. He turned around, standing right next to Sander against the kitchen counter.

''So what are we celebrating?''

''Nothing, actually. We lost the game yesterday.''

''Then why is everyone here?''

''I guess people like to get drunk to forget about shit. They're more wasted than they would be if we had actually won the game.'' Robbe's chest ached as he was reminded of Tobias in a matter of seconds, the image of him kissing someone else inside this house flashing through his head. His smile immediately faded away, as he took a sip of his water to try and surpress the tears forming in the back of his eyes. It suddenly all felt a little too close and personal being right here.

Sander quickly seemed to realize what was happening, as he turned to his side and grabbed Robbe's hand that was leaning on the kitchen counter behind them.

''Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...''

''No, it's okay. Don't apologize.'' Robbe moved his head to face Sander, taking a quick look at their intertwined hands, then back at Sander's eyes. He smiled at him, a genuine one, as Robbe returned the same gesture. Even if he felt bad right now, reminded of everything that had happened in this place, not just to Robbe but also to Sander, he _still_ felt like smiling, simply because of the effect the blonde had on him.

''Do you...'' Robbe turned himself towards Sander completely, moving his hand to Sander's wrist, caressing his soft skin with his fingers. ''Want to get out of here?''

Robbe didn't know why he was so confident so suddenly. He hadn't taken any alcohol, he hadn't even smoked today. But ever since Jens told him Sander's feelings towards him were so obvious, Robbe couldn't let go of the thought that maybe, just maybe, he was right, and Sander wanted Robbe as much as he had wanted him all along. Robbe looked up through his eyelashes to find Sander looking at his hand caressing his wrist, completely flabbergasted by the touch.

The blonde found his eyes again, his pupils dilated as he licked his lips, the light of the kitchen reflecting in the wetness, and nodded. ''Yes.''

Before Robbe could do or say anything else, the blonde grabbed his hand again, intertwined their fingers and leaded him out of the kitchen. The thought of Britt seeing them crossed Robbe's mind a few times, but seeing Sander so bold, holding his hand for everyone to see, made him think the blonde didn't care at all. Maybe they had even broken up in the meantime, Robbe and Tobias had, too. He hadn't told him just yet, but he figured that by Robbe's actions and his choice of words, Sander would maybe conclude that things were done between them without him having to say the actual sentence. Robbe didn't _want_ to talk about Tobias anymore. All he wanted right now, was Sander.

But before they were actually able to leave the house, Sander suddenly stopped moving, Robbe almost bumping into him from the unforeseen motion. He quickly restored himself and looked at Sander's eyes, then trying to find into which direction they were headed. Robbe felt Sander balling his fists, releasing his hand from his to do so. As soon as Robbe found the one, the person Sander was staring at with a clenched jaw and boiling anger, it was already too late to do anything else.

''You fucking _piece of shit.''_ Sander moved himself past the people in the crowded room, grabbing Tobias at his shirt to release him from the girl he had been all over, the same girl Robbe had seen many times, and pushed him against the nearest wall. 

''Sander-'' Robbe ran up to them, trying to get the two to split up, hoping and praying someone would help him out as he knew he wasn't gonna be strong enough for the both of them, in fact, not even just one of them.

''So when he finds out you're a lying, cheating ass you suddenly think it's okay to keep doing it?'' 

Tobias shoved Sander off of him, pushing Robbe away in the process. He gave him a guilty and regretful look for one second, to finally focus himself back on Sander again. ''What the fuck is your problem?'' The words fell off of Tobias' lips with the biggest slur, revealing himself to be completely, totally _wasted._ Robbe had never seen him like this before.

''They should've kicked you out of this house the minute you fucked over my sister.''

''I'm glad you and her kicked yourselves out instead. At least I don't have to see both of your messed up faces anymore.''

Wait, what the _fuck?_ Robbe officially didn't understand _any_ of this anymore. Why were they talking about this house as if they had ever _shared_ it?

But before Robbe could spend another second on trying to keep up and figure all of this out, Sander took another step forward and closed Tobias in once again, continuing: ''You really think you're such a tough guy, don't you? That you can use people whenever you feel like it? Make them believe you want them one minute and then completely fuck them over the next? That daddy will come save you out of every single mess you work yourself into? Well, believe it or not, but one day all of this will hit you right back in your face. It's called karma, and I'm sure you'll get a fine taste of it someday.''

As Sander finished his sentence, Tobias lashed out, pulling up his fist and threw himself at him, as Jens suddenly got in between them, pushing Tobias aside. ''Dude, get a fucking grip.''

''My sister deserved better than you. Robbe does, too.'' Robbe looked at Sander as he almost stood against him with his back, his body separating him and Tobias. He hadn't ever felt more safe with Sander this close to him.

''Right, and that's supposed to be you, isn't it? Because you're _so_ good for him, aren't you?'' 

Sander let out a loud scoff. ''At least I know what the word faithful means. You should look it up in a dictionary if you know how to find one.'' And on that note, Sander turned around and walked away, bumping into every single person he came across, moving himself outside and away from this mess. Robbe observed Tobias for a bit as he stood there, completely defeated in the middle of the living room. The brunet shook his head, watching Tobias find his eyes with his own gloomy ones. But instead of doing what people might've expected him to do, what Tobias might've wanted him to do, Robbe turned around and followed Sander's footsteps, turning his back against the guy he wanted to forget and his eyes towards the one he wanted to be with instead.

As Robbe pushed open the door to the front garden, it suddenly hit him how different this situation was from two weeks ago when they had walked here together first. This time, the garden was completely empty, leaving just Sander, Robbe and the gleam of the stars and the street lights in its presence. 

''Sander, wait-'' Just before Robbe could finish his sentence and tell him that him and Tobias were already over, that he didn't have to protect him from him anymore or make Tobias pay for what he did, Sander turned around and let out a loud groan, putting both hands in his hair.

''I don't get why you're still with him, Robbe. I truly don't.''

Robbe took a step closer, trying to reach out for Sander's arms to make him calm down. ''Sander, I am not-''

''He's just standing there, kissing the same girl all over again and you're just _letting_ him? Don't you get how much he's screwing you over? Don't you get how much better you deserve? _Fuck,_ you deserve the entire goddamn _world,_ Robbe! There's nobody like you. As soon as I see you, even the first time you walked into that classroom, I feel warm all over and I get this sense of wanting to be close to you and I just- I don't even know how to take my eyes off of you sometimes. You are so _fucking_ intriguing and I just can't shake it. Every time I see you with him, all I want is to push him away and step into his place, touching you, holding you, kissing you. I wish it was me being the one waking up to you every single morning and holding you when you fall asleep at night. Every time I think of all the things he does to you I get so _fucking_ jealous that I cannot even- _fuck,_ I cannot even think straight when I'm around you-''

'' _Sander.''_ Robbe's voice echoed throughout the garden, him being surprised by his own capability of volume. As Sander stayed quiet, the two boys stared at each other for a while, no other sound than the wind blowing past them and Sander trying to catch his breath. In those seconds, everything Sander had said seemed to penetrate inside Robbe's mind. His heart had never beaten any faster.

'' _What?''_ Sander's chest moved up and down rapidly, out of breath from everything he had just said.

Robbe sighed. ''Tobias and I broke up.''

The blonde's mouth dropped open, as he let out a quiet: ''You did _what?''_

''We spoke yesterday, and I decided to call things quits.'' Sander swallowed, seemingly trying to process this new information. Robbe had never felt more guilty about not telling him sooner. If he had, he probably wouldn't have lashed out at Tobias the way he did, all of it to protect him. ''He... he tried to apologize but I didn't want him anymore.'' 

''Oh.''

Robbe took small steps, slowly scooching over closer towards Sander. Everything the blonde just said made Robbe feel like his body was on fire. These were the exact feelings he had wished Sander would return for _months,_ and the fact he literally just admitted he had felt them too since the very beginning, made Robbe feel alive on a whole new level. He knew they had a connection. He knew that connection was way more special to him than it would be with anyone else. But he never knew Sander felt it, too. ''Did you actually mean everything you just said?''

''Aside from feeling as embarrassed as I feel right now...'' Sander rubbed the back of his neck as he let out a laugh, watching Robbe move towards him closer. '' _Yes_. Every single fucking word.''

Robbe giggled, his feet now touching Sander's, as he used his index finger to hook it around Sander's. He looked up into his eyes, the moon shining down on them and creating a twinkle so magical that it took Robbe's breath away. ''It was quite the speech.''

Sander snorted, looking down at Robbe, intertwining their fingers like they were so used to doing by now, only this time, it wasn't as just friends. It had never really been like that. ''Thanks, I'll pass on the review.''

''Can you pass on something else?'' The blonde raised his eyebrows.

''That depends.'' Sander looked up into the air as if he was thinking deeply, shrugging his shoulders as he looked back down at Robbe, never having seen the boy more curious.

''On?''

''If I'd rather keep it to myself or not.'' Robbe smiled softly, standing on his tiptoes to be able to reach Sander's face, slowly placing his forehead against his. As he felt the warmth taking over his body, a shiver moving down his spine, every single thing suddenly felt like it was falling into place. Sander's hands wrapped themselves around his waist, holding him close, _safe,_ as if nothing or nobody could ever come between them anymore. Everything suddenly made sense.

Robbe was so ridiculously, head over heels in love with him that he couldn't even explain with words how he felt. No words could be enough to describe how Sander made him feel, and that's exactly how Robbe knew all of this was right. Sander made him feel so many things at once, happiness, trust, safety. He made him feel like he was enough without making Robbe feel like he had to do anything for it. 

Sander moved one hand to Robbe's cheek, caressing it with his thumb, as neither of them did what they wanted to do so badly, but just stood there for a while, enjoying the presence of the other being so close right now as well as the feeling of _finally_ admitting to what this connection meant to the both of them. If only this moment could've lasted forever. The blonde brushed his nose past Robbe's, making him giggle and wrap his arms around his neck. He tried to stay stable on his toes, getting weak in the knees from the feeling of Sander's body this close to his, his eyes discovering his own. 

''I'm sorry for everything,'' Sander whispered, his breath clashing against Robbe's face.

''Sander, it's okay...'' 

The blonde shook his head, it still being placed against Robbe's. ''I can't say it enough.''

Robbe smiled, loosening his arms around Sander's next to be able to place them in his soft hair. Fuck, how long he had wanted to do that.

''Then just stop talking.'' 

Sander scoffed softly, a twinkle dancing around in his eyes as his gaze left Robbe's brown ones to focus on his lips instead. He moved his head, slowly reaching out for them, _finally,_ taking his time to enjoy this moment as much as he possibly could. 

''Sander?'' The two boys quickly let go of each other as a familiar voice echoed throughout the garden behind them. They both looked up, trying to find the person that interrupted them in the midst of the dark haze the night brought with it. As soon as Robbe's eyes found her, his heart dropped. _Britt._

''What are you doing?'' She took a few steps closer as she had her arms crossed, staring at Sander with a confused yet disappointed look, completely ignoring Robbe as he stood behind him. As Sander kept watching her, he grabbed Robbe's hand behind his back, cradling his fingers over it as if to say: _don't worry, you are the only one I care about._

''Nothing, Robbe and I were just... talking.''

''I thought we discussed you'd distance yourself from him?'' Robbe felt an ache in his chest as he looked up at Sander, who still held his hand. They did _what?_

''No, we didn't. You wanted me to and I disagreed.''

Britt scoffed, throwing her hands into the air as if she had been having this conversation with Sander a thousand times before. ''I seriously don't get what's so special about him that you decide to spend the night with him in your garden instead of with your actual friends inside. It doesn't work like that, Sander.''

''Maybe you should stop deciding what's right for me and let me decide for myself?'' The blonde squeezed Robbe's hand.

''We both know that doesn't lead to very good decisions, does it?''

Tobias' voice echoed through Robbe's mind. _The guy has issues. His entire family has issues._ Was she referring to the same thing? He felt Sander loosening his grip around Robbe's hand, almost as if he knew he was doubting him in his mind. Robbe immediately grabbed it again and brushed his fingers over his palm, trying to soothe him and remind him he would never just walk away from him. Not now, not ever. 

Sander shook his head. ''I want to spend time with Robbe. You may not understand, but I do. And that's all that matters.''

''Sander, you and I both know it's happening again. You're not making any se-''

''We should probably continue this conversation inside.'' Both Britt and Robbe were startled by Sander's sudden change of mood, as he let go of Robbe's hand and walked towards Britt without looking back. Robbe shook his head, not being sure whether everything that had just happened had been a dream or reality, as indeed, none of it seemed to make sense.It was clear that Sander hadn't broken up with Britt just yet, while he did admit he had feelings for Robbe. He even told her he wanted to spend time with him, but apparently Britt's words did something to him that made him want to leave Robbe behind anyway. _What was happening again?_

None of it made any sense.

And even though Robbe hoped that Sander would reach out to him later that night to let him know what happened, he didn't.

All he gave him was complete radio silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi my loves!!! i'm back with a new chapter!  
> it became so long again omg, i'm so sorry.
> 
> thank you so much for all the love i've been receiving about this story once again. it's been an honour to write this during this shitty season and i am so glad i can give this type of content to at least some people who need it a lot. i hope you enjoy reading this chapter once again!
> 
> please let me know what you thought of it and what things stood out to you!! leave a comment, or message me/send me an ask on my tumblr: sobbefairytales. again: comments really keep me going and they make me so excited about continuing this story as they make me feel like the public is really communicating and involved with me about it if that makes sense? idk lol.
> 
> anyway i hope you enjoyed reading!! <3 lots of love, a
> 
> tumblr: sobbefairytales


	6. chapter 6

**Sunday, 18:09**

Robbe had been sitting at home all day, his phone in his hand, a pencil desperately waiting to be used for his homework in the other, avoiding his duties as he waited for Sander to finally reach out to him after hours of overthinking. But it didn't happen. Instead, Robbe had just been looking at his Instagram all day, scrolling through his pictures, turning warm as he saw his face on his screen, accidentally liking some pictures in the process and immediately taking them back as his cheeks turned bright pink. Yesterday had been a complete rush of emotions. Good ones, bad ones, unbelieveable ones. And then at the end, incredibly confusing ones.

He couldn't believe Sander had actually admitted that he felt the same about him all this time.

And maybe it had all been too good to be true. The whole scenery in the garden, the way the bright stars of the night shined down on them, the way it was just the two of them and their yearning towards each other that Robbe had somehow always not noticed because he thought he wasn't good enough and not worthy of real love. The way Sander gave him this huge speech about his feelings, admitting to them, that they had been there for way longer than Robbe had ever dared to expect. And then it had finally almost happened. The moment Robbe had dreamt of, _fantasized_ about ever since he saw him sitting behind that table in the chemistry classroom for the first time in the chills of September. 

But then Britt appeared. And Sander left. Without giving Robbe any explanation why. 

And Robbe wanted to be mad about it, about her ruining their moment that he had waited for what felt like forever, about him leaving as if it hadn't even happened in the first place. About there being _even more_ secrets Robbe didn't know about, '' _you and I both know it's happening again''_ , '' _they should've kicked you out of this house the minute you screwed over my sister''_. But as much as he wanted to be mad- he _couldn't_. Not because he was weak, or because he would just forgive Sander for anything he did because he felt this way about him. He just _knew_ that Sander didn't mean it in a bad way. He knew Sander was serious about everything he said, he was _sure_ he meant it with every single bone in his body. And that said something, because as insecure as Robbe was about himself and what he deserved in life, he was still one hundred percent convinced that Sander truly wanted him. With any other person it would've been different, but with Sander, and with the connection they shared, Robbe just _knew_. So whatever happened last night, wasn't a step back. Robbe just hoped it would be a step forward, as Sander had squeezed his hand and he had squeezed his right back to reassure the other it was going to be okay. But it hadn't yet. At least, not in the way Robbe had expected it to.

After all the thinking and waiting, the countless seconds ticking away on the clock as Robbe stared at his phone in the hope to see _that_ name appear, he decided to take a break, a breather from his room and his endless on-going thoughts, to just take a walk outside and go to the one place that somehow always made all of his problems and worries disappear. 

And as Robbe arrived and took a look at the tree, _their_ tree, _their_ spot, the place where it had all really started and the place that still felt most important to him because of the memories it held, his heart skipped a beat as he saw it wasn't as empty as he had assumed it would be.

Against his own expectations, the spot was taken by the most gorgeous boy he knew, sitting down against the tree with his back, one leg up, one leg down on the grass. He was wearing his beige sweater with a white shirt underneath, his leather jacket plopped down and spread out underneath him as he sat down onto it. His blonde hair was messy, revealing the dark roots underneath as it went in all directions, somehow making him look even more flawless than he already was. He looked so _soft,_ his hair fluffy and eyes puffy, as if he had just come out of bed and sat down here the second he started his day. He had a pencil tucked behind his ear, another between his fingers, as he crafted something Robbe already wanted to see so badly on the familiar sketchbook that was lying down on his legs. Robbe stopped walking to just take a second and look at him, observe him from afar as he stuck his tongue out while drawing, as beautifully concentrated as ever, cursing at himself when he did something wrong, making Robbe giggle as he knew Sander only did this when he knew there was nobody around to watch him. But there was. Robbe was. And he couldn't look away, not even if he tried.

He shuffled towards the blonde more closely, taking cautious steps to be able to observe him for as long as he could.

''You're sitting in my spot.'' Robbe said quietly, immediately making the blonde look up, the rapid motion of his head dropping his pencil down onto the grass. His mouth dropped opened a bit, his lips parted as he looked at Robbe as if he saw water burning. His eyes twinkled with disbelief, as he moved his hands through his hair quickly, trying - Robbe assumed - to make it look like less of a perfect mess. But he didn't have to. Sander looked so incredibly pretty that it took Robbe's breath away. And he didn't even have to try.

''Hi,'' Sander breathed out, his voice hoarse, almost inaudible to Robbe's ears. 

Robbe put both hands in his pockets, as he looked down at his feet, finally breaking his gaze from Sander for a second as last night’s memories rushed back to the surface, to finally look back up at him with squinted eyes. ''Hey.''

''Why are you here?'' It was more of a way to say _“shouldn’t you want to stay away from me?”_ than it was an actual question. Sander's voice sounded soft, as if all of his insecurities had come rushing to the surface. Next to that night where he broke down in Robbe's arms, he had never seen him look this vulnerable. His hands were cupped on his lap, fiddling with each other, as he bit on the inside of his cheek, impatiently and nervously waiting for Robbe's response. 

''I could ask you the same question.''

Sander shrugged, playing with the fabric of his beige sweater as he found Robbe's gaze. ''I don't know. I guess I just felt like being here.''

Robbe smiled softly, knowing exactly what that felt like. It had always felt the same for him, too. Even when Sander wasn't there, even when they didn't speak, even when the tree was taken by others. Robbe always felt like he wanted to be right here in this exact spot, simply because of the memories of special moments it held. Simply because of the special moments he had had right here, with the most special someone sitting right in front of him right now. ''Me too.''

The brunet twisted his feet in the grass, breaking some blades in the process, wanting to forget about everything, wanting to sit down next to him and _kiss him,_ hold him, and pretend like the ending of last night hadn't happened. But Robbe knew they had to discuss it sometime. He had avoided so many important conversations with Tobias, and he knew that with Sander, he wanted to do whatever it took to never become like that ever again. And that started right here, right now. ''Sander?''

''Hm?''

''What happened last night?''

Sander groaned, hiding his face within his hands as he put down both legs on the fabric of his leather jacket lying beneath him. ''I know I fucked up, I'm sorry...''

''You didn't fuck up anything. Britt did.'' Sander took away his hands, staring at Robbe with utter disbelief, clearly not understanding why Robbe would choose his side in all of this, or why Robbe would support him in the first place. Robbe just shrugged, as he took another step forward and sat himself down in front of Sander, spreading out his legs to close him in. He wasn’t mad at Sander for this. He promised him that he wouldn’t walk away from him ever again, so he trusted him on that. And as long as they communicated, Robbe was okay with anything. As long as he was with him. ''I'm just wondering why.''

Sander sighed. ''Look, when I went inside with her it was just because I needed to have a conversation with her I didn't want you to be involved in, okay? I didn't mean to make you feel left behind, but I just couldn't take it any longer. And I was gonna text you, but I just... thought you didn't want me to after what I did.''

Robbe observed him from up all the way down, wanting to tell him he _did_ still want him, wanting to reassure him he still felt the exact same about him, but he couldn't, not just yet. Not without having heard more explanation about all of this. '"What couldn't you take any longer?''

The blonde pulled some grass blades and threw them into the distance, as he observed Robbe's legs lying only inches away from his. ''I broke up with her last week, right after our moment in the bathroom. After that I just _knew_ I wanted you. Only you.'' The two boys looked into each other's eyes, both smiling softly as the meaning of Sander's words seemed to penetrate inside both of their minds. Sander _wanted_ him. _Only_ him. And he wasn't afraid to say it out loud. In fact, he even seemed proud to. ''But she tried to convince me that it was all in my head, that I was acting like my sister... she was trying once again to make me feel like I couldn't think for myself, or decide for myself.''

''Act like your sister?'' Robbe frowned, not understanding the bigger picture, as Sander quickly shook his head and looked down at his hands. Robbe felt an ache of guilt in his stomach, not wanting to pressure him, not when he already told him more than he probably felt comfortable with. So he pulled his legs up and scooched over closer to him, crossing his legs and grabbing Sander's hands onto his lap.

He caressed his palms with his thumbs, soothing him, as he whispered: ''Hey, remember our deal? You don't _have_ to tell me anything you're not ready for.''

Sander shook his head quickly, squeezing Robbe's both hands as a silent thank you. ''No, no, I want to. I don't mind telling you anything, it just... takes me some effort to say it out loud. I’m not really used to speaking about anything. But I want to, with you.''

He sighed, as he moved over to Robbe even more closely, their foreheads almost touching each other. He played with Robbe's fingers, cradling his own over them, drawing lines on his palms as he cautiously continued: ''She, eh... she's bipolar. It's the entire reason her and Tobias' relationship went to shit. My sister had these mood swings that she couldn't control, and when Tobias found out that it was because of her mental illness, he didn't want her anymore.''

Robbe heart stung, as he felt nauseous all over. ''Are you serious?''

''Yes. And it's why he can't be trusted, Robbe. Not just because he's an unfaithful ass, but mostly because he's just treating people like shit for who they are.'' Sander looked up from their hands, locking eyes with Robbe as he moved his index finger through the strands of brown hair that fell down on Robbe's forehead. ''And you don't deserve that.''

Robbe couldn't believe it. But then again, it didn't surprise him at all. Tobias was capable of anything at this point. Lying, cheating... this was just another something he could add to the list of things that Tobias did. It suddenly made sense why Sander always felt the need to protect him. He knew about his mom and about her mental illness, and he probably thought Tobias would pull the same on him the second he would find out about it, too. He couldn't imagine what Sander's sister must've gone through or felt like when she got rejected for... being _her_. Sander's family didn't have issues. Neither did Sander himself. _Tobias_ had issues. He was just way too full of himself to understand that.

''And how does Britt know about all of this?'' Robbe continued carefully, not wanting to push Sander too far, but also feeling the need to understand more as Sander kept revealing things about his past.

''Basically, Britt and my sister knew each other through mutual friends, so Britt has always known about everything that happened. All the shit with Tobias and I included. I started dating her because in the end, she knew everything, but she still somehow cared about me. And even though she always pushed me around and decided things for me, I guess I just... thought it was the best I could get.''

Robbe brushed their knees together, squeezing his hands again, more firmly this time. ''Sander, it's _not_.''

''I know that now,'' Sander nodded, observing their intertwined hands. ''I guess I just needed to come back to you to realize what it was I really needed.''

As Sander's fingers played with his, as if he wanted to reassure him that this was what he truly wanted, Robbe couldn't help but feel guilty. Even though he still didn't know everything, like the entire past Tobias and Sander shared, some more things made sense now. _It's happening again,_ _Sander has issues_. It all had to do with his past, the one he shared with Tobias simply because he had always tried to protect his sister from a guy that didn't want her for the way she was. And now that Sander and Tobias found each other _again,_ as this time, Sander didn't try to protect his sister from him but _Robbe,_ of course Britt would tell him it was all happening again. Even though Sander hadn't said it out loud, Robbe knew that everyone had always tried to make Sander feel bad about protecting the ones he loved. And they were _still_ doing it. 

''Fuck, I'm so sorry, Sander...''

''No, it's okay. You have nothing to be sorry for.''

Robbe shook his head, looking down at his lap. ''I do. I'm sorry that you had people like that surrounding you. You deserve better too, you know.''

Sander grinned, letting go of one of Robbe's hands to make him look up at him as he put his index finger beneath his chin. He smiled dreamily, softly caressing his face with his thumb. ''That's sweet. I don't have to look too far for that, though.''

Robbe's gloomy eyes turned soft, as he realized what exactly Sander's words meant. He knew he deserved better. And he knew that that someone was Robbe. And that meant the entire world to him. The brunet moved his own free hand over the one Sander still held on his face, as the two boys just looked at each other for a moment, taking the other in completely. As they heard the birds chirp around them, the wind brushing through their hair and fiddling around the leaves among them, they were both quite sure this moment was _meant_ for them. Robbe looked to Sander's side, finding his sketchbook with his eyes. Curiosity immediately bubbled up inside his chest as he remembered what Sander was doing as he arrived, not being able to resist.

''Have you been drawing?''

Sander laughed softly, as he sat himself back against the tree trunk, Robbe still closed in between his legs. ''Hm-m.''

''What?''

The blonde shrugged, as he grabbed his sketchbook and put it down against his chest. He looked at Robbe through his eyelashes, his expression more dreamy and in love than it had ever been. ''Not what, _who_.''

Robbe's heart skipped a beat as he blinked, licking his lips, sneakily trying to peer over. ''Can I see?''

''If I say no, are you gonna attack me again?''

Robbe shrugged. ''I might.''

Sander raised his eyebrows, holding his sketchbook against his chest with both arms covering it. ''So you think you can win this time then?''

The brunet bit his lower lip, crossing his arms as he confidently nodded. ''Hm-m.''

''Oof, so bold. I better watch out then.'' Robbe scoffed, knowing how the tone of Sander's sarcastic voice was daring him, and he couldn't help but let himself be. He immediately sat up straight, grabbing Sander's both arms to pull them away from his chest, as he climbed on top of him, sitting down on his lap and easily pushing his hands down next to him into the fabric of his leather jacket. _Way_ too easily.

Sander smiled proudly. ''Alright, you won.''

Robbe pouted, feeling happy he won, but somehow feeling a little disappointed that it hadn't been fair. He knew that if Sander had tried, he would've easily won from him, as he was _way_ stronger than he was. ''You didn't even try to win.''

Sander sheepishly grinned, shaking his head, as he moved one of his hands up, easily taken out of Robbe's grip around his wrist, and used it to caress Robbe's cheek that was _so_ close to his face. ''That's because I'm already winning, Robbe.''

The brunet smiled, a twinkle appearing in his eyes and a shot of warmth rushing down his spine as he realized what Sander meant. This was exactly what he wanted. This is exactly how he wanted _him._ The blonde kept looking at him, his thumb still moving over Robbe's skin carefully. His touch was so delicate, as if anything more would've broken him. Sander blinked a few times, as he tried to recover himself, looking down next to him as he took back his hand.

''Now here's you're prize.'' The blonde grabbed his sketchbook that had fallen down next to his lap, and carefully put it into Robbe's hands. The brunet looked down at it, as it revealed itself to be a drawing of _him,_ standing down beneath the moonlight in what looked like Sander's garden. He had the biggest smile on his face, as he looked back and reached out his hand, knowing that it was supposed to be towards Sander. It was a complete masterpiece, and Sander didn't even have to try.

Robbe shook his head in disbelief. ''Sander... I- this is absolutely beautiful.''

Sander smiled softly, reaching out his hand to tuck a strand of Robbe's curly, brown hair behind his ear, whispering: ''Just like you.''

The brunet stared at Sander's green eyes with complete disbelief. He couldn't believe he had always missed out on this. He couldn't believe Sander already made him feel what true love felt like, even though nothing had actually happened yet and they weren't even together. That's how powerful he was. That's how much he made him feel. Sander was so fascinating on so many aspects, Robbe could never be able to explain how he made him feel, not even with the endless amount of words their language held. Thinking of that, he suddenly remembered something. ''Remember when we sat here a few months ago, and you asked me to describe you?''

''Of course I remember. You sucked at it.'' Robbe nudged Sander's shoulder, making him laugh out loud- a sound Robbe had never heard just as magical. As Sander caught his breath, clearly enjoying his own joke and the entirety of it all, Robbe moved his fingers past himself on the drawing, smiling sheepishly as he remembered the first time they sat here and Sander had been doing the exact same. He never really knew what he was doing, but now it all made sense. He was drawing him, more than once. More than just the one he had seen without his permission. And Robbe finally understood why.

''I... I think I know how to describe you now.''

Sander raised his eyebrows, moving his hands to Robbe's waist. ''And how would that be?''

''You... are passionate. About the things you love, but also the people that matter to you. You value trust and empathy, and the people who give the same back to you. You're a good person, a considerate and compassionate one, always wanting to do what's right and you work hard to make sure people get treated like they deserve. You're inventive, creative, making your art your everything, your thoughts, your feelings... it's like a mirror of you without the use of words that I feel so honoured to see. You're brave, courageous, _so_ strong, sometimes a little too much, hiding your true feelings and your sensivitiy from others because you don't always see yourself as the most important one. But you _are_.''

Sander's expression was flabbergasted, love-stoned, as his hands squeezed his waist lightly, smiling genuinely, whispering: ''You've got me all figured out, don't you?''

Robbe shook his head. ''I don't, not quite. But I want to.''

A smile played on Sander's lips, as he observed the wind blowing through Robbe's hair, making the curl he had just tucked behind his ear fall back down, covering his forehead. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

''You forgot one thing, though.''

''Which is?''

''That I'm very impatient when it comes to you, and that I really, _really_ feel like kissing you right now.'' Robbe's heart skipped ten beats, his body turning warm, as Sander moved his hand to his cheek again, his thumb barely, delicately caressing his skin. His eyes twinkled, them being focused on every single aspect of Robbe's face. He made sure he got them all covered- his eyes, his nose, even his freckles. Robbe giggled nervously, biting his lower lip as he felt himself become weak beneath Sander's grip.

''And now even more so.'' Sander added, as his eyes moved towards Robbe's lips, him still biting down on it. He moved his thumb to his lower lip, brushing it over it, making Robbe part his lips.

Robbe laughed, his heart beating rapidly, from excitement, from nerves, from the growing anticipation, from this moment _finally_ happening after what felt like a thousand lifetimes. He moved his hands to Sander's chest, confidence suddenly rushing through his body as they cradled up to his neck and locked them behind it, whispering: '' _Then kiss me.''_

Sander smiled dreamily, his eyes in a haze, licking his lips, as he _finally_ moved himself forward, his hand at the back of Robbe's head as he, at last, slotted their lips together.

Robbe breathed in deeply, as he felt Sander's lips moving against his own, warmth growing and glowing in his chest, blossoming like a flower as he tried to pull Sander even closer. The blonde tugged at Robbe's brown hair softly, as his other hand moved across Robbe's thigh, pulling him closer towards him by his waist. Their lips were so incredibly in sync, almost as if they had done this time and time again, even though they most definitely hadn't. Sander's tongue moved past Robbe's lower lip, gaining access to his mouth as he explored it, trying to unravel every single part of Robbe right here, right now, as the world around them seemed to stop turning by each second their lips touched each other. The touch of their lips felt like the astounding chorus of a love song, as they were completely mesmerized by each other, swimming in the sensation. Robbe wrapped his arms around Sander's neck, as the blonde moved his own up Robbe's back, caressing it, making sure he covered every single spot and held Robbe as close to him as he possibly could. Both boys felt as if they were on fire, from the touch of their lips, the touch of their tongues, the touch of their bodies- completely consumed by one another. Sander's lips left Robbe's for a small second, as he tried to catch his breath, pressing a kiss against the corner of his mouth and his cheek, smiling against his skin.

'' _Fuck.''_ He breathed, nuzzling his nose against the soft skin next to Robbe's.

Robbe giggled, pulling in Sander for a hug, as he felt the blonde hide his face in the crook of his neck. His hands still travelled over his back, as Robbe had his own still safely wrapped around Sander's neck.

''You're a fucking dream, Ijzermans.'' He said quietly, the sound of his voice being numbed by the fabric of Robbe's sweater.

He couldn't believe this was actually happening. He had dreamt about this moment for months, thinking it was all no more than a fantasy, that Sander would never return these feelings as Robbe wasn't close to being good enough. But he _was._ And he couldn't even describe how alive that made him feel.

Sander moved his head out of his neck again, kissing his jaw, up to his cheek, back to his lips. It was a tender kiss this time, as Robbe moved his hands through Sander's soft hair and felt the blonde himself moving his hands back to Robbe's thighs. He squeezed them slightly, as Robbe pulled him as close to him as he possibly could, not ever wanting there to be any space between them anymore.

''Can this moment last forever?'' Robbe mumbled against his lips, making Sander grin in response. He pressed a few more featherlight kisses against his lips, before finally letting go and watching Robbe's face with the most sheepish, head over heels in love expression that had ever existed.

''Well,'' He started, grabbing Robbe's hand from at the back of his neck and kissed it. ''Maybe this right here can't, but we can.''

''What does that mean?''

''It means, that I don't want to let go of you ever again.'' 

Robbe giggled, brushing his nose past Sander's. ''Then don't.''

Sander pressed his lips against Robbe's again, chasing his lips as Robbe playfully pulled back and teased him. Sander groaned, wanting more, putting his hand in Robbe's hair and pulling him closer to him, making the brunet unable to move back once again. They both naturally deepened the kiss, as their hands explored each other. The brunet knotted his fists into Sander's sweater, pulling him harder against him. He had finally gotten what he wanted. Sander wasn't just a mystery anymore. He was his everything right now, and he would forever be. He wanted to drown in him, get addicted to him, the definition of happiness being living with him by his side. He was all he had ever wanted and more. He didn't just create masterpieces, he was one himself, too.

''Stay with me tonight?'' Sander whispered against his swollen lips, letting go of them for a few seconds to be able to see Robbe's reaction.

''I would love to.'' Robbe said, pressing a kiss on Sander's nose.

''At mine or at yours? Please say at yours.''

''Is there something wrong with your place?''

''No, no,'' Sander quickly pressed a soft kiss to Robbe's lips, reassuring him without words that he still needed to produce, but not being able to do it quickly enough. ''But my mom is gonna want to meet you the second she sees you. And... I would rather not be interrupted tonight. I just want to be with you.''

Robbe's heart jumped as he remembered what Sander's little brother had mentioned to him, how he had talked about him in front of his family before the both of them knew about anything that would happen right now. His smile grew even wider when Sander's words penetrated in his mind. _He didn't want to be interrupted tonight. He just wanted to be with him._ ''Is that so?''

The blonde smirked, closing his eyes as Robbe moved in closer, brushing their lips together. ''Hm-m.''

The two boys connected their lips once again, deepening the kiss as they sat there, against the tree in the spot that had always been theirs. Robbe couldn't believe they shared their first kiss right here, where it had all begun, not just for himself but also for Sander. As Sander held him close, his big hands holding him still and keeping him safe, Robbe suddenly knew exactly what true love felt like.

It felt like Sander.

**Sunday 22:21**

As the afternoon had flown by, the two boys completely forgetting about time as it had gotten completely consumed by them, as they had gotten absolutely consumed by each other, they had finally been able to let the other go for a few minutes to stand up from their loving position, to eventually grab each other's hand _again,_ and leave their sacred space for another. As Sander had sat himself down on his bike, Robbe quickly took a seat behind him on the rack, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him close through the entire ride home. This time, they went to a place that felt good for the both of them, a place where they had only shared tender, warm-hearted moments that nobody could ever take away from them. They suddenly wished for many, many more moments like those. Endless ones, of just the two of them sharing their love together with nobody interrupting them or their need to be just with the other.

As they arrived at Robbe's flat, the two stumbled off of the bike, Sander throwing it down in the bushes next to the front door, not caring about it at _all,_ as all he could focus on was the boy standing right in front of him. He immediately wrapped his arms around Robbe's waist again, holding him close to him as the brunet tried to unlock the door, giggling as Sander kept pressing butterfly kisses into the crook of his neck.

''Sander...'' He whined, trying to turn the key around and pull it back. ''I can't...''

The blonde giggled, wiping a few strands of Robbe's hair away from his neck, his fingers creating electricity on Robbe's skin, as he kept kissing it, more slowly this time. ''Can't what?''

Robbe bit his lower lip, feeling his head fall back against Sander's shoulder as he felt warmth bubble up in his stomach. He quickly recovered himself, turning around in Sander's arms and pressing his forehead against his.

''I can't open the door when you... _do that.''_

Sander laughed as he grabbed Robbe by his waist and turned him around again, guiding him towards the front door as he kept his hands in the same position, drawing circles on Robbe's skin, and lied his head down to rest on his shoulder. It had only been a few hours, yet, it was crazy how ridiculously in love they were already.

Robbe finally managed to open the door, pulling Sander with him inside by the edges of his leather jacket, turning around in his arms again to kiss him endlessly, holding his face with both hands while Sander's roamed over his back. They stumbled up the stairs, falling almost five times in the process, giggling with the happiest sound as if they were fourteen-year-old having found their first true love. And part of that was true. When they kicked open the door to the flatshare, Robbe being very aware there was nobody at home, they kicked off their shoes and Sander threw his leather jacket onto the floor, finding their way to Robbe's room as quickly as they possibly could.

Sander let himself fall back down on the bed, sitting on the edge, watching Robbe close the door behind them. He watched him in the dark haze the room was filled with, love-stoned twinkles in his eyes lighting up the entire room, as the brunet slowly walked over to him, reaching out for him. He sat down on his lap, wrapping his arms around his neck and pressed their noses together.

''Someone's clingy,'' Sander chuckled, searching for Robbe's lips, as he couldn't get enough of him nor the taste he carried with him.

Robbe moved back slightly, creating a small space between the two. ''Is it too much?''

Sander quickly shook his head, using both hands on Robbe's back to gently pull him back closer. ''No, no. It's not. It's all I want.'' He pressed the softest kiss against his lips, before slowly pulling back, whispering: '' _You're_ all I want.''

Robbe placed his hands in Sander's hair, knotting themselves into it to clutch him against himself, deepening the kiss Sander had just given him. Sander grabbed the edges of Robbe's brown jacket to pull him closer first, eventually tugging at it and taking it off, tossing it onto the floor right next to the bed. Robbe's hands immediately found Sander's hair again, as he moved his hips closer towards him, not wanting there to be _any_ space left. He pulled his hair as Sander did the same to him, as the both of them whimpered quietly, adrenaline fluttering through their bodies. The air got thin, the world not turning, as Sander's hands moved to Robbe's back, drawing circles through the fabric, making him feel as safe as he had ever done. Sander was all Robbe had ever expected and more. He was an absolute miracle, setting Robbe on fire with the slightest touch, making him feel as if they were the only two people existing in this world. As the blonde's fingers trailed down to Robbe's thighs, the brunet moved his hips once again, accidentally brushing them past Sander's a bit _too_ much. 

The blonde gasped. '' _Fuck,_ Robbe...''

He immediately took his lips off of his, them being all red and puffy from the kisses they had shared today, as he observed Sander's face with a worried expression. ''Are you okay?''

Sander laughed softly. ''Yes, I just... need to calm down for a second.''

''Why?'' The blonde looked down at the small space between them, a clear bulge having grown in his dark pants, the effect that Robbe had on him showing right through. He looked up again, finding Robbe's face that had turned bright red.

''Oh.'' He chuckled nervously, playing with the edge of his own sweater. ''Sorry about that.''

''Hey,'' Sander put his index finger underneath Robbe's chin, following the line of his cheekbone, making the boy look up into his eyes. He smiled, knowing exactly how insecure Robbe was about all of this, brushing his thumb past his cheek. ''There's no need to be sorry. It's a good thing, you just... have this effect on me that I can't really explain. I just... want to take things slow with you, okay? Not because I don't want to, because _fuck,_ I do. But I want to do things right. We have all the time in the world.''

A dreamy smily appeared on Robbe's lips, as everything Sander said was just _right_ and everything he had ever wanted, tilting his head in the grip of Sander's hand, brushing his own face past it. ''That's sweet. _You're_ sweet.''

''It's what you deserve, Robbe.''

''You deserve that, too.'' As Robbe pressed another longing, soft kiss on Sander's lips, being able to do it all day, every day now that he had finally gotten a taste of it, he climbed off of Sander's lap, moving himself to his closet as he looked back at the blonde while doing so. He knew that if he wasn't gonna get ready for bed now, they probably were never gonna be able to, as they could barely even let the other go. And he just wanted to be in Sander's arms all night, he literally couldn't wait any longer. He had waited long enough by now.

''Do you want one of my shirts to sleep in?'' He asked, it being more of an idea than it was a question, as he was _dying_ to see Sander wearing one of his shirts, even though they would probably all be way too small for him.

''No, it's okay. I have an extra one in my bag for some reason, I'll just use that.''

As Sander zipped his bag opened, taking off his beige sweater to let the white t-shirt underneath be the only remaining cover to hide his body, Robbe just stood there, shuffling on his feet whilst biting down his lower lip, preventing himself from asking the question that was lying on the tip of his tongue. Sander immediately noticed Robbe's nervous behaviour, as he frowned, one eyebrow raised, looking at the brunet from up all the way down and back. ''What?''

Robbe shook his head, pressing his lips together. ''Nothing.''

Sander scoffed, his brows still frowned, as he turned himself around to face the boy completely. ''Robbe, say it.''

''It's stupid...''

As the brunet looked down at his feet, them covering each other, Sander walked up to him, grabbing his both hands and squeezing them with his own. He put his index finger beneath his chin, making the boy look up at him, finding his chocolate, luminious brown eyes with his own green ones. ''Nothing you say could ever be stupid. Not with me.''

''I just... can I... could I wear your shirt to bed?'' Robbe's cheeks turned bright red as the sentence left his lips, immediately thinking it was a mistake for even asking it in the first place. He was literally at his own house right now, standing in front of his wardrobe with an infinite amount of his own shirts to choose from. Why would he be so stupid and ask for Sander's? The guy had already called him clingy, there was no need for him to be this desperate a few hours after their first kiss.

Sander raised his eyebrows once again. ''My shirt?''

''Never mind. I told you it was stupid-'' As Robbe shook his head quickly, embarrasment rushing down his body, trying to turn around and grab one of his own shirts from his closet, Sander quickly grabbed him by his waist, making him turn back to him and fall down in his grip. He pressed a soft kiss on Robbe's lips, lingering on to them for a while. One hand found Robbe's cheek as he cupped it, holding the boy close as he tried to soothe and silence him at the same time with the touch of his lips. He slowly took them off after what felt like minutes, brushing his nose against Robbe's with the brightest smile covering his face, his eyes looking like a sea of love-stoned twinkles.

''Of course you can.'' He whispered, making Robbe smile back at him. Every single time Robbe got insecure about himself and about the things he said or wanted, Sander was there to remind him of the fact that with him... it wasn't necessary. With him, Robbe could be completely and totally himself, without ever having to be ashamed. It was something he had to get used to, but over the past few weeks and especially right now, Sander kept proving to him that he was... enough.

Sander took a step back, letting go of Robbe's waist to be able to pull his shirt over his head, handing it over to the boy watching him with widened eyes. As Robbe thankfully received it, he couldn't help but stare at Sander's chest a little longer. He truly was the most gorgeous boy he had ever seen in his entire existence. And the most unbelievable thing out of it all was that he wanted _him._ ''Thank you.''

The blonde chuckled as he noticed Robbe still staring at him, but turned silent as soon as Robbe pulled his own shirt over his head and took off his jeans, too, throwing them down next to him on the floor. It was the first time Sander saw him like this, vulnerable in a different way, revealing parts of himself that he had never seen before. As Sander's eyes scanned him from up, all the way down and back, his lips parted and his pupils dilated, as Robbe shivered and giggled nervously. It was insane how comfortable they were with each other in a matter of hours.

Sander swallowed, his eyes still wide. '' _Fuck.''_

''What?''

He quickly shook his head, trying to recover himself as he raised his eyebrows, still unashamedly watching Robbe as he stood there, half-naked in front of him.''Nothing, I just... I'm one lucky guy.''

Robbe giggled, quickly pulling Sander's shirt over his head, immediately feeling safe as he felt the fabric fall down over his chest, the shirt big enough to also hide his boxers underneath. He walked over to Sander again, wrapping his arms around his neck. ''That makes two of us.''

Sander took a small step back, his hands on Robbe's waist, as he observed him wearing his shirt that was way too big on him. He shook his head again, full of disbelief this time, biting down on his lower lip as he whispered: ''You're so _god damn_ beautiful, Robbe.''

''You're not so bad yourself.'' Robbe pressed a kiss on Sander's lips, as the blonde let go of him for a few seconds to get himself ready for bed too. Robbe didn't look away for one second, as Sander stood there with bare legs, the only thing covering his body being his boxers and the grey shirt he was wearing right now. He sat down on the bed, throwing the sheets to the side to be able to lie down under them. He reached out his hand, as Robbe walked up closer to him to be able to hold it. 

''Come lie down with me?'' It was an invitation Robbe couldn't resist, not even if he tried to. He let himself fall down onto the mattress, immediately feeling safe as Sander wrapped his arms around him, throwing the sheets over them to cover them up. He scooched over even closer, holding him the same way as they had woken up about a week ago, his arms safely wrapped around Robbe's chest, intertwining his legs with his. How things different had been back then.

''I can't believe this is finally happening.'' Sander whispered, pressing a soft kiss against Robbe's neck, his nose brushing against the skin, sending shivers down the brunet's spine.

He giggled, as he suddenly remembered what happened last time when they lied down like this, knowing that Sander probably still didn't remember himself. ''You know... last time when we lied like this, you were kinda sleep-drunk and you called me beautiful.''

Sander moved back, parting his lips as he watched Robbe look back at him, trying to hold in a laugh. He groaned, hiding his face in his hands as he moved back to his own side of the bed, lying down on his back. ''Oh my god, that's so fucking embarrassing.''

''No, it's not.'' Robbe laughed, immediately turning around and scooching over to him, lying his head down on his chest and wrapping his arm around it, too. He pressed a kiss on his shirt, right where he could feel the beat of his heart come through. ''It was cute.''

Sander wrapped his arm around his neck, pressing his lips against Robbe's temple and breathing in the brunet's scent. He smiled, realizing he had nothing to be embarrassed about, as it was _Robbe_ he was with, and he accepted him and maybe even loved him the way Sander was. ''Well, I'll say it again.'' He pressed butterfly kisses into Robbe's brown hair, drawing circles with his fingers on Robbe's back. ''And again, and again.''

Robbe looked up, kissing Sander's chin to make him look down at him, to finally seal their lips together for a long, soothing kiss. ''Goodnight, beautiful.''

Sander chuckled, his eyes twinkling, as he brushed his nose past Robbe's. ''Goodnight, gorgeous.''

**Monday, 07:21**

The next morning, Robbe opened his eyes slowly, the blinding light of the sun shining through his yellow curtains. He rubbed his eyes, moving one hand through his messy hair as he felt a weight on his chest, not being sure how to place it, looking down to eventually smile widely, as he realized the weight was coming from the only person that mattered to him right now. Robbe moved his head down, pressing a soft, long kiss on Sander's temple, as he caressed his scalp with his slender fingers, feeling the blonde boy tighten his grip around Robbe's chest and nuzzle his nose into it. He took in a deep breath, as he moved his face up, immediately finding Robbe's gaze with the prettiest sleepy eyes the brunet had ever seen.

''Hey,'' He whispered, his raspy morning voice very present, making Robbe shiver from how attractive it was. His twinkling eyes scanned the brunet's face, as Robbe himself couldn't take his eyes away from the blonde either, as the sunlight lighted him up as if he was made out of pure gold. It was the prettiest thing he had ever seen.

''Hi,'' His own hoarse voice replied, as he pressed his nose against Sander's forehead, brushing it against it.

''How did you sleep?''

Sander shrugged. ''Pretty good, actually. I wonder why.'' He moved himself up a little to be able to be on the same height as Robbe, slotting their lips together for a soft, tender kiss. His big hand cupped Robbe's face, holding it close to him, as their parted lips moved past each other with the slowest motions, completely taking the other in and just... enjoying each other's presence this early in the morning.

As their lips left each other's for a small moment, their eyes still closed, Sander whispered: ''Am I still dreaming?''

''Why?''

''I don't know. There's this boy lying in my arms, and I can't really believe it quite yet.''

Robbe rolled his eyes, as he nudged Sander's shoulder, making the blonde boy laugh out loud, sounding as magical as always. ''You're such a sap.''

The blonde hummed in approval, wrapping his arm around Robbe's waist once again, pressing a kiss against his chest. ''Just with you.''

As they lied there with each other, arms wrapped around one another, legs intertwined, not ever wanting to let go ever again, Robbe smiled to himself, pressing another kiss to Sander's temple, breathing in his incredible scent as his fingers played with the fringe of hair that fell down on his forehead. Robbe's life truly had been such a rollercoaster over the past few weeks. He couldn't believe that after that one moment months ago, where Sander pushed him away because Robbe had gotten too close to him - not wanting to get connected to him because he was too afraid he'd hurt him, _and_ too afraid Robbe would never want him - that they were lying here together right now months later, intertwined with each other, incredibly in love as if none of it had ever happened. But it had. And Robbe still had questions, old ones, new ones. He didn't want to push Sander, he never wanted that, but he couldn't help but be tempted after he remembered Sander's words from yesterday: _I’m not really used to speaking about anything. But I want to, with you._

''Can I ask you something?''

Sander nodded, moving his fingers over Robbe's chest, drawing all sorts of patterns as if he were the canvas he had always wanted so badly. ''Sure, always.''

''When I found your sketchbook back then, with the drawing you made of me. Was that because you... already liked me?''

The blonde scoffed, shaking his head. ''Well, that's quite an understatement. The second I saw you I was so... fucking _intrigued_ by you. The way you walked, the way you talked, God, the way you _looked_. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. I couldn't help myself, so I asked the chemistry teacher for your name during the first class. I completely missed the whole thing, as all I was able to do was look at you, sitting next to Jens, wanting to be him, wanting to get to know you. And ever since then I just... wasn't able to shake you. So yes, that was the reason.''

Robbe's mouth dropped open, his heart skipping ten beats as he realized just how quickly Sander had fallen for him. He never knew anyone was able to do so, not with him. And he didn't understand why it had taken Sander this long to tell him. If anything had been obvious, apparently also to others, it had been Robbe's massive yearning after him. ''Why didn't you just tell me?''

''Because, Robbe, back then I thought I didn't deserve anyone, let alone someone like you.''

The brunet moved down, lying himself on the same height as Sander again, pressing his forehead against his and pulling him in closer. ''Of course you do. Fuck, Sander, you deserve the entire world.''

Sander smiled sheepishly, brushing his thumb past Robbe's lower lip, parting them from each other. ''I know that now. You made me realize that. You make me _feel_ that.''

Robbe moved his hand through Sander's hair, then grabbing his hand that was still brushing his lip, and pressed a kiss onto his palm. ''I'm glad.''

The boys laid there together for a little while, just observing the other completely, enjoying the moment as the birds chirped outside and the sun was still bathing them in rays of gold that made it all even more heavenly. Sander bit his lower lip as he looked into Robbe's eyes, first the left, then the right, before finally asking: ''So... when did _you_ fall for _me?''_

It was an easy question. Robbe had fallen for Sander the first time he had ever seen him walk past him in the school hallways. He had fallen for him the first time he had ever seen him sitting down at the tree, not knowing it would once become _their_ special spot. He had fallen for him the first time he had looked him into his eyes, electricity rushing down his spine and warming up as his green eyes were like a lucifer setting him on fire. He had fallen for him the first time they sat next to each other, the first time they talked, the first time he had finally learned his name. He had fallen for Sander the second he laid eyes on him. All it took was _one_ look, and Robbe was already gone, head over heels in love with him without realizing how badly.

''Would it be cliché to say that it was also the first time I saw you?''

Sander shook his head, quietly saying: ''No, it wouldn't be.''

''Well, it was. You completely took my breath away.''

''Fuck,'' Sander exhaled loudly, locking his hand in Robbe's brown hair as he caressed the back of his head, a sea of twinkles appearing in his green, foresty eyes. ''You truly are a miracle, Ijzermans.''

He connected their lips again, moving his hand to Robbe's back, pressing his body against his, as he felt Robbe hook his leg around his hips. He immediately moved his hand to his thigh, holding it and squeezing it lightly, as their lips explored each other, tongues colliding and not ever wanting to let go. Time stopped for a second, as the brunet felt himself growing weak in his grip, his heart pounding in his chest. He suddenly understood why people described kissing as melting, because every single square inch of his body dissolved into his. He pulled Sander's hair, the blonde groaning in response as he twisted them around, lying Robbe on his back and climbing on top of him. Sander's warm breath on his skin and the taste of his lips were inviting him to roam his hands through his hair slightly wilder, as their lips made the kiss even deeper, more passionate, Sander's hands disappearing underneath his shirt that Robbe was still wearing. 

''You look _very_ good in my shirt, by the way.'' The blonde mumbled against his lips, his breath heavy, never letting go of the touch. Robbe, on the other hand, immediately broke the kiss, a pink blush appearing on his cheeks as he tried to hide his face into the pillow beneath his head, letting out a soft, almost inaudible groan as Sander's words penetrated in his mind.

''What?''

Robbe shook his head. ''Nothing, I just...''

Sander's expression turned worried, almost insecure about what he said, pulling away from Robbe even a little more. ''Did I... say something wrong?''

''No, no, no. Of course you didn't. You say everything right.'' Robbe immediately grabbed Sander's face with both hands, pulling him back onto him, closer than ever before. His fingers trailed over his skin, first his cheeks, then his forehead, his nose, his chin- finally resting on his lips, still puffy and pink from the passionate kiss they had just shared. Robbe giggled softly, saying: ''I guess I'm just not used to... being treated like this.''

Sander let out a soft breath, brushing his nose past Robbe's as he seemed to recover himself, clearly being relieved that he hadn't done or said anything wrong. "Well, it's how you deserve to be treated.''

He kissed him again, more slowly this time, their lips lingering on each other and very gradually letting go, as Sander questioned: '"Can I ask... why did you ever date Tobias?''

As he saw Robbe open his eyes, his pupils widened from the sudden mention of the one guy he really didn't want to think about anymore, even more so right now in the grip of Sander's arms, the blonde immediately seemed to realize what effect it had on Robbe, knowing he wanted to forget about him, shaking his head and cursing at himself. ''Stupid question, I'm sorry for bringing him up.''

But Robbe didn't mind, for some reason. He liked how Sander wanted to get to know more about him, just like it had always been the other way around. Talking about Tobias didn't change anything. It didn't make him feel less happier or less in love with Sander. In fact, he liked that Sander wanted to talk about it and didn't avoid the subject because he thought it would hurt Robbe. It showed that he didn't see him as weak, and that he let Robbe decide things for himself. ''No, it's okay. I guess I just... wanted to be loved by someone. I always felt alone and misunderstood. I felt like I wasn't worthy or capable of love, and then Tobias suddenly showed... interest in me. I guess I just wanted to experience that, love, the feeling of being wanted or noticed by someone as more than just... the quiet kid. But then the whole thing blew up in my face.''

Sander scoffed with disbelief, pulling the brunet closer to him as he used his hand to caress his cheek. ''Robbe... did you seriously think nobody could love you?''

Robbe looked down in between them, staring at the collar of Sander's shirt as he played with it, trying to avoid his gaze. ''I'm not that easy to love.''

''Well, I'm here, aren't I?'' Sander put his index finger beneath his chin, Robbe's finger still hooked on his collar, making him look up at him and pressing a kiss on his nose as a reassurance. ''And I'm not leaving you.''

Robbe moved his head up to find Sander's lips, utter disbelief rushing through his body, never having felt as special as he did right now. He kissed him in a way to let him know he loved him without saying those three words just yet. Sander lingered over him, grabbing Robbe's hand and intertwining their fingers. Robbe sighed, taking a breather from Sander's lips, as he whispered the one question he had been dying to ask ever since yesterday. ''Does that mean that we're... you know?''

Sander raised his eyebrows, a smirk playing on his lips. ''Together?''

''Hm-m.'' Robbe bit on his lower lip, having the exact same smirk covering his face as Sander squeezed their intertwined hands together. He nodded, giving the brunet an eskimo kiss as he said: ''I want to. If it wasn't clear yet, I've always wanted to since the second I laid eyes on you.''

Robbe felt the love bubble up inside of him, his heart skipping a beat as he knew what all of this meant. Him and Sander were _together_ now. They weren't just friends anymore, it wasn't just a connection that neither of them dared to act upon. It was _more,_ way more, and Robbe felt like he was somewhere in the midst of the clouds, never having felt more alive as Sander had suddenly become his second half, all of his dreams and fantasies suddenly having become his reality.

''Me too.''

**Friday, 17:03**

This week truly had flown by. It had been the first week where Robbe and Sander had been dating, and it really was the best week that Robbe had ever lived in his life. He had never spent so many days and hours together with someone, feeling as if he couldn't breathe or function whenever he wasn't around. He loved him so much that his heart ached whenever their touch broke, and that his body set fire whenever they reunited again. Robbe felt as if he was in heaven, the boy he had always wanted finally being _his,_ making him feel that he was loveable, that he was appreciated, that he was special and unique, every single thing Robbe had been searching for his entire life. And the best thing was, that Sander _meant_ it. He meant all of it. It wasn't just a fun relationship or something on the side to him. It wasn't the way it had been with Tobias. Sander actually loved him, he hadn't said it that way, but Robbe knew he did. He didn't even need to do or say much to prove that. Robbe _felt_ it, even when he wasn't near by. And that's how Robbe knew it was right.

But they hadn't told anyone yet. Not that they didn't want to, or that they weren't proud of it, because _fuck,_ they were. It was the best thing that had ever happened to either of them, and they wanted to shout it from the rooftops if they could. It was the thing they both had needed for so long. But they also kind of enjoyed this being their thing. They knew that as soon as it got out, people would have their opinions ready, and even though they couldn't care less about them as all they focused on was each other, it was quite nice like this for now. Just the two of them, in their own little loved-up bubble. The world could wait, as it truly was in their hands now.

The weekly match had just been finished, Sander's team winning as he, obviously, was the man of the match once again with all of the goals he had made. Robbe had never felt more pride rushing through his body as he watched him, something he always did, but now, Sander looked back, too. Every single time he scored, Sander's eyes found Robbe's, as he winked at him, smiling like the most ridiculously in love idiot, as his teammates hugged him from all sides. Except Tobias, of course.

But when Robbe walked towards the lockerroom, Tobias was the last thing on his mind. Him and Sander had agreed to meet up there after the game, as the team would still share a beer together. Sander told him he would sneak away, that he would think of a valid excuse just to be alone with Robbe for as long as he could, before he had to go to his dad's house and arrange the party once again.

As Robbe opened the door, he immediately felt two arms wrapped around his waist, pushing him against the lockers and holding him still.

''Hi there, baby. I missed you.'' Sander whispered, immediately pressing his lips on Robbe's. The brunet wrapped his arms around his neck, still sweaty from the game, as Sander's hands roamed over his boyfriend's back, them disappearing underneath his black sweater multiple times. It sent shivers down Robbe's spine, as he pulled the blonde's moist hair, him approvingly whining in response. Their lips searched each other, their tongues colliding, as both of them had never felt more alive than they did right now. But then again, it always felt that way when they saw each other.

The blonde's lips left his to move to his cheek, his jaw, his ear, and eventually his neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses down to the edge of Robbe's sweater. Robbe felt him lock their legs, as if he knew exactly how weak this would make him. And he was right. The brunet bit his lower lip as he felt Sander's lips on his neck. ''I liked that.'' He said quietly, trying to surpress some sounds he really couldn't make right here.

Sander quickly looked back up, locking their gazes. ''What?''

''When you called me 'baby'''.

The blonde smiled softly, pressing his nose against Robbe's before pulling back a little to be able to observe him fully. ''Well, I'll keep doing it if you want me to, _baby.''_

Robbe shook his head, the biggest grin playing on his lips as Sander's voice and his way with words sounded angelic- simply magnificent to him. He grabbed the collar of Sander's jersey, pulling him against him for another kiss. ''Come here.''

Sander took another step closer, completely closing Robbe in between his body and the locker, as he locked one arm behind Robbe's back, and set one hand against the metal behind Robbe's head to keep himself steady. The brunet took his face within both hands, kissing him as if his life depended on it. It hadn't even been _that_ long without seeing each other, yet, it felt like it had been years. It was crazy just how normal, how comfortable and how _good_ everything about this felt, even though it had only been a few days. But the connection had been there for way longer. Neither of them had just ever dared to act on it.

Sander bit his lower lip softly, as Robbe opened his mouth to accept his tongue. He whined, feeling Sander grin against his lips, the two boys being completely consumed by each other. Robbe roamed his hands through the blonde's bleached hair, making it even more messy, not giving a damn as all they cared about right now was touching each other, being with each other. Sander's hands were everywhere, exploring Robbe as much as he could, their bodies so close they could feel their hearts bursting out of their chests. The touch of his lips against his was hypnotic, as they both parted them, moving them against each other, a wave of warmth washing over both their bodies, curling their toes from the taste of it as it silenced all of their thoughts, making them want more and more. 

As the door to the lockerroom suddenly fell open, Sander took a step back, releasing Robbe from his grip and moving the sleeve of his jersey past his lips to dry them. Both boys stared at the doorframe with widened eyes, messy hair and puffy lips, as Sander quickly rolled his eyes when he saw who it was that interrupted them. Robbe immediately locked eyes with him, as Tobias clearly seemed to be very unsettled from what he had seen, from what he still _was_ seeing.

He then locked eyes with Sander, and, if looks could kill, he'd definitely be on the floor right now. Tobias immediately took a step back, his hoarse voice saying: ''Oh, fuck, sorry.''

He swallowed, taking another look at Robbe who couldn't look back at him once again. Instead, he just looked at Sander, who had his jaw clenched and his fists balled, almost hearing him think about all the things he felt right now. Tobias coughed, turning around again and closing the door behind him, leaving the two boys completely alone again. Sander groaned, kicking against a the locker with his foot as he bit his lip, boiling with anger.

''The fucking _asshole_...''

''Sander, hey,'' Robbe took a step forward, grabbing Sander's both hands and pulling him back towards him. He moved his hand through the blonde locks that fell down on Sander's forehead, trying to soothe his anger. ''Don't let him get to you.''

The expression in the blonde's eyes immediately changed as he felt Robbe's touch, pressing his forehead against his. He sighed, brushing their noses together. ''I don't. But he knows I got myself out of the post-game drink. It wouldn't surprise me if he just came after me to check on me.''

''But he can't do anything, right? It's you and me now. That's all that matters.''

And Robbe meant that. It was quite funny, actually, because the Robbe he was last week probably wouldn't have said or felt the same thing. Not just because he didn't know how Sander felt just yet, but mostly because he was just too oblivious to ever doubt Tobias or to break up with him. Sander was right. None of this was a coincidence. Tobias didn't just come all alone to the lockerroom to grab something, he _knew_ Sander's excuse was a lie, he _knew_ him and Robbe had been staring at each other all game long, and he _knew_ they were gonna meet up afterwards. Tobias had only come here to check up on them, to make sure they were a thing, to make sure he had something on them. He actually was such a fucking asshole.

Sander smiled softly. ''That's true.'' His hands moved to Robbe's back, caressing it with his hands that completely consumed the small boy underneath. He pressed a kiss to his nose, quietly adding: ''You're so cute, did you know that?''

Robbe giggled almost inaudible, the biggest smile on his lips as he felt Sander's breath on his skin. ''So are you.''

The blonde kissed his cheek, as he hid his face in the crook of his neck, wrapping his arms around him in a warm, tight hug. Robbe wrapped his arms around Sander's neck, holding him close, breathing in his warm, safe scent as he hid his nose in his hair. He caressed his temple with his fingers, moving him from left to right slowly, soothing him even more, however much he was able to. Sander sighed, drawing circles on Robbe's back. ''Fuck, I don't want to leave you.''

Robbe chuckled as he left a kiss on his hair. ''It's only gonna be for a few hours. I'll join you at the party right after I've seen my mom.''

''I know. I'll just miss you.'' Sander tightened his grip around Robbe's waist, pressing a kiss into his neck as he brushed his nose against it, nuzzling himself back into place.

''I'll miss you, too.''

Robbe kept caressing his temple, as he carefully asked: ''Why are you still doing those parties if you don't like them anyway? You know you don't have to do it for me.''

''No, I know. Thank you.'' Sander let go of his safe grip, as he moved himself back and shrugged. ''It's just... I know the whole team is gonna make a big deal about it when I quit. I'm still their captain, you know.''

The brunet raised his eyebrows, tilting his head as the biggest and proudest smile played on his lips. ''Right, I'm dating the captain.''

Sander's eyes immediately lighted up, the same big smile growing on his face, as his arms wrapped themselves around Robbe's waist again, lifting him up slightly. ''Well, yes. In fact, you are.''

''I guess that makes me quite special.''

His boyfriend scoffed, pressing their foreheads together. ''You already are so fucking special.'' 

''You really are trying to make it hard for me to leave, aren't you?'' Robbe said, pouting his lower lip as Sander pressed a soft kiss onto it, smooth as an artist brushing his pencil past his canvas, lingering onto them, slowly letting go.

He shrugged, brushing his hand through Robbe's hair. ''I have no idea what you're talking about.''

Their lips collided again, Robbe immediately growing weak within his hands that travelled over his hips, his waist, then finally his back. Robbe parted his lips to let him in, wrapping his arms around his neck and letting himself be lifted up from the ground slightly as everything just accelerated. Sander's thumb moved past his neck, his tongue conquering the depths of Robbe's mouth, hungry for him, consuming him and pulling in his warmth as everything that surrounded them seemed to vanish. Robbe pushed himself upwards, addicted to the flavor of his lips as they moved past his passionately. He cursed at himself as he suddenly remembered his mom and how she was probably waiting for him already, slowly letting go of his familiar lips, his safe touch, shaking his head against his forehead as Sander stole another quick kiss from him, clearly not accepting the way he stopped their moment.

''Sander... I really have to go.'' Robbe giggled, as Sander kept peppering him with kisses everywhere- his nose, his cheeks, his forehead, then eventually leaving open-mouthed kisses down his neck.

''Hmm-kay.'' He sighed, lips pouted, finally moving back, but then quickly stealing another quick kiss from him. ''Text me when you've arrived safely?''

Robbe smiled, grabbing his hand as he moved away from him step by step, their fingers lingering onto each other before finally letting go. ''I will.''

**Friday, 22:40**

Robbe: on my way

Sander: fucking finally

Sander: kidding. kind of. i hope everything was ok with your mom ❤

Sander: i can't wait to see you, i've missed you so much 

Robbe: i've missed you too ❤

Robbe: and she was doing quite good, actually. i'm glad i was finally able to see her again :')

Sander: that's amazing, robbe, i'm so glad

Robbe: ❤

Robbe: hold me when i get there?

Sander: i won't let you go for the rest of the night

Robbe: good ❤

Sander: great ❤

**Friday, 23:12**

As Robbe pushed open the door to Sander's dad's house, immediately blinded by the bright lights changing color rapidly, he searched for the one guy he wanted to see so badly right away. He had missed him so incredibly much, even though it had only been a few hours, and even though finally being with his mom again had been great, too. Sander was the only constant on his mind, he wanted to be with him all the time, touch him, kiss him, explore him. Just the two of them, not surrounded by others who could interrupt them as all they wanted to do was spend time and love on each other. But tonight, they unfortunately had to spend some of their time with others, but instead of moping about it, Robbe decided to focus himself on the good part that came afterwards- he would stay at Sander's house tonight, just the two of them once again and their own loved up bubble without anyone to take that away from them.

As he walked into the living room, The Weeknd's ''In Your Eyes'' playing on the speakers in the background, he immediately felt two familiar arms wrapped around his waist, grabbing him in a safe grip and turning him around, two lips pressed against his own. He accepted the kiss, moving his hands to his neck as he pulled Sander closer to him. Before the boys could say anything to each other or get lost in the other's taste and touch, they got interrupted - already - by the voice of one of Robbe's best friends.

''Wait, what the- _shit!_ I fucking told you.'' Robbe turned himself around in Sander's arms, finding Aaron looking at them with utter disbelief, his eyes as wide as he had ever seen them. He nudged Moyo's shoulder who was still looking into another direction, making his friend look towards the two loved up boys as well.

''What do you-'' Moyo started, stopping his sentence as he saw exactly what Aaron meant. His mouth dropped open, as he screamed: ''What the _fuck_ Robbe? You guys are together?''

Robbe looked back at Sander, finding his gaze, silently discussing the elephant in the room. They hadn't talked about this, about becoming public or sharing their relationship with others. They hadn't even really thought about it when they had discussed the party and staying with each other afterwards. They were so used to it being their thing, their bubble, that they hadn't even realized that being together at the party meant that others would find out about it, too. Sander pushed his forehead against Robbe's. nodding against his face and pressing a kiss to his cheek to silently reassure him he was okay with it, as long as he was too. It was crazy how they didn't even need words to discuss something, _that's_ how connected they were to each other, that's how well they knew each other and how much they already were used to being with each other.

''I... yes. We are.'' Robbe stammered, feeling Sander's hand soothingly caressing his back as he said the words. He had never felt more safe and sure about something in his life.

Aaron cheered, clapping his hands together as he walked up to them to supportively pat them both on the shoulder, the two boys still holding one another. ''Congrats, man. Anyone saw this coming from a mile away, but still.''

Jens scoffed. ''Aaron, you had no idea until last week.''

''Shut up, I did.'' He gave Jens a disapproving look, sticking out his tongue like he was a little kid - which, he was -, before finally finding Robbe's gaze again. ''Anyways, _fuck_ , Robbe. You truly hit the jackpot with him, didn't you? Captain and everything. Bleached hair, mysterious ego. Such a catch.''

Robbe rolled his eyes, hiding his face behind his hands and in Sander's chest as he felt _so_ embarassed for having him as his friend right now. He felt Sander chuckle against him, hearing his laugh close to his ear as he pressed a featherlight kiss against his temple. ''Oh my _god,_ Aaron.''

''What?''

Jens laughed. ''I didn't know you were into football players?''

''I'm full of surprises.''

His best friend raised his eyebrows, raising his cup as he walked up to them. ''Right. Anyways, guys, I'm so happy for you, truly. You both deserve this so much.''

Robbe smiled genuinely, patting his friend on the shoulder, silently thanking him for every single thing he had ever said to him over the past few weeks. Without all of the conversations they had, Robbe certainly wouldn't be standing here within Sander's arms right now. Most of this was thanks to him. ''Thanks, Jens.''

The two friends smiled at each other, Sander still caressing his back and nodding at Jens in appreciation, as Moyo suddenly got in between them, saying: ''Wait, does this mean Britt is single now?''

Sander scoffed, frowing his eyebrows. ''Eh, yeah, I guess. Why?''

Moyo pressed his lips together, licking them afterwards. ''I mean... that sounds like an invitation to me.''

The boys laughed, as Sander added: ''Well, go for it.''

He wrapped his arms around Robbe's waist more tightly, pressing their foreheads together and brushing his nose past Robbe's. ''I already have everything I want.''

''Right, lovebirds, we'll leave you two alone.'' As Jens finished his sentence, the boys left for the garden, leaving the two of them not so alone within the group of people that filled Sander's living room. Robbe suddenly fisted his t-shirt, grabbing him and pulling him with him into the hallway, opening the door to a random room he had never seen before. Sander let himself be pulled, loving his sudden boost of confidence, as Robbe pushed him against the wall, pressing his lips against his. The blonde's hands roamed over his back, as Robbe grabbed his hair and pulled it, Sander whining in appreciation, deepening the kiss immediately as he longed for _so_ _much_ more. His hand disappeared underneath Robbe's shirt, his fingers travelling up his spine, making the brunet shiver all the way down his body. Sander parted his lips and let their tongues meet, a shiver of pleasure waving down both their bodies as they touched, their hearts sparking and their pulse bursting.

Sander took his lips off for a small moment, needing a few seconds to catch his breath.

''What did I deserve that for?'' He breathed, whispering against Robbe's skin.

Robbe shrugged, his hands still cupping Sander's face. ''Because you're adorable. And because I missed you.''

Sander snorted, his fingers trailing down Robbe's back, creating goosebumps on his skin. ''Well, I missed you too. Does that mean I can get more?''

''Of course, you can. You're a special customer, you can get as much as you want.''

The blonde raised his eyebrows, clearly enjoying this _so_ much, as he went along with Robbe's playful mood without any sign of doubt. ''Oh? Well, I'd love to make use of that.''

As Sander reached out for his lips again, Robbe moved back, creating a small space between them. ''But- I'm first gonna get us some drinks, okay?''

''Is someone thirsty?''

Sander smirked, letting out a laugh as Robbe nudged his shoulder. ''Oh, shut up.''

He pressed another quick, soft kiss to his lips, whispering a '' _be right back''_ , as he left the room, looking back to see Sander stare at him with a love-stoned gaze as he leaned against the doorframe with both hands in his pockets. He winked at him just before Robbe entered the kitchen, the brunet watching his step again and shaking his head from the utter happiness he felt bubbling up inside his chest. He truly had never felt like this ever before. This alive, this in love. He wished everyone could feel the way Sander made him feel. 

As he walked towards the kitchen counter, filling two cups with water as he knew that's what Sander liked the most, he looked through the small gap in the wall that devided the kitchen from the living room, as he saw Sander walk in, immediately finding his gaze and winking at him once again. Robbe smiled, winking back, as he held up the cup with water to silently ask if that was okay. Sander nodded, leaning against the fire place as a teammate suddenly walked up to him and shook his hand, his gaze with Robbe unlocked instantly. The brunet shook his head, knowing that Sander only came there to be able to keep watching him, at the same time appreciating how he had his friends surrounding him, too. Sander didn't have many at first, so seeing him interact with more people now, being more open and inviting towards others, made Robbe feel a rush of pride he wouldn't be able to explain.

He was taken out of his thoughts as he turned himself around, finding the eyes of the guy he wanted to see the very least right now.

''What a surprise. Didn't expect to see you here.'' Tobias said, as he walked up to Robbe, a red cup in his hands. He squeezed his eyes, looking up at the ceiling and said: ''Wait, I did, actually. Because you and Sander are together now, aren't you?''

Of course he mentioned that. Of course he wanted to make a big deal out of it, too. It was the exact reason he had followed Sander to the lockerroom earlier today. He wanted to find out if they were together already, and once his theory got confirmed, of course he loved to come in between them right away and heat some things up once again. Robbe was truly so tired of him, that he couldn't even feel bad about the things he'd done to him anymore. Sander was all that mattered to him right now.

''Eh, yes, we are.'' He said, pressing his lips together as he tried to maintain himself.

Tobias nodded, scoffing as he shook his head afterwards. ''I must admit, I didn't expect you to be over me that quickly.''

''I was already over you the second I found out you cheated on me.'' Robbe smiled, his eyes showing zero expression as the words left his lips. 

''Ouch. Fair enough.'' Tobias moved back, moving his hand over his chest right where his heart was, acting as if Robbe's words hurt him, sarcasm dripping off of the tone of his voice. He recovered himself quickly, leaning against the kitchen counter next to him, as he took a sip from his beer. ''So he's been 'honest' and 'open' with you, then?''

''Well, yes, he has been. And it's been very refreshing.''

''Right. Let me guess, he has told you every single thing about me by now, to make you turn against me even more.''

''I don't have to know everything. When he told me you cheated on his sister because of her mental illness, I already knew more than enough.'' Robbe rolled his eyes, trying to walk away as he didn't grant the boy as much as another look, simply because he didn't deserve one, and because he was just being the same old asshole he had always been. ''See you around, Tobias.''

Tobias moved his hand to Robbe's chest, holding him back and pushing him against the counter softly. ''So has he told you why he hates this house so much, then?''

Robbe frowned, from the sudden move Tobias made, but also from the words he had just said to him. ''What?''

''You know, how he hates being here. Why he's always at his mom's. Why he can't stand me, even before he knew you.''

Robbe shook his head. ''It's... because of his sister. He lives there because she does, too.''

''Right. Did he also mention to you that he lives there because he's just as fucked up as she is?''

Robbe had no clue what Tobias was trying to achieve here. Was this his way of setting them up against each other? Of ruining their relationship after he had found out about it? Was this all jealousy? Or was this all his rivalry that he shared with Sander for some reason? He literally didn't understand any of this. Tobias was the one who fucked up their relationship, Robbe hadn't. He had no reason to try and break them up simply because he missed being with him, or whatever it was.

''What are you even saying?''

''Sander is just like her, Robbe. The same baggage, the same bullshit.''

 _Sander is just like her._ _Britt told me I acted like my sister. My sister is bipolar. She has these mood swings she can't control._ Was Tobias saying what Robbe thought he was saying? Whatever it was, he didn't believe any of it. It was all just a part of his game, of trying to get in between them and to break them up simply because he was too full of himself to understand that his jealousy going on right here was such fucking nonsense. He had no right to be.

''How do you even know any of this?''

''Because Sander and I are closer than you think, Robbe. That's why.''

Robbe's heart skipped a beat as he remembered the things Sander and Tobias had shouted at each other last Saturday, the words that had confused Robbe so much, the words he had decided to let go because he didn't want to pressure Sander into telling him more than he wanted to.

''I don't want to hear any more of this.'' As Robbe tried to leave once again, Tobias repeated himself, pushing Robbe back by pressing his hand against his chest.

''Tell me, has he been honest about that, Robbe? About us?'' The two boys locked eyes, as Robbe's heart started beating even faster, his hand still in the same place on Robbe's chest. ''Has he told you about how his sister and I met, how we both changed schools, and why he's avoiding his dad all the time?''

Robbe pushed him off of him, shoving him against the counter behind him. ''Shut the _fuck_ up, Tobias.''

Tobias scoffed, his mouth dropped opened. ''He hasn't, has he?''

''He doesn't have to tell me anything he's not ready for.'' Robbe replied steadfast and confident, choosing Sander's side in this, like he always would. 

''Oh, but I know why he's not telling you. Because when you find out, you're not even gonna want him anymore.''

Anger boiled up inside Robbe's body, as he clenched his jaw and balled his fists, ready to punch Tobias right into his face. He had _no_ right to talk about his feelings towards Sander. He didn't know _shit._ ''I will _always_ want Sander.''

''Really? I doubt that when you hear the truth.''

Robbe let out a loud groan, as he hid both hands in his hair, pulling it out of frustration. ''Literally, _what_ do you want from me?''

Tobias shrugged as he took another sip from his beer, calm, as if nothing was happening. ''I just want you to be happy, Robbe. Dad has always wanted the same for Sander, but he's just too selfish.''

The brunet shook his head, not understanding _shit_ anymore. ''What do you mean _dad?_ I-''

''Remember how I told you my parents are divorced? And that my mom married someone new? Well, her new husband already had three children.'' Tobias put down his cup, grabbing Robbe by his shoulders to turn him around, facing the living room. He rested his chin on Robbe's shoulder for a second, taking it off to point his index finger at the fireplace. ''One of them is standing _right_ there.''

It felt like Robbe's heart sank into his feet. The world seemed to stop turning around them, not in the way it would when he and Sander kissed, but in the way it would when it crashed down. He caught his breath as he felt his heart skip a beat, seeing Sander look into their direction, anger immediately flashing through his eyes as he realized what was happening.

Tobias knew. Sander knew. And now Robbe knew, too.

Everything suddenly made sense. The way they both switched schools. The way Sander had always been the overly protective brother. The way Sander had been the one to come between Tobias and his sister. The way Sander _hated_ his dad. The way Sander lived at his mom's, and only came here to throw parties he didn't even want to be a part of. The way his little brother had told him he didn't see Sander very often anymore. The way Tobias and him shared a past Robbe still didn't know everything about. It had never been just about Robbe. It had never been just about Sander's sister. There had always been something more.

They were fucking _step-brothers._

Tobias patted him on the shoulder, as Robbe's gaze never left Sander's. ''I told you, Sander and I go way back.''

He grabbed his cup as he let go of him, walking his way to the kitchen's exit. ''Well, have a nice evening, Robbe. See you around.''

Robbe looked back one second to see Tobias leave the room, as he turned himself around again to find Sander's gaze.

But he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii lovelies!!
> 
> ahhh chapter six already, i can't believe time is flying by so quickly.
> 
> anyways, about the chapter: this one was so different to write from the other ones. i guess it was less about the storyline and more about the connection and fluff between robbe and sander which all of you so rightly deserved <3 i hope it was good enough and that this is how yall expected it to be. i tried my best but still am a lil insecure about this one, so. :')
> 
> pleaseeee leave a comment on what you thought about it. like i say every time, it truly keeps me going and i truly mean that. reading your opinions, thoughts and expectations for the future chapters makes me so happy and motivated to write the next chapter immediately!! so leave a comment here or send me a message on my tumblr if you want to. it's sobbefairytales <3
> 
> lots of love from me to you, stay safe in these weird times. xx a <3


	7. chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: explicit content!

**Friday 23:51**

It was like every single party at Sander's house could only end in a bad way. Robbe almost felt like they were cursed, as every single week for the past months had ended with one of them resulting in things happening that Robbe didn't want to happen. Robbe finding out Tobias had cheated before, Britt interrupting his first kiss with Sander... the list went on and on. And now, when Robbe thought it couldn't possibly get any worse, Tobias told him stuff he wasn't sure he should even believe in the first place. _Sander is just like her. The same baggage, the same bullshit._ Was he telling him that Sander's sister wasn't the only one with bipolar disorder, but that he had it himself, too? _Sander and I are closer than you think._ It felt like the world disappeared underneath Robbe's feet as he felt Tobias' words penetrate in his mind. They were _step-brothers,_ and ever since Robbe knew, everything had suddenly started to make sense.

Well, almost everything.

As Sander had seen them talking, he must've realized what they were discussing, as Robbe had never seen a look _that_ broken on Sander's face. It was like his world came crashing down, as he knew that the one thing he had always wanted to keep from Robbe, scared that he would lose him if he found out, had actually come out now, and the worst thing was: he hadn't told him about it himself. And that was probably the one thing Sander hated himself for the most. Robbe knew him well enough to know that.

But the point was, that Robbe _wasn't_ mad at him. He _wasn't_ gonna leave him now that he knew. He didn't give a single shit about him and Tobias being somehow related, about them being closer than Robbe thought. He didn't care about any of it, as all he cared about was Sander. He still wanted him. Maybe even more so. He _loved_ him, and nothing or no one was ever gonna change that. Not even in a million years.

So after Sander had left the house, running away, scared that Robbe was gonna tell him off, that they were over and pretty much confirming all thoughts Sander had about himself, Robbe decided to go after him right away. He didn't grant Tobias as much as one more look after he had seen Sander leave. All he wanted was to find him, to tell him it was all gonna be okay, and that he would never leave him. Not now, not ever. No matter what he went through, no matter what others told him. 

He grabbed his bike from down the sidewalk, and cycled to Sander's mom's house in the cold night as if his life depended on it. He doubted for a second to go visit the tree and see if he was there, but he figured he wouldn't be there right now, as the place most likely reminded him of Robbe, and that was all he couldn't take right now. His heart ached at the thought of Sander being scared he had fucked it all up and that he had lost him, even though the contrary was his actual reality. In fact, if they would just talk about this, if Sander would just communicate about how he felt and about what happened, it could even make them stronger than they already were.

As he arrived at the house, he dropped down his bike into the bushes, not giving a single care about putting it down properly, as all he thought and cared about right now was finding Sander. He rang the doorbell multiple times, not even thinking about the time, not once realizing he could be waking people up, just impatiently shuffling on his feet as he waited for the door to finally open.

And once it did, Robbe was completely startled, as the person who opened it was the one he had least expected to.

 _Sander's sister_.

''Hi.'' Robbe stammered, observing her from head to toe, as if he wasn't fully believing she was actually real. All this time, she had just been an important part of Tobias and Sander's backstory, the reason he didn't trust Tobias anymore, one of the reasons he had fallen for Sander. She had always been just a mention in their history, a person who had to go through a lot of shit and now had to suffer from the consequences. And now, suddenly, she was standing right in front of him. She looked _exactly_ like Sander. Her jaw was just as curved as his, her eyes just as foresty green, shining bright underneath the light of the moon. Her hair was dark brown, the exact same color as Sander's eyebrows, fluffy strands falling down her forehead as her hair was cut in bangs, almost hiding her eyes underneath. She looked like an absolute _dream-_ it truly was no wonder that Sander did, too.

She frowned her eyebrows, just studying Robbe for a few seconds as she took him in, impatiently standing on her doorstep. ''Uh, hi. Can I help you? It's quite late...''

''Are you... Sander's sister?''

''Yes, I am.'' Her pupils dilated a bit, quietly observing him completely as she squinted her eyes and asked: ''Then you must be Robbe?''

She knew who he was? Suddenly, the memories of that one night where Robbe had stayed over at Sander's for the first time came rushing back to the surface. His little brother had told him Sander had mentioned him before, not just to him, but to the rest of his family, too. That obviously meant his sister had heard about him before as well. The thought of it, of Sander talking about Robbe, not being able to stop as he was all he could think or talk about, once again made Robbe shiver. He had never felt more... appreciated. Wanted. Seen. _Loved._

''You know who I am?''

The girl giggled softly. ''Of course I do. Sander talks about you all the time.''

 _He talked about him all the time._ Robbe truly had never felt more butterflies flying through his chest, warmth bubbling up and rushing down his spine. 

He swallowed, moving his hand through his hair, not being sure what to do with this sudden feeling of... specialty. ''He does?''

''Hm-m.'' 

She smiled, and Robbe couldn't do anything else than return the gesture. Her smile was just like Sander's- it was so incredibly captivating, so _gorgeous_ and bright that it immediately made you want to smile as well. He stood up on his tiptoes a little bit, trying to look over his sister's shoulder to try and spot Sander down the hallway. But he didn't. ''Is he... is he home?''

She nodded. ''He is. He just arrived and went up to his room immediately.''

A rush of relief waved through Robbe's body, his heart skipping a beat as he realized Sander was safe. Maybe he was even a little proud of himself too, for knowing where Sander went right when he saw him leave. It meant he knew him well, that Robbe had discovered parts about him that nobody else knew. It said so much about how strong their bond was, and it made Robbe want to fix this, run up to Sander and hold him and never let go as soon as possible all the more. 

''Oh.''

His sister studied Robbe's face, the expressions continuously replacing each other, as he felt so many at once. She immediately seemed to notice, as she licked her lips and asked: ''Did something happen?''

Robbe looked up into her bright green eyes, concern showing in them in the same way Sander's always would. It made him feel calm, as the familiar sight of it remembered him of just how peaceful and safe Sander could make him feel. And that familiar feeling, of support, of concern, of wanting to know what happened and wanting to make him feel better, immediately made Robbe drop his guard and freed his way to opening up. It truly turned out to be the Driesen's power. ''I guess so. It's all a bit... confusing.''

''Do you want to come in and talk about it?''

Robbe smiled as she took a step back, opening up the way to the hallway and giving him space to walk in.

He nodded as he took a step closer. ''I would love to.''

**Saturday, 00:12**

''Do you want something to drink?'' As Robbe entered the kitchen and took a seat at the table, he realized this was the first time he had actually taken a proper look at Sander's mom's house. It was way smaller than his dad's, not necessarily in a poor way, but just more... domestic. More like a place where you wanted to be, rather than some big fancy house where the expensive furniture had more meaning than the memories it held. He took a look at the wall, seeing multiple photo frames of Sander, ones with his sister, ones with his mom, even a few with his little brother. He had his natural brown hair in all of them, looking like a different person yet somehow also exactly the same. In the end, however he looked, he always looked incredibly gorgeous. As the question his sister asked suddenly seemed to reach him, he shook his head quickly.

''No, I'm fine, thank you.''

She smiled, grabbing herself a glass of water. ''Polite. Just like Sander described you.''

Warmth bubbled up inside Robbe's chest, butterflies flying down his stomach as he was once again reminded of Sander mentioning him at home. ''Does he actually talk about me that much?''

''He does. He just keeps rambling about how great you are. I've never seen him this way before.''

''What way?''

''In love. Genuinely happy. Enjoying his life.'' She took a look at the pictures, hurt flashing through her eyes as if she was trying to say that back then, Sander had lived his life very differently. She looked back at Robbe, smiling widely as a twinkle appeared in her green eyes. ''You truly bring out the best in him, Robbe.''

Robbe grinned, maybe even a bit proudly, as he stared at his fingers and played around with them, somehow feeling a little overwhelmed by all of this, by knowing how big his influene on Sander really was. Not that he minded, in fact, he absolutely loved it. He had just never really experienced being this important to someone ever before. Mostly not in the way where he was just as important to him, too. ''He brings out the best in me, too.''

The girl smiled, grabbing the chair in front of Robbe to sit down in front of him. ''So, what happened tonight?''

He wasn't quite sure how to explain, or where to begin. It truly had all been such a big mess, but mostly just a huge misunderstanding. ''We were at your dad's house, for the after party of today's game. Things went well, but then Tobias came up to me and told me things about Sander I didn't know yet. I'm not sure if they're true, but... Sander seemed to realize what was happening, and he left. I guess that says enough.''

The girl scoffed. ''Right, I forgot Sander told me you dated the same asshole I did. What did he tell you?''

''He told me you guys are... related. And... I think he told me Sander is bipolar, too.''

''What do you mean, you think?''

Robbe raised his eyebrows, pressing both lips together. ''Let's just say he has his way with words.''

She sighed, taking a sip from her water as she put the glass down on the table and intertwined her fingers together. ''Look, Robbe. There's some things about either of them that you need to know, things I know Sander won't tell you because he's too ashamed to talk about it. Especially to you.'' Their eyes met as the last few words fell down her lips. Robbe's chest stung as they settled in his mind. ''When dad moved in with Tobias' mom, him and I met, and I fell for him. You must know what he's like. He makes you feel all wanted and loved, almost as if you're special to him. I got blinded by my love for him, so much that I didn't even care about the whole step-brother thing. Then, when we were together for a while, I told him about my mental illness because I trusted him. I thought that it would make us stronger, that he would still love me, maybe even more. But he didn't. Instead, he cheated on me because he didn't know how to handle it.''

It was like that one time that Sander opened up to him all over again, as Robbe felt nauseous all over his body. Not just because he had to hear some parts of the same story again, but also because everything she said was so... relatable. So recognizable. Tobias _did_ know exactly how to make you fall for him. And now that he thought about it, he was also so glad he had never told Tobias about his mom's mental illness.

''He told my dad that I was the one wanting something romantically from him, and that he felt pressured into it so he had gone along with it. He told him I was crazy and that I needed help, and my dad chose his side. He always chooses his side ever since he married that woman. He told me I had to get therapy and medication, to 'get better'. When Sander found out, he got so fucking angry at him for treating me that way and for setting my own dad up against me, that they fought at school one day and got expelled for it. Both Tobias and dad blamed it all on his mental illness, making him feel so bad about himself, and decided it was better for all of us to start over on a new school to have a clean slate. Tobias and Sander went to yours, I switched to another one, because dad wanted me as far away from Tobias as possible. It's the only wise choice he has ever made. Sander _hates_ dad for everything he has done, so one day, him and I decided to move in with mom for good.''

''Fuck. I'm so sorry about all of this.'' Robbe suddenly felt the need to reach out and grab her hand, but he held himself back, knowing it would probably all be a bit too soon. There was just one thing he didn't seem to understand. ''But why would Sander be ashamed to tell _me_ this?''

''Because, Robbe, dad made him feel like all of this was his fault. Them getting expelled, them having to change schools, even standing up for me got blamed on his mental illness. The guy got treated like shit for at least a whole year, all because of Tobias fucking me over and him trying to protect me. He hates them, but the person he hates the most is himself.'' 

Another sting in his chest. Everything she said made all of it make sense. Sander had told him parts of it, so did Tobias, but he had never really gotten the full picture. And now that he did, everything that Sander had ever done suddenly had such obvious reasons. The guy hated himself, so much that he didn't think he could ever be loved. ''That's so fucking messed up.''

''Sander _isn't_ the bad guy, Robbe. But he does feel like he is.''

Robbe nodded quickly. ''I know that. He's the best person I've ever met.''

She smiled at him, taking another sip of her water as she cleared her throat, clearly being quite unsettled from having to talk about all of it, reliving the memories in her head. Robbe felt quite guilty about it, but mostly thankful for finally getting to understand all of Sander's history. Except... one thing. ''But... then why is he still throwing those parties at your dad's house if he hates him so much?''

''He told me he's doing it because he wants to make sure Tobias isn't pulling the same shit all over again with someone else. I told him countless times it wasn't his job to protect others from him, but he never listened. It's just the person he is. He wants to make sure people don't get hurt, especially the ones he loves.'' She chuckled softly, reaching out her hand as she lied it on top of Robbe's. ''That includes you.''

Robbe watched her hand lying over his, a smile playing on his lips as she had done the exact thing he wanted to do a few minutes ago. She caressed her thumb over his hand before taking it back, licking her lips as she continued: ''When he first told me about you, and you dating Tobias, it all made sense to me. He loves you, and he wanted to make sure you wouldn't get hurt the same way I did.''

The brunet let out a loaded exhale, trying to process all of the information he had just gotten. Sander truly was God's greatest gift, and the fact he didn't realize that himself made Robbe feel absolutely terrible. ''Fuck.''

''Yeah.''

Robbe sighed, staring at the photo frames once again, his eyes scanning Sander on each of them. He smiled softly, watching him in awe. ''He truly is the greatest guy, isn't he?''

The girl nodded. ''He is. But so are you.''

''I am?''

''Yes. Because you make him feel loved for who he really is, Robbe. I notice that. He has never felt happier about himself.''

The both of them stared at each other for a minute, the silence being louder than words, as Robbe nodded thankfully, not really being sure what to say. They smiled at each other, sharing their love for the boy that deserved the world, the boy that had made Robbe realize he was worthy of love, that he was enough the way he was. He stared at his fingers, cradling them over one another like he would always do with Sander's. ''He does the same for me.''

**Saturday, 00:31**

As Robbe walked up to Sander's room, the place that reminded him of that one special night they had shared together, the night that had made so many things different yet clear for the both of them, he felt his heart ache in his chest. Everything his sister had just told him made him feel nauseous all over. He couldn't believe he had ever dated Tobias and doubted Sander in the first place. All the shit both him and his sister had been through because of him said enough about the person he was. He didn't know how to be faithful, neither did he know how to be emphatic or thoughtful towards the people he was with. He judged people for something they weren't able to control, making them feel bad for it, making them _believe_ it was something they should feel terrible about. It disgusted him to a whole other level, and he was suddenly so glad that dating him had only lasted somewhat more than a month. He didn't deserve more, from nobody. Not until he started learning from his actions. All of it made Robbe wonder if he had ever really loved him in the first place.

Robbe's hand moved to the doorhandle, slightly pushing it down and carefully pushing the door opened, as he saw Sander lying down on his bed, hugging his sheets as he lied on top of them in the midst of darkness, as the light of the moon shining through his curtains was the only source of radiance that made Robbe able to see him lying there, so extremely vulnerable within the waves of his white duvet. It almost was a deja vu to that night, about two weeks ago, only this time, the things between them, the connection between them, was way different than it was before. This time, their feelings were out in the open, they knew that all that mattered to them was each other, they knew that nobody else in this universe would ever be as important as them. And Robbe would do everything in his power to make Sander believe that.

The door made a small creak as it fell closed, making the blonde look up from hiding his face in his pillow. His hair was messy, his eyes gloomy, as his face was red all over from the tears that had seemingly streamed down his cheeks not that long ago.

''Robbe?'' The blonde questioned softly, thick disbelief in the sound of his voice as he observed the brunet from up, all the way down, almost as if he thought he was dreaming. He wasn't, but he for sure looked like one.

The brunet shuffled towards his bed, sitting himself down on the edge as he reached out for Sander's face with his hand. He moved his index finger through the strand of fluffy hair that fell down over his eye, as he whispered: ''Hi there.''

''Why are you... what are you-'' Sander sat himself up, pulling in both legs as he wrapped his arms around them, staring at Robbe with utter confusion, clearly not understanding why he was here, or why he still wanted to see him in the first place. Suddenly it was so obvious how his sister had said how ashamed he was of everything. Now that he knew Robbe knew everything, he quite clearly thought Robbe didn't want him anymore. But he _did._ Even more so.

The brunet reached out his arms as he scooched over closer, putting both hands on Sander's to make him release his legs. ''Shh, it's okay.''

Sander put his both legs down, giving Robbe space to move over more closely. He settled himself in front of him, sitting down between his legs as he always did, grabbing his both hands in his lap as he caressed them, fingers trailing patterns over his palms to try and soothe him. He could feel the beat of Sander's heart through the veins in his hand as his hoarse voice quietly asked: ''But why are you here?''

''Because I want to be with you.'' Robbe said, moving his hand through the blonde's hair and resting it on his cheek, cupping it, making him close his eyes as a reflex from the sense of his warm, familiar touch.

The blonde opened his eyes again as the words Robbe had just said seemed to finally penetrate, his eyes wide, pupils dilated, the lump in his throat very present as he questioned: ''You do? Even after what he... what Tobias...''

'' _Fuck,_ Sander, of course I do.'' Robbe pressed his forehead against his, brushing both thumbs over his cheeks now as a silent way of reassurance, their noses touching as he continued: ''I told you, remember? It's you and me now. That's all that matters.''

''I- but you don't have to...''

As their foreheads still touched, Robbe moved his hands from his cheeks to intertwine them with Sander's, squeezing them and pushing his head back slightly. ''I _want_ to, Sander. So fucking much.''

The blonde opened his gloomy eyes, bloodshot from the tears as he stared at Robbe's assured doe-eyed ones, as they quietly fought them, telling them it was all going to be okay. He squinted his eyes together as some more tears streamed down his cheek, brushing the sleeve of the black hoodie he had put on past it to quickly dry them up. He sniffled, breathing in deeply as he shook his head that was still leaning against Robbe's. He closed his eyes again, staying silent for a little bit, as suddenly, he broke down again completely. Only this time, he wasn't on his own. He was here, right in Robbe's arms, knowing he was safe, knowing he wasn't gonna leave him, even now that he knew about everything. These weren't just tears of anxiety, tears of fearing that Robbe would hate the person he truly was even though he was still the same- they were tears of relief, tears of the reassurance he had found in Robbe, a reassurance of not having to hate himself, a reassurance of not being on his own anymore ever again, a reassurance of being _enough._

As the tears streamed down his face, Robbe wrapped both arms around him, closing him in for a tight hug. ''Come here.''

He quickly moved away the sheets to settle the both of them down beneath them, as Sander wrapped both arms around his chest and hid his face in his sweater. As his body shocked from crying, the only sound in the room being his sobbing and the sound of Robbe's breath, the brunet wrapped the sheets around both of them, making sure Sander felt safe and warm in this moment of letting go. He enclosed both arms around the older boy, pressing him against his chest as his fingers trailed through his hair in calming motions. The blonde moved up a little, settling his face in the crook of Robbe's neck. He felt tears streaming down the skin, still caressing the back of his head as his fingers traced circles over it. 

''Shh, I got you, baby.'' He pressed a tender, reassuring kiss against his temple. ''I'm here.''

Sander tightened his grip around Robbe's chest, lying _so_ close to him that he was almost unable to breathe. As Robbe drew circles on his back carefully, he could feel the boy's breath becoming slower, the pace of his heart calming down. ''I'm not leaving you, okay?''

The boy nodded, nuzzling his nose deeper into Robbe's neck and curling up to him even more. He took in a deep breath, taking in his scent, moving himself down and settling himself on Robbe's chest again. As Robbe lifted up his head slightly, he could see his boyfriend staring at his own fingers as he drew patterns on his sweater with his fingers, using the space right above his heart as if it was his long lost canvas, the touch so minuscule as he handled every single line with care. His eyes were dark, sleepy and vulnerable in a way Robbe had never seen them before. He looked drained to a point where Robbe was sure he was never gonna leave his arms, which, Robbe didn't even want him to anyway. He smiled softly, bowing down to press a kiss on his boyfriend's forehead, brushing away the strands of his bleached hair as he did so. ''Go to sleep, baby. I'm not leaving you.''

Sander nodded, tightening his grip once again, pressing a kiss down at the place he had just marked with his cautiously drawn patterns. It stayed silent for a while, neither of them moving other than the rise and fall of their chests as they took in a breath and let them out after a few seconds. Sander sighed, moving up a little to brush his nose past Robbe's neck, as he suddenly, unexpectedly whispered: ''I love you.''

A rush of warmth moved through Robbe's body, a shot of electricity rushing down his spine as the words Sander had just said seemed to kick in.

_He loved him._

And Robbe believed him. With every single piece of his heart.

He grinned, butterflies flowing through his chest as his pulse heightened, blood rushing to his cheeks as they turned bright pink from the amount of love he was feeling right now. He brushed his nose past Sander's temple, pressing a kiss down onto it as he secured his arms around Sander's body even more. ''I love you, too.''

**Saturday, 11:03**

As the light of the sun covered the bed in rays of gold, Robbe opened his eyes slowly, rubbing them and taking in a deep breath as he gradually came back to reality. As he looked down, he saw a sleepy Sander looking up at him, his eyes puffy and his hair fluffy, watching him in awe as he woke up to him, making him wonder if this reality wasn't actually a wishful dream. Robbe smiled as he took in the most gorgeous boy he had ever seen, pressing a kiss down on his forehead, moving his fingers through the locks of hair that fell down on it, as he observed Sander lying on his chest. ''Good morning, beautiful.''

''Hi,'' Sander smiled back, moving his index finger past Robbe's cheekbone, tracing it all the way down to his chin, the metal of his ring feeling cold against his soft skin.

Robbe's fingers travelled through Sander's blonde locks, playing with them as he calmingly caressed his scalp in the process. ''How are you feeling?''

Sander let out a soft breath. ''Better, now that you're here.''

''I'm glad.'' The brunet pressed a kiss to his temple, as he continued caressing it afterwards. His other hand wrapped itself around Sander's back, drawing circles on his skin to soothe him, feeling his calm heartbeat against his chest as he pulled himself towards him even closer. Sander grabbed Robbe's guardian angel necklace and lowered a kiss onto it, his lips brushing past Robbe's chest, as he hooked the chain around his finger and played with it a little longer. They laid there for a while, just enjoying the silence and each other's presence, as Sander suddenly looked up again, trying to find Robbe's eyes.

''Robbe?''

''Hm-m?''

He looked back down, fiddling with Robbe's necklace, as he stammered: ''Why did you come after me last night?''

Robbe frowned and moved down a bit, trying to find Sander's eyes as he hooked his finger beneath his chin. He pressed a delicate kiss onto his nose before rubbing them against each other. ''Because I love you, that's why.''

''So, you... you really meant that, what you said last night?''

''What?''

''That you love me?''

The brunet scoffed, turning himself towards Sander completely and moving down even further to get down to the same height as him. His thumb caressed over Sander's cheek, his soft skin setting his own on fire by just the simplest touch. His eyes found his lips, the ones he wanted to kiss _so_ badly that he even dreamt about them at night, then his nose, his eyebrows, his incredibly strong jawline. He looked back up into his eyes, scanning both of them equally as much, finishing his full observation, before finally continuing: ''Sander... of course I do. I love every single thing about you.''

Sander swallowed, looking down at his finger that was still locked around Robbe's necklace. ''Even... even after the things Tobias told you?''

Robbe nodded, grabbing Sander's face a little firmer, making him look back up at him. The expression in his eyes had never been more serious, more certain than ever before. ''I do. Even more so.''

His boyfriend smiled vividly, almost invisible, as he let go of Robbe's necklace and traced the line of his clavicle with his index finger. His eyes were in a trance, from both touching Robbe and the thoughts going round in his mind. His finger felt like a paint brush on his skin, treating his canvas with such care as if he was creating his final masterpiece. Sander made Robbe feel as if he were art, as if he was the dearest creation that had ever existed to him. And he absolutely loved it, as he had never felt more special.

''He told you everything, didn't he?'' Sander said, his voice high from the lump in his throat, yet soft, almost inaudible. The sound only, loaded with sadness and desperation for acceptance, broke Robbe's heart.

''He did,'' Robbe moved his hand up, delicately brushing it through his boyfriend's hair to try and soothe him. Sander closed his eyes, enjoying the touch, as he scooched over a little closer, kissing Robbe's chin. The brunet pressed his nose against Sander's, as his fingers kept travelling through the fluffy strands of his bleached blonde hair. ''But I didn't believe him, Sander. I told him off. I would never believe a word he says ever again, especially when it's about you.''

Sander shrugged. ''He was probably telling you the truth, though.''

''I know.''

The blonde opened his eyes, brows frowned as his confused expression found Robbe's gaze. ''You know?''

Robbe nodded. ''When I came here last night, I had a talk with your sister.''

''You did?''

''Yes, I did.'' It took Robbe some time to collect the guts to say what he wanted to say. He wasn't sure if Sander felt comfortable with him talking to his sister about all of this. He knew he had told him everything in trust, knowing that it was between them and them only. He knew Sander hadn't told him the entirety of the story because it took him time. And instead of waiting for him to be ready, Robbe decided to listen to his sister telling it all. ''She... she told me about everything. All that went down with her and Tobias, but also what happened with you and him.''

''Oh.''

As the one word, the short reply Robbe had been so afraid of, fell down Sander's lips, an ache of guilt rushed through Robbe's chest. Was it a good oh? A bad oh? From the expression in Sander's eyes, Robbe wasn't able to tell. He just wanted him to feel safe, to feel accepted and understood. He didn't want to make him feel pressured or uncomfortable in any way. The talk just... happened, and he suddenly felt so bad about doing it all behind Sander's back instead of just asking him himself first.

''I'm sorry, I know you probably didn't want me to-''

Sander shook his head, placing his index finger on Robbe's lips to shush him. ''No... _I'm_ sorry. For not telling you sooner, for not telling you in the first place. I wanted to, but I just... I thought you...''

In a whim, Robbe grabbed Sander's face with both hands and kissed him, leaving the blonde startled from his sudden action as he just looked at him with his eyes opened, without ever finishing his sentence. His eyes widened from the touch, from Robbe looking at him with a certain expression as their lips let go. ''Sander, I need you to listen to me, okay?''

Sander swallowed, nodding in reply. ''Okay.''

''There's nothing, not even one single thing, that could make me feel different about you. None of what Tobias told me, none of what your sister told me. You are _it_ for me, okay? I don't care what anyone else says. You'll always be the one for me.''

The blonde looked down, staring at the necklace around Robbe's chest. ''But who says I'll be enough?''

''Fuck, Sander, you _are_ enough.'' Robbe scooched over even closer, almost making their chests touch. He pressed his forehead against Sander's, keeping their faces close to each other by his hands still locked around his, as he almost whispered: ''You make me feel things I've never felt before. I've never loved someone as much as I love you.''

Sander blinked rapidly, looking at Robbe with complete disbelief. "Really?''

''Yes, really.'' The brunet brushed their noses together, moving them past each other for what felt like minutes. He moved his hands a bit, his thumbs brushing over Sander's lips, his fingers trailing his cheeks. ''Don't be sorry for not telling me, okay? I know how hard it was for you. I know how hard it still is. But I'm _not_ leaving you. I need you to remember that.''

''God...'' Sander scoffed, a sheepish smile appearing on his face. His eyes twinkled, the feeling of love overflowing, as he moved his hand up in between Robbe's arms, brushing his index finger past his cheekbone, then his lips. He stared at Robbe as if he was living in a dream, and as Robbe looked back at him, he couldn't agree more. ''What did I do to deserve you?''

Robbe giggled softly. ''You were you. That's all you did, and all you ever have to do.''

Sander let out a ''pfff'', his eyes love-stoned, slightly closed from being all dazzled from his feelings for Robbe. He shook his head slightly, disbelief rushing over his face, as he let his fingers travel over Robbe's hand that was still holding his face. They cradled over them, at he eventually held it, closing his eyes as he pressed Robbe's hand closer to his face. He turned his head, leaving a tender kiss onto his palm. ''I love you so much, do you know that?''

Warmth rushed through Robbe's body, from the feeling of Sander's lips on his palm, from Sander's voice being the only sound in the room, but mostly from Sander's words and the meaning of them penetrating in his mind. ''I do now.''

Sander smiled at him, grabbing his hand in his. As he brushed Robbe's hand past his lips, leaving butterfly kisses on it, he stared at Robbe's own, biting down his lower lip as he took in a deep breath.

''Can I please kiss you? You're making me go crazy and I don't think I can hold back any longer.''

Robbe giggled again, nodding his head quickly in response. ''You never have to ask.''

Sander's hand moved to Robbe's back, pulling him in closer to be able to seal their lips together. It started off as a slow, tender kiss- their lips parting, moving past each other in calm motions, the both of them completely captivated by one another. It felt like time had stopped, as the flutter inside Robbe's chest only intensified as life went on around them. His heart pounded in his chest, Sander feeling so incredibly soft against his mouth, as he felt his tongue moving past his lower lip and granted him access to explore it however much he wanted to. Robbe's hand leaned on Sander's chest, as he moved it a little higher, hooking his finger around the edge of his hoodie, pulling him closer towards him as he lied himself down on his back. Sander smiled against his lips, letting Robbe guide him on top of him. His hand moved down Robbe's chest, to his waist, eventually ending up on his thigh, massaging it and pulling it over his own leg, intertwining them together. He bit his lower lip softly, making Robbe whine and pull his hair in response. As Sander moaned slightly, pulling back for air and sneaking a peek at Robbe's beautiful face, he reached out lower, his lips finding his neck as he left open-mouthed kisses down on it, slowly reaching his collarbone. Robbe bit his lower lip as he felt Sander marking him, his tongue moving past it seconds after. He wrapped his arms around Sander's neck, using their intertwined legs to turn the both of them around, taking control as he now was the one lying on top. He sat up on Sander's lap, watching the boy beneath him stare at him with the most love-stoned, twinkling eyes as he rested his head on his arm. He licked his lips as he observed Robbe- his messy brown hair, his morning face, the way his sweater was way too big for him. Robbe giggled, not being sure where to look as Sander's gaze made him feel all blushy, reaching down to hook his finger underneath Sander's hoodie again, pulling him up towards him. Sander left a kiss on his lips, smirking as he moved his nose past Robbe's.

''Someone's confident,'' He whispered, their lips brushing together, reaching out for them as Robbe's face was higher than Sander's. He placed his hands on his waist, squeezing it slightly.

The brunet chuckled. ''Only with you.''

Sander bit his lower lip, moving his hand through Robbe's brown locks as his other squeezed his hip. '' _Fuck_. You're so hot.''

Robbe's heart skipped a beat, feeling excitement and warmth rise in his body as he quickly pressed his lips back on Sander's again. The blonde's hands travelled all over Robbe's back as he pushed their bodies together, Robbe's hips colliding with his as his hands roamed through his blonde hair. Sander moaned his name, butterflies sparking, moving his hands to Robbe's waist to press their hips together even further. Both of them didn't know how it happened, how they could change the mood from loving to passionate within seconds, but it just... did. And it was fucking incredible.

Sander's hands moved to the edges of Robbe's sweater, wanting more, pulling it up to toss it off onto the floor. He let go of Robbe's lips, staring down his body for a second, to finally leaving sloppy kisses down his neck, his tongue moving past his skin. Robbe moved his head aside, granting Sander more access as he explored his skin, his touch feeling so hypnotic that Robbe could barely even move from how weak he made him feel, trying to master the balance of gravity. His fingers dug into Sander's skin, releasing the pleasure he was feeling, it almost bursting him alive. 

''You make me go completely crazy, Ijzermans,'' Sander sighed, finding his lips again halfway. Robbe curled his toes, his entire body tingling as Sander claimed his mouth once again, completely devouring him. Robbe wrapped his knees around Sander's legs even closer, pressing his entire body against him as far as he possibly could.

''How crazy?'' Robbe whispered, his hands pulling Sander's hair as the blonde bit his lower lip. He crashed their hips together, knowing exactly what effect it had on Sander, secretly enjoying it himself, too.

''Fuck, baby...'' Sander exhaled, pressing his forehead against Robbe's as his fingers dug into the dimples on the bottom of his spine. ''I don't think I could explain it with words.''

Robbe giggled, making their lips meet again, ready to turn the kiss back into heated passion, before abruptly being cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. Sander groaned loudly, making himself fall back on the mattress dramatically and hiding his face beneath both hands. ''Please tell me that's not a reminder for you having to do something today.''

''It's not. It's Jens.''

''What did he say?''

''He asked if everything went well last night. He noticed we were gone but didn't see us leave, so.''

Sander rested his head on his arm, staring up at Robbe, watching him in awe as a smile covered his lips. ''He's a good friend, isn't he? Aside from ruining our moment, obviously.''

Robbe laughed as he nudged Sander's waist, making the blonde return the same gesture. He looked back at the text on his phone, both boys catching their breaths from laughing as he reminded himself of all the amazing things Jens had ever done for him, especially during the past few weeks. ''Yeah, he really is.''

The blonde snorted, hiding his face underneath his hands again as he groaned softly. ''I, eh... used to be kinda jealous of him, actually.''

''You did?'' Robbe frowned, tossing his phone aside on the mattress, immediately - as always - wanting to spend all of his attention on Sander as the intriguing information left his mouth. His boyfriend hummed in approval, biting down on his lower lip. Robbe's hands moved across Sander's chest, staring at the boy with confusion. ''Why?''

''Because, he was literally with you all the time. All I ever thought about was wanting to be in his place.'' He looked down at Robbe's chest as he still sat on his lap, avoiding his gaze as his fingers trailed over his bare chest, drawing patterns that sent shivers down Robbe's spine. ''And... maybe I was a little scared at first that you were into him.''

Robbe scoffed. '' _What?_ Me? Into Jens?''

The blonde shrugged, still avoiding eye-contact. ''What? It's not like he's ugly.''

Robbe reached out for Sander's hoodie again, locking his finger underneath his collar and pulling him up against him. The blonde wrapped his arms around his waist, loosely letting them hang around Robbe's body as he looked up at his boyfriend with gloomy, insecure eyes. He literally looked like a lost puppy as he playfully pouted his lips, looking up at Robbe who's face lingered above him. Robbe's heart had never swollen from love any more than it did right now.

''Sander, the second I saw you, you were the only guy I ever thought about. No one else comes close.'' He held his face between his hands, brushing his thumbs past his cheeks as he made their noses touch. ''Jens and I are just friends, okay? We always were. And you...'' He brushed their noses past each other, stroking his hands through Sander's fluffy, morning hair and leaving a kiss onto his lips as Sander closed his eyes to enjoy his touch. ''You're all I have ever wanted.''

Sander grinned widely, raising his eyebrows as he opened his eyes again. ''Is that so?''

Robbe returned the gesture, nodding in approval. ''Hm-m.''

''Well, you got me.'' Sander pressed their lips together again, Robbe immediately growing weak underneath his grip. His big hands grabbed him by his waist, his body completely dissolving and being consumed underneath his touch. Butterflies fluttered around in Robbe's chest as he felt Sander's breath clashing against his skin, his tongue moving past his own, battling whoever loved each other the most. Heat rose from Robbe's stomach to his chest as Sander dug his fingers into his sides, making Robbe curl his toes from the feeling of excitement rushing down his spine. Sander moved his right hand up, his thumb throbbing at the hollow of his neck, pressing their lips closer to one another as he hid his hand in Robbe's hair and pulled it, making the brunet moan in response. Robbe knotted his fists into his shirt, wanting to pull it off already, but knowing that if he did, they would probably not be able to stop. Sander pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, then his cheek, his jawline, licking his ear and working his way down his neck.

''Hmm.'' Robbe groaned, pressing both hands against Sander's chest.

''What?'' The blonde questioned, continuing to leave open-mouthed, sloppy kisses down to Robbe's collarbone. 

Robbe bit his lower lip, barely able to keep his eyes opened, still enjoying the touch and feeling Sander was giving him. ''I should go take a shower...''

Sander moved back, staring at Robbe with utter confusion. ''Are you serious? Right now?''

''If I don't do it now, I'm not sure if I'll be able to get out of bed today.''

The blonde pouted. ''I thought you said you weren't leaving me?''

''You're such an idiot.'' Robbe laughed, pushing Sander back on the mattress by pressing both hands against his chest. Sander giggled, squeezing Robbe's waist as he tried to move away from his lap. ''I'll be back in ten minutes.''

Sander immediately sat up as Robbe moved away, wrapping both arms around his waist as he pressed his back against his chest. He laid his head onto his lower back, keeping him close and pulling him against him for a tight hug. ''Nooo... stay.''

Robbe sighed, letting out a soft giggle as his heart swell from the soft gesture his boyfriend was currently granting him. He brushed his own hands against Sander's that were wrapped around his waist. ''Sander...''

''You know... I could also just join you.''

''No, you're staying here. I want you to be ready to cuddle as soon as I get back.''

''Hm, that sounds nice.'' Sander hummed, pressing butterfly kisses against Robbe's back and snuzzling his nose into it. He let go of him, making the brunet able to stand up, as he placed himself against the back of the bed, just observing Robbe as he stood there, the only piece of clothing still covering him being his boxers. He lifted his eyebrows as he licked his lips in appreciation. ''Besides, I probably wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of you if I joined.''

''Oh my _god,_ Sander.'' Robbe laughed, grabbing his sweater from the floor and tossing it at his face.

Sander laughed out loud, catching the sweater his boyfriend threw at him as he continued: ''What? It's not my fault that you're this gorgeous.''

''You're truly the biggest sap I've ever met.''

The blonde shrugged. ''You bring it out in me.''

Robbe grinned, taking a step back to the bed, lingering over the mattress to press a soft, tender kiss on Sander's lips as he kept his face up with his index finger. Sander moved his head forward, reaching out for more, not wanting to let go, making Robbe chuckle as he moved back, brushing their noses past each other, a giggle escaping his mouth as he saw Sander pouting his lips. His boyfriend lifted up his hand, brushing it through Robbe's messy hair, his eyes dazzled from the puddle of love within.

''Can we please stay in bed all day when you get back? I just... want to be by your side all day.''

The brunet smiled, nodding as he pressed a kiss on Sander's nose. ''Of course we can.''

Their lips touched again, as Sander hooked his hand behind Robbe's head, trying to keep him close and deepen the kiss. Robbe sighed, love swelling in his heart as he knew Sander didn't want him to leave, not even for ten minutes, not even for five seconds. They were so ridiculously in love that they were barely able to live without one another for more than a second. He grabbed Sander's hand from behind his head, breaking their kiss and pressing another one onto his palm.

''You're cute.'' He said, walking back as he kept Sander's hand in his.

Sander grinned widely, observing Robbe from head to toe as he stood there half-naked in front of him. Robbe could immediately notice how his pupils dilated, as he saw his boyfriend swallow and bite his lower lip. ''You're hot.''

''You're a sap.'' Robbe replied, his cheeks a mixture from red and pink as Sander's compliments could never be something he got used to. It made him feel so incredibly special, as he had never been with someone like him before, neither had he ever felt anything that Sander made him feel. It literally felt like being on top of the world.

Sander shook his head in disbelief, his eyes still tracing Robbe's body, then finally his face. ''You truly have my entire heart, Ijzermans.'' 

Robbe smiled, pressing another kiss on Sander's hand before letting it go. ''So do you.''

**Wednesday, 20:05**

**Sander** : you here?

 **Robbe** : yes, why?

 **Sander** : no reason, just missed you

 **Robbe** : i miss you too 🥺

 **Sander** : my pillow doesn't smell like you anymore and that's a sign that you haven't been here enough

 **Robbe** : then come over and sleep here

 **Sander** : i want to... but i just got home from practice and i still got a painting to finish for tomorrow, ugh

 **Robbe** : then... do you want me to come over?

 **Sander** : fuck

 **Sander** : i do

 **Sander** : but i do need to concentrate

 **Robbe** : that won't be a problem, i can be quiet

 **Sander** : can you? 🤭

 **Robbe** : oh my god sander 😂

 **Sander** : sorry i take that back :')

 **Robbe** : no you don't

 **Sander** : hihi

 **Robbe** : i promise i won't distract you

 **Sander** : robin, you distract me as soon as i lay eyes on you

 **Sander** : but please come over

 **Sander** : i want you

 **Sander** : in my arms, i mean

 **Robbe** : well then you'll get me

 **Sander** : fuck, i'm lucky

 **Robbe** : that makes two of us

 **Sander** : hurry, i want to kiss you so badly

 **Robbe** : i want to kiss you more 😘

 **Sander** : that's a bet i'd like to take on

 **Robbe** : game on then, baby ❤

 **Sander** : game on indeed

 **Sander** : be safe and i love you, beautiful boy ❤

 **Robbe** : i love you too ❤

**Friday, 22:09**

This party was different. There was no way that things could end up bad this time. Everything was out in the open now, Sander told him whatever there was to tell, they communicated it all through, building on their trust and reassuring the other that nothing could ever come between them. They were each other's rocks, each other's lives at this point, each other's one and only, as long as their lives lasted. Nobody understood the other as much as they did each other. There was nobody else. There never could be. It all sounded quite cliché, but their love story wasn't like others. This was raw, real, they became the people they were because of being with each other. They were the person they wanted to be, simply because the other brought it out in them. And they weren't afraid to show it to the entire world.

This night was different. As a slow song played, Sander wrapped his arms around Robbe's waist, pressing his back against him as he laid his chin on his shoulder. They shuffled from left to right, closing their eyes, completely in the moment. 

''Did I already tell you how beautiful you look?'' The blonde whispered, the sense of his breath creating goosebumps on Robbe's skin.

He giggled, nodding as he turned himself around in Sander's grip. ''About ten times, yes.''

Sander smiled, grabbing Robbe's both hands, putting one around his neck, guiding the other up into the air, brushing his fingers past his palm.

''Only ten times? Wow, your boyfriend is so disappointing.''

The boys smiled against each other's lips, brushing them past each other as they stood there in the middle of the room, shuffling on the rhythm of the song as they completely forgot about the world and the people surrounding them. Sander moved his lips to Robbe's cheek, brushing his nose past it as he closed his eyes, leaving small kisses on the side of his face, as Robbe curled up into him a little more.

''Y'know, I kinda wish we were at home right now.'' Robbe whispered, moving his hand that was locked around Sander's shoulder to trail his fingertips through the blonde's hair.

''Why's that?''

Robbe's cheeks turned red, as he hid his face in the crook of Sander's neck. ''Just... want to cuddle up to you.'' 

Sander chuckled softly, as he reached out for the brunet's hair, his other hand locked around his waist, keeping their bodies close together. He pressed a kiss to his temple, rubbing his nose against it as he took in his familiar smell, soothingly continuing to shuffle the both of them from left to right.

''You know we could just go. There's nothing I'd rather do than be alone with you.''

''But, your _friends_...''

'"There's only one thing I care about, Robbe,'' Sander took a small step back, revealing Robbe's face to his as he locked his finger beneath his chin to find his gaze. The brunet's eyes twinkled, feeling hopeful for getting what he wanted, but feeling guilty at the same time for possibly taking this moment away from Sander. He always wanted what was best for him, and he knew that some of that included spending time with his friends. The corners of his mouth twitched up slightly as his boyfriend pressed a tender kiss onto his lips, immediately curing his guilt. ''If I could, I'd be with you non-stop.''

''Such a romantic, aren't you?'' Robbe laughed, wrapping his arm around Sander's neck again to pull their faces closer.

''For one boy only.'' They studied each other's eyes, spending as much attention on one as on the other, as Sander brushed his lips past Robbe's and sealed them together for a soft kiss. It deepened naturally, as Robbe moved his hands to Sander's hair, roaming through them slowly as both boys got caught up into the moment completely. Sander's hands grabbed Robbe's waist, consuming him, as his tongue moved past his lower lip, devouring him as the both of them totally forgot about everything else surrounding them, not giving a damn about others watching them or having opinions they really didn't feel like caring about. Robbe stood on his tiptoes, pulling Sander's face close to his as much as he could, as he felt Sander's right hand disappearing beneath his sweater slightly. ''So? What do you say?''

He pressed another kiss to his lips, pulling back as Robbe tried to reach out for another one. The brunet groaned, pulling Sander back in by a hand on his neck, crashing their lips back onto each other. ''Hmm.''

''Do you...'' A kiss. ''Want to...'' And another. ''Go home...'' And another one. Sander leaned back, studying Robbe's lips and his eyes as the brunet clung onto him, just watching him in awe with parted lips, desperately waiting for more. Sander's eyes twinkled, as he snorted softly, knowing exactly what effect he had on him, rubbing his nose past Robbe's, before finally continuing: ''And spend the night with me?''

Robbe hummed, a wide smile appearing on his face. ''Sounds like a fucking treat.''

'' _You're_ the treat.'' 

''You're the one who's gonna cuddle me.''

''And you're the one who's gonna cuddle me back.''

''You're a smart-ass.'' The brunet pouted, bringing his lips back to Sander's. ''A fucking attractive one, by the way.''

''Are you calling me hot?''

Robbe nodded as Sander moved his hand through the brown locks on his forehead. The brunet looked down, observing Sander's body and taking in his entire appearance, still not quite believing this guy was now _his,_ before finally replying: '' _Very_ _.''_

Sander grinned widely, cupping Robbe's cheek with his hand as he brought their lips together once again. They parted their lips, as Robbe felt Sander washing over him like a wave of warmth, tasting him, immediately wanting more.

''Can't you guys have sex somewhere else?'' They snorted as they heard Moyo's voice, their other friends making throwing up sounds in the back, the both of them raising their middle fingers towards them as they kept kissing each other regardless of them noticing. Robbe wrapped both arms around his neck, pressing their foreheads together as their tongues collided, Sander's hands roaming over his back as he tried to pull him as close as he could. Robbe's heart fluttered in his chest as he thought of this thing, here, right now, making out with Sander, the love of his life, in the midst of people they just... didn't care about. Or at least, not when they were together. Sander's fingers curled around his waist as Robbe pressed their hips together, them slowly walking towards the hallway as they silentely decided they needed some space.

''Ah, if it isn't the two lovebirds.'' The two boys immediately let go of each other's lips, but not of each other. Sander moved his jacket's sleeve up to dry his lips, finding the eyes of the person that had just interrupted them. Of _fucking_ course.

Robbe rolled both eyes, taking a step back as he grabbed Sander by his jacket. Maybe it was to show Tobias what he was missing. Maybe it was to show him how happy he was right now. He didn't know what it was exactly, but he _did_ know he had never felt more proud of himself, of standing here in the arms of the boy he loved so much, instead of still being with the one who had treated him in the shittiest way possible. He had never been more proud of finally choosing himself. ''Leave us alone, Tobias.''

''So you actually stayed with him, then?'' Tobias crossed his arms, his words falling down his lips with the biggest slur, his drunk state quite obviously showing. He bit on his lower lip while shaking his head in disbelief. ''I must say, Robbe, I expected more from you.''

Robbe scoffed. ''And what was that? Going back to you?''

His ex shrugged, tilting his head as he watched Sander holding him. He squinted his eyes as he observed his hands locked around Robbe's waist, his gaze moving back up to find the blonde's gaze. ''Maybe. At least I actually loved you and it wasn't just in my head.''

''Shut the _fuck_ up, Tobias.'' Robbe let go of Sander's jacket, taking a step forward to stand in front of his boyfriend, as if he thought it would protect him from Tobias' words. He felt Sander grab his hand behind his back, feeling warmth and safety rush down his spine as he felt his fingers cradling over it in comforting motions. He knew Sander trusted him, he knew Sander wasn't unsure about his feelings for him anymore. But he also knew words like these still hurt him, and Robbe wanted to do everything in his power to make sure he got treated the way he deserved. ''Like, what _is_ your problem? You're an unfaithful, cheating ass to everyone you're with, you set people who love each other up against each other, you make people feel like they're the worst person just for being who they are and you _still_ see yourself as the good guy?''

''I never said I was the good guy.''

''You never tried to be one, either.'' The two boys looked at each other in silence, the loudest one Robbe had ever experienced. The look in their eyes truly said it all.

Tobias shook his head, looking down at the floor beneath them. ''Look, you matter to me, Robbe...''

''Stop it, Tobias.'' His ex looked up, clearly unsettled from Robbe's sudden confident interruption. It was something he had never really done before with him, and it showed, both to him and to Tobias, that Robbe had learned from their relationship, and that he had grown even more so as a person. Sander brought it all out in him.

''What?''

''First you try to make me feel bad about Sander, and now you're just trying to, what? Win me back?''

''Fuck, I still love you, Robbe...''

Sander suddenly took a step forward, passing Robbe as he then came to a halt, only a few inches away from Tobias' face. Robbe saw him balling his fists, his veins popping up from anger. ''I dare you to say that to him one more time.''

Robbe quickly walked up to them, wrapping both hands around Sander's fists as he pulled him back towards him, taking him away from Tobias. His fingers caressed his skin, drawing circles of which he knew would make Sander feel more at ease. He pressed a kiss to his shoulder, finally feeling Sander relaxing his hands, never letting go of them as he continued: ''I love Sander. Not you. You've had your chance with me, and you screwed up. Multiple times. It's done now, Tobias.''

Tobias scoffed, pointing his finger at Sander who still watched him with a clenched jaw. ''Right, because he's never screwed up, has he?''

''At least he has shown me he's worth it.'' Robbe squeezed Sander's hands, as he felt the older boy press his body against him a little more to reassure him his attempt to soothe him was working. He knew all of this was taking a lot from Sander- it took him so much patience to not walk up to him and punch him in the face, he just _knew_ he was holding himself back. 

''Of course he has.'' Tobias shook his head, licking his lips, as he walked up to Sander once more and tapped him on his shoulder. ''Well, enjoy your time with him, then. But don't come crawling back to me the minute he fucks up.'' He let go of him, now finding Robbe's gaze instead. ''Because then people are good enough for you, aren't they? When you need their support, or when you need to feel loved? But you don't give a _shit_ about them when you don't need them.''

And that's where Sander drew the line.

''You fucking _son of a bitch_.'' He quickly released both hands from Robbe's, as he shoved Tobias against the nearest wall and hit him in the face with his fist. Robbe was startled from the sudden action, even though he _knew_ Sander was boiling of anger, and it wasn't just now- this had been building up ever since the beginning of the school year. And even though Robbe never accepted violence or any kind of hatred, he was somehow glad that Sander finally got to do this, as it probably made him feel a lot better, letting go of that anger and finally showing the guy what he deserved.

Tobias reached out for his cheek, hit mouth dropped opened, eyes wide. ''What the _fuck,_ asshole?''

''You have _no_ fucking right to talk about him like that.''

Robbe immediately grabbed Sander by his shoulders, ignoring the full hallway of people staring at them, pulling him back towards him and away from Tobias. '' _Sander-''_

He quickly guided him outside, away from the crowd and mostly from Tobias, walking off the sidewalk as they reached their bikes. Sander kicked against a bush that was set next to them, groaning as he pulled his hair. ''The fucking _asshole,_ who does he think he is?! Calling you out like that for absolutely no _fucking_ reason, just saying bullshit...''

'' _Sander.''_ Robbe said, louder than expected, making Sander shut up in an instant.

''What?''

The brunet stared at him, letting out a sigh as he saw anger still flashing through his boyfriend's eyes. ''Let's go home.''

**Friday, 23:03**

As both boys put down their bikes, this time not throwing them down but decently putting them in the racks that were meant for them, Sander observed Robbe as his boyfriend continued to stay silent, just standing there in front of the entrance, no other sound among them other than the night's thoughts. The brunet himself fiddled around with his flat's keys within his fingers, stowing them away within the pockets of his brown jacket as he hid both of his hands in there, too. Sander bit his lower lip, shuffling on his feet as he was barely able to stand this uncomfortable tension any longer. ''Robbe... did I do something wrong?''

Aside from Robbe not necessarily being a fan of what happened... he didn't. In fact, he was kind of relieved someone finally showed Tobias the consequences of his actions.

The younger boy looked up from his feet, squinting his eyes as he perceived Sander from up, all the way down and back. He licked his lips, shaking his head and letting out a soft scoff as Sander's question fell off his lips. The older boy sighed, throwing his hands in the air for a second as he didn't know what else to say or do. ''Look, Robbe, I just wanted to protect you. He has no right to talk about you like that, I just couldn't-''

Before he was able to finish his sentence, Robbe walked up to him, grabbing his face with both hands, standing on his tiptoes to be able to crash their lips together. Out of shock, it took Sander a while to recover himself, before he was finally hitting reality again and able to wrap both hands around Robbe's waist, carefully pressing the boy closer towards his own body. Sander didn't dare to move, he didn't dare to take the lead or to make Robbe do anything he didn't want him to. So instead, he just waited, letting Robbe take the lead, enjoying the now familiar touch of Robbe's lips against his as he took in a deep breath, feeling their lips brush past each other as the brunet slowly let go of them.

It took a few seconds for Sander to gradually open his eyes, his expression dazzled as he was still flabbergasted by Robbe's sudden change of mood, and mostly his sudden choice of action.

''What was that for?'' He questioned with a small voice, both hands still locked on Robbe's waist. The brunet placed his own on Sander's chest, resting them right above his heart, being able to feel the rapid pace right underneath his beige sweater. 

It was for everything. It was for Sander standing up for him in front of the guy that hadn't just ruined Robbe's, but mostly Sander's life. It was for Sander always choosing his side, no matter what was happening or who was telling him otherwise. It was for Sander never doubting him, always supporting him, not letting him face anything on his own, loving him endlessly and proving that Robbe was able to be loved, even at times where he was sure of himself that he wasn't. But mostly, it was for Sander making him feel like he was enough by just being himself, and that nobody could ever convince him otherwise.

He giggled softly, shrugging both shoulders. ''You know what that was for.''

''So... you're not mad at me?''

Robbe scoffed. ''Fuck, no. Why would I be mad at you? You gave the guy what he deserved.'' He bowed forward, pressing his forehead against Sander's as he let out another giggle, biting down on his lip to try and keep it in. ''And maybe I secretly enjoyed being protected by you.''

'' _God.''_ Sander sighed, squeezing Robbe's waist before he moved both hands to his back, pulling him closer towards him and wrapping him against his body, safely inside his arms. He shook his head, his forehead brushing against Robbe's, as he quietly whispered: ''I am so _fucking_ in love with you.''

Robbe's heart skipped a beat, warmth rushing down his spine as he looked up into Sander's twinkling eyes, never having seen such a loving expression ever before. That's when he knew he meant it. He pulled both arms up to wrap them around Sander's neck, still standing on his tiptoes, brushing his nose past his boyfriend's, as he replied: ''And I am so _fucking_ in love with _you.''_

And he meant it, too.

Sander's lips parted, as if he wanted to say something but didn't know how to. He moved back a bit, brushing his thumb past Robbe's cheek, following the line of his cheekbone down to his neck. He scoffed, letting out a soft breath that created a damp into the cold air. He shook his head while observing the younger boy in front of him, his eyes bewondered, as if they were studying the biggest masterpiece he had ever seen.

The blonde let out a loaded ''pff'', shaking his head again, before finally grabbing Robbe's face with both hands. ''Sorry, I just have to-'' 

He crashed their lips together, starting off slow, melting their bodies together perfectly as if they had always been made for one another. As Sander's hands travelled across Robbe's back, his tongue moved past the seam of his lips, granting him access as he explored his mouth deeply, taking in every single inch with care. Robbe's chest exploded with tingles and desire, as his hands moved down Sander's neck, grabbing the edges of his leather jacket and pulling him with him towards the door. They made their way up as quickly as they could, stumbling into Robbe's bedroom whilst trying to take off their shoes, as Sander pushed Robbe against the bedroom door that had just slammed shut. He pressed him against it, locking his legs between his to keep him steady, overwhelmed by the sudden need to touch and taste each other. His hands roamed over his back, disappearing underneath his sweater, as Robbe's hands knotted themselves into the blonde's hair, pulling him in closer. Sander moaned his name, biting down on his lower lip, shivering and feeling himself grow hard as Robbe groaned his name, too. As their parted lips slotted together, their kiss becoming more passionate yet sloppy as time passed, teeth clashing together, Robbe pulled Sander's hair, delivering an appreciative whine in response. The blonde pushed his hips against Robbe's, adrenaline rushing through his body as he grinded them against his before taking his lips off of his for a moment, shaking his head and catching his breath as he hid his face in Robbe's neck. 

''Fuck, I'm sorry,'' He breathed out heavily, leaning against the door with one hand to keep his body steady. His other arm was still wrapped around Robbe's back, as he kept him close, placing butterfly kisses in the crook of his neck.

''For what?'' Robbe questioned, as he still tried to catch his breath, his heart beating incredibly fast, his fingers caressing Sander's scalp as the boy was still hugging him tight. 

Sander sighed, pulling back from his safe place and pressing his forehead against Robbe's. His mouth was still opened, lips parted, as he licked the bottom one with his tongue. ''I just... I know we're taking things slow. But the effect you have on me... fuck, it's insane.''

Robbe looked down at his pants, the area right beneath his belt looking tighter than it usually would, realizing what exactly Sander meant with ''the effect he had on him''. He didn't just want him romantically. He wanted him sexually too, and that was something Robbe had never experienced before. Just the thought of it, of Sander wanting him like that, of Robbe driving him crazy just by being him and kissing him and touching him- it made him go _wild,_ so much, that he didn't want Sander to hold back any longer.

He swallowed, his eyes focused on Sander's. ''Then don't.''

Sander blinked a few times, both confusion and surprise flashing through his eyes as he frowned, his hoarse voice asking: ''What?''

''Don't take it slow.''

The blonde moved back, as if he couldn't understand what Robbe was saying, as if he didn't believe the words that fell down his lips a few seconds ago. ''Do you mean that...?''

Robbe nodded, never having been more sure of anything in his entire life, aside from wanting to be with Sander. ''Yes, that's what I mean.''

'' _Fuck.''_ The blonde pressed his forehead against Robbe's again, locking it between him and the door. He closed his eyes for a second, brushing his nose past Robbe's, as if he was taking his time to let the brunet's words sink in, not yet realizing that this was reality and not a dream. He opened his eyes again, finding Robbe's gaze, concern dripping out of his own. ''Are you sure?''

Robbe lifted up his hands to cup Sander's face, as his fingers trailed over his cheeks. He pressed a kiss to his nose, locking his hands in his hair as he hummed approvingly, and said: ''One hundred percent.''

''But, you don't have to do this for me, I don't want to pressure y-''

'' _Sander.''_ Robbe's interruption came just as unexpected as the things he had just said, as Sander just stared at him with utter disbelief. ''Just kiss me.''

''Fuck, yeah, okay.'' It was a command Sander couldn't resist, he couldn't hesitate for a second, not even if he tried to. He pressed his lips on Robbe's immediately, parting his lips as he took him in, deepening the kiss and once again wrapping both arms around his waist. He lifted him up from the floor, carrying him towards the bed slowly, as he sat himself down and took Robbe onto his lap, not once letting go of the touch of his lips on his. Their kisses were slow, soft, comforting in ways that words could never be. Sander's hands moved to the edges of Robbe's brown jacket, as he tugged at them and took it off, dropping it down on the floor right next to the bed. His fingers travelled underneath Robbe's sweater, cradling over his soft skin, the warm touch leaving the brunet with shivers down his spine. As Sander took off his own leather jacket, too, Robbe's hands tugged at the edges of his beige sweater, pulling it up and over his head, revealing his bare chest to him as their lips parted for a few seconds. He stared down at him, his fingers travelling over his skin as he sighed, still not believing _this_ guy was all his and wanted _him_. Sander chuckled as he saw Robbe watching him, his thumb brushing over his cheek, the rest of his hand leaning against his neck as he observed him staring at him in a way nobody had ever done before. He bowed over, pressing a kiss to Robbe's cheekbone, then his chin, to finally press a soft kiss down onto his lips. He moved lower, kissing Robbe's chest through his sweater, as his fingers tugged at the edges, to finally leave the younger boy half-naked on his lap. His messy hair fell down on his forehead, as Sander moved his fingers through it to lock it behind his ear. His eyes twinkled, searching down Robbe's bare chest as he locked his finger around his angel necklace, shaking his head in disbelief.

''You are so fucking gorgeous.'' 

''Shush.'' Robbe giggled, wrapping both hands around Sander's face, pressing his lips onto his once again. Their kisses changed into lust and desire within seconds, as the blonde dug his fingers into Robbe's skin, making him groan in response. Sander wrapped his arms around his waist, as he turned them around and carefully lied Robbe down on the bed beneath him. The weight of Sander's body on top of his felt extraordinary. He lingered over him, as he pressed a few more soft kisses to his lips, tasting like honey and taking Robbe's breath away, before finally moving down, his hands cupping his waist as he kissed him down his chest, all the way down to stop above the edge of his belt. As his finger stuck beneath it to take it off, Robbe grabbed his hand, stopping him in the process.

Sander immediately looked up, crossing gazes with Robbe, concern flashing through his eyes as he climbed back up again. ''Are you okay?''

''Yes, I just...'' He played with the necklace lying down on his chest, trying to avoid Sander's gaze as whatever he wanted to say felt way too embarrassing to say out loud. Sander locked his finger underneath his chin, connecting their gazes once again as he studied Robbe's eyes with a curious look, silently asking him to say it anyway. ''It's, eh... I- it's... my first time.''

Sander smiled, eyes shining with limerence, besotted with love as he licked his lips, bowing down to brush his nose past Robbe's and press a soft kiss onto it. 

''Are you nervous?''

Robbe bit his lip, avoiding Sander's gaze, humming almost inaudible as he felt his heart rushing beneath his chest. Yes, he was nervous, but not necessarily in a bad way. He was nervous because he had never done this before, let alone anything sexual with anyone. Tobias never insisted that, which had always made Robbe wonder if it was something about him that didn't make him want to. But with Sander... Robbe felt so... _wanted_. It made him feel on top of the world to know that he had this effect on him, that Sander wanted him and longed for him, sexually, romantically, in every single way Robbe had ever imagined. He was nervous to finally take this step, but he wouldn't want it to be with anybody else. He had never imagined this moment to feel _this_ safe, in the arms of the one person that made Robbe feel like he did everything right. 

Sander's smile replaced itself for a concerned expression, locking his finger beneath Robbe's chin once again and meeting the boy's gaze.

''We'll just take it slow, okay? And if it gets too much, or if you want me to stop, then tell me, alright? There's no rush, no pressure. I promise.'' 

Robbe swallowed, nodding slowly. ''Okay.''

Sander stroked his hand through Robbe's brown locks to comfort him, then moved his hand past Robbe's cheek, brushing his thumb past it to soothe him, brushing their noses together continuously. He left butterfly kisses all over his face- first his forehead, then his cheeks, his nose, eventually ending up on his lips as he caressed the back of Robbe's hand with his fingers. ''I've got you.''

Robbe reached up to find Sander's lips, letting them brush past each other, lingering onto them for a while. He suddenly wasn't as nervous anymore. ''I love you.''

Sander smiled against his lips, caressing his cheek as his other hand moved down to squeeze his waist, as if he wanted to reassure him he was there, and that he was safe with him no matter what. And Robbe truly felt that way. ''I love you, too.''

The blonde's hand moved back to Robbe's belt, slowly taking it off and dropping it beside the bed. He worked his way down, the two boys never leaving each other's eyes to make sure they were both okay, as Sander sat down between Robbe's legs and undid his pants, taking them off and leaving him with his boxers only. Sander swallowed as he took a look at Robbe's body, his cheeks bright red as his eyes twinkled in a whole new adoring way. He stood up from the bed to get rid of his own pants quickly, tossing them off and immediately bowing himself over Robbe once again. He left kisses down his chest, his tongue moving past his nipple, making Robbe appreciatively moan his name in response. Sander smirked against his skin, moving his hands down to let his fingers disappear beneath the edge of Robbe's boxers, slowly moving them down and revealing his all to him. 

And that's when it finally happened. It wasn't all smooth, rainbows and butterflies like it usually would be shown in the movies. It was far from what Robbe had always expected it to be. It hurt, then it didn't. It was new, then it wasn't. It was romantic, passionate, almost as if they bonded together even more now that they had been this intimate with each other, there being no more distance or contradiction between their souls as they truly became one. Ecstacy rushed through Robbe's body, coming and going as waves, warming his entire body up slowly like snow dissolving in the hot rays of the sun. Sander kept asking him if he was okay, if he wanted him to stop, checking up on him and holding his hand, intertwining their fingers to make sure it was going the way Robbe wanted. He kept telling him he loved him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear as he assured him he was doing so well. And he had never felt more safe within the arms of someone. And as the both of them reached their highs, completely consumed by the other, they continued being curled up inside each other's arms, falling asleep as the night fell down among them, and all that continued to live on was their love for each other.

**Saturday, 08:52 - SANDER'S POV**

As Sander felt reality kick back in the morning after, keeping his eyes closed as he wanted to go back to his dream so badly, he moved his arm to the left, reaching out for the body of the one person he wanted to feel and be with right now, the one who always played the main character in every single dream he had. He _was_ his living dream. Robbe was everything Sander had ever wished for and more.

But as he reached out, the only thing his hand found was a handful of sheets, the mattress next to him being completely empty. The boy quickly opened his eyes, confusedly observing the empty spot next to him and taking a look around the room, his eyes sleepy, but still trying to find Robbe as his heart skipped a few beats. He knew Robbe was serious about all of this, he was sure of that. Especially after last night, this thing between them was real, that it was forever and longer. So he couldn't have possibly left him, could he?

Just as Sander turned himself onto his back, the door to the bedroom fell opened, a smile growing on Sander's lips as he watched his fascinatingly beautiful boyfriend walk in, relief and reassurance rushing down his chest as he closed the door behind him.

''Morning, gorgeous.'' He giggled, dropping himself back onto the bed next to him, immediately reaching out for his touch. Sander scooched over more closely, filling up the gap in between them and tugging up the sheets to tuck his boyfriend back in. He hid his face in the crook of his neck, curling up to him, kissing down his skin as he felt the warmth consume him. ''Hi there, baby.''

He sighed, reaching his hand up to lock it in Robbe's hair. ''I thought you were gone for a second.''

Robbe scoffed softly, moving back to be able to find Sander's gaze. He stared at him with confusion, his brows frowned as he said: ''Sander... this is _my_ house. I just had to pee.''

Sander shook his head quickly, hiding his face in Robbe's neck again as his blood rushed to his cheeks, them turning bright red out of shame. He didn't want to make Robbe feel like he still doubted him, because he didn't. It was just all... new to him, still. Robbe cared for him and loved him in ways nobody had ever done before. He made him feel special, with every single part of him. Even the ones he used to hate himself. Used to. Robbe had changed that. ''Right. Sorry, I know you wouldn't just leave me anyway.''

His boyfriend chuckled, wrapping his arms around his neck and rolling them over to lie on top. He moved his finger past Sander's lips, smirking as he observed his own movements. ''You're so adorable.''

Sander rolled his eyes. ''Shush, you're ruining my ego.'' The boy snorted, watching Robbe do the same, awe taking over as he saw his laugh lines appear, the most beautiful way he could ever see him. Happy. Genuinely enjoying his life. ''Now, come here.''

He wrapped his arms around the boy's bare waist, pulling him in even closer and pressing their lips together. He turned the both of them around again, leaving him with tender kisses, love overflowing, as Robbe dug his hands into his hair, pulling it softly, which was his favorite thing he ever did. He whined appreciatively, letting Robbe know he should continue, to do it again and again, wanting to keep kissing him into infinity if they were able to. He felt his heart spark, butterflies fluttering as Robbe moved one hand to his chest, then to his upper back, digging his fingers into his skin to pull him in closer. Sander let go of his lips, moving down to his cheek, his jawline, his ear- to eventually kiss Robbe's neck, down to his collarbone. He left a few soft kisses right above his chest, as he then moved back up and found Robbe's eyes.

''Are you... okay? After what we did last night?''

Robbe closed his eyes for a second, smiling widely and humming in approval. ''Never felt better.''

''I'm glad.'' Sander moved his fingers past Robbe's lips, tracing the shape, feeling its structure, still a bit wet from Sander's touch.

''And how do you feel?''

Sander frowned his brows for one second, not quite believing that Robbe was _so_ wonderful that he'd ask him the same thing. But of course he did. _This boy._ It was just the amazing person he was. ''I feel great. I had sex with the most gorgeous boy on earth, so I couldn't feel better.''

The brunet laughed out loud, rolling his eyes as he nudged Sander's face to the side, getting the same laugh in response. ''Shush.''

Sander catched his breath from laughing, brushing his lips past Robbe's without actually kissing them. ''I'm serious, though. You were amazing, Robbe.''

Robbe felt overwhelmed with love, not being sure what to say or do, so instead, he just reached out for Sander's lips, pressing them against his. Their lips moved in sync for a while, slow, tender, but just enough to make the both of them feel as if they were in a different world. Sander's lips let go of his, as he circled the tip of his nose past Robbe's cheek, taking in his scent.

''Y'know... I was kinda glad to be your first.''

''Why's that?''

''I don't know. I guess I always wondered if you and Tobias... anyway, you just deserve to do this with someone who actually loves you. And I do, love you. A lot.''

Robbe smiled, brushing his nose past Sander's as he reached his head up a little to do so. ''I know. I'm very glad you were my first, too.''

Sander pressed a soft, tender kiss to both of his cheeks, eventually doing the same to his lips. ''That's good.''

''Hm-m.'' Robbe deepened their kiss, pulling Sander in more closely by his hand on his neck. Sander wrapped both hands around Robbe's waist, slowly moving them down to his thighs to intertwine their legs together. As he bit his lower lip, tugging at it softly, Robbe groaned, pulling his hair with the hands that roamed through them, moving them down to dig them into his shoulder blades. Sander whined appreciatively, drowning in each other as their kiss became more passionate, open-mouthed as their tongues explored each other. 

''So...'' Sander started, their lips still touching. ''Do you...'' His lips moved down his face, reaching his ear as he licked his earring, leaving open-mouthed, sloppy kisses down his neck. ''Want to take a shower together?''

Robbe giggled, biting on his lip as he tried to keep in so many sounds, not wanting to be too loud for the people that potentially were home with them right now.

''I do.'' He nodded, feeling Sander smirk against his skin.

''Go, then.''

''I can't...'' Robbe whined as Sander sucked at his skin, leaving a mark right above his collarbone, slightly licking it afterwards. ''...if you keep doing that.''

He tried to move himself to the side of the bed, as Sander scooched after him, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling his back against his front. ''Keep doing what?''

''Touching me.''

Sander immediately let go of his boyfriend's waist, pushing himself back onto the mattress, his sudden choice of action leaving his boyfriend startled. He pouted, looking at Sander as he lied a little too far away from him. He reached out his hand towards him, opening and closing his fingers to hopefully let the older boy understand the hint that he _wanted him back right now_. ''Nooo... stay here.''

The blonde shrugged, a smirk on his lips. ''If I don't stop touching you right now, we'll never shower together. All the way or no way, baby.''

Robbe sighed, standing up from the bed as he walked towards his bathroom, fingers playing with the edge of his boxers, knowing that Sander was watching as he leaned on his arm with his head. ''Okay... see you in a second then.''

Sander winked at him, the widest smile playing on his lips. As Robbe disappeared behind the door, Sander stared at the ceiling for a while, covering his face with his hands and exhaling in them, happiness and gratitude overflowing in his body as he just _couldn't_ believe this boy was his. And it wasn't just that. Robbe loved every single damn thing about him. Even the bad parts. Although, he always said they weren't bad parts. They were a part of him, and for that reason, they couldn't be bad. It made Sander feel like a new person, like _himself,_ a version of him he had never really met before. And it felt fucking fantastic. He had never thought being in love was as powerful as he felt it right now, together with Robbe.

He got taken out of his thoughts as his phone buzzed, groaning at the sound of it, really not being in the mood to talk to anyone else other than Robbe right now. Well, not that he ever wanted that, anyway.

He grabbed it from his nightstand, his heart skipping a beat as he read the message.

**09:05**

**Dad:** Tobias told me you have a boyfriend? I didn't know you were into guys. Suppose it's a thing in our family. He told me he's quite the special one. I'd like to meet him. Come by tomorrow? You can join for dinner. 6pm, don't be late.

Anger boiled up inside his chest. He told his _fucking_ dad he was dating Robbe? It wasn't like he wanted to hide him from them, let alone from anyone. He would shout it from the rooftops if he got the chance to. Everyone was allowed to know that he was dating the most amazing boy in the entire universe. And most people _did_ know, but he had never told his dad for a reason. He fucking _hated_ his dad. He didn't want Robbe anywhere near him or his influence. And if they joined them for dinner, his dad wouldn't be the only problem they'd be fed up with. Of course Tobias pulled this stunt the morning after he punched him in the face. This was his fucking revenge. 

And Sander knew exactly how to handle it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! 
> 
> sorry it took me two weeks to put this up. i had a bad week last week and the words didn't come to me. i'm still not very satsified with this chapter, as i'm the biggest perfectionist ever and just find writing fluff very hard, so i'm sorry if it's all too much of the same and getting a bit boring. :( i'm not insecure about this at all lol.
> 
> anyway, please leave a comment or send me a message on my tumblr (sobbefairytales) to let me know what you thought. i actually really need it with this chapter to make sure it's still interesting enough. your comments mean the world to me and they truly keep me going. thank you in advance <3
> 
> xxx, a <3


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is fully written out of sander's pov. :)

**SANDER'S POV**

**Sunday, 11:01**

As Sander stood in the kitchen, baking Robbe and himself some well-deserved pancakes, his thoughts kept rambling on about the past few weeks, realizing more and more just how lucky he had gotten with Robbe. The brunet with his beautiful brown eyes, shining like the sun, brown not even being the right way to describe them. It was like the color melted into golden rays, almost as if they were an eclipse, a sunset of their own. Robbe truly defined beauty- nothing, not even one single thing about him was flawed. The way he walked, the way he talked, the way he just _was._ He was the most magnificent person Sander had ever laid his eyes on. He had never been more grateful to have someone in his life as much as he did with Robbe. He was his own guardian angel, his lifesaver, the one who made everything in life matter again. Because he _was_ his life. And he was all that mattered now.

Sander was taken out of his thoughts as the boy that couldn't escape his mind suddenly interrupted them, popping up from behind the kitchen door. ''Ah, here you are.''

As he laid eyes on him, he smiled, lighting up the entire room like a ball of fire in a darkened sky. Sander didn't care that it sounded cliché. Clichés were _created_ for him.

The boy hopped towards him, Sander's beige sweater being the only thing he wore - suiting him _incredibly_ well underneath his fluffy brown curls and his adorable, puffy and _fucking_ kissable morning face, it being way too big for him as it covered up his body right below his boxers - as he wrapped both arms around his waist, kissing his back. ''Good morning, baby.'' 

His words got muted by the fabric of Sander's black hoodie, as he felt his boyfriend nuzzle his nose into it, breathing in his scent. He smiled softly from the gesture, enjoying the way his one and only had his arms safely wrapped around him, his body locked with his, as he replied: ''Morning, gorgeous.''

Robbe let go a little, standing on his tiptoes to be able to kiss Sander on his cheek. He looked over his shoulder, watching the pancakes that were almost ready, a beautiful grin covering his face as he seemed to realize Sander was cooking for them. ''That smells nice.'' He said, as he jumped on the counter next to the stove, watching Sander's every move, his concentrated look giving Sander butterflies deep inside his stomach.

As Sander watched the younger boy, his bare, slender legs hanging over the counter, him leaning on his hands underneath, his chest ached from the realization that he still hadn't told him about his dad's text message. It wasn't that he didn't trust him, in fact, it was the absolute contrary, but he just didn't want to bother him with it. None of his past, none of his useless family drama. Robbe deserved better than that. And maybe not telling him also felt like a good way to just... forget it ever happened. To just ignore the whole situation and pretend he never even read it, just to have a reason to not go in the first place. But then again, he knew Robbe supported him. He knew he wanted him to communicate, about whatever it was. He knew he would never leave him, he was sure of that now. And in the end, Robbe would only do what was best for _him._

He cleared his throat, licking his lips that had turned dry, as his hoarse voice said: ''Robbe, there's something I have to tell you.''

The brunet's expression turned curious, maybe even a little concerned as he watched Sander avoid his gaze, keeping it locked on the pancakes in front of him. He knew him well enough to know that he only did that when he didn't feel like talking about something, but chose to do so anyway, for _him_. He felt Robbe's hand touch his shoulder, slowly caressing it down to his back in soothing motions. ''What is it, San?''

''Yesterday morning, before we went to take a shower... my... my dad texted me.''

Robbe's eyebrows raised. ''He did?''

''Hm-m.''

''What did he say?'' As Robbe finished his question, Sander sighed, grabbing his phone from his joggers' pocket and revealing the text message to Robbe, sliding the phone down into his hands. He watched the brunet closely as he saw him taking in the words, his lips parting, mouth slowly dropping opened as he finished reading it.

''Oh.''

Sander pressed his lips together. ''Yeah.''

''Wait... your dad didn't know you were into guys?''

The blonde shook his head. ''No. My mom did, I just never tell him anything.''

Robbe scoffed, a surprised yet offended expression covering his face, eyebrows raised higher than ever before. ''So Tobias _outed_ you?''

Sander shrugged, feeling his heart swell a little as he realized that this was the first thing Robbe thought of when reading the text. The way he always tried to protect him made him feel like the most loved person on the planet. _That_ was Robbe's power. ''It doesn't even surprise me. It's just all his revenge for what happened at the party on Friday.''

Robbe lied the phone down on the counter next to him, putting both hands down his legs again, kicking them against the counter one by one. He bit his lower lip, staring down at his feet. ''Do you regret it?''

''Fuck, no.'' Sander let go of the pan, immediately grabbing Robbe's hand from underneath his leg, finding his gaze as he put his finger beneath his chin. ''I'll do whatever it takes to protect you, Robbe. I'd never regret anything that involves you.''

His boyfriend showed a sheepish smile, as he raised his hand to brush it past Sander's cheek. ''That's sweet.''

It stayed quiet for a while, as Robbe lowered his hand again and started playing with his own fingers. As Sander studied him, he knew right away that something was bothering him. He could tell the second he saw him- the way he nervously fiddled around with his fingernails, the way his eyes didn't focus on anything else but them, the way he shuffled around on the counter a bit. It all screamed that his mind was full of thoughts, and Sander was intent on finding out which ones. Robbe didn't just rescue him, he rescued him right back.

He took a step towards him, carefully spreading his legs to stand in between them, brushing his nose past Robbe's. ''Hey, are you okay?''

''Yeah, I just...'' Robbe exhaled, thankfully accepting Sander's hands as the blonde laid them down in between them. He squeezed them a little to silently let him know he loved the gesture, intertwining their fingers together like they always did. ''I'm just feeling like all of this is my fault. If we had just gone home earlier, then none of this would've happened...''

''Robbe, hey, look at me,'' Sander interrupted him abrubtly, wanting to get these thoughts out of his head immediately. None of this was Robbe's fault. It never could be. If there was anything he did, it was making things _right._ ''This _isn't_ your fault, alright? If it's anyone's fault, it's _his._ And I don't even care that much about him outing me. Anyone is allowed to know I love you, I don't want to hide that. It's mostly the other parts of the text that I'm pissed off about.''

''What do you mean?''

Sander sighed, watching their intertwined fingers as he groaned to himself. ''Him calling you special? It just... _fuck._ Not that he's wrong, but it just pisses me off that he still talks about you like that. Especially when he knows we're together. And maybe that's the whole reason he's saying it in the first place.''

''But I don't care about him saying that, Sander. It doesn't mean anything to me.'' Robbe pressed their foreheads together, brushing his nose past his, leaving a kiss on the corner of his mouth. ''I only listen to it when _you_ say it.''

''Well, good.'' Sander grinned proudly, feeling his heart swell from just how soft Robbe could be around him, from just how soft Robbe could make _him._ This boy really deserved the entire world and more. He undid his hands from Robbe's to place them on his waist, pulling his boyfriend towards him a little more. ''Because you _are_ fucking special.''

The brunet wrapped his legs around Sander's body, his arms hooking themselves around his neck. He had the brightest, most beautiful smile covering his face, so bright, so gorgeous that the stars could never compete, as he moved one of his hands through the strands of blonde hair that fell down on Sander's forehead, clinging onto him. ''Special enough to get some of these home-made pancakes from my handsome boyfriend?''

Sander snorted, brushing his lips past Robbe's. ''Fuck, yes. You can have as many as you'd like.''

Robbe bit down on his lower lip, chasing Sander's as he never actually pressed them together. ''I'll take that offer.''

''I bet you will.'' Robbe quickly crashed his lips on Sander's as soon as he finished his sentence, pulling him closer against him, as much as he possibly could. The kiss was soft and gentle, nothing that turned into much more, just the two of them enjoying each other's presence and the way this morning felt so... wholesome. Together, like this. Communicating and being open and honest to each other. Robbe's hands wandering through his hair while Sander's explored his slender body, nothing else but them. It were Sander's favorite mornings.

As Sander's hands caressed Robbe's back, the brunet let go of his lips to catch his breath. He sighed, their foreheads still pressed together, as he eventually backed down and asked: ''So... do you want to go? To your dad's?''

Sander shook his head. ''No. But I do think I should.''

''Why?''

''Because... I don't want to confirm the image he has of me any longer. I don't want to be weak for not showing up.''

His boyfriend quickly grabbed his hands again, squeezing them in reassurance, making them feel like a shelter that consisted of their entire world. ''Not going isn't making you weak, Sander. It makes you strong to choose for yourself, whichever choice that is.''

''I know, I know. Thank you.'' Sander moved forward, pressing another soft, longing kiss on Robbe's lips. He brought Robbe's hands to his mouth, pressing soft pecks onto it, brushing them past his lips. ''I just want to show him how well I'm doing. How happy I am without him and his opinions. Does that make sense?''

Robbe smiled, nodding as he pressed their noses together. ''Yeah, it does.''

''And next to that, he should know I'm dating the most beautiful boy in the universe.''

Robbe scoffed, his eyes twinkling brighter than ever as the words fell down Sander's lips. ''That's not possible. I'm dating him already.''

Sander immediately joined Robbe's playful mood, as he dropped his mouth opened and widened his eyes, a jolt of happiness rushing through his stomach. ''Such a coincidence, Ijzermans.''

Mornings with Robbe were so... pure. And it wasn't just the mornings. It were the afternoons, evenings and nights too. It was everything- everything with him, everything about him, that made Sander realize how great life could actually be, as long as you had the right person by your side. Robbe was that. His right person. He could make him feel happy in even his lowest moments, safe whenever he thought he couldn't be saved. He made him feel as if he mattered to the entire world, simply because he mattered to Robbe. And he _was_ his entire world. Before he met him, Sander almost forgot what that felt like. Meaning something to someone. Being the first person someone thought of. Having a reason to feel happy everyday and work on himself because someone out there made it worthwhile to do so. Feeling those butterflies rise in his chest whenever he looked at someone, feeling his heart accelerate when that someone looked back. He never knew he was capable to be loved or to feel love for someone else. Robbe had really turned his world upside-down, in the most positive way possible.

As Sander just stared at him with the most loved-up expression, his boyfriend kept playing with the strands of his hair, twirling them around his finger and letting them go. He grinned as he noticed Sander watching him, and Sander just hoped he knew just how much he actually loved him. Right here, right now, but in every single other moment, too. He always would.

Then, Robbe's expression suddenly changed into worry, as new thoughts seemed to enter his mind. ''And what about Tobias? He'll probably be there.''

''Yeah, he definitely will.'' Sander pressed his lips together, letting out a loaded exhale afterwards. The funny thing was, he didn't give a _shit_ about Tobias. He hadn't even really thought about him being there in the first place. And maybe this whole dinner was the perfect opportunity to let him and his influence go, for real this time. ''Let's just show him once and for all that he can't get to us.''

As the determined words fell off of Sander's lips, Robbe just smiled, biting down his lip to prevent it from growing even wider. Sander knew damn well that whenever Robbe smiled like this, he was thinking of something, it definitely being something Sander said this time. He felt butterflies flutter as he realized just how well he knew him.

''What?'' He asked, observing Robbe's face with a frown on his forehead.

Robbe shook his head quickly, his long curls falling down in the process. ''Nothing.''

''Come on, Robbe. Say it. I saw you smiling like... _that_.''

''Like what?''

''Like... that smile you do when you're thinking of something.''

Robbe's playful mood returned, as he widened his eyes, surprise covering his face. ''I _do_ that?''

Sander rolled his eyes, groaning loudly and pressing his fingers into Robbe's waist as he knew it tickled. The brunet giggled, making Sander's chest flutter from the magical sound. ''Oh my _god_ , Robbe. Just say it or you won't get your handsome boyfriend's home-made pancakes.''

His boyfriend pouted, trying to stop Sander from tickling him in the process. ''Rude.''

''No, it's smart. I know you want them.'' Sander let go of Robbe for a second, walking back to the pan and flipping the pancake that was still in it, turning down the gas to make sure it wouldn't burn, knowing he was far from being done cuddling Robbe on the counter and that the pancakes had to wait for a little while longer. Robbe groaned, grabbing Sander's arm and pulling him back in between his legs. He wrapped his legs around him again, locking him in place to make sure he wouldn't leave. If there was any side of Robbe that Sander adored, it had to be his possessive one. Sander _loved_ being wanted by Robbe.

''Alright, alright. You won.'' The brunet mumbled, rolling his eyes and trying to hold in a smile. He couldn't, though, because right as his gaze crossed Sander's again, it popped up onto his lips within a split second. He shrugged, brushing his hand past Sander's cheek, keeping his hand still in the hollow of his neck. ''It just makes me happy to see you like this.''

''Like what?''

''Just... genuinely happy. Aware of the fact that what we have is real.''

 _What we have is real._ He was right. It truly was. And those five words meant more to Sander than anything else ever could.

''Well, of course I am. I feel it with every single bone in my body.''

Robbe's smile grew even further, as he brushed their noses together and whispered: ''I do, too.''

''Good.''

''Great.'' Sander pressed his lips onto his, parting his lips as they just took each other in for a couple of minutes. It was a tender one again, lips brushing past one another, tongues colliding and exploring the depths of each other's mouths without the intention of it growing further into passion. It was all just... love. Lots of it. 

As their lips let go, their foreheads still pressed together, Sander's hands caressing the younger boy's back in soothing motions, he asked: ''And how do _you_ feel about it? About tonight?''

Robbe shrugged, as he shuffled a bit closer towards Sander. ''I want to do whatever it is you want. I just want to be by your side.''

''Are you sure? You haven't met my dad, and with Tobias...''

Robbe quickly pressed his lips onto his, taking in a deep breath and pressing his chest against Sander's. His heart skipped a beat from the sudden choice of action, secretly enjoying it so damn much whenever Robbe chose to shut him up by the use of his lips. They lingered onto his for a while, as Robbe finally let go of them, slowly but surely. ''I'm _sure,_ Sander. I don't want you to face this on your own. Because you're not on your own anymore, you know. You have me.''

He was right. Sander wasn't alone anymore. Robbe wasn't, either. They had each other now, and they always would. They didn't have to face life on their own anymore. Robbe truly was God's greatest gift, and Sander's greatest miracle.

''You really are my own guardian angel, aren't you?''

Robbe giggled, staring into Sander's hopelessly in love eyes, returning the exact same expression. ''And you're mine.''

The two boys reunited their lips again, this time, the kiss being less tender, moreover being a love declaration of its own. Sander's hands travelled over Robbe's back, down to his hips and disappearing underneath his beige sweater as he pressed the younger boy against his own body, hearing the boy whine his name, making Sander's mind go absolutely crazy. The things this boy did to him. Robbe's hands roamed through his hair, pulling it as Sander bit down on his lower lip. They softly moaned into each other's mouths, growing closer towards each other as their lips kept exploring one another, their love being unquestionably consuming. Sander let go of his lips for a second, kissing him down his neck, hiding his nose in his shoulder, enjoying how his own sweater now smelled like Robbe. As much as he wanted to continue this, lift Robbe up from the counter and take him back to the bedroom, they really couldn't right now. Not when Sander had planned to give Robbe his perfect breakfast. 

As his face was still hidden in his boyfriend's shoulder, the younger boy caressed his scalp with his fingertips, pressing a tender kiss onto his temple as he pulled his head back. ''Do I have to wear anything special?''

''Nah. You don't have to wear _anything...''_ Sander replied, scanning Robbe's upper body as he reminded himself of just how insanely beautiful his boyfriend was underneath that sweater, feeling a sudden urge to take it off, right here, right now. Robbe scoffed, nudging his shoulder, making Sander laugh in response. ''Just kidding. Kind of. And I wouldn't mind seeing you in a suit, but... it's really not worth the effort. Just be yourself, you're perfect like that.''

Robbe smiled, his eyes love-stoned, as he knotted Sander's sweater and pulled him in for another kiss. ''I love you.''

Sander grinned against his lips, softly mumbling back: ''I love you too.''

**Sunday 17:58**

As Robbe and Sander both walked up to the front porch of his dad's house, Sander shivered as he looked at the front door, immediately feeling his boyfriend squeeze his hand. A warmth rushed through his body as he remembered how Robbe always noticed him, both in good and bad times. It meant the world to him that there was someone who knew he wasn't doing okay even when he didn't say so. Robbe's fingertips brushed past his palm, as he quietly asked: ''Hey, are you okay?''

Sander shook his head, letting out a loaded exhale. ''Yeah, I just...''

Robbe stepped in front of him, making him stop walking and bringing him to a halt, as he cupped his face with both hands. They were warm, immediately comforting Sander's emotions as both the softness and tenderness kicked in. ''You're nervous, aren't you?''

''Yeah.''

The brunet brushed his forehead past his, a gesture they always did to comfort each other, making his grip around Sander's face a little more firm, as if he wanted to reassure him and soothe him all at once. And it worked. ''I've got you, okay? You're not alone. And if it gets too much, we can always just leave. You don't owe them anything.''

''Right.'' Sander closed his eyes, relief rushing through his body and replacing some of the anxiety as he remembered that he wasn't alone in this. Even though he didn't necessarily like Robbe being involved in his family drama because he deserved better than that, he still appreciated the fact that he was here anyway. It proved once again that he truly loved him, that he would do anything for him, and that was the exact feeling he needed when being here. The place where his entire life had crashed down. ''Thank you for being here.''

''Of course. Always.''

Sander pressed his lips on Robbe's, carefully brushing them past each other, nothing too much, but love still overflowing and being very present in their touch. ''I love you.''

Robbe showed his beautiful smile, the most gorgeous one Sander had ever seen, creating butterflies in his chest as he replied: ''I love you, too.''

The boys intertwined their hands once again, as they shared an approving look, silently telling each other they were ready. Robbe pressed another soft kiss to Sander's shoulder as they walked up to the front door, burying his nose in the fabric of his jacket as they waited for it to open.

And when it finally did, the both of them stood completely still, just watching Sander's dad standing in front of them, scanning both of their bodies and taking their presence in completely.

''Hi there, son.'' He finally said after a while, awkwardly standing in the door frame as he gave him a smile, the smallest one Sander had ever seen. Apparently even a smile was something he didn't put effort in for him these days.

He swallowed, feeling Robbe squeeze his hand and clearling his throat to reply: ''Hi.''

He didn't know what he expected. Whether it was his dad making him feel more welcome now that Robbe was here, or that he would play-pretend to be the perfect dad to show his boyfriend just how wrong he was about him. Whether it was something good or something bad, whether it would become a full interrogation or an actual family dinner where Sander would - for once - feel at home. One thing he was sure of, was that he was so _fucking_ glad Robbe was here. If he had been on his own, he wouldn't even have been able to reach this point. He still wasn't sure whether he actually wanted this, but he did know he had to. And having Robbe here, never leaving his side, made all of this way easier than it seemed to be.

And just when Sander started thinking optimistically, that maybe, just maybe, his dad actually wanted this for _them,_ he quickly lost Sander's gaze and met eyes with Robbe. ''And you must be Robbe?''

''Yeah.'' As his dad reached out his hand to shake his boyfriend's, Sander felt this sudden urge to come in between them and step in front of him, just to make sure Robbe would never get hurt by him. It was crazy, probably, but somehow Sander wanted to do everything in his power to protect Robbe from everything he possibly could, his dad being the biggest part of that. It was like Robbe knew what he was thinking, as he took a small step closer towards him, his fingertips cradling over his palm with the hand that was still holding his. His boyfriend smiled, squeezing their hands together as he continued: ''Nice to meet you.''

''Tobias has told me a lot about you. Come in.'' And there it was again. The ache in Sander's chest whenever he stepped into this goddamn house. It was always all about Tobias. His dad never wanted to ruin his new marriage, so choosing Tobias' side in everything possible came along with that. Sometimes, Sander even doubted whether his dad still saw him as his son. And that said something.

And on top of that, he also just couldn't fucking stand it that the asshole _still_ talked about Robbe like that behind his back. Robbe deserved essays, books, plays written about just how incredible he was. He didn't deserve a fucked up cheater like Tobias talking about him in ways he wasn't even supposed to. 

Yeah. This was about to become an eventful evening.

''Sander!'' The blonde was taken from his thoughts as he looked up from a high voice calling out his name, seeing his little brother run up to him, reaching out his arms as he jumped into Sander's, wrapping them around his neck and holding him against him tightly. Sander chuckled, pressing the boy against his chest as he got down, burying his nose in the little man's neck. 

''Hey there, little man.'' He felt the boy grasping his jacket, holding him tight, making Sander smile as he had never felt happier to see him. It had been _months,_ and he was still so fucking bitter about his parents deciding to let his little brother stay with his dad, just because his mom ''wasn't capable enough of raising him''. Fucking bullshit. Sander kissed his temple, his fingertips caressing his head through his messy brown hair- the exact same as Sander used to have. ''How are you?''

''I'm good. I've missed you.'' 

He felt the boy tighten his grip even further. Sander caressed the little boy's back, as he kept his head close to his with his hand still moving through his hair, whispering: ''I've missed you too, buddy.'' 

As if the boy suddenly noticed something, he backed down, still holding Sander's both shoulders, but staring up at Robbe with the biggest eyes he had ever seen on him. A gorgeous smile formed on his lips, as he parted his lips and jumped around for a litte bit. It truly was the most adorable thing Sander had ever seen. Next to Robbe, that was. ''You brought Robbe with you?'' 

Sander frowned, looking at Robbe, back at his little brother, not understanding a single thing of what was happening. ''Wait, what? You two know each other?''

Robbe scoffed, closing his eyes for a second as he licked his lips, shaking his head. ''It's... a long story. I'll tell you later.''

''I'm happy to see you're still friends.'' His little brother continued.

Sander looked up at Robbe, finding his gaze as their eyes twinkled. Friends was quite the understatement. Sander loved him like he hadn't loved anyone or anything before. He loved him so much that it hurt, wanting to be with him, hold him, kiss him, touch him whenever, wherever. Yeah, they were friends. Best friends, even. But they were so much more than just that. He had even reached a point where he would call them soulmates, simply because he had never known love could be as magical as this. And Robbe was just that. Magical.

The boys smiled at each other, a little shy, as Sander's chest glowed when he saw a pink blush appear on Robbe's cheeks. Fuck, he wanted to kiss him so badly. He looked so insanely tempting, standing there beautifully like that.

Sander looked back at his brother, way too scared he wouldn't be able to keep himself from doing what he _really_ wanted right now. He licked his lips, staring at his brother's feet when he stammered: ''We're, eh... a little more than just friends, bud.''

He frowned, tilting his head. ''More?''

Sander laughed, clearing his throat. ''We... are together. Robbe is my boyfriend.''

''He is?''

''Yeah.''

He had to admit, he was quite scared for his brother's reaction. He had never really told him he was into guys as well, not because he didn't want to or didn't see him that often, but just because he was so... young. He had never really thought about it. He had always thought it would happen eventually. And apparently, that eventually was right now. His heart started beating faster as his brother looked at him, then at Robbe, then back at him, as if he was processing the information Sander had just told him.

''Is he making you happy?'' He finally aksed.

Sander smiled, turning his head to find Robbe's gaze once again, seeing the brunet stare back at him with the most love-stoned eyes, standing there as beautiful as ever. A small curl fell down his forehead from underneath his boredeaux beanie, as his cheeks were still pink from blushing, his lips bright red from the cold. _So, so kissable._ He looked like a fucking dream- the warmth Sander had always tried to reach out for. And he was. Every single damn thing about him was exactly that. The answer to his brother's question was the easiest one Sander had ever had to give in is entire life. ''Very much so.''

He looked back at his brother to find him smiling, almost as if he was proud, nodding and tightening his grip around Sander's shoulders as he said: ''Then I'm glad he is.''

**

''So, Robbe. It's so great to finally be able to meet you, Tobias has told me lots about you.'' It had been a fucking boring dinner until now, Robbe and Sander sitting next to each other with his dad and Tobias in front of them. It really was the worst possible scenario, and Sander had always thought it was too fucked up to ever become reality. But well, it did. And then his dad decided to finally speak up- Tobias immediately grinning at Sander as the words fell off of his lips. This was about to become something.

 _Of course_ Tobias told him lots about him. The fucking asshole.

Robbe frowned. ''Did he?''

''Yes, he did. He told me you want to become a film maker?''

''Eh, I guess it's... a thought, yes.''

His dad smiled, taking a sip from his wine. ''That's fantastic. How come you have such a passion for it?''

Robbe smiled, obviously from being reminded of his passion, as Sander felt a rush of pride going through his chest from seeing his boyfriend's eyes twinkle from just the thought of it. He was so proud of who he was. And he deserved it more than anyone else. ''My friends and I used to make videos together. I always liked the filming and editing part, and I'd like to become more professional at it one day. But it's mostly just a hobby.''

''Well, art can be more than just a hobby, right? We've always wanted to send Sander to an art school.'' He immediately found his dad's gaze, as Sander clenched his jaw, knowing _exactly_ what was about to come next as his dad looked down at his plate again, avoiding Sander's look completely. ''But... _things_ got in the way.''

Sander rolled his eyes, a sting hurting in his chest as he knew his dad was embarrassed to talk about what happened. Embarrassed to talk about him. ''Robbe knows, dad. You don't have to talk about it as if it never happened.''

He stared at him as if he saw water burning, as if he didn't understand why Robbe was sitting here if he knew. To him, it was like Sander had committed a crime, and that everyone coming too close to him was crazy for ever wanting to be so. He frowned a bit, letting out a soft scoff as he took a bite from his high class meal Sander didn't even want to touch. ''Oh. Well, let's not get into it, shall we? Wouldn't want to ruin the atmosphere.''

Sander raised his eyebrows as he played with his fork. ''Of course we wouldn't.''

''Sander actually was the reason I started getting into it again.'' Both Sander and his dad looked up, taken aback from Robbe's sudden interference. Sander felt Robbe's hand moving down his leg, ending up at his knee, squeezing it in a comforting way. ''He draws a lot when he's around me. Seeing him enjoy it and hearing him talk about how good it makes him feel made me realize just how much I had missed it.''

''That's good.'' His dad replied, as he watched the two of them finding each other's gaze. They smiled at each other, thankful for one another, especially in this moment right here.

Sander moved down his hand to hold Robbe's on his knee, squeezing him right back to let him know that whatever he was trying to do was working. It always did. Robbe nodded, licking his lips as his ttwinkling eyes never left Sander's. ''Yeah, he's a great influence.''

His dad cleared his throat, so obviously to get them out of their bubble, as he continued, asking Sander: ''So, how long have you two been together?''

''Two weeks today.'' He saw Robbe smiling proudly in the corner of his eye. He was proud of it too- in fact, he’d shout it from the rooftops if he could. But since he knew exactly why his dad was asking, it suddenly all felt very different.

''Huh. I must say it quite surprised me.''

Sander raised his eyebrows once again, pressing his lips together. There it was. ''I bet it did.''

His dad scoffed, swirling his wine around in his glass, being the true snob he was. ''Not that you were into guys, like you'd maybe expect. Mostly that it's the same one Tobias used to be with.''

Was he actually going down _this_ route? Making Sander feel guilty for feeling how he felt about Robbe, based on things only his step son had told him, once again believing his every word that was _always_ against Sander? He had to be fucking kidding him. And of course he would do it right now, when Robbe was there, too. It didn't surprise him at all that he used this as a way to talk ''sense'' into him for ever choosing to be with Sander. Hurt ached in his chest, doubts rushing through his mind. He tried to fight them, knowing he could trust Robbe's words that he'd never leave him, but right here, right now, right in front of his dad and the guy that hated his guts the most, it suddenly all became a lot harder than he ever thought it would be.

''What?''

''I mean... are you ever gonna let this rest, Sander? You need to get over this endless feud between you two and this really isn't helping it.''

Sander groaned, throwing his hands into the air as he sat up straight. He couldn't fucking believe his dad was quite literally saying Robbe was a part of the feud between them. He _wasn't-_ he never had been. He didn't start liking or noticing Robbe just because he was with Tobias. He fell for him the second he first laid eyes on him, which was weeks before Tobias even knew him. His love for Robbe had _never_ been about him. It had always been about Robbe himself, and the electricity Sander had felt ever since their eyes first locked. He had been in love with him before he had realized what that meant. ''Being with Robbe has absolutely _nothing_ to do with Tobias and I.''

Tobias scoffed loudly. It was the first time he said something, or even made noise in the first place. ''Doesn't it? Telling him he can't trust me, making him doubt me?''

''I _didn't-''_

''Excuse me, sir, but this really is one big misunderstanding.'' This time, not just Sander and his dad looked up at Robbe all surprised, but Tobias was together with them. Robbe bowed over the table, resting both elbows on the tablecloth and intertwining both hands. ''Sander and I met before I met Tobias. He never started talking to me just because Tobias was dating me. He talked to me because we were friends. Things happened between Tobias and I, things that Tobias is _very_ aware of, that put an end to our relationship. Sander was never a part of that, he was just there for me, supporting me as a friend, and then it eventually turned into something more.''

Tobias rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms and sat back into his chair, mumbling: ''Of course you'd say he was never a part of it.''

Sander groaned, shaking his head. The way he talked to Robbe like that _really_ made him want to push him into a wall. The fact he even had the fucking audacity to do so while he told him he still loved him a week ago. This guy really couldn't get his head straight. ''Can you just shut the fuck up?''

''Sander, _enough_.'' His dad's voice was loud, echoing throughout the room, as Sander felt Robbe shift next to him, clearly being unsettled from all of this. At the same time, he felt the brunet squeezing his knee once again, comforting him in ways words couldn't right now. The same way words couldn't explain how much this support meant to him. He felt so fucking guilty for ever involving him in this charade, for taking him with him, for telling him about the text in the first place.

''He was literally around you all the time. Whenever we were at parties, whenever we played a football game, he even walked past us at the park when it was just the two of us.''

Sander slowly started reaching his edge, having enough of his fucking act, enough of this stupid game where he acted like Sander was the bad guy in everything that happened, not just to Tobias himself, but to Robbe, as well. Before Robbe could answer him, Sander interfered, saying: ''That had _nothing_ to do with you.''

Tobias scoffed, moving forward to reach out over the table, closer towards him. ''Oh, really? Then what was it about?''

Sander balled his fists on his knees, feeling Robbe grab them and caress his skin, trying to calm him down. ''It was about me already being in love with him, you fucking idiot.''

His step brother shook his head. ''So you were having feelings for him while he was still with me? Do you know how _fucked_ _up_ that sounds?''

The blonde clenched his jaw, hitting his fist on the table, louder than he had intended to. ''Should I make a list of the fucked up things _you_ did to him?''

''Sander...'' His dad interfered, trying to stop them, moreover trying to stop Sander from justifying his actions that he shouldn't even have to justify in the first place. But just as his dad was about to continue, wanting to say something that would most likely be in Tobias' favour, the three of them were surprised once again, Robbe's voice echoing throughout the room as he almost yelled: '' _Stop_. _''_

The three of them found Robbe's gaze, all of their lips parting, wanting to say something, but being too surprised to do so. Tobias and his dad probably never expected Robbe to stand up for him like this, to choose his side like this. And then there was Sander, who just couldn't believe Robbe showed him what love was in every situation possible. ''I really don't know what you're trying to prove here, Tobias, but you and I are done. And _you_ were the cause of that. I won't get into details, because I honestly don't think that's any of your dad's business, but why can't you just let this go? Why try to come in between us over and over again? Sander has never done anything to you, nothing you didn't cause yourself. And if all of this is about trying to win me back, then this certainly isn't helping it.''

His dad cleared his throat, putting down his glass of wine, closing his eyes as he found back his voice, starting: ''Robbe, I'm not sure if you know the entire story, but-''

''I do. Sander told me everything. And even if you don't believe he did, I do. I believe him, _always_. You might not see what I see when I look at Sander, but trust me, you're missing out. He's the greatest person I've ever met, I could literally write a whole list of reasons why so. You're blaming him for all sorts of things without realizing how much it hurts him and I'm _done_ seeing him hate himself because of what others are trying to tell him. I love him, unconditionally, and the fact that the both of you are sitting here, trying to question him and once again making him feel bad about himself for feeling what he feels, proves that you don't have a single clue of who he truly is.''

Silence fell, the three of them speechless from Robbe's rambling, as Sander just sat there, watching his boyfriend in awe. 

_He truly was his fucking guardian angel._

Robbe sighed, shaking his head as he looked down at his hands, fumbling around with them as he seemed to realize what he had just done. But just as Sander wanted to grab his hands, make him feel okay about it, silently wanting to tell him how great he was doing and how incredible it made Sander feel, he suddenly looked up again, not quite yet being done with what he had to say. ''Maybe you should try to get to know your son a little better before you start judging him by something your step son is telling you.''

And on that note, Robbe shoved back his chair, standing up and pushing the chair back towards the table. Sander frowned, being glued to his chair as he just watched Robbe in complete disbelief, totally flabbergasted from how much he surprised him again and again with how fucking incredible he was. He found his boyfriend's eyes, reaching out for his hand as he asked: ''Where are you going?''

Robbe gratefully grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers as he tugged at it a little, trying to guide him off of his chair, as well. ''I'm taking you home. You deserve to be around people who truly love you.''

His dad scoffed, clearly offended by his words. ''I do love my son, Robbe. You have no right to say that I don't.''

''Excuse me for saying this, but you really have a strange way of showing it.'' As Sander stood up, Robbe guided him next to him and placed a hand on his lower back, caressing it to try and soothe him, as if his words didn't already, making him feel safe as he was his home in the house that didn't feel that way. ''Both Sander and his sister have been through hell and back because of the guy sitting next to you. The only thing Sander ever did was trying to protect us from him. And now it's time for me to protect him right back. If you truly love Sander, you'd try and listen to him for once. Look your step son in the eye and dare him to tell you the truth. I'm sure there's lots he has to tell you.''

His dad seemed to be completely speechless, as if he lost his ability to speak, just staring at Tobias sitting next to him as Robbe's words seemed to settle. They did with Sander, too. And it felt fucking fantastic.

Robbe sighed, finding Tobias' eyes. Sander had ever seen them more hurt than they did right now. ''I'm sorry, Tobias. But this bullshit really has to be over now. I fell for Sander right when I met him, and I'm sorry for not realizing that sooner. I fell in love with him because of who he is, because of endless reasons you'd probably never even think of. It never had anything to do with you. So just... leave it. It's been enough. We've had enough.''

His boyfriend tightened his grip around his hand, as he pulled him back with him towards the dining room's door. He opened it, standing in the doorframe as he looked back one more time, saying: ''And I'm sorry for ruining your dinner. Let's try it again some other time when you've had a chance to think things through.''

**Sunday, 20:46**

Robbe opened the front door to the flatshare, never letting go of Sander's hand as he guided the both of them inside the hallway, closing the door behind them. As he took off his brown jacket, hanging it on the rack, Sander just stood there, waiting for Robbe to finish whatever he was doing, not being sure whatever else he should do. When Robbe turned around again to face him, watching him from head to toe as he looked at him with genuine concern, a dimple forming right above his nose, Sander suddenly knew exactly what he wanted to do. He stepped towards him, wrapping both arms around his chest and pulling his boyfriend in for a warm, tight hug. Robbe immediately enclosed his arms around Sander too, burying his nose in his hair as Sander had his own hidden in Robbe's shoulder. He took in a deep breath, letting it out right after, warming up Robbe's skin with the heat it carried. 

''Hey, you're okay.'' Robbe whispered, as he caressed his scalp while gently pressing kisses onto it. Sander whimpered softly from his familiar touch, feeling himself hold back tears as he knew he was safe now, and that whatever had happened tonight was in the past, and probably wouldn't happen ever again. It truly was all thanks to Robbe, who apparently knew him _that_ well to notice exactly what he was trying to do. ''Shh, I've got you.''

Sander felt himself grow a smile, as he moved back a little to press his forehead against Robbe's.

''Thank you.''

Robbe shook his head against his. ''It really was no big deal-''

''It _was._ I truly don't know what I would've done without you.''

''Well, there's no need to think about that. Because you _do_ have me.'' As the words fell off of Robbe's lips, Sander felt a wave of warmth bubbling up inside his chest, making his heart race as he realized just how incredibly lucky he was to have Robbe standing here with him, being his all, his everything, his own guardian angel protecting him, saving him from his past and preparing him for his future, together with him.

'' _God_...'' He whispered, brushing his nose past Robbe's and feeling the brunet returning the same gesture. ''I am so _fucking_ in love with you. Every single damn thing about you.''

''I am so in love with everything about you, too.'' Robbe's thumb brushed past Sander's cheek. ''And nobody can ever change that.''

As Robbe spoke out those last words, Sander cupped his face and collided their lips together in a feeling of magic, no sign of hesitation, the both of them holding their breaths as he deepened it to get completely consumed by the boy that had taken over his life. The boy that had become his life. Robbe's hands slowly moved to the edges of his leather jacket, as he tugged at it, taking it off, letting it drop onto the hallway floor as they guided each other towards the bathroom. 

The rest of their evening had been the exact way the both of them had wanted to spend it. Had _felt_ like spending it. They undid each other from the layers covering them, carefully, as if doing it any faster would break either of them, as if each layer was a memory of tonight that had to be taken care of very well. They felt like they had never been more close as they did in that moment, standing underneath the warm, soothing water together and reliving tonight's events in silence. They both knew how they felt about it, as they also knew how the other felt. They didn't need to talk about it. They didn't have to discuss it with words. They did at times, but one thing Sander loved so much about their relationship, their connection, was that they didn't need words to let the other know how they felt. They used actions, touches, fingertips trailing over skin and lips discovering bodies, standing underneath the water as they explored each other. They _knew_ each other. They _felt_ each other. And they didn't need more than that. Not all the time. And this moment was one of those times. All they needed was their touch, lips colliding and hands travelling over naked bodies as the warm water kept them comfortable. The love quickly turned into overwhelming passion, Sander's hands cupping Robbe's hips as they stood against the shower wall, no other sound than their heavy breathing and Sander’s praising words filling up the room, magic and adrenaline bubbling up between them and electricity shooting down between their bodies, their souls, and everything that connected them. 

And it was all Sander needed. Now, and forever.

Just Robbe.

**Wednesday, 16:51**

As the afternoon fell down on them, Robbe and Sander lied together at their spot, their tree, reminiscing about their past in silence, sharing their love for both the place and each other as the wind brushed past them. Their bodies were intertwined, Robbe's head resting on Sander's chest as Sander himself had his arms wrapped around him. His chin was resting on Robbe's head, as he pressed kisses down on it, alternating with his nose blowing warm air onto his scalp.

''I love lying with you like this.'' Robbe said quietly, his eyes dreamy as he looked at Sander's arms wrapped around his chest, his fingertips trailing over his skin, drawing endless patterns that made Sander shiver. It truly was insane just how much Robbe's touch did to him. 

Sander smiled softly, pressing another kiss down on Robbe's temple. ''Me too, baby.''

It stayed quiet for a little while, the two of them just enjoying each other's presence and studying the people surrounding them. It was the loveliest afternoon, the weather just as warm as their love for each other, as the sun shone down on them and lightened them in the gold rays of the afternoon glow. Robbe sighed as he kissed Sander's arm, rubbing his nose down onto it, unexpectedly whispering: ''Britt has been staring at us the entire time.''

Sander shrugged. ''Well, let her. She should know how happy I am, lying here with you.''

Robbe moved his head, bowing down and resting it on Sander's lap, as he looked up at him, his fingers trailing over his chin. His eyes had never twinkled more than they did right now, Sander's happiness reflecting in them very clearly. ''Happiness looks good on you.''

The blonde chuckled from Robbe's sappy remark, his heart skipping a beat as he remembered why exactly he was feeling that happiness in the first place. He looked down at Robbe, caressing his boyfriend's cheek carefully, as he said: ''The reason behind it looks _very_ good, too. You’re so beautiful.''

Robbe giggled, placing his hand on the back of Sander's neck and pulling him in closer to reach out for a kiss. Sander quickly insisted, showing no sign of withdrawal, brushing his lips past the brunet's and immediately being taken away by the feeling he felt rushing through his body, whispering a soft _''I can't keep my hands off of you''_ as his hands wandered over Robbe's body a little too much for the outside world to see. Robbe's lips could never get boring- he wanted to kiss them, feel them on his over and over again. And then, just when he felt like never letting go of Robbe ever again, he suddenly remembered something.

''That reminds me...'' He brushed his lips past Robbe's, his thumb passing his lower lip, teasing him, knowing he wanted him to come back for more. ''I'm going on a four-day trip this weekend, and my mom asked if you wanted to join us.''

Robbe's eyes went wide. ''She did?''

''Yeah, she won't stop asking me about it.'' Sander laughed, moving his fingers through his boyfriend's brown locks, wrapping them around it and slowly letting go. He enjoyed playing with Robbe's hair as much as he enjoyed creating art- simply because the two of them were just as magical as one another. Robbe was the most angelic person he had ever laid his eyes on. He had never seen someone as flawless as him, inside and out.

''That's very sweet.'' Robbe smiled dreamily, his fingers trailing over Sander's chin again as he closed his eyes, enjoying his boyfriend's careful touch. 

Sander shrugged. ''Well, she knows how happy you make me. So she wants you to be there.''

Robbe opened his eyes again, making an expression as if he was in deep thoughts, frowning his brows as he looked up at the sky. A grin formed on his lips, as he licked them, teasingly asking: ''So I'd get to wake up next to you for four days in a row then, hm?''

The exact same grin formed on Sander's face, as his heart skipped a beat from Robbe thinking about _that_ specific detail. Not just because it made him feel wanted, but mostly because it was all he could think about ever since his mom had asked, as well. There was no bigger wish in the world than the one where Sander wanted to wake up and fall asleep next to Robbe forever and ever. ''Well, yes, my love, that's correct.''

Robbe frowned, still keeping up his act, his grin never disappearing. ''I guess that sounds quite lovely.''

Sander's hand moved to cup Robbe's cheek, as he bowed down and pressed a long, wet kiss on his boyfriend's lips. ''It sounds like a fucking treat.''

''And I probably shouldn't forget to mention the nights we fall asleep together...''

As Robbe mumbled those words against his lips with the biggest smile, Sander quickly moved back, immediately finding his boyfriend's eyes with a surprised expression flashing through them. _This boy._ His heart skipped a few beats, thoughts of things he wanted to do to him rushing through his mind. He just couldn't help it- he was all he had ever wanted and more. ''Oh? Do you happen to have plans for those, Mr. Ijzermans?''

Robbe smiled wide, his eyes shining so bright that even the sun couldn't compete, as he shrugged, grabbing the strings of Sander's hoodie and playing with them in his hands. ''I have no idea what you mean.''

Sander snorted. ''Of course you don't.''

As Robbe returned the same gesture, Sander reunited their lips again, them brushing past each other at first, the touch miniscule yet so _fucking_ alluring. They were like a magnet Sander couldn't ever let go of. He wanted them to be stuck together forever, he was _obsessed_ with them, the taste, the touch- every single little thing about them. Every single detail about Robbe was something Sander couldn't get out of his mind. He was a fucking dream, hypnotic in every sense, and Sander never wanted it to end. Robbe parted his lips to make Sander deepen the kiss, as their tongues met, circling around each other and taking the other in completely. Robbe's hands moved from the strings to fully grab the fabric of his hoodie, pulling Sander further down onto him, completely drowning them in each other. Sander's heart pounded in his chest, the flutter in his stomach intensifying and creating a wave of warmth as Robbe kept him close, softly whimpering into his mouth to ask for more. Sander stroke his hair, softly digging his hand into it to pull it, make him come closer, their kiss more open-mouthed and passionate than was probably allowed for PDA. As they completely forgot about the world surrounding them and everyone else that existed in it, consumed by the other and their touch and the incredible sensation their love made them feel, they didn't even notice Jens walking up to them, taking them out of their moment. 

''Fuck, Robbe, when I said I wanted you two to be together I didn't mean you had to make out in front of everyone every goddamn five minutes.''

Robbe groaned, rolling his eyes as he let go of Sander's hoodie. Sander pulled back, placing himself against the tree once again, as he used his sleeve to dry his lips and pressed them together, watching Jens approach them with squinted eyes. As much as he was grateful for him bringing them together, he had never wanted him to leave more than he did right now. ''You're just jealous because you have no one to make out with.''

Sander snorted at Robbe's sharp remark, as Jens shrugged, sitting himself down on the grass. Rolling himself a cigarette, he continued: ''Who says I don't?''

Robbe sat up straight, releasing himself from Sander's lap, mouth dropped open. ''Shit, Jens. Are you saying you're _seeing_ someone?''

''Shush. I came here to ask _you_ something.''

Robbe pouted, making Sander smile at the adorable sight. He could make anyone do whatever he wanted or wished for with that face. Or at least, Sander. As soon as the boy laid eyes on him, he surrendered without a doubt. He was way too fucking weak for this boy and his beautiful doe-eyes. ''Now that's unfair.''

''I think we've discussed relationships quite enough for the past few weeks, don't you think?''

Robbe's eyes immediately found Sander's, as he saw a bright pink reaching his cheeks. Sander giggled, brushing his thumb past one of them to make Robbe feel less embarrassed. Although, hearing Jens say this made him quite curious about just how obsessed Robbe had been over him. He titled his head, asking: ''How many times did he talk to you about me exactly?''

The brunet's eyes went wide, staring at him at first, then immediately finding his best friend. He was so _fucking_ cute. ''Jens, don't you _dare-_ ''

Jens laughed out loud as he felt Robbe's hands on his arm, trying to stop him, but easily pushed them away. ''He couldn't shut up about you. You were all he talked about.''

Robbe groaned loudly, hiding his face behind his hands as he exclaimed: ''Shut the _fuck_ up, asshole.''

Sander laughed, observing his boyfriend's embarrassment, enjoying it _so_ much that he thought he would combust of joy. He grabbed him by his shoulders, pulling him back towards him, as he wrapped both arms around his chest and pressed him against his own. He hid his face in the crook of his neck, kissing it and brushing his nose past his skin, feeling Robbe's hands wrap themselves around his arms as he said: ''You're so _fucking_ adorable.''

''I'm so fucking embarrassed, that's what I am.''

Sander kissed his cheek, then his ear, whispering: '' _Cutie_. _''_

''Right, so, before you two start making out again,'' Jens exhaled, raising his eyebrows as he watched them all cuddled up together once again. He stood up, lighting his cigarette and placing it in between his lips. He took a drag, blowing out the smoke as he continued: ''There's a Christmas party at Moyo's next Saturday. Do you guys want to come?''

''Yeah, sure. Why are you asking?'' Robbe questioned, still all curled up against Sander, making the blonde feel so incredibly warm on the inside. 

''Because...'' Jens stared down at his feet for a second, kicking against the grass, before he said: ''Tobias is coming, too.''

Robbe shifted, looking up at Sander. He seemed to sense some insecurity from his eyes, as he parted his lips and stammered: ''I... I don't kn-''

''That won't be a problem.'' Sander was surprised from his own quick, steadfast reaction. But it _wasn't._ He didn't give a shit about Tobias any longer. Not after the dinner last Sunday. Robbe had made things very clear, not just to Tobias, but also to his dad, so anything his stepbrother held against him was now in his past. And it actually felt fucking fantastic to finally show him how happy he was without him having a reason to bring his happiness down ever again.

''No?'' Robbe asked, staring up at Sander.

''No.'' His heart swelled from how pretty his brown eyes were. They were like a puddle of love Sander wanted to dive right into, like a wavy sea on a hot summer day. He brushed his nose past Robbe's to soothe him, wanting to make sure he felt okay about this, too. ''I'll talk to him before to make sure it's all over with now. It'll be okay.''

''Are you sure?''

He smiled, butterflies rushing through his chest, his stomach, _everywhere,_ as Robbe's concern seemed to surprise him over and over again. He never knew someone could care about him this much, and every time Robbe proved to him that he did, it made his happiness grow a little more again and again. ''Yeah, totally.''

''Alright.'' Jens added, seemingly noticing their love bubble again, as he took a step back and asked: ''Are you guys joining us for a smoke?''

Sander pressed his lips together, shaking his head. ''No, thanks. I'll pass.''

''Robbe?''

''No, I'll stay with Sander.''

Jens shook his head as he snorted, crossing Sander's gaze. ''You've got him all wrapped around your finger, don't you?'' 

''Sorry, Jens...'' Robbe started, as he found Sander's hand, intertwining their fingers and squeezing them, as if he wanted to comfort him after Jens' remark, knowing he could've conceived it as if he was too much for him, as if he changed him or their friendship. Which, for a second, he did worry about. So that little squeeze he gave him was all that he needed and more. He was still blown away by how well Robbe knew him. 

Jens laughed, raising his hand as a gesture to wave away what he said. ''Hey, I'm kidding. Enjoy your time together, lovebirds. You can start making out again now, by the way.''

As Jens finally walked away, leaving the two boys alone in their bubble, Sander tightened his grip around Robbe's chest, pressing a soft kiss down onto his warm neck. He slowly moved them from left to right in rocking motions, calming Robbe down as he kept brushing his nose past his skin and breathed in his familiar scent. He loved the fact that Robbe prefered staying with him, that he chose him over his friends right now, but he just hoped he didn't feel like he _had_ to, for him. Sander wanted him to keep living his life, even now that they were together. ''Are you sure you don't want to join him? You can if you want to.''

Robbe nodded. ''I know, but I don't want to. I don't want to smoke with them anymore.''

''Why not?''

''Because you aren't allowed to smoke, so I won't do it either.''

Sander stayed quiet for a second, disbelief rushing through his chest as Robbe just literally confessed to giving something up for him, simply because he knew it would help him. _Fuck._ He had never been this in love. ''You don't have to give that up just for m-''

Robbe quickly moved in his grip, bringing their faces closer together as he cupped Sander's cheek, staring deep into his green eyes with a secure expression. ''I _want_ to, okay? I want whatever's best for you.''

The blonde snorted, booping Robbe's nose. ''And you call _me_ a sap.''

His boyfriend giggled, shrugging his shoulders as he grabbed his hoodie's strings and played with them. ''What can I say, I'm a competitive guy.''

It suddenly reminded him of those times he tickled him- on his bed, even here. They were moments that confirmed Sander's feelings towards him, moments where they were closer than they had ever been before. Moments where they had shared their first kiss, but also their connection. It was crazy how sure Sander was about him already back in those moments. ''I know all about that.''

He moved forward, connecting his lips with Robbe's slowly, the kiss being tender, as if it silently passed on the love Sander felt for him. ''I love you so much, Robbe.''

''I love you so much too.''

**Friday, 19:12**

As Sander's teammates got changed in the locker room, discussing the game and yelling throughout the space, the echoes of their voices waving through his mind, he couldn't stop staring at Tobias as he pulled his black hoodie back on over his head. The game had just ended in a tie, making most of the team annoyed for being so, not understanding why it didn't go as well as the other games they had played before in the season. But Sander on the other hand, knew very well why it didn't go the same way it used to. Firstly, games just didn't always go well, they had their highs and lows, and as most of them were sixteen year-old puberal boys, they apparently still needed to learn about that. But secondly, and most importantly, one team-player didn't invest in the game as much as he usually did, making the team dynamic different than it usually would be.

And as the boys left the room one by one, Sander noticed Tobias taking longer to get dressed, taking his time as the two boys crossed each other's gaze more than usual, differently than usual. Sander didn't know what it was, or what he tried to tell him with it. Maybe it was nothing, he could've just been imagining it. But the feeling in his gut told him that Tobias tried to wait for the other boys to leave, wanting to be alone with Sander for some reason, and as that finally happened, Sander's confusion finally got answered.

''Sander?''

The blonde turned around, moving his hand through his messy, sweaty hair as he found Tobias' gaze once again. ''Yeah?''

''I... I, eh...'' Tobias stammered. He sighed, kicking against his locker softly out of frustration, as he grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder, heading towards the locker room's exit. ''Never mind.''

Sander quickly walked up to him, placing his hand on the brunet's shoulder to stop him and turn him around to face him. ''No, say it.''

He had no right to leave right now. Even if he didn't have any clear intentions, it still was about time that the two of them talked things through. Not when their dad surrounded them, not when Robbe surrounded them. This was something between _them,_ and needed to be discussed and fixed _right now._ He promised Robbe he would do so, and to be fair, he needed this to be fixed for himself, too. This had lasted for way too long now.

Tobias moved his hand through his hair, resting it on the back of his neck. ''I just... I wanted to apologize.''

Sander frowned, the word sounding strange when it was Tobias that said it. '' _Apologize?''_

''Yeah.''

''For what?''

The boy shrugged. ''For everything. For what happened with Robbe, for what happened with dad.'' He swallowed, looking down at his feet and avoiding Sander's gaze when he continued, a small voice adding: ''For what happened with your sister.''

''Oh.''

Tobias exhaled, taking a step away from Sander as he sat down on one of the locker room's benches, hiding his face in his hands. ''I know I fucked up. I just... I didn't dare to admit it. The pile only became bigger and bigger, so owning up to it got more difficult too.''

It made more sense to Sander than it probably should have. Tobias really worked himself into this mess, and he could kind of understand that when it was such a big mess as Tobias was in, it got hard to own up to it and be honest with yourself that you fucked things up very badly. And they weren't necessarily small things, either. But even though Sander kind of understood, and even though he felt like finally talking things through and settling them, he didn't feel like he was the one needing this apology right now. 

''I'm not necessarily the one you should be apologizing too, though.''

Tobias shook his head. ''You are.''

''I am?''

''Yes.'' He finally looked up, taking his hands away from his face as he found Sander's eyes. His eyes watered, showing that he held back tears that had probably bottled up for a long time now. ''Out of everything I did, I think you're the one I hurt the most.''

Sander's thoughts were racing on full speed. He appreciated the fact Tobias was trying to settle things, to explain things, and in a way, he was right about the fact that Sander indeed deserved an apology, too. He just didn't get that a few days ago, he hated his guts, whereas now, he suddenly seemed to regret all of it. ''I... where is this sudden change of heart coming from? You hated my guts a few days ago.''

''Because I think Robbe finally managed to talk some sense into me.'' It stayed silent for a while. Of course he did. Robbe always knew how to make things right. ''I talked to dad, about everything. Also what happened last year.''

''You did?''

''Yeah. See, there's a reason I couldn't let Robbe go that easily. You must know what it feels like around him. He's just so... _good_. You know? He wants what's best for you, he even forgets his own feelings at times because you're the most important one to him. He's so loyal, so trustworthy, so real. I had never met anyone like him, and I guess being with someone like that just... overwhelmed me. So much that I fucked it up, thinking I didn't deserve it, or couldn't handle being with someone that cared about me _that_ much. It wasn't until I lost him that I realized how much I really needed him.''

He was right. Robbe _was_ like that. He described him so well, in ways Sander knew him better than anyone else. A sting hurt in his chest as he realized that Tobias had been just as close to Robbe, weeks before him. But then again, that kind of was his own fault. 

Sander shook his head at his last words. ''There's a difference between needing someone and loving someone.''

''I did love him. I do.''

The blonde raised his eyebrows as he let out a scoff. There was no way he truly loved Robbe. Not when he did the things that he did to him. ''Right.''

''But I realized I don't love him nearly as much as he loves you.'' The boys stared at each other for a few seconds, as Sander felt a wave of warmth rushing through his entire body. He knew Robbe loved him, but every single time others noticed the same, Sander realized just _how much_ he actually did. People saw, people knew. Robbe loved him more than he loved anyone else. And maybe the fact that even Tobias noticed that, made it all even more meaningful. ''He loves you so fucking much, Sander. Everything about him screams that he does. The way he stood up for you like that, in front of dad? You're his all, man. There's no way me or anyone for that matter could ever compete with that.''

Sander smiled softly. He couldn't remember the last time he did that around Tobias. ''Thanks, I guess.''

Tobias sighed, standing up from the bench and coming to a halt in front of Sander. He licked his lips, looking around him as if he was trying to search for the right words and confidence to say what he was about to say. ''I'm sorry, okay? I guess I always just... wanted to be like you. The way you are, the way you act, the things you do. When you got in between your sister and I, I was so fucking angry at you for doing so, but mostly for once again being the one who _did_ know how to do things right. I always do things wrong. I fuck things up, it's what I do. It's who I am. And I'm sorry that you got involved in that.''

Hearing Tobias say this, kind of made Sander feel bad for him. At the same time, he never realized that Tobias' hate towards him was based on _that._ On wanting to be _like him._ Sander never knew people looked up to him in a way or even wanted to be the same way. It still was fucked up, but he also knew Tobias probably hadn't had the easiest youth with his own dad. He had a past, too. As much as Sander did, as well.

Sander nodded. ''It's okay. I forgive you.''

Tobias backed down a bit, disbelief and confusion rushing over his face. ''You do?''

''Yeah.'' Sander exhaled, crossing his arms. ''There has never been a reason for me to hate you, other than the things you did to the people I care about. I'm just glad you realize you were wrong all this time, and I hope this all means that you'll try to change.''

The brunet nodded quickly. ''I will. I'll try.''

''Then there's no reason for me to not give you a second chance.''

Tobias smiled softly and gratefully - Sander was a bit scared he was gonna try to hug him, but thankfully, he didn’t - his expression slowly turning more at ease. ''Thanks. I really appreciate it.''

''But-'' Sander continued. ''I'm not the only one you should be apologising to. There's two people needing your apology and mostly your explanation more than I do.''

''I know. I'll talk to them.''

''Good.''

''Great.''

The two boys smiled at each other, genuinely, something they hadn't done for over a year. The blonde grabbed his bag from the floor, throwing his leather jacket over his shoulder, walking up to the locker room's exit as their conversation slowly settled inside his mind. He actually felt quite good about it. They talked, Tobias explained _and_ apologized, saying he’d do the same for others. He obviously didn't know how much of it was honest or true, but he had at least tried. And it meant more to him than he dared to admit. They were family, after all.

As he reached out for the doorhandle, Tobias' voice interrupted his action. 

''Sander?''

He turned around, finding his step brother's gaze once again. ''Yeah?''

''Thank you. Really. You're a good person, you know. And I'm sorry for ever doubting that.'' He smiled, Sander returning the same gesture as they just stood there for a while, watching the other. Sander didn't know what to say. Whether he should thank him too, or just let it rest and walk away. But before he could decide, his thoughts got interrupted by Tobias' voice once again.

''Robbe got lucky with a guy like you.''

**Friday, 20:06**

**Robbe** : i'll be at yours soon!!

 **Sander** : okay! can't wait to see you, i miss you 😔

 **Robbe** : good thing you won't have to let go of me for the next four days, then, mr. driesen ;)

 **Sander** : oh, you bet i won't

 **Robbe** : sap :)

 **Sander** : you love it 😘

 **Robbe** : i do, very much so :)

 **Sander** : you better :)

 **Robbe** : 😘

 **Sander** : btw... i talked with tobias

 **Robbe** : you did?? oh shit. how did it go?

 **Sander** : well, i don't have a bleeding nose

 **Sander** : i also didn't get pushed into a wall

 **Sander** : and... i think we actually kinda settled things

 **Robbe** : that sounds... good?

 **Sander** : yeah :)

 **Robbe** : let's talk about it more later?

 **Sander** : let's do that. tomorrow.

 **Robbe** : not tonight?

 **Sander** : nooo. i have very different plans for tonight, mr. ijzermans ;)

 **Robbe:** sander driesen, are you trying to sext me here?

 **Sander:** you're such an idiot 😂 now get over here. i have a surprise for you. 

**Robbe** : oh? 😱 i better start cycling then

 **Sander** : you better. hurry up, baby. i want to kiss you.

 **Robbe** : be there in 10, have your kisses ready x 

**Sander** : will do. be safe, i love you x ❤

 **Robbe** : i love you too ❤

**Friday, 20:15**

**Dad:** Sander. I wanted to send you this text to apologize. Robbe was right. Tobias didn't tell me the truth. In fact, he hasn't in a very long time. I know what happened with your sister now. What really happened, I mean. And he told me about Robbe, as well. I'm so terribly sorry, my son. For how I treated you, for how he treated you, and for everything else. I haven't been the dad you have wanted and needed me to be. I understand if you need time and space. Take it how long you need it. Just know that I apologize and I'll try to better myself as a father. I'm sorry, and feel free to call me when you're ready to talk about it. You're always welcome here. I'm sorry for ever taking that feeling away from you. Love, Dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello lovelies!
> 
> it's been a while. i'm sorry for taking a break, but i really needed one. i guess these are weird times for all of us and we need to live in the minutes of our days. and taking a break felt right for me during those. 
> 
> this story is almost coming to an end! there's only one chapter left, and when it's done i'll continue ''all i wanted was for you to be safe''. please tell me what you think of this chapter, as it was harder for me to write because of circumstances. also, it's sanders pov! it was so different for me to write from his perspective, as i'm so much like robbe as a person. but i felt like this story needed sander's side too, as most of the plot circles around him and his life. i hope you liked it and that it lived up to your expectations.
> 
> please leave a comment here or on my tumblr (sobbefairytales) to let me know what you thought of it. your thoughts and opinions mean more to me right now than they have ever done. it really keeps me going, especially right now <3
> 
> lots of love, a. <3


	9. chapter 9: the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to each and every single one of you. I hope you get to spend it with the ones you love and cherish. <3
> 
> Here we go. The final chapter of Remember My Name. I hope you enjoy. <3

_“I hope you find someone who reminds you that you deserve the love you give.”_  
― Courtney Peppernell

**Saturday, 09:18**

Robbe had never really enjoyed Christmas like other people did. For most people he knew, it was a way of celebrating the past year, the experiences you lived through, together with the people you loved the most. It sounded pretty simple, and maybe it was, but to Robbe, it had always been very different. His past years hadn't been good enough to celebrate, in fact, he didn't even really have loved ones to reminisce about it with. He always only had his mom, the only one he loved and the only one who truly loved him back. Spending the day with her, baking gingerbread houses and watching old Christmas movies had always been the way he knew December 25th. It didn't have expensive dinners, it didn't have a kitchen full of family. It only had him, his mom, and their love for each other. And honestly, it had always been all he needed. But somehow, he always compared himself to others, to how they spent it, to why Robbe didn't have the same as them. He always thought he was different, and maybe he was. Maybe his life was. And this year, he thought Christmas couldn't get any worse. His mom got admitted to a mental institution, and Robbe's worst fear had gotten reality: he had to spend Christmas all alone this year around, without loved ones, without gingerbread houses, without old Christmas movies. He had no one.

But that all changed once he met Sander.

Against all of his expectations, Robbe truly had never enjoyed Christmas as much as he did right now.

''Can you reach it?'' Sander asked, as Robbe stood up on his tiptoes, trying to reach out for the peak of the tree, almost falling down twice in the process as he cursed at himself for not being tall enough. 

He sighed, pouting his lips. ''No, not really.''

Sander let out an endearing ''aw'', snorting afterwards as he put a soothing hand on his lower back, warmth instantly growing underneath his palm. ''Sometimes I can't believe just how small you are. Here, let me help.''

He turned Robbe around by his waist, lifting him up as his big hands consumed his small body completely. The brunet smiled proudly, twinkles in his eyes as he was able to reach it now, thanks to the help of his boyfriend, as happy as ever, literally as a little boy on Christmas. He put the golden peak on top, enjoying his boyfriend's hands around him a little while longer as he slowly put him back down onto the wooden floor. He turned around in his grip, wrapping both arms around his neck. ''Thank you, baby.''

The blonde smiled, pressing a soft kiss onto Robbe's lips. ''It truly was my pleasure.''

''Should we put on the lights?'' Robbe questioned, as his hands slowly wandered down Sander's arms, still wrapped around his waist. The blonde nodded, loosening his grip around his boyfriend to back down towards the switch lying on the floor. He flipped it, making the tree light up in a sea of bright gold, lighting up their faces, reflecting twinkles in their eyes. Robbe's mouth dropped opened as he took in the gorgeous view, never having seen a Christmas tree like this before in his life. This year truly was special for so many reasons. 

''That's... that's beautiful.'' He stammered with parted lips, hearing Sander laugh softly as he wrapped his arms back around his waist. For him, this was probably something he did every year, something he had gotten used to by now. But for Robbe, this sight completely took his breath away. 

He used one hand to wipe away a strand of hair from Robbe's forehead, locking it behind his ear. He scanned his face with a concentrated look, cautiously taking in every single detail, as he whispered: ''Almost just as beautiful as you.''

Robbe smiled, a little shy, as he pressed his forehead against Sander's chin, him being almost a head taller than him. He rested there and then, feeling safe in Sander's arms and hiding himself in them a little more as he scooched over even closer. He rested his hands on Sander's chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart underneath his palms as he let out a loaded exhale. How much he wished his mom was here to see just how wonderful Christmas could be.

Sander immediately noticed him wandering off in thoughts, as he reached up a hand and placed it on Robbe's temple, caressing it as he comforted him with the soothing motions of his fingertips. He always knew exactly what Robbe needed to feel better. ''Hey, are you okay?''

The brunet nodded, pressing a kiss on Sander's chest. ''Yeah. Yeah, I just... I guess I'm not used to all of this. Spending Christmas without my mom, in such a different setting.''

''I'm sorry she's not here with you right now. I hope all of us can make up for it a bit.''

''You can. You _do.''_ Robbe moved back, pressing a tender kiss on Sander's lips. It might've been a different setting, but it was one Robbe had always dreamed of to experience. He never knew Christmas could feel as warm and loving as this, all because of spending it with the right person. Not that his mom hadn't been, but just... _Sander_. He somehow made everything in life even more special. ''Even though Christmas with my mom has always been all I needed, spending it with the love of my life makes it better than I ever imagined it to be.''

The blonde squinted his eyes as his lips formed a smirk. ''Did you just call me the love of your life?''

''Yes, I did.''

Sander playfully parted his lips, a jokingly surprised expression covering his face. ''Fuck, Robbe. Sentimental _and_ sappy. You really are trying to break a record here.''

Robbe couldn't believe how much attention Sander always spent on the things he said. He knew exactly why he did it. He loved it when Robbe was being sappy around him. He loved that he brought that out in him. And in the end, he probably loved being told things like that as he always said Robbe made him feel loved like nobody had before.

''You're such an idiot.'' He nudged his boyfriend's shoulder, making him laugh out loud in response. He sounded so _fucking_ magical.

''I'm just kidding,'' Sander giggled, pressing his forehead against Robbe's as he crashed their noses together, whispering: ''Say it again.''

As Robbe's hands lied on his chest, he could feel the blonde's heart beating rapidly beneath them. It was still so crazy to him how much of an influence he actually had on him. The thought only, of being _that_ to Sander, making him feel so many things at once by just saying something that's on his mind, made him feel more alive than anything else ever could.

''You're the love of my life.''

'' _Fuck,''_ The blonde sighed, closing his eyes for a few seconds as they just stood there, held by each other's arms, safe and warm like they never were before. He shook his head slowly, brushing his nose past Robbe's in the process. ''It's crazy how you can make my heart race with only a few words.''

Goosebumps formed everywhere on Robbe's body, feeling Sander's words kick in. Even though he knew about this for a while now, it still felt different when Sander actually said it out loud. And even though he knew, and even though Sander said it sometimes, he still didn't quite believe it just yet. 

''Can I?''

''Yes, you can, Ijzermans.'' Sander giggled, brushing a hand past Robbe's cheek. ''If I ever get a heart attack, I'll hold you responsible.''

Robbe shrugged, brushing his face against Sander's palm, still held against it in a way Robbe wanted him to do forever. ''Well, I can't help it. You bring these words out of me.''

They really were two actual hopelessly in love teenage boys at this point, which- they _were,_ as they stood there,not being able to contain their smiles as the other just brought it out in them simply by existing. His boyfriend pressed a kiss on his nose, then his cheek, then the corner of his mouth. He licked his lips before biting down on his lower one, staring right into Robbe's eyes with one of the most daring looks he had ever given him. They twinkled, the lights of the Christmas tree reflecting in them as they swam around, so bright that they almost lighted up Robbe's entire face. He looked so incredibly attractive that it was simply unfair. ''Keep them coming, then.''

Robbe put his hand on Sander's neck, his thumb hidden in the hollow, slightly pulling his warm skin. ''Alright, _man of my dreams.''_

''Right, that's it.'' In a whim, before Robbe could quite process what was happening, Sander wrapped both arms around his waist firmly as he bowed down, picking Robbe up from the floor and carrying him with him throughout the house as he lied down on his shoulder. The brunet tried to resist a little bit- he didn't actually want him to let go, in fact, he couldn't wait to see where he was taking him. But that was the entire point- he _wanted_ to know already.

''Wha-? Where are you taking me?'' 

But before Sander could answer, he threw open the wooden door to their cosy bedroom, shutting it closed behind them as he quickly plopped Robbe down onto the soft, white sheets, climbing on top of him as he buried his face into the crook of his neck, taking in his scent as he inhaled deeply, his warm breath making Robbe's heart flutter. He wrapped both arms around his chest, pressing kisses on his skin as he clung onto him as closely as he possibly could, legs intertwined together. Robbe could barely breathe at this point. Not just because of Sander holding him this tightly, but mostly because of the way he just... held him close like this. The way Robbe had always wanted to be held. Wished to be held by Sander ever since he met him. And now, it had actually become his reality. People really lied when they said Christmas miracles didn't exist.

Robbe giggled, wrapping both arms around Sander's body, pulling him in even closer, his face completely hidden in his neck now. '' _Sander_. Your mom and sister can come home any minute to prepare the Christmas dinner, and you want to cuddle on the bed right now?''

Sander's hand moved down Robbe's back, slowly tugging at his sweater as he brought it up just a little bit, enough for his fingers to disappear underneath, them cradling Robbe's warm skin. His cold fingertips together with his touch made Robbe's entire body shiver.

''Oh? Is someone complaining?''

The brunet rolled his eyes, biting down his lower lip as he felt Sander dig his fingers into his spine just a little too much, passion starting to bubble up inside his stomach. ''No, I'm not. But maybe it's not the best time now? We still need to finish decorating.''

''If I could, I'd always cuddle with you, even if that means a Christmas without decorations,'' He mumbled into his neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses down to his collarbone. Just as Robbe gave up resisting for the greater good, revealing his neck a little more to be able to let Sander do whatever it was that he wanted - knowing he would never be able to resist anyway -, he felt the blonde grin proudly against his skin, pulling back after pressing a final kiss to his neck. He moved up, the brunet's neck suddenly feeling very cold and lonely. ''But no, that's not the reason I brought you here.''

Robbe groaned, pulling Sander back onto him by the collar of his Christmas sweater. He pouted, brushing his index finger past Sander's cheek. ''Then what is it?''

Sander giggled. ''Look around, baby.''

And he did what he said. He moved up a bit, resting on his elbows as he observed the room they laid in, taking in every single piece, every single detail, making sure he didn't miss a spot and covered every single one of them. He saw the wooden floor, the plain white walls, the Christmas lights Sander had put on before getting here as he knew they were Robbe's favorite. He saw the fluffy blankets in the closet, the warm, fuzzy socks lying in front of the heater. He even saw the matching Christmas pyjama's Sander's mom had bought the both of them. And just as he thought he saw everything, his eyes suddenly fell on something in the windowsill. Robbe moved up to his knees, scooching over to the edge of the bed as he let go of Sander for the first time since yesterday evening, his curiosity taking him over completely. 

The windowsill was covered with burning candles, the scent of vanilla now suddenly being very clear and present as Robbe realized they were standing there, lighting up the room in a warm sea of light. Between the candles there were _lots-_ tens, maybe even hundreds of rose petals, covering up the entire thing, leaving not even a single spot of the white windowsill in sight. 

And right on top of the petals, in the center of the candles, there was a black, square box.

''What is this?'' Robbe questioned with a small voice, completely startled as he observed the spectacle in front of him, not daring to grab what was staring at him like an invitation. 

He suddenly felt Sander's presence close to him again, as the blonde wrapped his arms around his waist from the back, resting his chin on his shoulder.

''Open it.''

''Sander...''

''Come on. It says your name on it for a reason.''

He was right. He always was. And how couldn't he do what he said? The big hands around his waist, the warmth of his breath clashing against the skin in his neck, and now even the effort he put into creating this warm, safe place for him during Christmas- they all were enough to weaken him. And with the black box staring at him, and Sander asking him to open it as he held him safely, he couldn't possibly do otherwise.

So he reached out his hand, grabbing it as he clicked the box opened slowly.

And that's when his heart stopped beating for a few seconds, as a golden necklace stared right back at him.

It looked exactly like the one Robbe was wearing right now and always, except on this one, the angel wasn't on his own. There were two of them.

''Your angel necklace is one of my favorite things about you. Not just because it suits you so well, but mostly because it's what represents you in the best possible way. You _are_ an angel. _My_ angel. You saved me this year, you know. You changed my life, you made me feel as if I'm worth it, that I'm enough. And now I wanted to give you this.''

Robbe swore he was going to drop onto the floor from the overwhelming feeling he felt rushing through his body right now. It was a mixture of infinite emotions- gratitude, love, adoration. There wasn't one word, let alone enough to possibly describe how he was feeling right now. ''Sander, you didn't have to...''

''Shush, you,'' Sander quickly interrupted him, pressing his lips against his neck as he left a tender kiss. His hands held his sides, tracing circles with his fingertips as he continued: ''This pendant has two angels. Not just you, but I'm there with you. I figured that, now that we're together, the angel version of you should have me, too.''

There it was again. The rush of _that_ feeling. Magic all over. He reached out his fingers to carefully get the necklace out of the box, as he held it up in front of him, watching the pendant move from left to right in the air. The light from outside made the gold look even more magnificent.

''San, this is... I don't even know what to say.''

Sander smiled sheepishly, letting go of Robbe's waist to take the necklace over from him. He opened the clasp and carefully put it on his neck, closing it again and sealing it with a soft kiss, brushing his nose past the skin. His fingertips cradled over his shoulder blades, his nose still buried in the soft fabric of his sweater as he whispered: ''I don't want you to be or feel alone ever again. I'll always be with you, be here for you. It's us, together, now and always. One hundred percent in every universe.''

Robbe turned around, facing him again. ''I don't feel alone anymore. Not since I met you.''

His boyfriend wrapped his arms around his waist again, pulling his body close. He brushed their foreheads together as he stared into his eyes, his expression tender and love-stoned, his lids half-closed. 

''The same goes for me,'' His hand found its way to Robbe's cheek, as he caressed it with his thumb, moving down to rest in the hollow of his neck, fingers clinging onto his skin. Robbe closed his eyes to fully enjoy his comforting touch, wrapping his arms around his neck to hold him close. Sander moved his hand to Robbe's hair, burying it in the curly brown strands. ''The second I laid eyes on you I knew you were the one. I knew you were gonna change my life for the better.''

And Robbe did, too. The _second_ he saw him, his life changed completely in the best way possible. He still remembered every single time they met up at their spot, their tree, falling for him more and more with every sentence, every look and every touch they shared. Little did he know that during all those times, Sander fell for him just as much as he did for him. He could've known, though. The way Sander described him one of the first times they hung out together, already was proof enough that he knew Robbe better than anyone else. Nobody could know someone that well just by a name. Sander knew more than that. It had never been just his name that he remembered. He remembered every single detail about him, simply because he _loved_ him. He always had, and Robbe had, too. Since the first sentence, the first look and the first touch.

''And then you described me,'' Robbe said, reminiscing about that first time at their tree, marking it as their spot from that moment on. The description had been spot on- so much that he almost knew Robbe better than he knew himself. He remembered how intrigued he was by him, not just wanting to know his name, but wanting to know his _everything._

''And then you described me, too,'' Sander continued, smiling as their noses touched. His lips were close. _So_ close that he could smell his fragrance, the clean scent of his freshly washed Christmas sweater.

''And then we kissed,''

''And now we're here,'' He pressed a kiss on the corner of Robbe's mouth, brushing his nose past his cheek with closed eyes. ''Together.''

They backed down a bit, as Robbe looked down at his chest, holding the angel pendant between his fingers. His chest glowed, warming up as his heart raced, feeling more whole than he had ever felt. ''It's so beautiful, Sander...'' 

Sander put a finger underneath his chin, making him look back up and connecting their twinkling eyes. ''So are you.''

Robbe wrapped his arms back around his neck, bringing their faces close to each other and crashing their lips together. His mind stopped like it did every single time they kissed. The flutter in his chest blossomed like a flower, growing bigger and bigger as his heart started racing. Sander wrapped his arms around his waist tightly, lifting him up slightly as he parted his insisting lips, uniting their tongues as they met in the middle. Robbe felt himself drowning in his grip and his touch, his skin set on fire by the fingertips digging into his sides. The slow gradiation of intensity made Robbe grow weak, clinging onto him, too afraid he'd fall otherwise. Sensation spun around in Robbe's stomach as Sander's fingers found their way underneath his sweater, travelling over his warm skin, their wet lips exploring each other. Kissing Sander was like opening up his soul and tasting every single color the world owned, as he drowned in the softness and sweetness of his mouth. The way he made him feel like he was the only one in the entire world that deserved to be held like this. Tasted like this. Explored like this. It was levitating, as if he stepped into a dream where Sander saved him from the world around him. _His angel._ He really was. 

''I love you so much.'' He whispered against his lips.

Sander grinned, brushing their noses together, showering Robbe's face with kisses, being wet from the love they just shared. ''I love you so much, too, baby.''

**Saturday, 19:56** _(I recommend reading this part while listening to Under the Tree by Sam Palladio)_

Tonight really had been the Christmas evening of Robbe's dreams.

They had spent the entire evening around the table with Sander's mom and his sister, eating the most exquisite Christmas dinner Robbe had ever eaten (not that it was expensive, it was just... way more extensive than the salad Robbe and his mom used to eat), enjoying each other's presence as they talked about all sorts of topics Robbe wouldn't even be able to list within one night. They talked about Sander's mom's job, how she raised him and his sister without having too much money and what the both of them were like while growing up. Robbe learned that Sander had always been the cheeky and stubborn guy he was right now, stealing the hearts of all the ladies in the neighbourhood by only granting them his gorgeous smile. He had always been his charming self, loyal towards others and putting the people he loved first, before thinking of himself. He learned that his sister was just like him- warmhearted, compassionate and just as creative as the guy sitting next to him. How the two of them would paint the walls of his mom's house when they graduated from primary school, how they would mess up the entire living room with their hands full of paint when they were just old enough to walk on both feet. They talked about how surprised they were the day Sander arrived home with bleached hair, almost not recognizing him but absolutely _loving_ it, as he used it as a way to express himself and become more of who he really was and wanted to be. And then, when his mom and sister felt like the conversation was way too much about them, they changed the subject to the two guys sitting in front of them, hands holding knees and sharing loved up gazes, wanting to know way more about them and how they ended up together right here. They talked about how him and Sander met, how they had fallen for each other, how quickly Robbe had been taken away by him and swept off of his feet as soon as he saw him for the first time, and most importantly, about just how in love they were right now.

Robbe had never met such a warm and loving family as Sander's. 

''And then he drew me in his sketchbook, but I was never allowed to see it at first. He always avoided the question.''

His sister's mouth dropped opened, disbelief dripping off of her face. ''Sander!''

He threw his innocent hands into the air. ''What? Can you blame me? Imagine this guy sitting in front of you and having to reveal you've been drawing him for weeks.''

''This guy happened to be head over heels in love with you, though.'' She giggled, watching Robbe lie down his head on Sander's shoulder. 

''Yeah, I know that _now,''_ He said, looking down at his hands, fingers fiddling around with one another on his lap. ''I was just... scared back then.''

Robbe moved his head back up to press a kiss onto his shoulder, immediately grabbing Sander's both hands and taking them onto his lap to caress them with his fingers. He drew a heart onto one of their palms, trying to comfort him and letting him know that he was okay, and that he didn't have to talk about it any more than he wanted to. They had talked about it, they had closed that chapter, and it was good like this. It didn't matter now.

Sander rested his head against Robbe's, as he looked down at their intertwined hands and smiled sheepishly. He knew exactly what Robbe's intentions were, without sharing any words. 

''So when did you guys kiss for the first time?'' His mom suddenly asked, filling up the silence that had fallen among them. 

Sander rolled his eyes, letting out an annoyed: '' _Mom...''_

''Am I not allowed to know how much of a romantic my son truly is?''

''No, you're not. Only Robbe is.''

''Look at him turning all shy,'' His sister giggled, observing Sander brushing his nose past Robbe's shoulder and taking in his scent. He pressed a soft kiss onto it afterwards, closing his eyes as if he wanted to disappear into his presence for a few seconds. ''You've made him a new man, Robbe. I'm impressed.''

Robbe shook his head as he titled it, watching Sander still resting his chin on his shoulder. ''I don't think there's anything new about him. I think he's just more of himself now. I see that more and more every day.''

The older boy looked up, finding Robbe's gaze as the two boys smiled at each other. Sander squeezed his hand, thanking him silently, and Robbe knew just how grateful he was for saying this about him. Sander had never changed. The people around him had changed him in ways he had never wanted to. Robbe would make sure that from now on, he would never feel that way ever again. He could always be himself around him, the person who he truly was and wanted to be. That was the best version of him that existed- _nobody_ in the world was like him. God, he truly was so special.

''Gosh, you guys are way too cute.'' His sister whispered, pouting as she observed the two boys getting lost in each other the way they always did.

Robbe couldn't help himself. One look in Sander's eyes and he was completely gone.

''And, Robbe, what are your parents doing this Christmas?'' His mom's voice brought him back to reality, with a question that was a bit too specific, and maybe even a bit hurtful in a way. It wasn't her fault though, she probably had no idea about Robbe's parental situation at all. But nonetheless, being questioned about his parents, especially around Christmas, left a sting in his chest and a bad taste in his mouth. Not because of her, but just because of how bad that exact situation used to make him feel.

''Mom, you shouldn't-'' Sander started, knowing how sensitive this question was to him, but even though he was right, Robbe stopped him mid-way.

''It's okay, San,'' He sighed, shaking his head. He stayed silent for a while, letting go of one of Sander's hands to play with his fork, trying to find the right words to explain the situation. Because the thing was, he didn't even know how they were celebrating it. He never spoke to his dad these days, and his mom was in an institution he wasn't allowed to visit because of her mental state. Without Sander, this Christmas truly would've been the worst one yet. ''Honestly, I don't know what my dad is doing. I haven't really had much contact with him this year. And my mom, she's... she's in the institution. I can't visit her around Christmas, unfortunately.''

Sander's sister smiled softly, as she reached out over the table to grab Robbe's hand. ''You miss her, don't you?''

''Yeah.'' He said, avoiding her gaze. He swallowed away the tears forming in the back of his eyes, staring at his plate as he remembered just how badly he missed being with his mom right now, never having wanted to hug her and smell her familiar, safe scent as much as he did in this moment. ''Yeah, I really do.''

Silence fell again, no other sound than the blocks of wood cracking in the fireplace and the cozy Christmas music softly playing in the background. Sander suddenly grabbed his hand from the table, bringing it back to his lap as he closed them in within his own, pressing a kiss down onto them.

''I think there's a way to kind of spend Christmas with her, though.'' He said, biting down his lower lip to prevent a smile from growing. He shoved his chair back, letting go of Robbe's hands as he walked to the other side of the living room, rumbling around through his stuff, clearly searching for something.

Robbe frowned, observing him with total confusion. ''What? What do you mean?''

''Wait a sec.''

''Sander, what's-''

The blonde turned around again, walking back up to the table with his laptop in his hands, opened up as the bright screen lighted up Sander's face. He smiled so wide that it was almost contageous, as he plopped down onto his chair again and put the laptop in front of Robbe's face. ''There's someone who wants to say hi to you.''

Right there, on the bright screen that had just made Sander smile, was the face of the one person Robbe missed the most right now, wanted to hold the most right now, wanted to be _with_ the most right now. He suddenly understood why Sander couldn't stop smiling. She truly was the prettiest woman he had ever seen.

''Mom?'' He stammered, not being able to hold back his tears anymore.

''Hi there, baby.'' Robbe immediately noticed her tearing up as well, as she scooched over closer to the camera, wanting to be even closer to him. ''How are you doing, my love?''

''I- I'm good. How are you?''

''Me too, honey. I'm so glad to see you with that bright twinkle in your eyes.'' Robbe looked up at Sander for a second, seeing the older boy smile at him, so incredibly proud, that it almost made him want to burst into tears. And all of it was out of pure happiness. He couldn't believe he had arranged this for him. That twinkle his mom loved so much, really shone that much all because of him.

''I'm so happy to see you, too.'' He smiled, his eyes never leaving Sander's.

''Are you enjoying your Christmas, with Sander and his family?''

''Yeah, I am.'' He nodded, looking back at the screen as he observed his mom from head to toe, as far as that was possible. She looked so gorgeous, sitting there in the red Christmas sweater she always wore when they celebrated Christmas together. She had even done her make-up a little bit, which was something Robbe hadn't seen her do ever since she got admitted. Robbe knew she had done all of this just for him, but he didn't care. All he cared about was that she was here right now, looking as beautiful as ever, pride rushing through his chest just by the look of her. She was doing so extremely well, and he was so _god damn_ proud of her. ''I miss you, though.''

''I miss you too, honey. But there's gonna be endless Christmasses for us to celebrate together. What matters right now is that you're surrounded by people you love, and I think you've got that one covered.''

Robbe reached out for Sander's hand, squeezing it as he replied: ''I do.''

''Sander told me how amazing you've been. I am so proud of you, my love.'' Tears flooded over his cheeks as he felt Sander's hand squeezing his shoulder, moving back down to his lower back to caress it with soothing motions, drawing the circles he loved so much all over. He rested his head on his shouder, holding him close, watching his mom together now. Sander truly was his miracle. The fact that he had spoken to his mom about how proud he was of him made Robbe feel things he never thought he was able to feel. But Sander proved him otherwise, like he always did.

''Mom... now I'm crying all over my Christmas dinner.'' Everyone laughed at his remark, as Sander's sister stood up to hand Robbe a tissue. Sander tried to kiss away his tears, brushing his hand past his cheeks.

''Don't cry, baby. Enjoy the fact you're with the one you love the most right now, okay? Sander loves you so much.''

Sander nodded, tightening his grip around the younger boy's waist. He pressed another tender kiss to his shoulder, reaching up his hand to caress the boy's temple, whispering: ''I really do.''

Robbe smiled softly, the puddle of tears still haven't left his eyes. ''I'll call you later, okay? So we can chat a bit more.''

''That's okay, son. Enjoy your time there now, alright? We'll talk soon.''

''Okay, mom.''

''Merry Christmas, Robbe. I love you.''

They smiled at each other one last time, as Robbe finally said: ''I love you too, mom.''

And as the screen turned pitch black, his mom disappearing right in front of him, Robbe couldn't do otherwise than throwing his arms around Sander's neck and bursting into full tears. He cried and cried, letting it all out, knowing that he could in front of him and his family. They let Robbe be who he wanted to be, feel what he felt like feeling, without making him ever hold anything back. Sander wrapped his arms around the younger boy's waist, pulling him onto his lap as he held him close, Robbe's face completely buried into his neck. His fingertips cradled over his temple as he rocked him from side to side slowly, trying to comfort him, yet also making him feel safe to let it all out just how much he wanted to. And that's what Robbe did. Not because he felt sad or anything negative like that. He cried because of Sander arranging this for him. He cried because of seeing and talking to his mom at the time he craved for it the most, not having expected to be able to at all. He cried of realizing once again just how wonderful this Christmas was, even though he didn't get to celebrate it together with every single one he loved. 

And as Sander kissed his head and cheeks, tightening his grip around Robbe's waist, the younger boy realized the biggest reason he felt this emotional.

Because Sander had made him feel what home truly felt like.

**Sunday, 03:41**

It had been a long time since Robbe felt like this at night. Worrying in his sleep, thoughts rambling through his mind that didn't seem to stop turning, growing into new thoughts that came out of nowhere, the thinking changing into overthinking from one moment onto another. He turned and turned, trying to find a position that stopped himself from worrying, not wanting to wake Sander up at the same time, who was peacefully sleeping next to him, a sight that never got boring. 

Instead of trying to close his eyes again and restarting the vicious circle that was his overthinking, Robbe turned onto his side, facing Sander who was lying on his back, eyes closed and softly breathing in and out, sleeping so beautifully that Robbe almost couldn't resist to take pictures and cherish the sight forever. He reached out his index finger, softly caressing the side of Sander's cheek, suddenly remembering the words the blonde always said to him while he felt his soft skin underneath his fingertip. _I'm always here for you._ _Whenever you need me._ And even though Robbe didn't want to wake him up, wanting to spend the rest of the night just lying like this, looking at him until the sun came up and bathed him in golden rays that made him look like magic himself, he suddenly couldn't stop himself from taking the offer Sander had always granted him.

''Sander?'' He whispered, moving his hand down to his shoulder to softly nudge him awake.

He inhaled deeply, squeezing his eyes together and rubbing them, before opening them up and looking down at Robbe. He already regretted waking him up. ''Hm?''

''Are you awake?''

''I am now.'' He answered, trying to get out of his sleeping haze as he suddenly seemed to realize Robbe _woke him up,_ knowing he usually never did that without a reason. ''Is something wrong?''

Robbe sighed, looking down at his fingers that were hidden underneath the sheets. ''No. Yes.''

Sander turned onto his side, grabbing the side of Robbe's face with his warm palm. His skin immediately lit fire when his hand touched his cheek, closing his eyes as he enjoyed his soothing touch. He observed his face all worried, a little dimple forming between his eyebrows as his thumb cradled over his skin in comforting motions. ''Hey, talk to me. What's wrong?''

''Do you... do you ever have those moments where your thoughts just don't seem to stop?''

He nodded, never leaving Robbe's gaze. ''I do.''

Robbe swallowed, looking down at Sander's chest. ''I have that right now.''

''What are you thinking about?''

''I... keep thinking of what Tobias thinks of me. How he sees me now, after everything. Whether I'm still the same Robbe to him as back then.''

''Hey,'' Sander started, placing his finger underneath Robbe's chin to make him look up at him. ''Why did this suddenly creep up on you?''

''I... I'm just afraid that one day, Tobias will start twisting things around. The things about my parents, for instance. Maybe he'll tell others I'm the same as them, just like he once did with you. And I'm scared that everyone will believe him, because he's _Tobias,_ you know? And I'm... Robbe.''

''Yes, you are. And you should be fucking proud you are.'' Sander's voice was resolute- so much that it reminded Robbe of who he really was without saying the actual words. He scooched over even closer, lifting up his arm and freeing his chest to make place for Robbe to lie down on it. ''Hey, come here.''

Robbe exhaled, wrapping both arms around Sander's chest as he rested his face down on it, nuzzling his nose into the fabric of his plain white t-shirt and enjoying how Sander closed him in, his fingertips caressing his temple as he peppered kisses onto it. He slowly rocked him from left to right, trying to calm him down as he kept kissing his scalp, his fingertips travelling down to his back to draw hearts and circles, comforting him in the way Robbe loved the most. Just... close to him.

''Listen to me. You need to tell those thoughts to stop. They are wrong, okay? What matters is the people who really know you and what _they_ think of you. If Tobias ever truly cared about you, then he would know you're worth so much better than twisting things around and comparing you to your parents. He would know how _fucking_ unique you are. Your past does not define you. Tobias isn't a part of the chapter you're in right now. What matters is here and now, okay? You don't know what the future holds. The only thing you know is that you'll be the one in charge, and that I will be by your side through it all. And we can conquer it all together, right?''

He was right. He always was. Robbe didn't have anything to be scared of. Not when he was with Sander.

''Yeah, you're right.'' Robbe nodded, sighing into his shirt with a soft smile. He pressed a kiss onto his chest, drawing a cirlce around the same spot as he said: ''With you, I can do anything.''

''Exactly. So remember that, okay? Think of that. Think of things you _do_ have control over. Life is full of surprises, there's no way you can figure it all out before it happens, even if your mind tries to tell you so.''

''But what if?''

''That's such a big question, Robbe. What if the world ends tomorrow? What if one of us gets hit by a bus tomorrow? What if we win the lottery tomorrow? There's so many things that could happen, so many different things than the ones you're thinking of right now. You have to take each day as it comes, okay? You're the one in charge of the moments you're in _right now._ So use your influence to make the most of those instead of the ones you don't have control over anyway.''

Right. Once again. It all sounded so easy and simple when the words fell down from his lips. It all made sense, even when Robbe's head didn't say so. Sander always turned everything around. And sometimes, Robbe just needed that. Someone to remind him of the things that mattered, and the things that didn't. He just couldn't do that all by himself at times.

''You always know exactly how to make me feel better, don't you?'' Robbe smiled, tightening his grip around Sander's waist.

The blonde pressed a kiss down on his temple, whispering: ''It's what I love doing the most.''

''You're sweet,'' Robbe giggled, moving back a bit to be able to see Sander's face. ''So... what do you do to get out of overthinking?''

The older boy shrugged, staring at the ceiling to try and remember, working on his answer. ''I try to focus on the here and now. On the things I'm surrounded by. Things that make me happy. For the past few months, it has always helped me to think of you.''

Robbe's heart fluttered in his chest. ''Of me?''

Sander looked down at him again, a grin covering his face as his hand reached out to Robbe's cheek, caressing it with his fingertips. Robbe could see his own twinkle reflect in Sander's eyes. He truly loved how they always shared everything. Thoughts, love, happiness. All of it.

''Yes. Even when we weren't together yet.'' Sander bit his lip after finishing his sentence, his cheeks turning pink in the dark haze of the night. ''Sorry if that sounds creepy.''

Robbe immediately shook his head, grabbing Sander's face with both hands. ''No, it doesn't. Not at all. I'm just glad it helped you.''

Sander smiled softly, pressing their noses together and brushing them past each other. He grabbed one of Robbe's hands away from his face, intertwining their fingers together as he laid their connected hands on his chest, right above his quickly beating heart. ''You always do. Even when you're not around.'' He whispered, kissing Robbe's nose. ''So think of something. Anything that makes you happy or calm.''

''You.'' Robbe answered instantly. ''You make me happy and calm. When you're next to me, but also when I just think of you.''

The blonde let out a soft, endearing ''aw'', kissing his cheek, then his forehead, his nose and both of the corners of his mouth, before sealing their lips together for a long, tender kiss. He took in a deep breath, brushing their lips past each other as they slowly let go. He brought his hand back to Robbe's hair, playing around with it and twirling the curls around his finger, as the other one still remained intertwined with Robbe's on his chest. ''Then... think of me. And I'll hold you while you do so.''

Robbe smiled brightly, kissing Sander's chin and hooking his hand behind his neck. ''You're the most amazing human being I've ever met, you know that?''

''The same goes for you.''

He brought their lips together once again, colliding in a bubble of tenderness, nothing that turned into much more other than the unconditional love they had for each other. Robbe curled his toes, pressing himself closer against Sander's upper body and intertwining their legs as the blonde himself tightened his grip around Robbe's head, carefully pulling his brown hair to make the younger boy appreciatively whine into his mouth. They kissed and kissed, minutes and maybe even hours flying by as they got lost into each other. They were so wrapped into each other right now, that they were barely able to breathe or move. Sander brushed his lips past Robbe's one more time, teasing him before Robbe pressed down one final kiss onto them. 

''I love you.'' He said quietly.

''I love you, too, baby.'' Sander replied, brushing their noses together before pressing a soft kiss onto it. ''Now go to sleep, okay? I'm here, I always will be.''

Robbe smiled, resting his head on Sander's chest. He knew he always would. ''Thank you.''

**Sunday, 10:08**

If Robbe had to name moments he enjoyed this year, he was quite sure 90% of all the ones he mentioned included Sander. He really knew so well how to make him smile, or how to make him happy in general. He knew exactly what words he needed to hear in all situations, which gestures he needed to feel at every single moment. Sometimes, Sander knew him _so_ well that it almost scared Robbe just how much better he knew him than he knew himself. But all of it was solely because Sander paid attention to him- to _all_ of him. And Robbe did the same with him, because frankly, how couldn't he? He was the most intriguing person Robbe had ever met, so much that even the novels he used to read over and over again before going to bed, simply because he couldn't get enough of them, didn't matter anymore. 

And speaking of the one person he couldn't get off of his mind, not even if he tried to- as they sat there the next morning in the bath tub, goosebumps formed all over Robbe's naked body as Sander's nose brushed past his neck, placing the softest butterfly kisses from up all the way down to his shoulder blades. The blonde grinned against his skin as he heard Robbe whine softly. ''Sander...''

Robbe felt his grin grow wider. ''Hm?''

''That tickles.'' He giggled, trying to move his head aside and lean back against Sander's shoulder. But, he didn't let him. Sander immediately grabbed him by his shoulders, moving him back in front of him, kissing his neck once again, now covering every single spot on his back as well, as the way he used his lips and nose made Robbe shiver.

''I know it does.''

The younger boy groaned softly, feeling the tension rise beneath, _way_ more than he wanted right now. Sander knew _exactly_ what he was doing. ''Remind me of why you're such a tease again?''

''Because I want you to turn around and kiss me.''

''You know you could've just asked.''

''Nah,'' Sander mumbled, parting his lips and carefully wiping the tip of his tongue past Robbe's earlobe. ''I enjoy teasing you by kissing your neck _way_ too much.''

Robbe giggled, secretly enjoying this and the way Sander's influence worked on him _way_ more than he dared to admit. ''I bet you do.''

''Now please kiss me?'' Sander asked, grabbing Robbe by his shoulders to turn him around to face him.

The brunet bowed forward, brushing their noses together as he scooched over closer, practically sitting in his lap. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's neck as he appreciatively hummed and sealed their lips together for a long-awaited kiss. Adrenaline immediately rushed through Robbe's body, feeling Sander's lips brush past his as he parted them, letting their tongues meet each other slowly. His thumb throbbed at the hollow of his neck, fingers clinging onto it as he kept Robbe close, his tongue licking into his mouth as his other hand ran up and down on his back. His lips completely consumed him, wrapping both legs around his body to practically shove himself onto his lap. Sander giggled from the gesture, leaving his lips to pepper him all over his face, knowing that if he'd continue kissing him, the both of them would probably become a bit _too_ tempted to stay inside this bath tub. 

''So...'' Sander started, continuing to brush their lips past each other. ''How are you feeling? You know... after tonight?''

Robbe shrugged. ''I'm good, I guess.''

''Do you want to tell me why you suddenly felt that way?''

He sighed, looking down at his hands as he lied them back down onto his lap. ''I mean... it's probably just stupid...''

Sander grabbed his both hands instantly, squeezing them within his own, already reassuring him before adding the words he was about to say. ''Robbe, nothing you feel or think could ever be stupid.'' He bowed forward, pressing their foreheads together, looking into Robbe's eyes to give him some time to let the words sink in, as he added: ''Not with me.''

And Robbe knew that. He knew he could drop his guard whenever he was around Sander. He knew nothing he ever said could be weird or stupid to him, it was just something he was still getting used to, considering his past. He sighed, shaking his head as he played with Sander's fingers holding his own. ''I guess I'm just scared that Tobias' apology wasn't sincere. That the only reason he apologized, is because he knew we were gonna forgive him anyway.''

''Nah, I don't think so,'' The blonde said, shaking his head. ''He seemed really sincere. And now that my dad knows everything, I don't think he's able to pull another one of his games again. So if his apology wasn't sincere, then there's literally nothing he's achieving with it.''

''So you think he was being honest about wanting to change?''

Sander nodded, humming in addition. ''As strange as it might sound... yes. I think so.''

Did he, though? Did he mean any of it? Even if he didn't achieve anything with not being sincere, you never knew what Tobias was about to pull next. On top of that, neither of them knew what exactly he told his dad. He knew his dad texted Sander to let him know he'd always been wrong about him, yet... something felt off. And Robbe just couldn't pin-point what exactly that was.

''Okay.'' He sighed, looking down at their intertwined hands covered in warm water. 

''Hey,'' Sander put his index finger beneath Robbe's chin, making him look back up at him as he pressed a kiss onto his lips, softly brushing his thumb past his cheek. ''What are you so afraid of, baby?''

The brunet shrugged. ''I just... I don't want you to get hurt again. _Us_ to get hurt again.''

''We won't, okay? You won't and I won't.'' Sander's green eyes pierced themselves into Robbe's brown ones as the words fell off of his lips, them sounding more true and reassuring than ever. ''We're together, always. And there's nothing he can do anymore to try and get in between us.''

''I know, you're right.''

It stayed silent for a little while, no other sound than the bubbles of soap popping around them and the Bowie playlist Robbe had put on because he knew it was Sander's favorite. As they sat there in the water, foreheads still connected, they fiddled around with each other's hands, the both of them seemingly gone into deep thoughts about the same subject. Robbe didn't know what it was Sander was thinking of, though. All he knew was that he _still_ couldn't shake it.

''Maybe... the problem is that he hasn't apologized to _you_ yet?'' Sander suddenly questioned, revealing what he had been thinking of all this time. Of course he tried to find a way to solve this for him. To find out what exactly it was that held him back. He knew him better than he knew himself at times, and Robbe couldn't possibly explain how thankful he was for that in situations like these- lost in his own thoughts and feelings, seeing no way out. Yet, Sander somehow always found one regardless of that.

''What do you mean?''

''Well, maybe you need to have that talk with him in order to be able to move on. Just like I did.''

It made sense. Tobias had apologized to Sander, talked about stuff in their past and discussed how they both felt about it. Sander forgave him and found peace with it, simply because they _talked_ about it and had the conversation they needed to have for the longest time already. It was crazy how much good communication could do. And right there, in this moment, Robbe realized that he needed the exact same. He quite literally _craved_ a good conversation with Tobias where they talked it through the same way he and Sander did. He knew they had already discussed things when they had broken up, but Robbe just needed... reassurance. And maybe, just maybe, it wasn't just about getting an apology for the things he had done, but also about finding peace and needing to forgive Tobias. He just really craved to finally closing this chapter once and for all.

So he nodded, agreeing with Sander's idea. ''I think so, yes.''

''Then go talk to him.''

Robbe frowned, being surprised by Sander's determination, showing absolutely no sign of hesistance about him talking to Tobias. ''Are you sure?''

''Of course, Robbe,'' He grabbed his hands more firmly, squeezing them together. ''If this is something you want and need to get peace, then it's all I want for you.''

''Okay, I'll do that, then.'' Robbe moved forward, thankfully planting a kiss on Sander's lips. It surprised him again and again just how different Sander was from Tobias. The way Tobias never wanted him to be around Sander because he didn't trust him, whereas Sander didn't mind him talking to him at all if it was something that made him feel better. It was a sign that Sander completely trusted him, too. And Robbe couldn't be more grateful for having such a healthy relationship with him, rather than the one he had with Tobias. ''Thank you.''

''No worries,'' Sander smiled, brushing his nose past his. ''Do you want me to go with you?''

''No, it's okay. I can do it by myself. I just need to figure out when.''

The blonde nodded. ''Alright. And if you _do_ need me, you can just call me and I'll come find you.''

Robbe couldn't resist the biggest smile as protective Sander showed himself once again, scooching over even closer, reaching out for his one and only in the bath tub. Sander gratefully accepted his arms around his neck while he wrapped his own around Robbe's waist, as the brunet giggled: ''Aren't you just my handsome hero?''

Sander playfully looked up at the ceiling as if he was in deep thoughts, sticking his tongue out in between his lips, squeezing his eyes. ''Hero, nah. Handsome? Totally.''

Water splashed between the two as Robbe shoved some at Sander for his cheeky remark, letting out a surprised scoff while doing so. The blonde's eyes widened as he reached up his hands, totally shaken by Robbe's sudden choice of action, completely covered in soap. 

''You're such an idiot.'' Robbe laughed, watching Sander clean himself as he wiped all the soap off of him, back down into the water.

He bit down on his lip, trying to prevent the biggest smirk from growing and shaking his head as he replied: ''Oh, you are _so_ getting that back.''

He reached out for Robbe's waist, turning him around and pulling him on top of him as his fingertips travelled over his sides, knowing exactly where Robbe's soft spot lied. They had done this many times before, so Sander was an expert on making Robbe surrender by now. Robbe let out a loud shriek, grabbing Sander's waist as he tickled him harder, keeping him close to his chest. ''Ah! No, don't tickle me!''

''That's what you get for calling me an idiot.'' The blonde said, before planting down his lips just beneath Robbe's ear, sucking the skin in between them. Robbe gulped as he felt Sander marking him, letting out a soft whine from the pleasure it made him feel rushing through his chest. Sander giggled as he felt Robbe dig his fingertips into his legs, trying to steady himself. ''And that's for ruining my hair.''

''Didn't know you were so vain.'' Robbe said, turning around again to find Sander's face, his eyes filled with lust. He reached out his hand, moving it through Sander's blonde locks to mess up his hair even further. He had said it before and he'd say it again: it truly was a perfect mess. Sander really had nothing to worry about, concerning his appearance. Well, and everything else on top of that.

The older boy smirked. ''The whole cottage atmosphere brings it out in me.''

Robbe quickly clung his hand around Sander's neck, pulling him in for yet another, longing kiss. In an instant, heat rose from his stomach all the way to his chest. His lips parted, closing him in, making Robbe's heart skip a beat as his legs turned weak, clinging themselves around Sander's. His lips brushed his own like a pencil on a canvas, kissing him with care and making sure he didn't forget to cover anything, not even a single spot. Sander kissed him like he was his own palette, where all the colors would be of him. His tongue discovered his mouthed as he licked himself inside, digging his fingertips into Robbe's naked legs, moving them up to his waist and squeezing his skin to make Robbe groan, a sound he knew Sander loved to hear. Robbe climbed on his lap even further, knotting both hands into his wet hair as he pulled it, harder than he expected himself to, hearing Sander appreciatively moan into his mouth. The taste of his lips made him want more and more, silencing all his thoughts as the only thing circling around on his mind was Sander and the way his hands cupped his sides. His hand disappeared into Robbe's hair, pulling it as he moved his head aside, opening up his neck to leave a path of open-mouthed kisses down to his collarbone, sucking the skin right there as he marked him yet another time, right on the place where he knew Robbe loved it the most. The brunet swallowed some noises, knowing Sander's mom and his sister were only a few rooms away. Robbe whined as he suddenly remembered them, placing his hands on Sander's chest to prevent them from going any further. 

'' _Fuck,''_ The blonde groaned. ''I really can't stop kissing you.'' 

Robbe couldn't help but feel excitement rushing through his chest, as Sander once again let him know just how big his influence on him was. And it didn't hurt to test it out a little more. He leaned on Sander's legs, eyes twinkling brighter than the sea of lights in the Christmas tree, as he curiously asked: ''Why's that?''

Sander raised his eyebrows, licking his bottom lip and holding it between his teeth. ''Don't you want to know.''

The brunet nodded quickly. ''Yes, I'd love to.''

''Because, I love the taste of your lips...'' Sander grinned softly, moving his head forward to slightly brush his lips past Robbe's. ''The feeling of your tongue against mine...'' He moved to his ear, licking the earlobe that carried Robbe's earring. ''The way you smile beautifully like always, making me want to kiss it right off of your face, and cover your dimples around it...'' He kissed his neck, his jawline, his cheek, to finally place his lips on the corner of his mouth. ''And, finally, you're just a _very_ good kisser.''

Their noses touched, as they stared at each other's lips, longing for more. Robbe swallowed, resisting the urge to lift Sander out of the bath (even though he probably wasn't strong enough to carry him) and throw him onto the bed, making out for so long that they'd see the sun come up again in the golden rays of the winter morning. ''I'll take that.''

''I'm sure you do.'' Sander smirked, pressing another, soft kiss on Robbe's lips, knowing he wanted more, but not giving it to him quite yet. Robbe knew he was gonna get it though, he just had to wait a little longer. That was just how Sander was- the biggest romantic Robbe had ever met, yet so incredibly teasing that he sometimes didn't know how to resist jumping him on the spot. And he _adored_ that about him. Nobody had ever been able to make him feel the same way Sander did. 

He turned around in his grip once again, lying himself down against Sander's chest as he grabbed his arms and wrapped them around himself. Sander brushed his cheek past Robbe's hair, letting soft butterfly kisses onto his temple as his hand drew circles right above his heart. Robbe covered his hand with his own, tracing the veins on them with his fingertips.

''Sander?'' He asked, breaking the calm, appeasing silence. 

The blonde kissed his temple once again as he hummed, his nose hidden in his brown curls. ''Yes, baby?''

''Will you draw us tonight?''

Sander raised his eyebrows, moving to the side a bit to be able to study Robbe's face with a questionable expression. ''Us? Together?''

And Robbe knew why the question surprised him. He had never asked him to make a drawing before, let alone a drawing of the both of them. The drawings Sander made of Robbe usually came out of his own initiative- he drew Robbe just because he wanted to, or because he couldn't stop himself from doing so. He had an entire sketchbook filled with only him, drawings of him at school, at their tree, lying on the bed at both of their houses. There wasn't a place they had been where Sander hadn't drawn Robbe. Except for the one where they were right now. But this time, Robbe didn't want a drawing of just himself. He wanted one of the both of them.

''Hm-m. Here at the cottage.''

Sander smiled, tightening his grip around the younger boy's body, pulling him in even closer for a comforting hug. ''If that's what you want, then of course I will.''

''I do.'' Robbe said, smiling sheepishly as he let himself be hugged, feeling safer than ever in the grip of Sander's arms. He kept tracing his veins, as he reminded himself of just how amazing this year's Christmas had been, all because of him. Robbe wanted a drawing of them together in this place, simply because he wanted to remember forever how special Sander had made this Christmas for the first time in his life. How much Sander had always made him feel like home. ''I want to remember this moment forever.''

''And we will.''

''Forever?'' Robbe moved to the side, being able to see Sander's full face.

Sander nodded, pressing his smiling lips on Robbe's, mumbling a quiet: ''Forever.''

**Wednesday, 14:50**

Robbe had never been this nervous about talking to someone. He hadn't been this nervous when he had his first part-time job interview, he hadn't been this nervous when the doctors told him his mom was ill. He hadn't been this nervous when he first talked to Sander or visited his dad for the dinner together with him. None of it had made him as anxious as the talk he was about to have right now. But it had to be done sometime. And the thing was, that Robbe _knew_ Tobias was even more nervous to hold this conversation with him. He also knew that was the reason why he hadn't reached out to him yet. And quite frankly, he _understood._ He understood why this was so nerve-wrecking to him that he didn't even dare to text him an apology. Apologizing to Robbe meant that Tobias had to own up to his mistakes, and the more people he apologized to, the more he realized just how many mistakes he had made over the past year. Robbe understood how hard that must've been to him. And no matter how many shitty things he had done or awful actions he'd pulled, Robbe still felt the need to help him step into the right direction. So the least he could do was reach out to him instead, to take away one rocky step in Tobias' road to recovery.

And maybe this sounded like Robbe once again chose others above himself. But that wasn't the case. He did this for himself, too. He _needed_ this apology, and moreover, he _needed_ to close the chapter that was Tobias in order to move on. Not just for him, but also for Sander. 

He rang the doorbell with shaking hands, nerves rushing through his chest. He knew Sander had offered to go with him, but he had to do this himself. Him and Tobias were a different story, one that had to be taken care of seperately. They had history without Sander, too, so Robbe knew this was something they needed to discuss together.

''Robbe?'' He had been so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't notice the door squeeking opened, a dumbfounded Tobias standing on the doorstep.

Robbe observed him, from up all the way down. He looked like a mess, wearing dark joggers and a hoodie that was way too big for him. He was quite sure this Christmas hadn't been easy for him, and somehow, it made him feel terrible to realize that. Tobias had been a complete douchebag, but somewhere deep down, he still cared about him.

''Hey.''

''What are you doing here?'' The boy stammered, fiddling his hands around in his pockets, not being sure what to do or where to look.

''I... I wanted to talk to you.''

Tobias frowned, even though Robbe knew that Tobias knew exactly what he meant. There would be no other reason for Robbe to be here right now. ''About what?''

''Can I come in?''

He nodded, taking a step aside for Robbe to enter the hallway past him. ''Yeah, of course you can.''

As Robbe stepped inside, flashbacks came to his mind of all the events that had happened here over the past months. From meeting Sander's dad, to kissing Tobias for the first time, to finding out he was a cheating asshole and being pressed against a wall by Sander who drunkenly tried to stop himself from kissing him. No wonder Sander hated this house. It wasn't exactly a place that held the best memories, neither for him _and_ for Robbe. 

He put his hands in the pockets of his brown jacket, as he twisted himself around in the hallway, not wanting to enter the house anywhere further but just wanting to talk this out and leave again. Tobias seemed to notice, as he closed the front door behind him and silently observed Robbe as he leaned against the side of the staircase.

''So... what did you want to talk about?'' He asked, finally filling up the awkward silence that was growing bigger and bigger as time passed.

Robbe swallowed. ''Sander told me about the conversation the two of you had last Friday.''

Tobias' eyes turned wide for a split second, seemingly realizing that his expectations had become reality. Robbe _was_ here to discuss the elephant in the room.

''Oh.''

''And I just... I need to know if you were telling the truth. That you're actually sorry, and that this isn't just a joke to you.''

The boy pushed himself away from the staircase, taking a step into Robbe's direction. ''I am, Robbe. I promise that I meant that apology, it wasn't just another game to me.''

''You know promises are supposed to be kept, right?''

''I do. And I will.''

Robbe wasn't sure. He didn't know whether he believed him or not. He didn't know if Tobias could be trusted now that he opened up to his dad about who he really was and what he had really done. He didn't know if his apology to Sander was sincere, even though he said it was. It was all thanks to himself, to the things he had done and the shit he had pulled. But still, Robbe knew that he _wanted_ to believe him. He wanted to give him that chance, that feeling of someone granting him a second one. Everyone deserved that, even Tobias.

''Okay.''

''Yeah?'' Tobias seemed to be a bit confused by his answer, probably having expected a no, considering the things he'd done. To be fair, Robbe loved this more than he dared to admit. Proving Tobias otherwise. Proving that he had changed and that he was a different person without him. A different person together with Sander. Different, yet completely himself. Simply because he had never been that together with Tobias, whereas Sander didn't do anything else than bringing himself out in him.

''Yeah.''

Tobias exhaled, staring down at the marble floor before looking back up at Robbe with squinted eyes. ''I'm sorry to you too, Robbe. I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I didn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Like I told Sander, being with you overwhelmed me. You're just so... _good,_ Robbe. You make the world a better place just by existing. There's not a single flaw that makes you less of a good person. I just didn't know how to handle being with someone who deserved so much better than someone like me.''

''Why didn't you just tell me this sooner?''

''Because ever since that party, I knew I wasn't the one for you. I knew it when I saw the look on your face when you found out about me cheating before. I knew when you stormed out the room to follow Sander after the tension between you two got too high. It wasn't until Jens told me how close you two had been that I finally fully realized just how wrong I had always been. In that moment I knew that I wasn't the one for you, but Sander was.''

Robbe's chest ached as he thought back to that night. It truly was one of the worst nights of his life. Finding out who Tobias really was and possibly could be around him, too, fighting with Sander and ending up pushed against a wall because the blonde didn't love himself enough to own up to the fact he loved him unconditionally. How Robbe wished he knew what he knew now back in that moment.

''So why didn't you just break up with me instead of cheating on me?''

''Because, Robbe. That's just who I am. I didn't want to lose you, and I didn't want to own up to the fact that once again I wasn't the right person to someone. I'm a fucking mess, and I'm sorry for including you in that.''

Robbe groaned, shaking his head, silently hating Tobias for taking the easy way out once again. ''It's _not_ who you are, Tobias. You're telling yourself that's who you are just to make things easier. You're _not_ a bad person, I refuse to believe that.''

Tobias scoffed, staring at Robbe with full disbelief. ''After all we went through, you don't think I'm a bad person?''

He was right to be surprised. He had all the reason to. He cheated on others, on Robbe as well, he told Sander and his sister that the both of them were crazy because of their mental illness. He completely played his own step-sister over, not giving a damn about her feelings as long as he didn't get the blame. He lied to Robbe multiple times, telling him Sander couldn't be trusted and that he had issues, together with his entire family, making him turn against him without proving the things he said were actually true, playing with Robbe's trust over and over again. Robbe didn't know anything else than him lying and screwing others over. Yet, he didn't think of him as a bad person. Robbe refused to see people he once loved that way. He didn't love them for no reason. That reason was still there, hidden somewhere. 

''No, I don't. Because you're not.''

''God...'' Tobias sighed, pulling his hair slightly. ''This is exactly why I don't deserve you.''

Robbe didn't know what to answer to that. He didn't want to sound bigheaded and say that he indeed didn't deserve him. Robbe liked to think everyone deserved someone, depending on how loyal, real and trustworthy they were. As long as you treated others right, you deserved to be treated the exact same. Tobias had a way to go, but he was allowed to do and try so just like everyone else.

''Listen, Tobias. The things you pulled were fucked up, but it doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you someone who made mistakes and the wrong choices. But it's never too late to start over and do better. And I just want you to know I want to give you that chance. To better yourself.''

''I... okay. Thank you.'' Tobias seemed to be completely unsettled from Robbe's words, not understanding why he wanted this for him, why he wished him any good even though he had mostly given him bad. But Robbe wasn't the person to exclude others, to make them feel unwanted for making mistakes. Every human did at some point, some just more or less than others. Kindness was so affordable and easy to give, and such a vital key to the riddle of how people can live with each other in peace. There was no reason for Robbe to fight this any longer, when he could easily give him another chance and turn this longlasting hatred into something way more positive. It was the best for everyone.

Tobias nodded to himself. ''I'll try to better myself. I like to believe these apologies are a step into the right direction.''

''They are.'' Robbe agreed, licking his lips as he continued: ''Have you spoken to Sander's sister already?''

''No. Is it weird to say I'm scared to do so?''

''It's not. But you know you have to at some point.''

He nodded, twisting his ankles on the marble floor, observing them while he did so. ''I know. And I will. I just... want to do it right.''

''Apologizing is always right, Tobias. Unexpected kindness is the most powerful agent of human change.'' 

The boy looked up, finding Robbe's gaze as silence fell for a few seconds, Robbe's powerful words seeming to settle in his mind. He had to admit that even Robbe himself was quite astounded by the words he had just said, too. Maybe he just had to let go of his film-maker dream and become a writer someday, instead. Tobias smiled softly. ''Thank you.''

Robbe walked past the boy, knowing it was done now, the words that needed to be said finally being spoken. His hand reached out for the door knob, as the voice of the boy who was now behind him made him come to a halt.

''Robbe?''

He turned around once again, his shoulder leaning against the door. ''Hm-m?''

Tobias stared at the tiles beneath his feet, rubbing his hands together. He sighed, closing his eyes as he wiped the remaining strands of brown hair away from his forehead. He opened his eyes again, as they pierced into Robbe's expectant ones. He parted his lips, stammering: ''I... I really loved you, you know.''

Robbe scoffed slightly. He knew he did. Because in the beginning of everything, when they first met, when they fell for each other, when they got to know each other more and more with each day that passed... Robbe had felt the same.

''I really loved you, too.''

As Robbe tried to turn around again, Tobias stepped closer, making him stop doing so. ''And... Robbe?''

''Yes?''

The boy smiled as much as he could, his eyes not twinkling. ''Merry Christmas.''

Robbe smiled back, feeling all the nerves suddenly wash away as a wave in his chest as he replied: ''Merry Christmas to you, too.''

His smile didn't leave his face, not even after Tobias closed the front door behind him. Robbe slid his phone out of his pocket, instantly opening his chat with Sander.

**Robbe:** just left your dad's house. talking with tobias went well!

 **Sander:** it did? 

**Robbe:** yep ☺

 **Sander:** fuck, i'm so glad robbe

 **Sander:** i must admit i was a bit protective over you going there

 **Robbe:** why's that?

 **Sander:** idk. you never know

 **Robbe:** sander. you know that nobody could ever compete with you

 **Sander:** are you trying to make me blush right now?

 **Robbe:** don't know, is it working?

 **Sander:** yes sir, it is

 **Robbe:** good :)

 **Sander:** great :)

 **Sander:** now hurry home. i want to cuddle with you

 **Robbe:** your wish is my command baby

 **Sander:** be safe ❤

 **Robbe:** will do ❤

**Saturday, 21:03**

The week had flown by, and no wonder it did- it had been one of the best weeks in Robbe's life. Spending Christmas with the ones he loved, even his mom, Sander making this year and its ending more special than any other had ever been. It truly felt like full circle- where Robbe had been at his lowest at the beginning of the year, he was a completely different person now, enjoying and living life to the fullest with the love of his life by his side. He had never imagined this when the year started. Never in a million years he would've believed that _this_ was the life he'd be living right now. But he really got that lucky. Miracles _did_ exist.

And his miracle was Sander.

''Oh, would you look at that. It's mistletoe.'' His boyfriend said playfully, tugging Robbe closer to him by his waist as he placed the two of them underneath the doorframe. He looked up, opening his mouth with played surprise as Robbe couldn't help but giggle, nudging Sander's shoulder. He was such an idiot. The most attractive one he had ever seen, standing there, underneath the mistletoe with Robbe in his arms, covered in a black suit that was just big enough to fit him. And even though he looked ridiculously hot wearing it and the party at Moyo's was quite fun, Robbe couldn't _wait_ for the evening to come to an end to just get it off of him. 

Robbe pulled himself out of his own thoughts, as Sander laughed out loud, bringing him back to reality. The brunet looked up at the mistletoe, immediately joining Sander's playful mood, enjoying it way too much to do otherwise. ''Oh, wow. What a coincidence.''

Sander shrugged, biting his lower lip as he pulled Robbe even closer, making the brunet place his hands on his chest. He booped their noses together, brushing them past each other as he brought their lips closer, just far enough to not touch quite yet. ''Might as well kiss you now, then.'' He whispered seductively. 

And there was no way Robbe could resist. Not even if he tried to.

So he placed his hands on the back of Sander's neck and pulled him in, their lips crashing onto each other to seal them in a tender, loving kiss. Sander wrapped both hands around his waist, lifting him up a little, his hands reaching lower as if he wanted to pick him up and take him with him right there and then. They parted their lips, tongues battling each other as Robbe's heart beated out of his chest, passion rushing through his body, from up all the way down. He _loved_ being held by Sander like this. Like he was the only one that mattered. Like he was his only person, and that nobody could ever come close. He didn't give a damn about others seeing them get lost in each other. He wanted to shout their love from the rooftops if he got the chance. Anyone was allowed to know how much they loved each other. Sander's hands roamed over his back, fingertips disappearing underneath his shirt as he softly whispered: '' _You look so fucking hot, by the way'' ,_ making Robbe pull his blonde hair softly to gratefully hear the blonde whine in response. 

''Can't wait to get you out of this suit, it's way too tempting,'' Sander mumbled, his lips chasing Robbe's cheeks, leaving butterfly kisses all over them. Robbe bit his lower lip as he felt his boyfriend dig his fingertips into his skin slightly, clearly showing just how badly he wanted to.

The brunet wrapped his arms around his neck, giggling as he gratefully accepted Sander's kisses, feeling them tickle in his neck. ''The same goes for you.''

''Never in my seventeen years on this earth have I ever seen a couple more fucking clingy and affectionate than the two of you.'' Aaron unexpectedly interrupted, sighing loudly as he came to a halt next to them, crossing both arms as he leaned against the nearest wall. Robbe groaned, moving back but never letting go of Sander, as the two of them were taken out of their bubble that they really weren't ready to leave quite yet. 

''Aaron, we're not clingy, we're in love. You just don't know what that feels like.'' Sander replied, leaving another satisfied kiss on Robbe's lips afterwards. The brunet smiled proudly, appreciating Sander's cheeky remark at his friend, as he _really_ deserved one for ruining their moment.

''Ouch.'' Jens added, as both him and Moyo walked up to them too, never being apart from each other for longer than a few minutes. It was quite funny how Aaron called him and Sander clingy, where him and his own friends seemed to be way worse. God, how glad Robbe was he found himself an actual relationship instead of still being stuck with the same three idiots every single minute of every single day. He loved them lots, though, but he was kind of glad to not depend on them as much anymore.

Aaron popped his lips. ''Right. Thanks for confirming that I'm single.'' 

''You know that there's lots of single girls walking around this party, right?'' Moyo asked.

Jens scoffed, crossing his arms as he turned himself to face his black haired friend. ''Yeah, Moyo, how exactly _did_ you manage to get all of them here?''

He shrugged. ''I used my convincing flirting skills.''

Aaron frowned, disbelief rushing over his face. ''Dude, you don't even have those.''

''Are you saying you flirted with every single girl here to get them to attend this party?'' Jens continued surprised, adding up to Aaron's charade.

''I- no, I didn't-''

''Didn't know you were such a player.''

Moyo groaned, throwing both hands into the air before shoving Aaron aside, his remarks clearly becoming a bit too much now. Robbe felt Sander's thumb brushing his cheek, as he looked back at his boyfriend for a second to see him widen his eyes and raise both eyebrows, silently telling him how much he'd rather be somewhere else instead right now. And Robbe couldn't agree more. This mistletoe moment wasn't meant for five people at the same time. Moyo kicked his foot against the wall, annoyance covering his face as he hid his hand in his pocket. ''Enough about me, Jesus. Jens is the player here.''

Aaron's eyes turned wide. ''What? Why Jens?''

''Moyo, you _fucking-''_

''Consider me intrigued.'' Robbe couldn't help but join in on the fun and ignore Jens' clear resistance of the subject, remembering his talk with his best friend the week before, where he smoothly tried to avoid getting into it any further. It didn't hurt to try and provoke a new insight on his love life right now. This conversation suddenly got more interesting than Robbe expected.

Jens exhaled loudly, shaking his head as he stared at the wooden floor. ''I'm just... seeing this guy in my biology class. That's all.''

Moyo snorted, almost choking on the sip of beer he just took from his red cup. ''Oh, so that's why you got an A+ for your biology assignment?''

''Shut up, asshole.''

''Why is everyone gay in here all of a sudden? Why am _I_ not gay?'' Aaron pouted, looking around at his friends, skipping Moyo for obvious reasons. 

Sander frowned as he leaned back against the doorframe, one hand slid in his pocket, the other still holding Robbe's waist. He looked _so_ fucking attractive that Robbe almost couldn't prevent himself from jumping him and kissing him everywhere. He smirked slightly, clicking his tongue as he couldn't help but add some more fuel to the fire. ''I thought you said you were into football players?''

''Tobias is single.'' Moyo added, still laughing from his remark to Jens.

Jens frowned, taking a look at both Sander and Robbe as if he tried to read their reaction. He seemed irritated at the fact that his friend mentioned Tobias, and Robbe assumed it was because of their rocky past with him. Robbe shrugged, shaking his head at him to let him know it was okay, appreciating just how good of a friend he was for even thinking of their feelings in this situation in the first place. But apparently, Jens still felt like they needed some protection. ''Can you shut the fuck up?''

Robbe nudged his shoulder, his eyes once again telling him it was okay like this, and that he didn't have to worry about it- or at least, not anymore. Just before he could see Jens' reaction, he felt Sander brushing his hand up and down past his arm, tugging him closer towards him as he still leaned against the doorframe. As Robbe fell down against his chest, he wrapped his arm back around his waist, finding his ear and whispering: ''Hey, you want to get out of here?''

The brunet shivered, feeling Sander's nose against his ear, then his lips brushing past his earlobe. He swallowed from the gesture, goosebumps rising everywhere on his body. ''To where?''

The blonde moved back, finding Robbe's eyes with the brightest smirk. ''I know a place. I'll show you.'' 

''Okay.''

As the boys kept rambling on, their discussion about their love lives clearly - and thankfully - being more interesting than Robbe and Sander, his boyfriend moved his hand down his arm to grab his hand, intertwining their fingers together and guiding him with him to the front door of Moyo's house. He helped him put on his jacket, closing the zipper as if Robbe couldn't himself, making him giggle and pepper him with kisses on the cheeks while he put on his own leather one, Robbe tugging at the edges as they walked outside, the brunet walking backwards and almost stumbling a few times as he kept dragging Sander with him, having no clue where he wanted to take him to, but wanting to leave this place and be alone with him _so_ badly. 

Sander quickly turned the younger boy around by his waist, pressing his back against his front, sending a jolt through Robbe's spine. He placed his chin on his shoulder, his hands reaching up to cover his eyes.

''What are you-''

''It's a surprise, baby. You'll see.'' The blonde whispered, making Robbe shiver as he felt his warm breath clashing against the skin in his neck. The brunet bit his lower lip, trying to hold back the widest smile as he felt himself getting excited, his heart beating out of his chest from suspense, wanting to know so badly where he was taking him to, yet also turning completely weak underneath his grip, his big hands covering his face, as he guided him to said place.

''Sander, where are you taking me?'' Robbe giggled, the walk taking way longer than he expected it to. Not that he minded, though- he _adored_ being held by Sander like this, and the thought of him wanting to surprise him on this cold, festive Christmas evening, made Robbe love him even more than he already did. And he didn't even know that was possible.

Sander pressed a kiss to his shoulder, grinning against the fabric of his jacket. ''Ssh, we're almost there.''

''Can I see already?''

A laugh escaped from the older boy's lips. ''God, you're so impatient, Robin.''

''Only when it comes to you.''

Sander cursed a low _fuck,_ slightly biting down on Robbe's jacket. ''Stop being so cute, you're making it very hard for me to not turn you around and kiss you against the nearest wall.''

Robbe suddenly stopped walking, making Sander bump into him, as his mouth dropped opened playfully.

''Oh, so there's walls around here? Are you taking me to... the cinema?'' He took in a breath, pointing his finger up into the cold air. ''Oh, no, wait! We're gonna get my favorite ice cream!''

''You really are the biggest idiot I've ever met,' Sander laughed, as he pressed Robbe's body closer to his and peppered his neck with butterfly kisses. The two boys kept laughing for a while, getting lost in their love for each other and enjoying each other's presence. Sander sighed, brushing his nose past the back of Robbe's neck, leaving tickles all over, as he whispered: ''And the most attractive one.''

Robbe giggled. ''You're not so bad yourself.'' 

''Oh, and, for the record...'' He continued, reaching his hands back to press Sander against him even further while biting down on his lower lip. ''Kissing me against a wall is exactly what I want you to do.''

''I might later tonight.'' Sander smirked against his skin, teasingly pushing his hips against Robbe's back, hearing the younger boy let out a whine. It was so _them_ to not give a damn about everyone else and just act like this on the middle of the street. The blonde quickly moved back, knowing exactly how badly Robbe wanted him, but enjoying to tease him way too much to do otherwise. He kissed the back of his head, saying: ''A few more seconds, baby.''

''Sandeeeeer...''

But just when Robbe wanted to tell him just how impatient he was getting, almost not being able to wait any longer, the older boy stopped moving, making Robbe stop together with him.

''We're here.'' He whispered, kissing Robbe's ear as he took away his hands and rested them on his hips. His nose brushed past his ear, as he quietly said: ''Open your eyes.''

And he did.

Right in front of him was the tree, _their_ tree, covered in Christmas lights, the moon shining down on it, a sea of colors waving around it and falling down onto the grass beneath. It was the prettiest sight Robbe had ever seen- next to Sander, that was. He could've expected him to take him to this place, yet, somehow Sander always knew how to surprise him. The blonde guided him closer, their feet almost intertwined with each other, taking small steps into the direction of what had always been _their_ place. The place where they saw each other for the first time, the place where they had shared longing, pining gazes towards one another, completely unaware of how badly they wanted to be with the other back then already. The place where they grew closer to each other, where they fell completely and utterly in love without even realizing they did. The place where their paths crossed and their rocky, unsteady lives suddenly became almost flawless and even more so complete. The place where they learned that they _were_ able to be loved, that the feeling of acceptance and admiration was closer than they ever thought it would be. The place where they realized that they were enough just the way they were, if only they always had each other.

It was absolutely, mind-blowingly _gorgeous._

''Sander... this is...'' Robbe swallowed, feeling himself hold back tears of happiness that were forming in the back of his eyes. ''It's beautiful.''

The blonde turned him around, grabbing his hands and intertwining them with each other, as he guided them towards the trunk. He sat down against it like he always did, pulling the brunet onto his lap and wrapping his arms around his waist. Robbe pressed their noses together, as he looked back up, all colorful lights hanging above them, shining in the same way they did with each other. Sander cleared his throat, brushing his thumb past Robbe's cheek as the other hand soothingly drew circles on his back. ''I remember that you once told me you didn't have any family traditions. Then I started thinking, and I figured that, since I'm your family now, this is _our_ tradition. This place. This tree.''

Robbe looked back down, finding Sander's eyes that twinkled right beneath the lights. It was crazy how beautiful he was, inside and out. ''Are you saying that you're giving me my first tradition?''

Sander smiled, nodding proudly. ''That's exactly what I'm saying, yes.''

''God, I'm so in love with you.'' He shook his head, wrapping his arms around Sander's neck to press their lips together. The flutter in his chest intensified as he felt Sander's tongue move past his lips, granting him access as they explored the depths of each other's mouths with nothing else surrounding them other than the sound of silence, their infinite love and the sea of colorful lights falling down among them. He invaded all of his senses, as his fingers curled around his waist, pulling him closer and showing him once again just how addicted he was to him. His lips tasted like jasmine, destabilizing him and making him weak underneath the grip of his fingers. He washed over him like a wave of warmth, as he claimed his mouth, Robbe curling his toes and knotting Sander's jacket as he tried to release the pleasure he made him feel. The kiss was hungry and intense, yet slow, full of love and captivating, a mixture of the thousands of emotions Sander was able to make him feel. It was as if time stopped when their lips touched, as if the world stopped turning when Robbe was safely wrapped within his arms. Sander's lips left his for a second as they both needed to take a breath, as he hid his face in the crook of his neck, kissing his collarbone, pulling him in for a tight, warm hug. Robbe giggled from the touch, his fingertips trailing over and caressing Sander's temple. ''Thank you.''

''I love you too, Robbe.'' The blonde whispered as he moved back, lips against his own, eyes half closed, still caught in the haze that was his love for Robbe. ''All these Christmas lights together could never shine just as bright as you.''

Robbe let out an endearing ''aw'', wrapping his arms around Sander's waist and resting his head on his chest as they sat there for a small moment, hugging each other in the cold Christmas night, enjoying how magical this was, to have each other right here and forever.

''That reminds me...'' Sander continued, his hands leaving Robbe's body for a second as they reached out for his pocket. ''I have something for you.''

He took out a small wrapped package, grabbing Robbe's hand as he opened it up to put it down in there for the boy to open. Robbe just frowned, staring down at the package, then back up at his boyfriend who looked at him with the proudest smile.

''Come on, open it.''

''Sander...''

''I know what you're gonna say. Another present and I didn't have to. But I promise this is worth it. Just... open it.''

The younger boy nodded, brushing his thumb past Sander's cheek and moving it down to the hollow of his neck, as warmth rushed through his chest because of the realization that he knew him so well. Those were the exact words he wanted to say. But Sander knew him well enough to make him feel differently. And he knew it was gonna be worth it. Everything about Sander always was.

He moved his fingers to the wrapping paper as he slowly, carefully took it off, too afraid to break whatever was underneath. As he left the paper right next to them on the grass, he stared at what was lying down in his hand in complete disbelief, the tears he so badly wanted to hold back suddenly not being able to stay there anymore. 

Tears rolled down his cheeks as he held up the small gift between his fingers.

 _A key._ A key to Sander's house.

''Are you saying...''

''I want you to move in with me, Robbe. With us.'' He moved up his hand to wipe away the tears from his boyfriend's face, kissing the remains afterwards. He brushed his nose past the corner of his mouth, as he quietly added: ''If that's what you want, too, of course.''

Robbe scoffed, finding Sander's eyes as he hooked his hands around his neck and brought their faces even closer. ''Of course that's what I want, Sander. There's nowhere else I'd rather be.''

The older boy smiled, so wide that he thought he'd combust of joy. He nodded against his face, brushing their noses from left to right. He wrapped his arms around Robbe's waist tightly, pressing their bodies together as he felt Robbe tightening his legs around his back. It was unbelievable just how safe he felt right here in the dark, wrapped up in Sander's touch.

''Well, that's good. Because I'm not letting you go ever again.''

Robbe sighed after letting out a soft laugh, overwhelmed by the amount of love he felt as he looked down at the key, their foreheads still pressed together. ''I wish we could stay here forever.''

''We can.''

''Really?''

''Of course.'' Sander smiled sheepishly, grabbing Robbe's face with both hands, as he said: ''Wherever you are is the only place I want to be.''

''Forever?''

Robbe looked up at him, moving back a little to be able to see all of him. There he was. His own miracle of life. The only one that mattered now and forever. The one who had saved his life when he thought he couldn't be saved anymore. The one who made him feel loved so easily when he thought it was so hard for anyone to do so. The one who always gave him his one hundred percent, his everything, instead of only giving him half. The one who made him feel at home even when he wasn't. The one who made all the small moments and the simplest things become the most significant, himself being the best part of them all. The one that made waking up and going to sleep every single day so _damn_ worth it, as he would always be there the same or the next day to wait for him and love him even more than the day before. The one that made him feel like he was the world to him, his night and day, his one and only. _His_ Sander.

The blonde just nodded, sealing their lips together for a tender kiss.

''Forever. In every universe.''

_(a picture Sander's mom had taken a few hours after_

_they had gotten out of the bath on Sunday morning)_

_\- the end -_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey lovelies! <3
> 
> here it is, the end.  
> finishing this story really makes me feel so many different emotions all at once. i'm mostly so proud for finishing an entire fic that's over 100k words. writing this and reading your amazing comments every time i posted a new chapter really made me the happiest person. your words, compliments and thoughts meant the world to me and motivated me to keep writing this and potential other stories as well. i am so proud of how far robbe and sander have come in this story and how the both of them have found peace within each other. and next to that, i'm also proud of tobias for choosing to better himself and choose the right path. i am proud of all of you for sitting through this journey with them and me, and for waiting SO long (i'm so sorry for disappearing after the first two chapters) for me to finish this fic. i wasn't kidding when i said slow burn :). i am so sad this story is done, as it was so close to me and such a big part of my life at this point. but mostly, i'm just so happy it's finally finished and that i could make you, as readers, feel happy and understood with this story in some way. 
> 
> thank you so much for always reading, supporting and leaving me the loveliest comments. i can not being to tell you how much it all meant to me. it still does. <3
> 
> please leave a comment if you want to, about what this story meant to you and how you experienced this last chapter. i'd love to read your feelings and thoughts at the end of this amazing journey.
> 
> oh and, surprise hihi: i am continuing ''all i wanted was for you to be safe''! the first chapter publishes next Saturday.
> 
> lots of love from me to you and thank you for everything <3 x a.


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